Once upon a time
There was a very young girl with ridiculously long hair, she believed it was her best physical trait.
She spent all her time in a room where she could hear the whole world going about their business and living their lives.
Often, she wondered, what it would be like to not be confined to this small space.
She used to daydream as she looked out the window, it was overlooking a garden with many flowers in it.
Daydreaming about what it would be like to be normal. About what it would be like to be able to get close to the plants.
But one day, she decided, it was too painful to daydream about these things. Too tormentous to be able to see and hear all the beauty she was so tantalizing close to, and yet never be able to take part in it.
So she closed the curtains, and the sun no longer shone through the window. No more did she sit there wishing that humanity and herself weren't separated by brick and glass.
Instead, she began to get used to the shadows. Telling herself that it was, after all, for the best. No longer allowing herself to even dream that she would ever be more than she was.
Just a girl that was forgotten.
But she grew older.
Older, and... She began to understand, that she was only as trapped as she allowed herself to be.
The sunshine had been looking for her, and finally, she opened the curtains again.
Once again, she dared to dream...
But she wandered into a nightmare, and everything that she had never learned she was suddenly forced to.
All that naivette turned into pain, and she began to wonder why it had ever seemed so bad, to be locked away from everything.
for three years you were my knight,
night took over and flooded my castle but you fought him off
with great chivalry, with cunning words you lied to me
to insinuate safety
but I don't need that anymore.
for three years you were the beast,
who I defended my kingdom from,
at last I have won against the forces that threatened me,
I don't need you anymore.
When you sent a message and begged of my hand,
chills broke my silence, weakened my stand.
For a minute, maybe, I wanted to say yes,
I blushed at the thought of reuniting and bliss,
but I walked outside alone to say no,
and realized there that I had built a moat.
It surrounded my kindgom, with great width and more depth,
and it was filled with water from tears that I'd wept
every time you came back and then left,
and while you shined in the moonlight, I felt weary in the knees,
but learned that you were my night and with you I can't see
I am the moon, I am my own god damn fucking light,
I'm not a last resort when you can't sleep at night
so I said no.
Because I don't need you anymore.
I won't be there ever again when you come to knock down my door.
There's something about the word Laughter
I always seem to have a smile when I hear that word
It kinda reminds me of Happily Ever After
The kind of ending that I will never get. But I can pretend, right?
I've read Cinderella as a child
I've dreamed that one day I would find Prince Charming
It was just an imagntion that ran wild
I found no Prince Charming, but a Marine.
At the age of sixteen
I completely fell in love
I didn't mind that he is a marine
I thought it was kinda cool that he was.
But the word laughter
I hear it and think of him
But, yet, all the pain he left after
My heart has never healed from that,
and it probably never again.
He left lot of pain and sorrow,
but when I think of him I just laugh
because he's the one that messed up...
He's gone and I'm still here,
he's the joke
and I just forgot to laugh
My mother warned me to stay away from the big bad wolf, years ago.
I thought it was very strange but promptly forgot about it.
Until the other night when you told me that you were very wolf-like.
But the big bad wolf didn't come to my door saying he wanted to devour my heart.
He knocked first.
Softly position beneat the opiate sky
Mongaloo rubbed his sore belly,
Picking the moss bites out of his naval
And ingesting them in his heat stricken misery
oh gloomy am i when forces to bare witness
To such abysmal stupidity.
You Catch are truly a tragic reminder
Of the need for infectious disease.
Or aother global disaster.
Catch rubbed his eyes and moaned a bit
Then replied to Mongaloo with much certainty
That it was in fact his mother's fault
For being such a dreadful slut,
And raising him so poorly.
when he broke up with me he said,
"you'll be ok, you'll get through it
you're stronger than you think."
as if that cushioned the blow any.
only now do I realize he did me an enormous favor.
it is ok not to be in a relationship.
it is ok to be single.
single means freedom.
freedom to do what I want, when I want.
freedom from arguing & fighting with a partner
freedom from having to spend time with people i don't really like
i tell myself i'm not cut out for the husband, the dog and the house
the giant sparkling engagement ring
the fairytale wedding (fairytales aren't real anyway)
i think that i secretly want that
but if I get it i might not want it afterwards
like several other things i've gotten in life
or maybe it's because i haven't met the right guy yet
but i don't know if i believe in such a thing as a right guy, a right time
i'll just stand by and watch everyone else go through relationship after relationship, marriage after marriage
while i'll always have myself instead of losing myself with someone else.
Walking in the forest was I
when I heard a plaintiff cry
begging me to give her aid
a desperate and 'prisoned maid.
Locked up in a tower was she
all alone with her misery.
“I'll let my long hair down for thee
to climb up here and rescue me”.
I thought this was a little unwise,
a wicked glint crossed my eyes,
a knowing smile, and feeling smug,
I gave her hair a hefty tug.
Down she fell into my arms,
muttering curses, gushing charms.
Over and over we tumbled for fun
rolling about in the midday sun.
I had noticed the rip in her dress
so her thigh I did fondly caress.
Respond in kind she promptly felt,
loosening off my trouser belt.
And her father's lock on her chastity
was no match for my skeleton key.
Even though he'd chained the door
his daughter is a maiden no more.
© Pagan Paul (05/01/17)
Be still oh heart within this aching bosom, For sight of she hath caused this thrilling tremor!
When through gossamer haze I first beheld her,
Arrayed in winters coldest blues and whites,
Her locks shimmering bright as silver flame,
Awash in purest of all heavenly lights!
An undulating melody drips from sweetest lips,
Tis born to me upon a gentle breeze,
I hearken to her song with all my will,
Struck with deep desire, my soul doth seize!
Were I to rush upon this Fairy apparition,
Away would vanish I deeply fear,
And if she were to leave this world my home,
Oh heart would rend and fall with many an icy tear!
But am I not a fabled son of light?
Fear in me I often boldly best!
And If I do not try to win this Maid,
Death I know will take me off to places where grandsires rest.
A dash through cold and mist, to grasp her silken hand
Upon one knee I fall, I dare not stand!
To trembling lips I brush those tender fingertips…
With quivering voice I lay my heart open
Not daring to look into those emerald eyes,
But when I feel her hand fade in my grasp,
This heart in flaming chest, breaks and dies!
Bewitched, Beloved, Bereft... Be Still...
Let me know if you could see what you were reading :D
A castle is built
Caging the sleeping beauty inside
With thorns growing all around
my head and my heart
The damsel in her slumbering distress
Knows not a single pain
But puts faith in her prince
And her fairy guardians
All of whom have no true sword
To slay the dragon roaring like tides
Or to awaken the kingdom
Of the numbness
in which they hide
Not even the witch who casted the spell
Can undo the magic bind
Because I myself am the
Princess, the prince,
The castle, the fairy guardians, the dragon,
It's only in
A dying me
Where the saddest fairytale can
I have felt sad and empty for days, trying to salvage my emotions and balance them and whatnot. I've tried to become my own castle and fortress, my own prince, my own guardian; sometimes defeating the dragon in me, and sometimes succumbing to the witch in me. Sometimes the kindgom in me just watches numbly, unsciously waiting to see if the princess in me awakens herself and saves everyone. I am the cursed and the blessed, the destroyer and savior, the reader and the writer of my own fairytale. This is the first and last writing that will have all those bad and sad feelings i've felt. I will leave all the negative emotions I have experienced in 2016, here in this writing.
I know 2017, will be a better year.
I want to bury my face in your chest
so I can listen to your heart
How it beats in code
when you let it talk
Wish that I can translate it
Though the reader can't break it
I'm still admiring
The words still beating
flowing in your artery
with the love in haemoglobin
run through your whole body
Once it reached your lips
you'll say it;
'I love you'
and I believe it's the truth
But it was not just one thing
Your heart spoke a speech
with messages hidden in it
The remaining lines still in your body
Once it reached your eyes
I can see it
How it shines but not so brightly
like you're worried about something
And the cycle keeps going
Once it reached your lips for the second trip
I'm in doubt how this story will have a happy ending
but once it reached your heart for the final pit
'Love, you are my one and only'
at least that's how I translate it.