they say you give flowers on a whim.
on a regular day, i would message you
pictures of flowers i’d want
to come from your own hands.
but you stand on a platform.
i sit still on a chair
waiting for your orders.
you are different from a regular tuesday.
your usual pink button downs,
they’re now just a pink shirt.
you look just like us.
stepping out from the door after i called you,
the sun suddenly shone brighter.
it illuminated your distressed jeans,
you do not greet me with a pick-up line;
but i can’t help but smile.
oh, how easy is it to get you to come?
how easy can i have you?
secrets can be made in public.
we’d talk for a few more minutes,
sitting down on the steps.
we refuse to call it school.
we are immoral.
until you complain about the heat
creeping up your skin
the brighter sun feeling you. you hate it.
i’d take the blame if it was for the sun
only to make you stay.
your bag now hangs on your right shoulder.
you look back at me to see if i follow.
i grab your wrist,
breaking every rule there is.
you continue to walk,
not minding what’s pulling you back.
when we get to the emergency stairwell,
your right hand grasps the handrail,
and my hands are still on your left wrist.
i pull harder now.
you put more force to walking up.
my hands slip from your wrist to your hand.
i am taken aback, but
i hold it,
it’s not supposed to be like this.
but if you give flowers like this,
it is what it is.
I love how the contours of certain words are shaped like you;
How I conjure you, in dreariness, merely from a sound in my mind.
Simple little flower, smiling in sunshine, face turned beaming to the sky.
Creased, crinkled nose, singing softly to yourself,
Searching off in the distance for your next flower to find.
Gliding through the gilded forest, elegant and alluring,
Unencumbered by the cares of the world in which you reside.
Free and joyfully for it, and for solitude and time.
Radiant and lovely, eyes dancing all the while.
Graceful as you fall upon a bed of sullied sheets, disheveled,
Glancing off and back again, biting your lip as if to keep it from a smile.
Temptress, trouble, siren wailing, bless me with you gaze,
Caress my troubled, timid soul; enrapture your willing slave.
Yet your spectre still abandons me, and I long for you by my side.
So I call to you at nightfall, and my dreams do so abide.
let me run my fingers
on those beads of sweat on your face
make them mine
and lighten those burdens you face
let me fix your hair
you’ve gone a hard day’s work
thinking of nietzsche and heidegger
and rest your head on my shoulder
let me wash your body
run the warm water on your skin
and if the timing’s right
i’ll leave a mark on your neck
i have come a long way to touch you
and longer to love.
destiny may be wrong to make you love another,
but i’ll be here.
i’ll be here.
Cesspools of naked bodies and lust.
Emptiness ravages the home I call my soul,
And in the throes of love and despair
All is not lost, all turns to rust.
Over time, over distance, over loss of care
I lie alone, in the midst of forget-me-nots,
You have devoured me whole.
I am an organ donor-
If you need my heart, you can have it.
My lungs have breathed for you since we met.
They are corroded with tar,
That beating muscle is broken, salvage it.
I hope you find someone who rises your suns once they have set.
And in the end I am left with
Digital memories and things I'd be better off to forget.
I can erase the pictures on my phone
But I cannot erase the once thriving forest,
With leaves of desire and soil of trust,
So alive- feelings of love, bereft.
You burned down the home
We built together, for what?
I forget things faster than they come to mind,
But you are the exception.
I would've walked through fire and razor blades and nooses and water just deep enough-
But you couldn't even explain why.
What with your unconscious deception,
We could've gotten higher and have it made and truces and wander deep in touch.
But you couldn't even fight.
We say our goodbyes and
I listen to the silence that follows.
I reach into the void for some sort of closure that you will not bring.
It ends in screeching cries and
The kind of pity that wallows.
I turn to dust and collapse to the shadows, the kind of song you can't sing.
Finish her and bury the evidence.
Throw her into the water, let the tide take her away.
She will rot and corrode with nature, become one with the sea.
Don't forget your medicine,
And make sure you tell them you love them and this time, stay.
I will see you in the future,
Where we are one and you are me.
give it a try
not your hardest
stained my skin and left all sorts of marks
rip it apart,
there is no truth
perspective leads to no singularity
perception leaving no place for reality
bleeding gums and a pity party of the ages
except instead of bottles and ashes its
pills and bodily fluids
now why i’m alone i don’t know
he had my heart, though
denial is an old arch nemesis;
my mother’s truest friend
she visits me in your absence
instead of facing an end
she tells me sweet stories at night
“he’s coming back, and never leaving again”
and then rage, rage, rage
whenever i can believe you’re gone for good
she tells me sweet lies at night
“i don’t love you anymore.”
sometimes i wish i stayed inside my mother
sometimes i wish you had let me die, that day.
now we’re left with this game we play,
this stalemate game we play with each other
You follow me into a dark room
Only to let go of my hand.
I wish my words were more vague,
Something no one could understand.
Blunt and to the point.
I heard you got new windows,
Same painted canvas with
A brand new frame
All the colors you can see-
We don't see the same.
Do you remember the way you
Held my face in photographs?
Or the clench of your hand around my neck?
Do you remember the throes of passion
That I guess were one sided-
See, I remember everything,
Every good memory is yours to keep.
But I'll forget them soon enough,
And remember how you broke me,
And the rest, well, that's history.
If I could word it better, you know I would
It's been over a year since I met you,
And I love you more than I should.
There's a thousand bridges burning down in my chest
Ashes and smoke, above and below
There is no hope for us now.
You can get rid of my things,
You can replace them;
You can wash me away,
Cleanse your body of me.
But you cannot erase history.
For a whole year, you were a ghost to me
Within the same room, yet you were unseen
Then I saw your face on a piece of paper -
You are so beautiful. I then could see
Talking to you, I was always so keen
Without a word, you made my life greater.
Once, drunk, I hugged you in a suit.
Outside on a balcony, whilst having a drink
I confessed my attraction for you.
At first, conversations were mute.
Just a few utters, without a single blink.
Days had only passed and affections grew.
There was a time when I thought I lost you.
It was not my lips who told you of my heart's desires,
You shut the door on a relationship
And shut me out as well. My chance I had blew.
Time heals pain as much water puts out fire.
The period of silence I'd like to skip.
Oh and that perfect hour!
We had spent talking just the three
On a Tuesday morning, before noon
Later on, I felt that unfamiliar feeling
Of happiness inside of me -
You had given life to the moon.
To pick one favourite moment
From walking with you to English class
Or shaking your hand in celebration,
It would be when you talked to me
About your group, I had comment
Days before. Why did the moment pass?
I have no reconciliation of that duration.
Destiny had put us again within the same walls
This time for an exam, in which we both had succeed
That now led us to study the same subject
Hoping it wouldn't lead to one of the great falls
I'll tell you - I'd do anything - For you I'd bleed
I won't mind having my life wrecked.
I don't know what the future holds.
Not even if it's bright or dark.
But I'm sure - you are so beautiful.
I wish that a new story unfolds;
One of happiness. One of love that is stark.
A boy and a girl who will always be truthful.
A story of two lovers, forever bound.
The beautiful girl, with an indescribable smile. Her voice, a lovely sound.
And the boy who is blind, never leaves his lover.
He cannot see, by a love that is stubborn.