I always hated Sunday mornings
So I cursed my retail job
Doughnuts and coffee couldn’t make up
For the sound of my alarm
But that day it was different
You came in with your sunglasses on
Tattoos on your arm
And that was what could have changed it all

You said you’d pick me up at seven
That I should bring my dancing shoes along
I should’ve asked what you were on
We walked into the restaurant
It had a ballroom inside
I must have stepped on your feet
At least a hundred times
Your hair smelled like citrus
Your breath smelled of gin
Your tattoos creeped up and around
As we began to spin

You showed up one Sunday evening
It was just a couple months in
Tears streaming down your face
And I just let you in
The story came out slowly
Each chapter worse than the last
I held you in my arms as I
Tried to erase the past

I wore a white dress one Sunday morning
Flowers in my hair
The Wedding March played overhead
There was excitement in the air
You held my hand and smiled
With a chorus of “I do”s
Now we’ve got nothing left to prove
We made it all the way through

I woke up early one Sunday morning
To the baby crying next door
I set my feet on the floor
But you had gotten there before
I found you in the rocking chair
And she’s tugging on your hair
And I fell in love again

He died on a Sunday morning
Sitting in a hospital bed
I never thought it would end
Our daughter was thirty seven
I didn’t know what to do
So I went and got a tattoo
To remind me of you
So I could fall in love again
Even after it all ends

I always hated Sunday mornings
So I cursed my retail job
Doughnuts and coffee couldn’t make up
For the sound of my alarm
But that day it was different
You came in with your sunglasses on
Tattoos on your arm
But then you stopped and turned around
And just like that
It was gone

What I want
  vs
What he needs
(excuses excuses)
But he's little
And I need to act my age
He needs it
(He gets it)
Why can't I throw a fit?
Things I need:
Horseback riding-for challenge
Marital arts-for release
Therapy or something
Bleed, bleed, bleed,
Things I have:
Poetry
This pen
And the feeling of being second best

the house, it stands, with it's tumbling walls
almost diseased with something one cannot name
for the rhythm of the house beats like thunder
and never stops, for someone is to blame

the water drips from a leak imposed into the roof
dissolving all of the soggy frames and pictures
those which will surely freeze and crack
when the world outside turns bitter and it becomes winter

the walls that were red have faded to grey
only a dead remnant of the dauntless fire
leaving only weakened plaster
as the house's void attire

as winter comes with snow and ice
the walls become slick with an invisible frost
and the cracks will widen just to fall apart
any hope of redemption being silent and lost

so a small boy with a pointed face and bright eyes
tries to revive the house with love and planted flowers
but they faded to nothing like everything else
leaving merely a crumbling and powerless tower

and inside the tower, set upon a desk
suspended in blood in a lonely jar
was all that was left of the girl and her house
the ever-beating carcass of her heart

He was the artist and I was the writer.
He was the picture and I was the thousand words.
But now
We are nothing.
And now
That's okay.

I swear the Universe is whispering in my ear
"Now isn't the time, and the place isn't here."
And somehow that makes me feel a lot more alright
Than I have felt in a long while
Because I didn't miss my chance or lose track of time
The chance and the time was just never supposed to be mine.
And I swear the Universe is whispering in my ear
"You can do so much better than twelve days, one year."
No matter the signs and no matter the mix
Of signals that never mattered and were never fixed
Because the Universe is whispering in my ear
And I know for once that I shouldn't have to fear.

they say that when you kiss someone you've wanted for so long
that it's the best thing and is never wrong
well I wouldn't know, would I?
wrong seems to be our middle name
they say when you're lying awake I'm dreaming of you
i say that all of our dreaming is through
they say we're out of the woods and everything is fine
are we really ever in the clear and is anything ever really mine?
they say people were split in half and those halves are soul mates
maybe we were meant to hate
they say things are never over until they're okay
but things really never are, are they?
they say that their words are true
can I say the same for you?
no.
but guess why.
because everybody lies.

Just because I shut my brain off when I go to bed
That doesn't mean I stop thinking of you
It just means I stop thinking of ways to keep you out of my head

Like the golden sun going down for the moon
I'd drop everything just for you
Not everybody makes the most of the day
Clearly not enough for you to stay
But I'm standing here tonight
Just to explain to you why
If you were to change your mind
I'm here till I die

I remember when I thought it wouldn't get better
But here I am
Three years later

How is it that you have my heart and soul
But all I have is your number
*dark and hollow
dead with sorrow.

I never want to stop seeing
Different sides of you
Until the stars all explode and the earth fades away
That will be the only day
Because each one is never the same
And certainly not any two
Because after a while I stopped expecting the unexpected and expecting everything too
I want to run my fingers over your scars and tell you that every one is beautiful to me
Because no matter what I could never see you any differently
Running my fingers through your hair
And memorizing how every strand feels
I want to see every shade of your eyes, if that's even a thing
Seeing every bit of your soul that no one's ever seen
I want to kiss your nose because it's adorable
And tell you that you're wonderful
Because I can and will
And well I guess here I am
Until.

it's strange to feel
like nothing to anyone
when you were
everything to someone
before
and it makes you
wish that you
had cherished
that feeling
more

with(out)
you
i
am
(in)finite
breathe
in
(on)
my
(red)
lips

cloudyvision

mistyeyes

breakinghearts

selftoldlies

pretendcut­s

imaginaryfriends

sleepingtoomuch

isthisthewayitends?

I'm going insane
What was colored fades to grey
Silence getting harder every day
Screaming just to get my way
No one knows the words to say
Maybe I should stay away

We could've loved in a different time
If someone wrote us in a different novel
A different, Universe-dictated
Never-inclusive, story line

In a time where men wore pocket watches and coattails
And women petticoats and corsets
With heir-to-the-mansion blue eyes
Straight out of Pride & Prejudice

Possibly when novels were written by typewriters and gas lights
I'd be spitting my thoughts onto paper in the nearly dark
Just like I am--like I do--now, I suppose
And maybe then you could've won my heart

Or a time when man thought they could reach God
When men first invented God, and heaven, and flight
Some wondering if they even should
But my God, you're that wanna-be, enlightenment-thinker type

Maybe when guns spoke instead of words
And someone like me had to work until the moon said goodnight
Watching for your tired figure in my doorway
Hoping you'd make it home alright

What about the era of free love?
Your hair could be longer, and certainly curlier, than mine
Those freckles telling a thousand iridescent stories
Around the crackling firelight  

But not here, not now, and not anytime soon
Because in this century we are too far apart
Maybe we collided too late
And we should've been 19th century art

Star-crossed loves with fate worse than death
Soulmates, some nonsense meant-to-be
But maybe that wouldn't have been so bad
It's just not open eyes or reality

And maybe that's because of me

We could've loved in a different time
If I had written a better, Universe-dictated novel
With a different, never inclusive story line

Sometimes I think of you
And it's not something I really want
When I start with "I remember when-"
Or our favorite songs come on.

It's weird because we spent a year
Basically living in the same clothes
And shoes, and housesandcars
But now who even knows

I try not to think about it
Or get all ******* up over it again
Because then I get a bit hurt
Because it really shouldn't have happened

Not that way,
Anyway

Because we were supposed to get tattoos
And boyfriends
And college educations
But I guess as kids, everything pretty much just ends

So maybe you'll see this
And maybe you won't
And maybe that's okay
Because I don't want to care, and I guess really don't

Do you notice the sparkle in my eyes?
When I hear that song I still sometimes cry
Do you remember my favorite color or favorite food?
Because when I see plaid I still think of you
Does that song still make you think of us?
Because for me it still really does
Do you remember the feeling that night we cuddled on the couch?
Or when you sang to me off key and loud
Do you know you drank all my apple juice the other day?
I think I've run out of things to say...