As I floated in the darkness,
trying to find any trace of consciousness,
I let relief wash over me,
as I realised I was dead.
There was no more work,
no more traffic,
no more bickering family,
no more waking up.
No more listening to a fool give their opinion,
when the truth's begging to be said,
no more offended peoples,
who are hurt by a breath.
No more listening to my faults be told,
by being yelled at in the face,
no more worrying,
about any shred of "fate".
Then I realised I was thinking,
which the dead do not do,
and I felt the depression, the stress,
come back as life dragged me into existence.
The bed again, stiff and warm
The ceiling fan,
Dusty and locked to a single speed,
Just enough to keep me cool,
As the blankets warm me up, my spine,
And a few discs that prolapsed,
As I tried my best to relax,
Only to chase down my thoughts
Bringing me down,
Only to wreck these games
That my mind is playing with
my body and soul,
Only to win this battle of chasing
time with money
fame with persistence
luck with courage,
by looking beyond all that,
and just looking at you,
the love of my life,
my constant, my everything,
you never give up, you never say no,
and here we are, in this crammed up apartment by the sea,
powering through these days like adults,
paying bills, paying rent, saving money,
buying furniture, paying emi’s ,
living, surviving, fighting, counting every single penny,
and yet I can smile, when I look at you,
for all that might not be there in my life at the moment,
ain’t worth thinking about, for I have you,
and that’s all I need, for the world is mine when I see the world through your eyes.
There is a certain feeling that arrives soon as the thought approaches.
A sort of dream like feeling that comes to take over what ever mood,
What ever presence that is shallowly felt.
In truth it's the best part of the day.
Finally putting yourself first and making that special trip to ultimate comfort.
A place that you've been but never felt until the feeling grabs you as mutual.
Truth of the matter, life couldn't be as grand as you can imagine it.
The mental aspect of anticipation.
The thought alone is breathtaking.
Taking everything in stride, promising not to stay gone long.
Going to a place that you've always known.
Following a gut instinct, it's only natural.
Not fully understanding it's depth until having left
To truly know just how much it means.
A New Year comes with regret for the old
And in many ways,
I can see why.
Because most years call for the weather of tumultuous storms
Of fights, and heart ache,
Crying, and yelling.
And I'd be lying if I said
This horrendous omen didn't come true.
But I don't really focus on that much,
Because of you.
Though with pills and shrinks,
Managing was brought,
With you I found
That happiness could be caught
In each moment of shared glances
And short slow dances
Soft and slow connections of lips,
And skin being caressed with finger tips.
And though we've had our fair share,
Of letting the rough weather forecast in,
When the storm has past
There is no anxiety left behind,
Just relief and contentment left within.
And although the year calls for similar storms,
With you I'll stay inside,
Safe and warm.
And no hail can pierce through our skin that easily,
For catastrophes fear open doors,
And open hearts.
Look at you.
Getting beaten up,
Being everyones bitch.
What have you become?
A tired old man
A broken god
No one remembers the glory
No one remembers your help
The ravens have left you
They travelled south
Looking for other victims
Victims of fame and glory
They tortured you,
And you prevailed,
Oh you conquered.
But you're just tired now,
This is part of your plan.
Time to go and relieve yourself.
Meet your Ragnarok