You'll never know
the pain and sorrow
I feel from loving you
Much more than the chance
of getting near you
as I float outside planet Earth
Though I'll keep wandering
I'll continue to jump
across space and time
Just to get a glimpse of you
I've yet to accept my fate
that you are a star
far from my grasp
and I'm merely a girl
admiring you from afar,
the one who continues
to shine brighter
each passing day
Keep on shining, love
as I stay here on earth
Let me just wish for you
as we're galaxies apart

you were just a seed
I planted, expecting only a flower
but then you provided me a garden
you were so beautiful
but I must not pull you out
for your stem will droop
and your petals will die
so I watered you with care
handled you till you bloomed
ever so lovely—
till it was too much for me to bear
your roots, I ought to pull out
but you've been struck deep
into the surface of my skin
later suffocating me with your vines,
wrapping around my chest
so I will just wait for summer to pass
for then like the autumn leaves I fall
and these feelings will run dry
till it is too cold for you to grow
into the winter's unbearable ground

Should I really put faith in myself? But the thought of you being miles away from me, how can I even assure I can look after you the way I can make you stay? The way that you'll want to choose me?

I might not be the one
who will tuck you to sleep
But darling I assure you
I will be there for you
the morning you wake up
Warming up your sheets,
only if you would let me

I might not be the one
To intertwine fingers
with your calloused hands
But my dearest, I'll be gentle
I can keep you warm
Holding close onto you
Even if it's us against the world
I will be the one here to stay

I might not be the one
Who will be chosen by you
But my love, I will choose you
And only you still
Over a thousand lifetimes
In the end till forevermore
Even so, my only dear
I'd choose you

To be hurt by the truth
is better to be comforted with a lie

Rather than hesitant,
be straightforward
in the midst of the fight

I'm asking you
for what you think
I'll take it all in

So I expect you to tell it all
and leave no traces behind

For me, he screamed vibrant yellow
under the pale July morning
He seemed to capture me in a distance
For the longest, I have been a sunflower
drooping down low
Till your rays come shining down on me;
you're the warmth I never saw coming
Ever since that day you passed me by
I've been wishing for another chance
can I ask you to give me another glance?
I want to get closer, I want to get near
For us to get to know each other all the more
You have been the one I'm praying for
For now I can only look at you at bay
I'll just go on and reach your hand
when I'll get the chance to ask you to stay

she found herself staring too long
a glimpse of those eyes
every features and movement
laid intact in her mind

everything about that blonde
gives her something welcoming
though she tries to get away
risking herself into falling

At least let me leave traces of you
etched in paper and ink
All my love and the pain
At least here it will remain
As someday
I know this will fade away
Along the wind and the rain
As it becomes one with it

Why is it that when I finally get to see them there,
closely, to the flesh, and we’re actually in the same room…
that’s when I felt the most distance between us?
Why do they feel so far way, still?
Why does it hurt so much that I can’t – in actuality – reach them?
Why do I feel the most sad when it’s supposed to be the time of my life?
Why is it that all I hear is white noise in this bustling crowd,
my voice echoing; pleading for your name, and your singing?
I hear myself asking you to stay...
Why is your ethereal figure just standing there before me–
'don't go'
–while I am right here gasping for air?
aren't I the one who will actually leave as the show's ending?
How can you bring my knees weak? Why am I in tears?
'I love you'
Why did fate decided for us to meet like this?

a thought of you
can move me to tears,
the exquisite joy
of seeing your smile
with your figure
a bit taller than mine
right up close to me

next to the sadness
that we might never be
like parallel lines,
asymptotes—
oh how lucky are we
if we were just like that

at least you're within my reach
not like this
where you're galaxies away,
apart with these oceans
flooding us away
like the skies pouring hard rain,
these eyes blur my vision up to you
A star that's out of my league

The sun has already set
but you seem to shine
as usual with your yellow sweater
Though your gaze serious and halt
my heart did the opposite
the moment your eyes laid on mine

Loving you
is like looking at every fireflies
lighting up all at once

Beaming its light, captivating me
As if it's all trapped into your eyes

Loving you
is like finding you after walking
through a desert

You were the water from the well
an oasis, that quenched my thirst

Loving you
is something like a distant memory
that I kept remembering

You are something I kept holding on
Something that I don't want to let go

Loving you
that's what you'll never know

You are the one who makes me feel alive
And the very reason why I die everyday

What a waste. Such a waste.
All the effort and time going down the drain.
The solution's so easy
So foolproof
Yet why does it have to be us to suffer
I thought we're going to be set free
Let all the hard work be paid off
I was excited to taste that sweet ecstacy
Yet in one glance, it's still out of reach
Another chance slipped away
Such a waste,
disappointing how the universe can't let us be
Ah, I must have forgotten how unfair life can be.
It screws you up whenever it got the chance
It's such an easy way out, yet why choose a more difficult route?
And that everyone ask me to be practical?
Why must I be the one who's selfish?
It's not all the time I ask for myself—
why must I be the one who will look bad?
This is why I kept my mouth shut
Bury myself in these fort of blankets and pillows;
at least here I can find comfort
What's a home if you're conscious of every move you make in these four walls confining you?
Do I not have a right to be upset?
Must I act like a robot?— it's not every time I can act perfect
I will instead mope around, I can't even whine
As if I can do anything about it, right?
I'll say goodbye to my dreams to aim high and spreading my wings
Wave at the anticipation of leaving the nest
I'm still stuck down here, dying to break free
For more years to come till my grave...
At least I have something else to anticipate, right?
May we let go of old ways that's keeping us from moving forward?— no, I apologize. I must not speak.
I'll just stay here and rot in silence.
And silence where I'm supposed to be kept.

I just feel so homesick all the time, whenever you're not here with me. I just count on the days on the ticking of the clock. Till you come by the doorstep, back home to me.

— waiting for a moment that will never happen

I want to wake up
at the sound of your beating heart
beside me, with that intense stare of yours

I want to be the one
who will trace the lines
of your calloused hands laid out for me

I want to get lost
into the depths of your soul
as we both exchange our love wordlessly

I want you and me
intertwined into each other
with your hands wrapping safely with mine
As if you don't want to let go

I want you to love me
to look at me the way
I would look at you
to look at me in that way
you would give in
through the music you create

I want to love you
to express all the love I have for you
I only wish for you my dearest

But sometimes this want
is the hindrance to it all

But
I want you
I still want you
**But I must not

Maybe the fact that this place is so familiar, it gives me nostalgia.

The consciousness that you were once present in this place hurts; it brings me an ache in my chest — like a hole ******* through me — a piece that's been missing.

Because here, it just reminds me of you.

I am looking for a sign of your touch between these spaces. Tracing every edges. Through the hard wood, the dim lit wall lights, through the white sheets of the soft bed.

I am longing for your scent that I haven't even grown to know.
I am looking for you even if it has been a long while since you've been here. Your scent's no longer lingering here...

It's been long gone, you're far from here now...

Why do I even go looking for something that I am not familiar with? Why am I even searching for something I cannot reach?

Your every move
seems to catch my eye
And your warmth
draws me closer to you

I want to touch your hand
to see if it fits into mine
I want to touch your face
to see your eyes flutter

I yearn for your touch
I dread to hear your voice
and for you to be beside me

All I want is for you to sing
lullabies in these cold nights

But we could only meet
in a place called my head
As I drift off into sleep
In my dreams, we meet again

So you continued on living within the pages, tucked hidden in the stories I create. There are signs that dimly represent you in the scenarios conveyed, or can be oh so overt on the characters I portray.

I still can't help but slip you on the pages, love.

It can sometimes be involuntary, but it's not that I take dislike on it. Even if I say I want it to stay hidden, this love still show through. So I try to include you in my narratives, and tell the world around me how much you mean to me, one way or another.

Nothing can compare... to what I feel for you.

Ever since you,
I stopped wishing on airplanes
And I looked beyond the stars
Ahead, I prayed to the Divine
for our fateful meeting

— I have prayed for you

If I were to be honest,
I'll be called "mad".

— 'it is you that I love'

I've been losing track of time
As I lessen my time of sleep
It's as if my thoughts doesn't want to rest
As it keeps running its way towards you

I'm honestly feeling myself growing tired,
wanting to give into solitude...
But how can I even choose sleep?
When even in my dreams, you keep me awake?

If ever I fall in love
I want to fall for someone who also writes
I want us to be engrossed in each other's pages
As we try and understand the world's we've created

Most especially, someone who write's music

I want to get stuck into a different realm he'd created
I want to explore a world so familiar yet different all the same
I know how simple and complex music can be

But I don't really have to be,
cause I already am

chasing you I tried to hide
hesitating all I can
everything about you was beautiful
I admit
saying a word about it terrifies me though
keeping these thoughts,
oh I did
a word was kept, these feelings hid
denial I was to you, I was confused
even to myself I refused
resenting these feelings for you
yet you mesmerized me
luring me onto you
loving you, I did too
admitting it would be a crime though
giving signals was not possible too
confessing will make this haywire blow
oh I hid these feelings all too well
pretending that this was nothing at all
rue within me grew cause everything seems so wrong
all these I did to hide everything to everyone; **including you

As I am looking at the stars above
I wonder what you might be doing
I wish to each, I wish you'll be seeing
the scattered pieces I laid, my love

I'll then ask the one in charge of this all
"why is it only me that must fall?"
In these silent prayers,
am I the only one who cares?

I'll then ask if I could be one with them
At least by then, I can look after you
and give you light,
maybe by then I can shine
As I am etched upon the night sky

I usually don’t like silence in general – the awkward silences as they will call it (when I’m with someone). But with you, it’s a different case. I can actually endure these little instances of silence with you.

Because I know you’re there to fill it up. Like knowing that you’re present – that you’re there –gives me a sense of comfort.

We can take a pause and breathe without hearing a complaint from one another. I know that another person understands me with these wordless exchanges, with these simple gestures, stares, and soft-hearted smiles.

The spaces in between our conversations, and just the stillness of the atmosphere… You’ll somehow manage to add up the warmth, the comfort. Just your presence is enough.

My dear prince,
In the cloak of velvets and gold
Not only you have swept me away
You have me swooned all over
Onto the oceans and in so deep
Over the mountains and skies blue seep
Now that I have travelled far to your land
Give me the permission for your heart
I am asking for your hand, risking it all
Melting, in your arms I fall
You're the only one who can do it,
Lay a sword to my heart; you've slain
Oh my blood rose, can I get close?
Veins of blue, your sharp luring thorns
Every piece of you, I'm ready for it all

seeing these wounds bleed
please be there to heal
in your arms of pink fluff
with your clouds so thick
please let me be lost
in your eyes

let us travel the borders outside
I'll stay by your side
though, you're better off without me
I'll let you wonder on your own
So let me be here to watch
how you set off to the wilderness
let me be entranced by you from afar

I'll be ignorant for the bliss
hoping to seal this with a kiss
though I cannot
I'm chained to do so
coped by these thorn hedges
with this fear of touching you

loving you will do harm
piercing both of our souls
but I'm willing to pass
these walls, I'll do it all
even if the chances of you
saving me is so small

As of now, I think of you
each passing day
Our meeting,
still etched in my mind
Since the day we parted
I miss you more each day,
I want to meet you (again)
I didn't know it was possible
I fell deeper, greater—
beyond of what I expected
It's engraved deeply in my heart
Your words and ethereal figure
You're what my heart's beating

Must I really wait
No matter how long
Till then I promise to be well
I'll keep my heart only for you

I'll just stay up
since I cannot
let you off my mind.

— wide awake in thoughts of you

that smile of yours
was the start of it all
it caused war zones
down my chest
up to my head

how beautiful you are
could I compare?
a thousand diamonds
laid out up there

a simple glimmer of your eyes
with the swift gesture of your hand
you swept me off my feet

you, turned into my world
I’m a satellite
orbiting around a planet called ‘you’
I will look out for you
through the ends of time
till the last bits of flames
the sun can ought to fume;
to the brim
till my heart can no longer take it

for you, my eyes formed rivers
turn into the clouds
I look up high
your eyes dark as the night sky
You shine the brightest
A star I ought to reach
And down low, I turn
I fell
along the teardrops of my heart
for you, my heart belongs, my dearest

for you have taught me what is more
to be in love
‘thank you’
you not only thought me of the word
but the meaning
to the roots so deep

but love can be cruel
more when you have to be sorry

I just want to pull you close to mine
to stand side by side
without having to think
of where I stand in line

— I have accepted it.

Whenever I see your face
I can’t help but look
at you with sad eyes

Tears kept falling
as my heart begins to waver
praying for both of us

why must our meeting be short?
why must we part too soon?

Can you give me your hand?
I want to stay with you longer

Can you pull me close?
I want us to cherish this moment

Can you not say a word?
Your presence is enough

Can I ask you to stay?
I don’t want us to end like this

Even if you’re close next to me
I feel that we’re worlds apart

Just by looking in your eyes
I already know your answer

You’re the one for me
But I’m not the one for you

Is it bad that I want to hold your hands? I want you to lay beside me with the cold messy sheets of my bed. Hide under the blankets and stare into your comforting eyes. I want you to stroke my hair while you let me hold your cheeks as you break into a smile. Let me see your shining eyes form that crescent moon shape, and let me poke your dimples.

With the silence of the night enveloping us.

Let the sound of our beating hearts the only thing resounding the room.
I then ask you to sing me your lullaby until I fall asleep. I want you so badly beside me in these cold rainy nights. Or when the stars are shining bright. As I long for your warmth.
Let the gap between us be enough. The presence of each other be comforting – I know you are enough.

I miss you so badly even if I haven’t actually breathed next to you.

My dear prince,
take me far away
from these murky creeks
of these aimless heads
keeping me low, caged within

My king, the future that will sit on throne
with a crown of roses that colors bleed
How is it you can take the worries away?
Off guard; To you, and for you— I fall
With a snap of your veiny fingers
you trace the patterns of my arms
Passing on warmth
from the pure glow of your heart
And as you have said:
"Falling may be scary
but landing is not"

My wise thoughtful fellow,
you may seem so far away
from these lands
Or have I just kept my head up way too high?
Into the clouds, above the waters and blues
Still, nothing can compare
to the hues in your eyes

Is it taking too long of a distance
for our ship to sail to be called soon?
Must I chase away my dreams
Farewell— of being with you?
But you always kept me at bay,
and my heart you have slain

You are my knight,
protecting me from the darkness
seeping in through at night
My prince who let me taste
the breezing colors of the seasons
by his trusty platinum steed

And my king, you reign
You remain
ruling the castles and valleys
of my heart so deep
In your soulful eyes,
I have found my sweet serenity,
my dream filled sleep,
with you breathing next to me

Tonight and for ever afters
I do hope we will seal it with a kiss

Is it right or is it wrong
to not ask anything in return
yet wanting to ask for more?
I can be a walking irony
as I make my way closer to you
How can it be
I know that we cannot be
yet risking to cross the seas
to close the gap for a kiss?
Why is it that
the distance between us
cannot drown me
on how far my dream can be—
you're impossible; unattainable
yet why can't I put an end
into these feelings I question
if it's bad or good
to pour on efforts
to soar these emotions still?

let us dream
an unattainable kiss
for then maybe I could
get the touch of your bliss
I want you to look only at me
let us meet in my dreams
as to where you’re wide awake
or when it is I
who is not visited by sleep
why is it then we cannot meet?
let me be ****** in so deep—
soundly while the moon’s at peak
by the thirteenth month of the year
I will pray to the moon of my wish
this will be the only time
where both you and I exist
let us open the gates of our hearts
behind the shadows in the night
with only the light of the room illuminates
our figures dancing behind the moonlight
is it only there we could meet?

Sometimes I wish
My pencil will break
and that my heart will finally choose rest
little one, aren't you exhausted?
Of how the world give you thoughts
that makes you run and run to the void
When will this head of mine
come back down the clouds?
Till when will these eyes stay
blinded by a reality far from truth?

Sometimes I want to blame this heart
for taking in too much, too much
excessively from what it can ought to take
I want to hold a grudge, for it ever falling
to wonders that tears itself from reality
Don't strange, delicate things
draws us humans more onto it?
Why am I so eerily drawn
to such things far off this planet?
A dream that's far from my grasp.
So far off.

Won't somebody, anybody, I beg
wake me up from this dream already?

— shatter me already

'i couldn't care less about him really'
'i am not even serious about him'
'it's just a big fat crush, you know'
'it will easily pass by, don't worry'

i want to say all that
with a straight face
but i'll be lying if i did
i'd be playing myself bad

i'm tired hiding under a mask
where I have to pretend
that I love you less
than I already do—  I don't.

— you mean everything to me

you're like a stain on my white dress
that I'm aiming to remove
it just leaves more creases on the fabric
no matter what I do, I can't, nothing
but in fear of losing you
I cannot throw you out of sentiment

—you're my favorite dress

gently pull me back
to the currents
of your waves
I've grown to know

How I hate the seas
And the waves it brings
For it cannot surpass
The love I have for you
Nor it cannot bring
You close to me

We breathe the same air
And see the same skies
Though these seas
It cannot bring
The same tranquility in your eyes
For only it separates me
From you and the warmth
You have inside

Oh it cannot give me ease
The same as your beady eyes
So only your plastered smile
For that I will make it mine
I will not mind the gap
No matter how far
For only time could tell
If we would part or not
So I will keep them inside
In my heart
And it will be forever in my mind

You are my muse
the pigment in my hues
You bring me meaning
but sometimes the heart
can be deceiving

I'm risking myself from falling
but the more I resist
The further that I fall

The way your eyes shine
and the radiance in your smile
sends shivers down my spine

Your voice so melliflous
your laugh so vigorous
But I promise you darling
it's not just your skin
it's not the only reason
there's more about you
so much more
that I adore

Your flaws
your insecurities
seems to pass me by
I love you

I love your everything
Everything about you seems fitting
And this is what I am feeling
You're my everything

I cannot deny it any longer
Is it safe to say?

You've been haunting me
day by day
in my thoughts
and in my heart
you stayed

I still dream of a fellow
that would save me in my sleep
He would trace the creases on my lips
his hair would tickle the tip of my nose
and his face would be the last thing I see
along his steady breathing and heartbeat
me close onto his chest
there would be a faint smile across my face
before I fall soundly asleep

Even as I enter dreamland
it would still be his name
that's the sound of my heartbeat

He would take me to far off places
and make me feel things
I haven't dwell before

Someday, I still wish that
it would be your hands
that will intertwine mine
and that dream will slowly dissolve
into a face unfamiliar
but like home all the same
you will slowly turn into reality
closer than we've ever been before
closer that you are within my grasp

— can a girl dream, love?

on depiction on books of fairytales
stories that were put to me as a child
to be tied on another being
pinkies and a red string— a promise
to spend an eternity together
with a perfect stranger in this world
that still do not put sense into me
to this day, but at some way
it made my heart feel at ease
that somewhere out far there
is looking for their other half as me