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AllAtOnce Aug 2014
Sometimes
Summer makes it easier to breathe
Sometimes
It makes it easier to leave
There's nothing to stay for
Just another day of writing poems and checking the weather
Staying up late-counting the stars
Talking to people that you know leave scars
What was bad becomes good
Perspective changes-and maybe it should
Getting caught up in glistening water and a golden sun
Missing red flags-forgetting to run
As school sneaks up again
You're forced to see what's important and who are you friends
Some things can only live in summer- friendships and summer love
As for the haze-you are forced to rise above
Summer is over for me on Monday. I'm not sure if I'm happy or sad
AllAtOnce Aug 2018
Tonight is cold coffee
sitting in a paper-and-ink colored mug
on the corner of the desk;
it’s propping old tennis-shoes feet
on your swivel chair
and sitting so close i can see the holes in
the collar of your shirt
and nothing less.

Tonight is trying to pretend that
your arm on my shoulders
doesn’t matter to me;
it’s telling myself that we’re
just friends
and that everything beyond that
is so unclear;
it’s swallowing the lump in my throat
and inhaling your
bittersweet cologne.

Tonight is tiled floors and silent hallways
broken by eighties pop music
and dropping things on the floor,
because I worked ten hours today and
“i just can’t”
anymore;
it’s thin mints
crushed into chocolate and stardust pieces
on the floor of the office that I should’ve vacuumed
Friday, or Monday,
or probably the week before.

And tomorrow is going to be two meetings
and too many shuffling agendas
and everything else that I hate;
it’ll be khaki-colored pants
and a glimpse of you through
the window
if i’m lucky,
because the wet blanket
that will settle in tomorrow
and make itself at home
is reality.

But for tonight,
it’s almost ten thirty,
and I’m sure that I could
walk faster to my car
and kick less concrete pebbles
along the way,
but then I would’ve missed
you shouting
that you’ll see me
tomorrow,

so maybe
tomorrow
will be
okay.
AllAtOnce Aug 2016
I always hated Sunday mornings
So I cursed my retail job
Doughnuts and coffee couldn’t make up
For the sound of my alarm
But that day it was different
You came in with your sunglasses on
Tattoos on your arm
And that was what could have changed it all

You said you’d pick me up at seven
That I should bring my dancing shoes along
I should’ve asked what you were on
We walked into the restaurant
It had a ballroom inside
I must have stepped on your feet
At least a hundred times
Your hair smelled like citrus
Your breath smelled of gin
Your tattoos creeped up and around
As we began to spin

You showed up one Sunday evening
It was just a couple months in
Tears streaming down your face
And I just let you in
The story came out slowly
Each chapter worse than the last
I held you in my arms as I
Tried to erase the past

I wore a white dress one Sunday morning
Flowers in my hair
The Wedding March played overhead
There was excitement in the air
You held my hand and smiled
With a chorus of “I do”s
Now we’ve got nothing left to prove
We made it all the way through

I woke up early one Sunday morning
To the baby crying next door
I set my feet on the floor
But you had gotten there before
I found you in the rocking chair
And she’s tugging on your hair
And I fell in love again

He died on a Sunday morning
Sitting in a hospital bed
I never thought it would end
Our daughter was thirty seven
I didn’t know what to do
So I went and got a tattoo
To remind me of you
So I could fall in love again
Even after it all ends

I always hated Sunday mornings
So I cursed my retail job
Doughnuts and coffee couldn’t make up
For the sound of my alarm
But that day it was different
You came in with your sunglasses on
Tattoos on your arm
But then you stopped and turned around
And just like that
It was gone
#mm
AllAtOnce Nov 2014
superman dropped me as he flew away/i was slumped on the ground and cried for days/ i picked myself up and shook of the daze/ignoring the mindless superman craze/he's not the good boy that they all say/he's not sweet and he's not brave/but as much as i hate him, i love him that way.
AllAtOnce Nov 2014
you're my superman and my kryptonite, baby, lets fly away...
we don't have to stay...
it always ends this way...
fading from emerald green to grey...
your eyes glow red with a murderous light...
giving me a sudden fright...
i see your demon soul and demon eyes...
i don't know if it's fake or if it's actual...
because, baby, you're supernatural...
how can you pick me up and then drop me...
maybe that part was just in my dreams...
pick me up and hold me close...
i don't care if it kills me so...
bring it on...
before you fly away and are gone...
maybe I've watched too much supernatural...
AllAtOnce Dec 2014
Red hair falling over shoulders and short pretty curls
All of her weaknesses are everything you ever were
Thunder and lightning might just deserve each other
Because when the storm comes everyone wonders
And everyone watches
And you both like that

With her fake smiles and your attention deficit
Not even perfection deserves imperfect
Now she thinks she's perfect and I hate to be the one to break the news
But the only one that's closer to imperfect is you
Get out while you can neither of you can put glass back together
Because once it's shattered it's gone baby and it won't ever come back
You can try to glue until all of your fingers bleed
But either way it will cut you open when you try to sleep
I shouldn't kick a dog when it's down
But hell you can lie in the mess you made
Until every piece of yourself is ripped away

Maybe you two are just a perfect match
With her bruised knees and your spineless back
Go find each other and go run away
I'm so done caring and I'm so done with the hate
Times up. Game over. She won.
But when everything falls apart don't come crying to me
Sobbing out that she was your first one
Because you like the attention
And you like the lies
And everyone is watching
You like them staring as you walk by

So I'll watch from the side as it all goes up in flames
Because in the end you won't even be able to say her name
And what am I going to do about it?
Nothing because I don't care about you or your attention deficit
You can move on and I'm over it.
AllAtOnce Jul 2016
Family is important cause it's all that he has
His eyes are too dark
He's got tattoos on his hands
Hiding behind a shutter and a lens
Just to he can see the world
In a better way than its been
Maybe he can't commit
And maybe he jumps around
Because that's what someone did to him
He's just a shell of who he could've been
But a few drinks too many
Stole away that chance
I guess family is important enough to breathe
Because no matter how hard they tried
They could never really leave
AllAtOnce Oct 2017
What am I doing?
I'm so glad you asked
Waiting for an author to write a perfect book
Waiting for an artist to paint the perfect canvas

Watching the stars for a moment
Hoping something will collapse
I guess I'm just painfully, desperately waiting
For something miraculous to happen
AllAtOnce Apr 2016
Grass and hopes
Fill the empty space
What to do with nothing
With nothing all over the place

Bricks and bones
Caught in a cosmic collide
Both with tough outer shells
And a beating heart inside

Mortar and muscles
Entwines everything together
Everything needs a solid foundation
For anything to matter

Flooring and nerves
Cold tiles cause cold feet
But broken vessels and broken walls
Are cracks in plaster and hollow cheeks

Homes and hearts
Finding solitude with someone who's not yourself
That is, if you can brave the storms
And make it to the end

Hail and struggles
Tears apart shingles and dreams
Then you realize that, after all
Nothing is there but feelings

Roof and head
Feelings vs. will
What to do with nothing
When it's all you think of still
AllAtOnce Aug 2014
What I want
  vs
What he needs
(excuses excuses)
But he's little
And I need to act my age
He needs it
(He gets it)
Why can't I throw a fit?
Things I need:
Horseback riding-for challenge
Marital arts-for release
Therapy or something
Bleed, bleed, bleed,
Things I have:
Poetry
This pen
And the feeling of being second best
AllAtOnce Dec 2014
the house, it stands, with it's tumbling walls
almost diseased with something one cannot name
for the rhythm of the house beats like thunder
and never stops, for someone is to blame

the water drips from a leak imposed into the roof
dissolving all of the soggy frames and pictures
those which will surely freeze and crack
when the world outside turns bitter and it becomes winter

the walls that were red have faded to grey
only a dead remnant of the dauntless fire
leaving only weakened plaster
as the house's void attire

as winter comes with snow and ice
the walls become slick with an invisible frost
and the cracks will widen just to fall apart
any hope of redemption being silent and lost

so a small boy with a pointed face and bright eyes
tries to revive the house with love and planted flowers
but they faded to nothing like everything else
leaving merely a crumbling and powerless tower

and inside the tower, set upon a desk
suspended in blood in a lonely jar
was all that was left of the girl and her house
the ever-beating carcass of her heart
AllAtOnce Sep 2015
He was the artist and I was the writer.
He was the picture and I was the thousand words.
But now
We are nothing.
And now
That's okay.
The end never really seems to be the end does it?
AllAtOnce Sep 2015
This is the last time I'll pretend I care
I'll hold my head high and dye my hair
This is the last time I'll say I know you
I'll paint grey what once was blue
This is the last time I'll let you go
After all this you won't know
This is the last time I'll be awake
I'm not in your dreams anyway
This is the last time I'll write your name
Every feeling is always the same
This is the last line I'll write about you
Why does "you" seem to rhyme with "blue"?
I think I'll be gone a while.
AllAtOnce May 2016
The bitter, night wind blows through my hair
Spring left April and now it's just air
But sometimes I just can't breathe
Blame it all on you, blame it all on me

The sky is dark and your eyes are the stars
A glint of something different behind the dark brown
And I swear that the man on the moon
Has absolutely nothing on you

Maybe sometimes you're a little quiet, a little sad
Pulling on the waves until they grow and crash
Just wait for the sunrise, wait for the morning
And maybe you could get some rest

Not every night has to be a full moon
Like every sky doesn't have to be blue
And not every star has to shine
But all in all, I wish they were mine

The man in the moon, the boy in the mirror
Everything suddenly seems so clear
Because you'll never again see someone so in love
With anything that hangs so far above
AllAtOnce Dec 2014
The light in her soul and the sparks in his eyes
Like the stars and the moon that come out at night
The sky in its never ending glory tries to keep them apart
But there's so many places to hide in the dark

The constellations carry their whispers across the skies
And the clouds report back to their master but all they tell are lies
Because one could never see a more perfect heart
Than that of the moon and its stars

Every once and a while the moon has to come out during the day
And the stars have to explode because a sacrifice needs to be made
They can't escape the sky but they can keep their space
And nothing can be heard if there's nothing to say
AllAtOnce May 2015
Sometimes we're all just a tangled mess of anxieties and hearts
Wandering around the script in search of a good part
But words are hard and some of us have stage fright
The sounds are too loud and the lights are too bright
So you collapse under the pressure and blood is spilling from your veins
All in search of putting some good to your name
AllAtOnce Jan 2015
I don't want to feel or think
And I don't need to stand on the brink
Of this insanity because I'm used to going mad
But this insanity is a greater madness than I've ever had
It's easier to fall down the rabbit hole
When you know what and who you're leaving behind and how
What am I and what are we?
What are we even supposed to be?
He and I are a mess
And you and I are no better than the rest
But really.
What is this?
AllAtOnce Jun 2018
my favorite thing
about you was the way that
you fell
from the sky and
set my entire universe aflame
with a white-hot
accidental fire
and the way you let everything
burn down
instead of roasting marshmallows
over the ashes of our
minuscule town
because if we can’t celebrate
the inevitable destruction
of our lives
then maybe you should’ve
stayed in the sky
AllAtOnce Jun 2016
I swear the Universe is whispering in my ear
"Now isn't the time, and the place isn't here."
And somehow that makes me feel a lot more alright
Than I have felt in a long while
Because I didn't miss my chance or lose track of time
The chance and the time was just never supposed to be mine.
And I swear the Universe is whispering in my ear
"You can do so much better than twelve days, one year."
No matter the signs and no matter the mix
Of signals that never mattered and were never fixed
Because the Universe is whispering in my ear
And I know for once that I shouldn't have to fear.
#my
AllAtOnce Oct 2014
they say that when you kiss someone you've wanted for so long
that it's the best thing and is never wrong
well I wouldn't know, would I?
wrong seems to be our middle name
they say when you're lying awake I'm dreaming of you
i say that all of our dreaming is through
they say we're out of the woods and everything is fine
are we really ever in the clear and is anything ever really mine?
they say people were split in half and those halves are soul mates
maybe we were meant to hate
they say things are never over until they're okay
but things really never are, are they?
they say that their words are true
can I say the same for you?
no.
but guess why.
because everybody lies.
AllAtOnce Nov 2014
Maybe she needs to stop dreaming about what could happen
Because-really-what good did that do before
Late night ponderings of a different love
Leave her crying on the bathroom floor
Maybe she should stop trying to be heard
Because no one really listens
When they do they punish the wrongs
And all her freedom goes missing
Maybe she needs to stop being responsible
Because everyone treats her like she's insane
She might as well be failing school
And sneaking out because it's all the same
I'm so sick of trying to be perfect
And never getting a glance
Maybe I should stop vying for attention
And just fade into the background.
AllAtOnce Aug 2014
i wrote your name in the sand
pebbles embedding themselves in my feet
the water comes to eat it away
oh, this is how the ocean loves
the foam lapped at my paint chipped toes
buried like shells in the sand
washing away all my tears
oh, this is how the ocean loves
my footprints sank into wet sand
rocks drawing pinpricks of blood
leaving behind all my regret
oh, this is how the ocean loves
i dove into the waves
turning my head to the downpour
keeping my head above water
oh, this is how the ocean loves
i watched the sun
i watched the moon
glistening on star-kissed waters
oh, this is how the ocean loves
AllAtOnce Feb 2015
This one goes out to the boy who loved me in pajamas
And loved me in a dress
Who loved me at my worst
And loved me at my best
This one goes out to the boy who listened
When everything was wrong
Who listened when the only words I could say
Were the lyrics to a song
This one goes out to the boy who told me I was pretty
And then told me he was sure
Who told me how I'd feel about the ending of a book
Who told me this means war
This one goes out to the boy who loved me quietly
Because words didn't need to be said
This one goes out to the boy who thinks he loves me after everything
And says he'll never forget
Sometimes writers' block just means I can't write about anything but you.
AllAtOnce Jul 2017
Today I thought about texting you
I thought
And I thought
And thought

And so I sent a word,
The kind of word that breaks things
And starts them
And then I thought, "maybe not."

Maybe you got a new phone number
And maybe you're out of data
Because your stupid uncle used it all
Again
And I hate that I know that
I fumble
Again

Maybe this makes me selfish
Because I have thought about you
A lot
And thought
And thought
But reaching out was maybe a mistake
Or maybe not

But I want you to know that I thought
And I thought
And thought
And five minutes later
Without a response
I still thought, "or not."
AllAtOnce Apr 2015
Just because I shut my brain off when I go to bed
That doesn't mean I stop thinking of you
It just means I stop thinking of ways to keep you out of my head
AllAtOnce Aug 2014
Perfect words
&
Perfect letters
Nothing more
&
Nothing less
Perfection expected
Perfection gone
Exploding inside
&
Shaking hands
I can't be perfect
No matter how hard I try
What even is perfect anymore?
High prices shoes
&
Gaps between thighs
Because all I have is
A sick feeling in my stomach
&
Self told lies
AllAtOnce Aug 2014
I guess I wasn't worth a ****
I guess to you I never am
On and off
On and off
Tick Tock
Tick Tock
I guess I shouldn't throw a fit
I guess I should get over it
Tick.
Tick.
Tick.
I guess you were a time bomb
I guess I knew I was wrong
Tock.
Tock.
Tock.
I guess I should stop wishing now
I guess my heart is just too loud
-tick-tick-tick-
I guess I knew you'd give up soon
I guess I will give you room
-tick-tick-tick-
Boom.
What I just don't understand is that you can really like someone one day and then be totally over them like a week later. I could never do tihat. I don't understand. Just don't. And when I actually thought I started to matter. I know, I know, I'm overreacting. I always do. But I don't need to be reminded.
AllAtOnce Sep 2015
black heart
beanies
green shirt
screaming
"he has a girlfriend"
broken heart
torn between
a new start
deep breaths
hold on
it will be over soon
move on
fixing strings
new ties
looking for love
falling apart
AllAtOnce Jun 2016
Like the golden sun going down for the moon
I'd drop everything just for you
Not everybody makes the most of the day
Clearly not enough for you to stay
But I'm standing here tonight
Just to explain to you why
If you were to change your mind
I'm here till I die
AllAtOnce Nov 2015
I remember when I thought it wouldn't get better
But here I am
Three years later
AllAtOnce Aug 2014
Your poetry
Etches a way into my heart
Corny but truthful
Your art
Leaves pictures in my head
Beautifully meaningful
It really is too bad
This isn't meant to be
Late at night...just thinking...
AllAtOnce Oct 2015
I don't like the way people say your name
Some end it with a bitter note
It sounds harsh and out of style
Some don't say it at all
But some can't even say it right
It doesn't sound right coming from anyone else
It's mine.
Mine I tell you.
Because I don't like the way people say your name
But I guess to you it all sounds the same.
Can't even rhyme right now lol
AllAtOnce Jun 2017
It's the rebel in me
That likes the devil in you
But I'll tell you what
I'm not trying to lose
My life
My love
Everything I've become
For someone who sleeps around
And lives life in surround sound

Because it's the cat in me
Killed by the curiosity
Of what it feels like
To feel you breathe
And touch your lips and your tattoos
It's all just not enough
With too much to lose

It's the lover in me
That hates the soul in you
It's sick
And twisted
And downright abused
By the life that you've lived
And the life that you chose
I'm sorry
But I wish I could fix the bruise

It's the fool in me
That makes me let go of you
Because I love someone else too
And I know it's crude
I'll push you away soon
So get out of my life
And my sight
It isn't right
But I'm not in the mood
For you to be foolish and childish and rude
I'm not dealing with your attitude
It's like you're twenty-two
And he's a hundred times better than you
Never again
AllAtOnce Jan 2015
I have a theory that the fairy tales are twisted
And that love is the curse, not the solution
Bringing nothing but endless sleeps
And overbearing emotional pollution
When you love someone a little piece of yourself becomes like them
And when you come to a standstill and the story is over
You close the book with a sigh
And that part of them is all you have left
When you love enough you forget yourself
That's what the books don't tell you
You're too busy becoming someone else
To realize that you're losing yourself
AllAtOnce Sep 2015
How is it that you have my heart and soul
But all I have is your number
*dark and hollow
dead with sorrow.
AllAtOnce Apr 2016
She came to me with red eyes and tears
Said please don't tell another soul
Swear on Shakespeare's quiet grave
They can't know that you know
She told me of the skeletons that lie in his head
That whisper in his ear
She told me he's not insane
And not to be afraid
But the shadows in his eyes will never change

It's the darkness behind the eyes that kills
It's the shadows in the walls
That can never get their fill
The pressure, the demons, they tear him apart
All four of them are taunting him, and taunting him, they're taunting him
Taunting him in the dark

We all have our secrets
But not everyone can have the keys
Dancing near their collarbones for everyone to see
And I think back to the first few years
Just a glance, or two, or three
I never could've guessed
Never could've watched him get undressed
Without knowing all the rest
Since when is this world such a mess?  

It's the darkness behind the eyes that kills
It's the shadows in the walls
That can never get their fill
The pressure, the demons, they tear him apart
All four of them are taunting him, and taunting him, they're taunting him
Taunting him in the dark

And maybe it's about the regrets
Or the close calls and the second guesses
And the time
Oh, the time
The time that's spent that I can't get back
Even if it's just fleeting thoughts
Three years and four ghosts too long
And to be honest
I don't know why I wrote this song

She came to me, all red eyes and tears
And we've all seen a little darkness and we've felt a little fear
And I just wanted someone to explain
But nothing had changed
And no one is to blame
I got nothing for this one...
AllAtOnce Dec 2014
I never want to stop seeing
Different sides of you
Until the stars all explode and the earth fades away
That will be the only day
Because each one is never the same
And certainly not any two
Because after a while I stopped expecting the unexpected and expecting everything too
I want to run my fingers over your scars and tell you that every one is beautiful to me
Because no matter what I could never see you any differently
Running my fingers through your hair
And memorizing how every strand feels
I want to see every shade of your eyes, if that's even a thing
Seeing every bit of your soul that no one's ever seen
I want to kiss your nose because it's adorable
And tell you that you're wonderful
Because I can and will
And well I guess here I am
Until.
AllAtOnce Aug 2015
i'm so sorry
that i
disturbed
you
with the sound
of my
loneliness
and
the resounding
ache
of the constant
reminder
of the constant
rejection
AllAtOnce Dec 2014
it's strange to feel
like nothing to anyone
when you were
everything to someone
before
and it makes you
wish that you
had cherished
that feeling
more
AllAtOnce Nov 2014
what we love:
those things change/ like hail to snow and snow to rain/we don't realize it now/but we will love it more than before/love the most/love the worst/become folklore
AllAtOnce Nov 2014
calm blue waters

falling stars

late nights

love highs

hellogoodbye

ever changing

ever damaging

drowning to breathe

tossed to monsters in the sea
AllAtOnce Nov 2014
with(out)
you
i
am
(in)finite
breathe
in
(on)
my
(red)
lips
AllAtOnce Nov 2014
they have everyone else
and i simply have me being what i never thought i'd be
i watch them go hang out with their friends who are broken just like them
maybe i'm broken too maybe i'm insane but i guess it's just not the same
AllAtOnce Nov 2014
cloudyvision

mistyeyes

breakinghearts

selftoldlies

pretendcut­s

imaginaryfriends

sleepingtoomuch

isthisthewayitends?
AllAtOnce Nov 2014
I'm going insane
What was colored fades to grey
Silence getting harder every day
Screaming just to get my way
No one knows the words to say
Maybe I should stay away
AllAtOnce Jan 2015
Bring me back to life
Liberty is my final right
Seeking souls and breaking light
Winner's love is loser's strife
So look at me through those pretty eyes
See through my mask see through my lies
Silence as a final cry
AllAtOnce Aug 2014
I wonder what it would be like
To get drunk with you for just one night
To forget about everything in our past
And everything that could or couldn't last
I wonder how it would be
If we tasted smoke while kissing
To get crazy with no one around
And talk without muttering a sound
I wonder what you would do
If you knew I felt nothing for you
That I found a new temporary fix
And honey, you're not it
I wonder why I can't stop wondering
With the lack of regret I'm harboring
Along with the creeping love for someone else
Maybe I'll just keep this to myself
This started as a concept and just kind of...grew.
AllAtOnce Jul 2017
We could've loved in a different time
If someone wrote us in a different novel
A different, Universe-dictated
Never-inclusive, story line

In a time where men wore pocket watches and coattails
And women petticoats and corsets
With heir-to-the-mansion blue eyes
Straight out of Pride & Prejudice

Possibly when novels were written by typewriters and gas lights
I'd be spitting my thoughts onto paper in the nearly dark
Just like I am--like I do--now, I suppose
And maybe then you could've won my heart

Or a time when man thought they could reach God
When men first invented God, and heaven, and flight
Some wondering if they even should
But my God, you're that wanna-be, enlightenment-thinker type

Maybe when guns spoke instead of words
And someone like me had to work until the moon said goodnight
Watching for your tired figure in my doorway
Hoping you'd make it home alright

What about the era of free love?
Your hair could be longer, and certainly curlier, than mine
Those freckles telling a thousand iridescent stories
Around the crackling firelight  

But not here, not now, and not anytime soon
Because in this century we are too far apart
Maybe we collided too late
And we should've been 19th century art

Star-crossed loves with fate worse than death
Soulmates, some nonsense meant-to-be
But maybe that wouldn't have been so bad
It's just not open eyes or reality

And maybe that's because of me

We could've loved in a different time
If I had written a better, Universe-dictated novel
With a different, never inclusive story line
Just now recognizing that "maybe" is definitely used as my crutch. Only used it four times here, I think? Anyone else have a crutch word? Just me? Cool.
AllAtOnce Jun 2017
Sometimes I think of you
And it's not something I really want
When I start with "I remember when-"
Or our favorite songs come on.

It's weird because we spent a year
Basically living in the same clothes
And shoes, and housesandcars
But now who even knows

I try not to think about it
Or get all ******* up over it again
Because then I get a bit hurt
Because it really shouldn't have happened

Not that way,
Anyway

Because we were supposed to get tattoos
And boyfriends
And college educations
But I guess as kids, everything pretty much just ends

So maybe you'll see this
And maybe you won't
And maybe that's okay
Because I don't want to care, and I guess really don't
AllAtOnce Oct 2014
Do you notice the sparkle in my eyes?
When I hear that song I still sometimes cry
Do you remember my favorite color or favorite food?
Because when I see plaid I still think of you
Does that song still make you think of us?
Because for me it still really does
Do you remember the feeling that night we cuddled on the couch?
Or when you sang to me off key and loud
Do you know you drank all my apple juice the other day?
I think I've run out of things to say...
Sometimes I wonder. Other times I don't.
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