They told me that my memories of you
Would soften with time
I thought that maybe the storm might
Calm down to a drizzle
Maybe the wildfire might
Die down to a single flame
Maybe the dagger
Would go dull
But my expectations of these memories
Were not the best
Because this storm is now a hurricane
And this wildfire has gone and burned down all of the mountains and the valleys
And this dagger
Is a razor blade at my throat,
I'm gonna choke
On this memory
Of you and me
I'm just a shell of who I used to be
Is time our greatest enemy?
Or was I yours,
And yours me?

Either way it's killing me.

Shaky, stuttered breaths
Like there's no oxygen left
That's what you do to me
I'm sitting in the hallway on the stairs
It's like I was never even there
The light is dim
But I don't care
I wish you were here
To clear
My blurry, sloppy tears

You say you still want to talk
I think it's better if we don't
Don't worry, I'm fine
My heart is just a bit broke

I'm sitting in a bathtub
And it's midnight,
I'm trying not to drown myself
But I'm already drowning
Like the fact that I'm all alone
And I don't want to go back
To where I used to call home
Because I'm not missed there anymore
And I wish that I could say the same
But I'm missing the doll-like faces
Stuck in porcelain places
It's just a stupid memory
Of being  happy
And I know it isn't real
But maybe it could have been
Maybe I'm just an idiot
Because everyone has moved on
To bigger things and bigger people
And I have not

She is so weird
She is so weird
She is so weird

The other girls all float around with their eyes painted like cats,
Rounded with black and flicked up at the end, but she
Swims with
her eyes painted like fish
One little flick down
One little flick up at the
End and
The other girls whisper about her
Saying

She is so weird
She is so weird
she is so weird

because
She has watercolor lips
In pretty shades of pink
Not sharp
And
Red
Like the other girls
She is not a collection of edges and shadows, she is
Soft and

She is so weird
She is so weird
She is so weird

She looks dreamy
And sometimes
Confused
The other guys whisper that
There is
Not much there
In her head
And that

she is So weird
She is so weird
She is so weird

She has three black lines embedded in the
Side of the
skin on her neck
Stacked like deep
Vs lined under
Each other and once I asked her
If they were birds in flight
Or gills
And she laughed
It wasn’t cruel
She pulled me close
And whispered both
With a smirk
And then she smiled wide
And shook her head and told me
That

I Am so weird
I am so weird
I am So weird

And though I knew it was an insult
When the cats whispered it
It wasn’t one when it came from the fish

it was more convenient for you to go
so you left

I fell in love with the sky and maybe thats why i loved you. you were an angel and i was a mermaid, i sat in depths and i couldn’t get back up and live on the surface, like you could; i didn’t have wings; i couldn’t fly like you could; but i could swim into realities and see the pretty world the way that it was. it was so painful to look at the stars and know id never get there. maybe thats why i chose you


it turns out that you were not an angel and maybe I’m not a mermaid. thats all well and dandy because i’m going to reach the stars one day and frankly, i don’t care about you anymore.

She looked perfect
and absolutely beautiful.
So when she began to
question herself,
the way I often do myself,
I began to wonder if maybe I was beautiful too.

And me?
I became a new age pestilence
gone all the time
I had a new cough everyday
dark circles lined my red watery eyes.
I didn’t sleep
I didn’t eat
and when I did?
I puked it up,
you could sell me on TV
as death with a coffee cup.
I didn’t finish that project
so I took a hammer
to my wrist;
and when we learned that if someone died
during finals
the rest of us would pass?
You all laughed,
but my mind went dark
I began wondering
exactly when could
I slip cyanide
into that poor girls
hydroflask.
Can’t you see
what’s driving me?
These letter grades and GPA’s
are making me lose my mind;
you tell me I’m fine,
it doesn’t matter.
But what if i’m not great
at anything else?
What if I’m not good enough?
I just wanted to be good enough.

When I sit late at night
and I'm alone
When the smoke escapes my lips
and I can't think
When the ***** runs through my veins
like blood
All I want to know is
Do you remember the time we almost fell in love?

If I could make a wish
or get my way
I swear to stars
I’d make you stay
the moon I wouldn’t
second glance
if I just
had the chance
to hold your hand
or see the galaxies
exploding in
you eyes
I swear to stars
I tell no lies

Jealousy.
As in the way you stay up late
texting her
not
me.
Or how we used to talk
every day.
Now you talk
with
her.
I told myself not to get
attached.
I told
myself,
People
Aren't
Permanent.
But I
failed to listen
to myself
again.
This time
you win.

When I look at him I wonder if he even knows he's addicted. Addicted to the way she laughs, and how the curves of her mouth turn up into a smile. If he knows he is drunk on the way that she sighs at the rain, or how she talks to the cat late at night. Does he know that she is what makes his reality worth it? And at the same time I wonder if she knows. If she knows that he the reason the blood races through her veins. If she knows that he is the reason that her lungs feel so full. That he is the dizzy lightheadedness, the weightless feeling within. Does she know that he is what creates her earth?

I am not shy. I am loud, I am talkative, I am the first to start a conversation, I am not afraid to tell a stranger everything on my mind, I will laugh too loud in front of people, I will cry too hard in front of people, I will tell any secret that is mine to tell, I almost always know what to say, I like to socialize, I enjoy company, I enjoy talking, I enjoy listening. But not when it comes to you. When it comes to you I am so scared to make a wrong move. When it comes to you my heart bursts open into my brain prohibiting logical thoughts. When it comes to you I am painfully shy, I listen too long, I talk too little, I cover my mouth when I laugh, I make small movements, because I do not care what random strangers think of me, but I do care how you think of me. I care if you like how I look or talk and I care if you think I am interesting, and I want so bad to fake who I am just to impress you but I don't think that will be necessary because you seem to like me. And thats good. I like me too.

My chipped nails dig into your hand
and I say I'm sorry
but you tell me not to apologize
you tell me I can hold your hand as hard as I need to
you tell me it doesn’t hurt to feel loved like that

You talk as if I am not there
As if you don't
acknowledge
me
Then I can not hear your words
that sting
These words are knives
And I am bleeding

We hold the galaxy in our hands, yet we still reach for the things we can't have.

There was a house overgrown with vines,
that dribbled with silence
when the windows were open
and the wind was high.

A girl and a cat lived in this house
and they were
least to say
cozy as a mouse

They were always happy
and they never did cry
they were immortal
and never could die

Outside the ivy house
was a constant wind storm
but inside they stayed
safe, cozy and warm

But the sharks in the clouds circled
and the vines twisted closer to the house
the girl clung to her cat
and the wind howled strong
the rabbits were swimming
and the fish were dancing along
and the wind got louder and louder

The vines confining
the girl trapped inside
was no longer content
she took her cat
and ran though the gap
into the wildly tangled  world

she sat in a tree
and soon came to find
while being cozy is nice
its not best all the time

so she still sits in her tree at night
petting her cat
and holding him tight
while in the day
she dances away with fish
and she swims with the rabbits
and flies with the sharks
feeling lovely in a world
of lights and darks

Words
on a page
talking to you
but are you listening
because words can hold great wisdom
and words can cause great pain
but in the end the words
are all the same

A cat
is a fluffy ball
of fur
that is capable
of making everything better
with a rough
and wet lick
against the
warm tears on my
cheek

I miss you
the way you always knew how to listen
and never left when I told you to
because you knew something was wrong

I miss you
I thought I heard you sigh
but I turned to smile and
it was not you
just my imagination

I need you
Right now
next to me
letting my cry on you
and helping me from getting so
angry

You've been gone for only a year
but the cat has already forgotten your name

I miss you

I need something to take my mind off this anger
this constant pull of
***** you
and
what the hell did you expect
I'm mad at you
but I can't let you know
I need something to ****
I need something to crush
I need something other than my own skin to split
You've made it clear
that I'm a big fat
F
A
    I
     L
        U
          R
             E
Now I need something to take away
this anger

She was an interesting girl,
No one could deny
You could see the galaxy
Every time she cried

As you lay there
my wings are shorn away
I was your guardian angel
but now you've gone away

My back is broken and bleeding
not too different from your soul
and my mind is aching
I can't take a step

I want to fly
but instead of wings
I have holes
and
a ****** mess