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3am
3am
The world stays silent
Stuck in transition between night and day;
The thoughts that echo calmly
Are now magnified as they reverberate
Off your inner skull
Every attempt to close your eyes
And go to sleep
Is met with a thousand thoughts
That keep you awake.

It's magic hour can't you see

The dead is alive and your not alone in your head
Abandonment in the form of a 8 year old who's most loyal friend triped n left him to be beaten by the 5th graders

Abandonment in the form of a 10 year old boy, told to wait outside before going to the park only to wait an hour n see his siblings return in a sweat from the park.

Abandonment in the form of a 15 year old boy, told to wait in front of school for rehearsal only to be told a lie n wait there for countless hours while rehearsals were somewhere else.

Abandonment in the form of a 17 year old boy, told to come out to eat with friends only to return from the restroom n be left with the bill.

Abandonment in the form of a 21 year
Old man, who realized people aren't what they seem n abandoned them all.
I hope words ignite
A flame that inspires you to
Write your hearts content
The abyss is empty
But it's filled with
Whispers of past lovers
Drawing you near
Like sirens
Making deadly voices
Sound alluring
Till the voices manifest
And drag you down,
Back at the bottom
Where you once began.
Memories resonate
And you think
They'll change
Believing their lies
Once again.
She  pulls me down to the ocean floor
       as she sinks her fangs into me
as Im drained dry, the sea water
      enters my lungs  I seize to float;
  my lifeless body hits the ocean floor
  as my impact sends grains of sand
in a wicked dance, as the poison
   from her fangs consumes me;
a part of her grows within me,  as my  heart beats and my eyes open wide,  i take my first breath,
    and I look to gain back my strength,
I grab her wrist and pin her to the ocean floor,
  the sea has infected me as I am reborn as the son of the sea and i sink my fangs into you as I drain you in your own home
Just the kid with
Rose colored glasses
Who saw nothing but joy
Till the world turn their back
& beat him whole

Glasses dropped and crushed
Beneath the shear weight
Of pure hatred and pain;
He'd never be the same

Glasses broken;
Now flame rules his eyes
Cynical ******* rises from the pain
Your changing your behavior
Your changing your style
Your changing your beliefs
Just so they can match his
You call it love but it's for from it

If he loved you for you
Then you wouldn't feel
The need to change,
You'd be comfortable
In your own skin.

Conformity isn't love don't let them fool not even once.
Not a poem just an outbursts of thoughts on why conformity doesn't equal love.
There were plenty before you,
But don't get me wrong
You were my first love.

The priors i loved but
I was never IN Love
Till the day I met you,
Your innocent smile & golden heart
Never will I forget;
How you told me
I was only your second kiss,
You were 18 how could this be;
You were reserved n pure
Before you met me.


A year of on and off
& we fell IN Love
You knew the ****** deeds I did
& one day near the end of summer
You invited me over; caught me by suprise
When you lead me to your room
And removed your shirt

The pregnancy scare
Is what tore us apart,
I wasn't there;
Trust was broken,
& faith in men destroyed,
You never smoked
nor drank till after this
You must have been trying to escape

We stop talking
Cause you needed space,
I never once thought I should text.
You felt unwanted n used
By the way I lacked to try
I destroyed you,
corrupted you,
And I'm guilty of that

We agreed to stay friends,
But that didn't work
& we went our separate ways
Then last Christmas as if a miracle,
You came back into my life.

I never stoped loving you,
Never stopped hating myself


I let be known
That I'll lend a ear
When ever your down.

You must think I'm being sweet
Just to get another hit,
But the truth in the matter is;
I know you'll never take me back
Not after what I did

But I still feel guilty
And I wish to mend the wounds
After all I'm the one who caused
Them all.......
I toss n turn in bed
Fighting the image
Of you in my head;
Your memory plagues me
Disrupting my sleep
Slowly driving me insane.
As I lay there and contemplate
I can tell I won't get sleep
As I turn over to the analog clock
It's 3am, where'd the time go
I coulda swore it was
Eveleven fifty O' clock.
Blood rushes to the cranium
Feeling light headed
Your vision turns oblique
Your sense of direction is ****;
Overwhelmed
Your thinking too much -
To allow your self to compose
The world seems like it's changing
And you don't know which direction your heading
Loss Of Thought
In a frantic haze you grab the phone
And dial his name
Not know what he'll do,
But he answers
You listen to the calmness of his voice
He assure you things are fine
And he finds your mind
Your relaxed your thinking straight
Regaining state of mind
You find your car, he helped you this far
How that's a question that
You came to ask
**Relaxed
The memory is unbearable
I cringe as it rises from
my subconscious; haunting me
It plagues my mind
I need to find a distraction

Write, write, write, write
Stapling papers drawing forms;
Archiving documents.
I get on my 20 n get time alone.
The memory creeps up,
I can feel it as my mood keeps changing.

Distraction distraction distraction
Look at the cars speeding down the streets
The couples huddled close for warmth
Hmmm that's could have been us

*******

Your memory is creeping in
Everything I see reminds me of thee.

*You can only distract yourself for so long before you have to face the truth
Rolling Up*

Swisher split; gutted out, stuffed back in with some indo trees. Tucked right in, pull it over lick the edge close it up & roast that ****!
Snorting Line*

White snow piled high broken up into single filed lines, across her coccyx and snorted of her ***.
Shrooms*

Stems & caps divided in 8ths. Handful taken, pupils dilate; things get smaller others larger, pictures dance; your in a dream with open eyes
I knew from the first time
He laid upon her
That she was the one
He was gonna marry.
Sparkles shine bright
In his right iris
Sparkles of determination
And dedication
Of lust and love.
The determination
To change his wicked ways
The dedication
to be loyal to one
The lust
To chase after her
And
The Love
To last a lifetime.
His eyes had changed and he wouldn't be the same.
Like fire
She didnt mean to
destroy everything
But she was looking to closely
For the destruction of a forest
Brought about smoke that filled the skies
Which entered the clouds
That brought down the rain
That feed the earth;
Her fiery nature danced on sand
And destroyed it yet created glass
She was to busy focusing on the destruction she caused
That she paid no attention to the beauty she created
*Theres always two sides to a coin, you chose which side to view
Hidden among
the London masses
Lies a goddess so young
who's beauty surpassed
That of the heavens

Skin like powdered snow,
Lips like Cupid's bow;
& with Curves bestowed.

She snaps the neck
Of Everyman that
Passes forth
I hardly go out anymore*
It's been a almost a month,
Since I've last seen her mouth
Form a smile
It's been a while since I've heard her laugh, I've felt dead knowing
She's in another state.
So far from a quick visit
Can't stop by just to say Hi,
I fear she'll forget me
She'll make new memories
And forget her favorite uncle.
I need to go to Arizona
I'm never one to get cold
Or get goosebumps
But with the subtlest touch
From her can make my hairs
Stand *****, send chills down my spine
And expel a sigh of relief.
That's the power of her love
So precise so Devine so powerful
That with the tip of her finger
Can make me feel all that at once.
The fallen, bringers of light who died and became angels of the night, they are the air that man breaths; chaos.

So fourth, I was light born in darkness with the healing of the light and the desires of evil. I roam the night in search of withered souls; hearts once made of gold tainted by dark tar. I feed off their darkness, I crave it like a child craves a mothers love.

And so I consume their very darkness, as I removed their demons and make them my own I free them of the suffering and shed light upon their eyes, the shackles now removed they realize their full potential. While I lay here battling their demons and my own; forgotten. As they went on to greatness I was left in the shadows; no one ever bothered to save me.
French inhaling cigs,
Chasing the burn
With mixed drinks,
The nights oh so cold.

Who would've known,
That I'd find myself alone,
This night is ****
And I can't believe,
That I'd drown my dreams.

Nothing is as it seems,
Staring at the bottle
I'm just tryna find relief.

Chain smoking cigs,
Cause my lack of ****
Numbing the pain
Just so I won't see -
.....what's down memory lane
Four words
Coming in a massive shock
As time stopped
My heart dropped
All hope lost
I think of karma of a mental parasite rather than a celestial courthouse. Yea I mean they'll get what's coming to them but this "mental parasite" is so much worse. It's a mental parasite as in the way you've done something you now believe everyone is capable of that. The way a thieve thinks everyone is a thieve. Its something that plagues the mind, makes one weary of others.

(Expand at a later time)
A simple kiss can alleviate stress;
It can be done between lovers or friends.
A sacred action shared between the two .
Is like their lips cast hooks,
in your soul,
And as their lips part yours
You feel that knot in your stomach come undone;
As it races up your throat
And escapes your lips,
As a sigh of relief
Where there's Stars beneath your soles
Reminder of those that made it
Such glamor n poise is thought
But it's a town of broken dreams
And where the poor sleep on stars.

Runaways, crooks, two faces
and aspired actors
All looking for their big break.
Some risk it all to come to LA,
Some don't make it n their soul
Sleeps on the stars where they're closest to their goal.

Broken city with false smiles
Where souls cost a dollar
N beauty is worth a fortune.

...............*A place called Hollywood
The Sun
It radiates from above
So far away yet we can feel it warmth
We see it light up the night sky
As it breaks dawn
When we are in it's pressence
It warms us up with joy and happiness
Sometimes we are given to much and it burns
But that's what love is , it's like the sun
You can be miles apart
But you can still feel their love warm us up
They can light up our darkness days
And change tears to smiles
When we are in their presence
It warms us up with joy and happiness.
But sometimes they have so much love
That it sometimes hurts.
Love
Is the Destruction
Of the past;
The tearing of walls and of yesterday's pains
It is the Collaberation
Between two souls to rebuilt themselves
To become better for one another,
And the creation
Of something completely new
Fingertips racing across bare skin, signals repulsing to your brain. Eyes lock onto yours; pupils dilated. Free falling backwards on the bed. Wrapped in silk sheets our bodies becoming one.
Gasps escape the lungs,
Hands gripping sheets; toes curled up
Body tenses,
Electric fire spreads;
Hands let go, In an explosive moan
Cold metal around your wrists
Restraining your moves,
Smirks and smiles exchange;
Feather tips on skin,
Sending chilling signals in-between, *your legs
Finger tips tread lightly around her navel; chills exploding loudly, trying to refrain her movement projected in short rhythmic oooooo'ing
Just a boy who never wished to have hatred in his heart, seeing people abused was a daily thing. He had his fair share of beatings and run-ins with near death. This would all fuel his rage and hatred towards the persecutor. He felt it consume him and he did not want that, he did not want to be like his father when we grew up filled of hatred and self-loathing. So anytime he could he went up the hills to the mountains and overlooked the city. He sat there for hours writing or meditating. He constantly told himself "Do not hate the persecutor, for he himself was persecuted and knows of no other way". At only 14 years of age he came to understand what others never have. It was imprinted in him perfectly; the cycle as he liked to call it, and he wish nothing more than to break it. So there he sat surrounded by nature taking in the chirping of new born birds, the breeze swaying through the leaves, the sun warming up his skin. He closed his eyes and took all this in as he let go of the hatred to his father and brother, the resentment of his mother, the jealousy of his sister. This is how he cleansed his soul, this is how he stayed pure, this is how he was able to come home everyday, this is how he stayed strong.

Now he takes others, to the place where he found solace. He tells others how to let go of past harm n not let it influence future thoughts. He tells them to scream at the top their lungs everything they've built up, and then close their eyes n to listen to the wind, n feel the sun creeping on their skin. He helps and try's to heal his friends, cause everywhere he goes all he sees is pain.
She sat in the chair
In front of me,
We spoke on the phone
On hours on end.
We never got bored
Everything and nothing
Was always the topic of choice.
She expected me to read her mind
She'd sit there staring at me & expect me to know
I like her a lot which is why i put up with her antics
One day I stopped talking to her
And she stopped talking to me
She was great n all but I couldn't
Play her game for life.

And so a year later she came to me
And told me, how she wished I kissed her
When she would sat me down.
Out rage I told her how could she expect
Such super human feat n read her very thoughts
I'm only human, I'm not a **Mind Reader
Earths anxiety; she feels too crowded her heart beat racing; volcanos erupt and the ground shakes. She's just trying to get rid of all the waste
I exit my door and enter the corridor
The walls begin to collapse as
I grow twice in size
I make a left and turn the corner
As the walls expand I shrink
Three fourths of my size
As if I'm in a fun house
And the hallways are changing size
Yet they've been consistently the same
All those many years
I make my way back home
As I stare at the walls melt.
Till I fall asleep
And wake up thinking it was all a dream.
Selecting music is just as important
As keeping good hygein
And shaving your *****
It's the difference between
Creating a moment or killing it
A good song can bring you closer
But choose the wrong song
N feel the distance greaten
The moods been killed
You've been delt the
"Move back 3 spaces"
Card.
I'm not attracted to people. Never have, never will. See I might get aroused; it's like my body is rejecting my decision it doesn't care it acts on it's own, but I'm fine with platonic relations. We don't gotta touch just cuddle and kiss and I'd be more than fine, but I'm a pleaser so ill subject myself to such acts, In accordance to their needs.
*** doesn't come to mind when out on dates unless it's been made clear that ****** activity will be in place. When *** comes to mind all I can think is "*** ugh no" The only ******* in my life comes from my partners needs. I'm their bf I'm supposed to cater to them. I don't mind it but I also don't like it.
She's my drug; my vice;
my escape from reality
one kiss sends me flying through the seasons,
her touch sends an electric fire across my skin
she's my addiction, a day of silence
and the withdraws kick in; the lack of sleep
the loss of hunger it makes me wonder
how I used to function without her.
Your my universe. I hope you know,
Your the earth beneath my feet
Supporting my every need
Your the sun high above
Refreshing me every morning
With your warmful glow
Your the moon above my head
Illuminating the way
Your the stars shooting across the sky
Attempting to reach me to make
My dream come to fruition.....
The past can be hurtful if you don't learn to let go*
The past is barbwire
& I'm clenching a handful
Never healing; always bleeding.

I can't let go, closed fists is all I know
Hoarding memories
Not matter how much pain is bestowed
What does it mean to me;
She asks as she looks into me.
My reponse, a tied tongue
As she kisses me and relaxes me.
My proverbial tongue does as it's asked

"It's all about perception you see,
And what context it's been used in.
It can mean the endless cycle that is Saṃsāra,
In where karma is responsible.
But rebirth in my eyes
Means something closer to home,
Rebirth isn't about physicaly dieing
It's about letting the old you die
So that a greater, better you is born,
Like in religion when you are born again
You didn't physicaly die but rather
You opened a new set of eyes
And that is what rebirth means to me,
When you let go all of that which holds you back
And the person who held onto all that dies;
You are set free as you are given new life and new eyes that aren't blinded by past actions and experiences."
Receiving,
So here's the thing
I can only receive so much

I don't like to take,
If offered I take a considerate amount
It'd be rude to turn down a gesture of kindness.

If i engage in such acts
I feel ashamed n worthless
I feel like a pariah
Just feeding of the scraps.

That's not me
I wield too much pride.
I have never felt the wonder
Of admiring a single thing
I have never felt the wonder
Of having a favorite anything
Nor the wonder of a lover

For I'm a River Rider

Riding down the river of pain,
Following it to the very last vein,
To the very source for it must be drained,
Tamed and restrained, so they can -
Live a life of happiness and mine in pain

For I'm a River Rider

Always on the go,
Moving along the river to the next source
Forever alone, out to reinforce hope to humanity
But wont anyone follow my river & feed me hope?
Till then I am forever alone, lending my hope
And taking their pain, for what more can I do in a world full of hurt.

For I'm a River Rider

And that's my story
But now I must go,
To follow the flow of the river of sorrow.


*Written when I started high school
Packaged in plastic I was,
On the shelf waiting to be bought
I don't know how long I was there
But ill never forget the day I was picked from the rest.

I was taken home,
unwrapped and placed in a bag.
Taken out in middle of class
Stuck a pencil inside me
N began twisting within
My teeth grinding the wood
Of a number two
Revealing the lead
He would solemnly use
  
          Those were the happy days
                  Then came a time;
                          A time of darkness

Removed the ***** that held me
Put me between his fingers
N ran me down his gentle skin
As I parted the skin, he twitch
As he began to leak.......
Let go, just let it go
It's your past
Don't let it keep you
From moving on with life
I know it's shiny and it makes you happy
But it's doing more harm than good.
He moved on and so should you.
Don't be the raccoon who
Took a gander at something shiny
And got stuck in place
When she she could have just let go and left.
Placed on the spot, People walking by
Eyes shift to my direction,
Snickering and smiling
My anxiety rising
Trying to grip reality,
My superficial temple artery starts pounding, as my heart rate rises.

I can't take this any more I must find the door.
The Universe has a vision for me, of what I am to become and Life is the artist, the sculptor. Everyday it chips away parts in which I don't need. It refines me n smoothes my sharp edges, it carves into me intricate details which will grow to define me. Everyday a part of me dies, but only to be reborn as a newer more refined individual.  Every strike of the chisel hurts, but pain is required for growth so I embrace the pain I embrace the hurt cause ultimately it will help me grow. I'm not completed yet so the blows still come, I'm an unfinished work of art. Half a stone tablet and half a man.
He sits on the couch as his brother speaks violent words. Tears run down his face not of fear but of heartbrokeness, his own brother threatening his life. He closes his eyes and pushes the tears, he sees the swing of his brothers arm but he does not move, soon enough his head is caught between his fist being thrown left to right his head thrown side to side. The physical pain can't amount to the pain in his heart, his own brother doing such transgressions against him. Yet he stays calm he doesn't move he lets his brother take his anger out on him. His brother stops and ask why won't you fight back in which he replys your my brother you may hate me with every bone in your body you may wish to **** me but I can never due such things to you, if you wish to take my life then take it, your my brother and ill let you have it cause I won't hurt you.

His brother wide eye, lip trembling can't fathom the complexity of his philosophy.
His world caved in
What he so eagerly
Tried to keep stable
His happiness was dimising
As the weight of the world
Held him down

             He could not get up
               His claustrophobia set
                 His breathing got shorter
                   He screams to the world
                     For modest help
                       But silence is returned

Untaken by the narssasistic
world, who only care of their own
Walk past a man who needeth help.
You whisper sweet words
But to your surprise
My cheeks don't turn a rosy pink
It's does not move any nerve in me
You see it in my eyes
That your words mean nothing
They lack the power they once had
You could conjure the most beautiful
Words placed together but in the end
They'll be just Sweet Nothings.
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