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Apr 2018 · 1000
Nubian Voice
Realeboga M Apr 2018
Glory! Hear the voices of the Queen

Embrace...
The warmth hidden and exposed,
The laughter and power within.

At long last! Hear the voice.

Allow her to take you to the land within, the soul without,
To the mythical energy that bonds you as one
As her vibrations bring you back to life.

Watch her.
As her soul floats into the universe
Dragging what is without in you to a place of serenity.
Listen to the sounds of what is your divine intervention.

Do not ask but feel,
This heave,
As your eyes burn red.

Embrace this sound as she has freed you.
Nubian voice!
At long last!
Mar 2018 · 287
Pain of SELF
Realeboga M Mar 2018
I run to the walls and ask for them to build around me,
My tear stained heart cries to be confined and protected.
My mind wanders and prays that walls be built around me.

Help me find solidarity in these corners, warm my broken self with your cool embrace.

My tear stained eyes cannot seek for what is not confinement.
It cannot look for anything brighter than the darkness the walls provide.
Protect me, engulf me and allow me to wallow and swallow this pain in your corner.

Close me off, for I have broken what was open.
Heal me and teach me not to find serenity in the voice of others.
Take me to eternal sleep for my heart is exhausted.

I have loved too much, I have broken more than my soul.
Deliver me from this pain.
Help me find solidarity in your corner and allow this mind to be free.

If numbness exists take me there, prepare my soul to be without. For where on Self can I find retribution?
For where in self is a manual on this?

For where on Self were there warning lights?
Feb 2018 · 349
Toxic
Realeboga M Feb 2018
One day you will hold the greatest love for a toxic relationship.
Although I need to get us out of the mindset that a toxic relationship refers to a love interest.

Most times we resonate in a toxic environment due to family or friendships. And as much as we don’t want to believe that, as much as we don’t want accept such predicaments it’s true.

There exists people that were meant to be there at a specific time to help you realize something. And it happens to be that they weren’t meant to stay, so a cloud of darkness surrounds your relationship as they develop into their true self.

For that you will look for reasons to stay and blind your conscience in order to keep this relationship and it’ll tear you to bits.
Your mind will form assumptions that people change and this is because of outside influence, New squad pressure or the environment is forcing them to.

Frankly I don’t believe that people change, I believe that we develop into who we are meant to be, into our true selves. So I had to remind myself that I cannot come up with anymore excuses, I need to leave this toxicity and save myself.  I also had to remember that if neither of us walks out, we’ll be toxic to one another. I couldn’t bear to hurt myself by constantly holding you back.

If you ever feel bad from walking away from a toxic relationship. Trust me you not only saved yourself but you freed the other person to find their own saving.
Feb 2018 · 1.6k
2018
Realeboga M Feb 2018
2018

I gained merely  two Kg, the people I considered friends looked at me and said “If you keep doing this you’re going to be fat”, he laughed
The other said “I see you’re on the road to obesity” he smiled.

I only weigh 48 kg.

So I wonder, how long will my insecurities get to me, how long will I break and crumble and stop eating and overwork myself at the gym?

How long will my heart be anorexic and my mind bulimic.
How long till this nervosa be one with me?

Answer: it already happened.
I don’t think people understand how hurtful their comments are. My entire life I’ve been trying to be skinny or be what people think is appropriate and for once I’m happy, I’m healthy but it’s not good enough. It ******* hurts, I still wear the same sizes but I’m on the road to obesity? I’m too fat? **** those people, I can’t eat without their words lingering, I just don’t want this, I hate this because now I need to do a double take of how I am.
Dec 2017 · 447
Goodbye
Realeboga M Dec 2017
Goodbye

This is a product of my emotions
Messy as it is
Jumbled and in need to be released.

I’m saying goodbye,
To the past so beautiful and green,
To the darkness so bright and dull.

I’ve hidden myself for way too long,
Spent days running from the corners and hiding from my demons,
Accepting fate but not realizing it.

I’m saying goodbye.

As I write this my mind holds me back, it whispers to my heart that “It doesn’t hurt”
Yet my heart stares blankly, wondering “If it doesn’t hurt why am I so clouded with this pain, why do I want to fix us over and over again?”

It’s painful, having this need to fight
Having this gnawing feeling inside.

How does one say goodbye to someone they once loved?
Someone you would and still will do anything for them?
I’ve watched my hope wither with each second of empty promises, broken dreams and unfulfilling conversations.

I heard my heart shatter into pieces consistently from truths that I was hearing from third parties while you confidently orchestrated lies to me.
My mind warned me, sparks flew from then.
It told me that we were done but my heart refused, “This is all a misunderstanding”, “I’m not quite as open, I’m to blame”

Running on those words, I healed my heart with lies. But as flashbacks of when I teared my walls, showed you how defenseless I was as grief and mourning controlled me, was I not open enough?
Or was it too much that I was not worth the honesty?

I sensed my eyes ***** with tears as I noticed how much of a season I am to you.
It hurts, not as much as it should be and thanks goes to my mind.
“As long as you anticipate it. It won’t be that bad” it said.

There’s no fixing us,
There’s no being about this facade,
No matter how ‘happy’ I might have been.

But why,
Am I so hopeful that the lie you sputtered of fixing us will be turned to truth?

Why?
When my heart needs to understand that this is goodbye
Your silence and lack to reach out screams in agony of goodbye.
So why am I still hoping?
Nov 2017 · 334
Did it?
Realeboga M Nov 2017
Ain't no sun shines brighter than the one that burns me
I'm a writer but I can't get the words out
And to some extent that thought haunts me,
It daunts, haunts me.
It plays melodies of depression,
Symphonies that require expressions,
Harmonies that need synchronizing
But keep agonizing
Keep agitating
Aggrevating

Demoralizing my need.

When last did you write?
When next will you write?
Where's your freedom of expression?
Is it drowning in your mild depression?
What happened to your passion?
Your sense of poetic style and fashion?
What's up with this caution?

Did at some point poetry break you?
Or the need to give your heart to specific words hurt your need?

What's going on?

"Hell, I just can't write. I can't put up a fight, I'm out of my mind. Traveling in  a mental continuum searching for constellations that will support my mode of writing and give me the strength that I need"

That's more than enough to make us wait then.
poetry passion love depression feelings confusion writersBlock
May 2017 · 348
The Girl who cried
Realeboga M May 2017
The girl who cried.

Tears burning her cheeks,
Slapping them red.

"She cried wolf!" they spattered.
"It's not our fault!" they defended.

Strangled by her muffles
Burnt by her cracks.

The girl cried wolf,
They howled to show their support
Apr 2017 · 355
Save me
Realeboga M Apr 2017
Somebody save me,
Before I pull my walls up and before my pride takes over.
I'm in need of saving.

Usually I'm not one for these humble words,
I'd rather ramble, stutter and diverse the topic
Throwing jokes in mid air for you to catch and forget the situation
Only to quickly build walls and listen to my inner demons telling me that I'm alright and that they'll save me.

Somebody save me
Because who I was is not who I am
And that's terrifying,
It's petrifying
And I can't help but shake.

Okay stop.
Truth is right now as we speak, I'm building walls.
Regretting every word that utters,
My inner demons are telling me to stop, they are telling me that I'm fine.
That these thoughts are just non existent.

And trust me I want to believe that.
I want to be able to follow their instructions,
Because truth be told they are the greatest distractions.
But these subliminal thoughts are killing me,
Taking away everything that defines who I am.

I don't know what to do.
'Talk', they say.
' I do' believe me I do.
But talking does not help when they don't listen and try to understand.
I am on the verge of losing myself.
And I keep talking, talking but they keep brushing me away.

"It'll get better, it's all in your head", they say.
Sometimes to be spontaneous they throw half heated "sorry" or "Wow, I never knew", but they did.

Somebody save me.
Because my inner demons are fighting my subliminal demons and it's tearing me to pieces.
One minute I know I'm not okay and the next I say I am.
A few seconds later I'm ****** up and I want to cry and the next my own tears make me feel awkward because I'm okay.

I'm afraid of going home.
The thought is bitter,
It makes me sour.
My inner demons say that it's because I'm a city kid it's a phase feeling.
My subliminal demons tell me , I have not accepted and therefore I'm haunted by what is not home.

I'm afraid of being alone.
Sure my inner demons are on high alert.
They make sure that I am distracted.
That I'm always busy, fiddling, reading,  something.
But the minute I zone out,
Like now, I don't breathe, I Witness my pain,
I feel it.
I'm not alright.
But thankfully just like now. My inner demons take those thoughts away.

Nobody save me.
I'm alright
Finally over writers block. I think
Apr 2017 · 611
Confused
Realeboga M Apr 2017
Been a couple of months running high on writers block.
Been searching for my sense of writing, wait. I haven't been doing that.
Been crazy focusing on school and the girl of my dreams.
Been stressing on exams and trying to get my life together.
Been hoping for some sort of light in my writing without trying to force it.

The beginning of my birth month has been a bit of a downfall.
Losing friends that matter and having a couple setbacks with school.
Lost the love of my life got her back but I'm confused.

It's in my best interest to have her  but not in hers to have me.
Should I tell her to do what's right even if it doesn't involve me?

I'm confused and this doesn't make sense I know.
I'm sorry, it's just that I need more than the physical to explain myself
Feb 2017 · 208
Untitled
Realeboga M Feb 2017
Asking for someone to collaborate with me
If anyone is interested please message me.  Thank you
Feb 2017 · 791
Untitled
Realeboga M Feb 2017
I'm a little traumatized for not being able to write for so long.
Am I somewhere between writers block or I don't know what to write?

I'm a little bit traumatized, well not a little bit but a whole lot bit.

My passion stays burning but where's my need for writing?
Dec 2016 · 1.1k
Purple stains
Realeboga M Dec 2016
Interlude.

What's your favourite colour?"
A question that has lived with me throughout my entire years.
With confidence I said "purple"
They always asked me why. I never really gave them the most appropriate answer. Mainly because when I was young, purple made me feel different. Girls were always expected to love a certain pink, to always follow that order. Purple made me feel superior.
Made me all sorts of different.
Always a good different.

Little did I know.

Purple stains*.

Tomorrow is a day closer to our day.
Everyday is a day closer to ours.

I sit on this wooden chair,
Listening to it creak as my body makes a frontward backward motion.
I stare aimlessly at the road ahead.
Wondering.
Always wondering.

"Annoyed with the World?" she puts her tiny soft hands on my shoulder.
Making me feel the heat radiating from her.
I continue to look forward. Already knowing where she's going at.

"The perks of being an Eccedentist",she whispers.
"The secret of this pain lies deep within but can only be seen by our kind".
I sigh, massaging my temples. Not really feeling the need to hear what more she has to say.
In attempt to run away, I pick my heavy battered body up and start to walk away.
She chuckles light hearted "Running again I guess?"
"How long will you deny these stains? How long will your body handle them? Don't run away. Talk to me"

Her words remind me of a certain everybody. Always telling me that they want to listen.
To comfort me.
But they don't understand, I'm not trying to get pity or supposed heartfelt advice.
I don't want that.

I continue to walk away from her, counting every step that takes me further from her view.

"I am in pain", I whisper to the winds.
"I've got bruises so deep that they have turned into scars. The kind that stains every part of me"
"I want to cry", I slouch my body.
"But what point is it to waste my tears on someone that has put me on hold? Should I really be doing this. Crying so loud for love that existed only for their benefit"
"I'm an instrument of pain", I laugh.
"He is my composer. With each stroke, with each beat. He creates harmonious symphonies that leave the crowd bewildered. He creates a wave of sensual vocals that lead me breathless and in pain"
"People love his work, they love to listen to the beats of my drained heart,  the soft strum of my throaty voice", I sigh.

My body is at halt. I can no longer continue to walk.
With that, I fall heavy on my knees.
Hands on the rough sand.
Head trying to bury itself deeper.
"Everyday is a day closer to ours", I cry.

My body shakes feverishly letting out the pain.
My throat cracks in attempt to let my voice be heard.
My heart shatters even more. My mind flustered and goes black.
My eyes are bloodshot, but no tears.
It's only been a few months but it feels like years.
Holding on to him. To this pain.
I try to get a grip onto the soil but my body fails.
I fall, now laying on the ground.
Whispering, crying to it.
Finally letting someone in.

"I told you, that only I understand you", she crouches and releases a small smile.

She squints her eyes and croaks her head.
"What's your favourite colour? "

I keep quiet. Not from embarrassment but from exhaustion of this cycle. I'm always caught at my worst.
Why must I always be caught.

"No answer", She sighs
"How do you expect to get over this if you don't talk? " she whispers harshly

I sigh, I shut my eyes in hopes for her to disappear.
I can't handle playing to her. For her own comfort that her life is somewhat better than mine.
This instrument, is worn out.

"I'm still here you know. And I'm not trying to save you. I could never do that. I'm not him",I hear
"I just can't watch you break down like this anymore. I don't want you to feel what I felt", she coughs.
"I'm not here for saving. If you refuse to talk of your pain at least let me in on your favourite colour ", she pleads.

"Purple", I murmur

"Just like the colour of your stains",she laughs.
This is dedicated to my friend Mandy and Purple. Thank you for letting me in on your pain
Dec 2016 · 291
...
Realeboga M Dec 2016
...
"Do you believe in your dreams and aspirations?" I whispered to myself.
Looking at the grey dull sky, I sigh.
"I don't, I can't believe in them"

Round and round my mind goes,
Infiltrating my deepest and finding answers yet here it is.
Avoiding the question that runs kilometers in my heart.
The question that travels the end of me and back.

"Don't I believe in my future?"

I do, I'd like to believe so.
But my dreams fight my heart, breaking through my ribcage. Searching for my mind. Because it's the logical one. It should tell me my dreams. It should lead me in the right direction.

Are my dreams my own,  or are they the subliminal message the world throws at us.
That being making a difference, generating money that never ends.
Or a white picket fence with a family.

Now tell me. My first love was known to be art.
The oil, the fuel that drove my creativity and told me that I had no limits. That told me that I could go above any substantial pedestal.
But they told me not to, that I can't love it the way I should. Which hurt. Broke me until I found sports

But the deafening injuries it set to my body forces me to create a never ending strain. Pain that could never be released and healed if I don't stop.

But just because I loved them, made me wonder if they were my dreams.
Would I really spend the rest of my life on them.
The world tells you to make money out of your hobbies.
But aren't we just following the cycle of follow your dreams which is money?

"Do you believe in your dreams and aspirations?"

I don't know what to believe in.
Somebody tell me what my dreams are?

Because in the end, we are told that success is money.
And money is success.

Does this make money my dream?
Nov 2016 · 737
I miss you
Realeboga M Nov 2016
But I don't know what I miss exactly.
Or if I really miss you.
The misshaps of death might have left me here,
But I miss you.

You were a cruel bitter sweet memory of my childhood.
A surge of pain and heartbreak in my eyes.
The reason behind her glass eyes and exhausted posture.

I miss you.
The sudden heavy weight of death.
Caused a rising pain in my chest,  a cut in my throat.

There exists a black hole.
Piled up with emptiness, searching for more.
Hoping to fill it.

I miss you.
Your lips moved in hate.
Spitting senile, hatred words.
Staining my heart.
You never really had a soul from the start.

I miss you.
I miss the days you were goofy
The days you made me laugh.
The times life shined through and showed us the gentle side.

It hurts, missing you with a dash of hate.
Hate for you not being able to apologize.
For you breaking what we were.
The bond we once had.

The awkward moments rose each day.
Every time you died a little.
Everytime the hospital stench started to feel like home.

I miss you.
You hurt me.
Them.

I miss you.
I feel incomplete.
Come back.

Please.
Oct 2016 · 631
The knowing
Realeboga M Oct 2016
There's a little bit of pain everywhere.
Emotions cut throat disturbing the mindset of others.
As her bloodshot eyes tell the story of a broken heart.
His teary eyes represent the broken, defeated part of his soul.

There's a little bit of pain everywhere.
A small impact that creates a wave of emotions that begin to cluster our hearts and creates a weight of heavy pain.

There's a little bit of inevitably everywhere.
I ask,
"How long shall this storm tear us further more into pieces? "

Her body wobbles like jelly. Vision darkens like the night sky.
The euphoric feel brings her to a close high.
She hits the ground, feeling nothing but her broken battered heart.

He looks at her,  not knowing what to do.
His head faced down, tears flowing like the river.
He tries to understand but his heart screams "**** the cycle of life"
He closes his eyes and ***** his fist with frustration.

I stand there watching them.
Eyebrows furrowed, a heavy hardened look plastered on.
Try not to feel their pain because what I feel is not for them but for me.
What I feel is selfish.
As they look at who they became because of her,  I reminisce the memories and chances I got to see him.
I think about the things I could have done.

How I should have stayed there and said my proper good byes to the man that raised me.
But the Pride he Created and built in me.
The level of strength he engraved on me.
Disregards the sense of emotions I need to let go off.
Eyes furrow deeper as I try to support them.
To watch them and try to be grateful for the life they had with her.

But seconds later, my soul wanders to the mourning I need to do.
To the mourning that will haunt me.
For I never gave you a proper goodbye.
And for the goodbye that will never come.
I'm not ready.
Sep 2016 · 405
Untitled
Realeboga M Sep 2016
"How are you? " concerned voices overlap my sense of thinking. Eyebrows creased in pity, eyes full of sorrow staring right into my lifeless ones.
"Have you cried? " they utter.
I stare blankly at them.
Not having the right answer or response.

See truth of the matter is voices chase me telling me I need closure.
Mind drilling inside me telling me I need composure.
Because truth of the matter is I don't want to believe it.

Life is precious but the sudden hit of death makes you realise that more.
It makes you want to cherish it.
But the sad reality is that, the mindset of what death teaches us isn't going to stick with us.
Weird right?
We start to believe life is short and precious  but give us a couple of days and ****. Mindset gone.

They told me that I needed closure.
From the second they saw my lifeless eyes and limp body.
They told me I needed to let it go.
To accept and understand that this is the circle of life.
They told me I need to shed tears more and be more emotional.
Told me that I should face my fears.

They kept telling me how to react,
What to do and I just couldn't.
I just can't.

Sitting outside looking at the night sky
Watching the stars shine bright I exhale.
I sigh in extreme exhaustion and pain.
I sigh in such a way that my heart and soul are screaming to the world.
Head faced high my mind scatters,
My heart jolts and runs leading to an almost cardiac.
With the sudden need to whisper to the winds and ask them where he is and if he's safe.
Feet trembling with the requirement of making sure he's somewhat happy where he is.
Soul shatters with the idea that I can never see him again.
A stinging longing pain arises in my chest.
Making me stare blankly.

Composure Composure!
My mind screams.
Dare not to dream,  nightmares follow you then.
I clear my painful lump filled throat.

Composure composure, I sing song to myself.
I'm not ready for closure because the reality of losing you finally hits in.
I don't want that.
Sep 2016 · 634
*Today*
Realeboga M Sep 2016
Today
Today I saw nothing but blissness,
Covered up with clouds of video games and the exotic taste of Wi-Fi to lead me in the direction of blindness.

Today
Today I felt my thumb and index finger throb in exhilaration with just a teaspoon of rejuvenating pain.

Today I sat anxiously looking at the screen,
Running away from reality by re-creating a fantasy where I was the hero.

Today I ran away from this distasteful land.
Just like most people would.

Today I became an ignorant human being.

I followed the loud whispers of 'ignorance is bliss'
And for that I got the sweet serene kiss of nothingness.

Yes I admit today I was ignorant and I ran
Dodging and jumping, avoiding trouble in the forest of life.
After all there's only so much one can handle.

Responsibility called out to me and I pulled my get out of jail free card and I sat in front of the screen.
Envisioning a world like my video game.

Today I was ignorant
But not for long.

Leaving my sanctuary screen,
It was that time,
The time where my chores screens in "finish me,  do me, it's about that time",
Reluctantly I stood, eyes fixated on the trash I had to take,
With a heavy sigh.
I listened to the callings of my chores.

Plastic in my hand filled with yesterday's food,
Today's cleanings and maybe a little bit of breakfast.
Stomping down the stairs,
Unaware of my surroundings,
As ignorance enveloped me in a tight hug.
Shucks I'm only human.

My last step down the stairs
My senses heishtened, the warm chill envading my legs,
Causing goosebumps to rise, along with my left brow.
"Am I not to be ignorant? Why do I feel the wind? " my mind searched
My ears picked with a cry from a girl.
But this was no ordinary cry.

A cry of happiness when a daughter sees her father
A cry of contentness of an adventure between a father and daughter.

My ignorance shattered after that.
There are fathers that stay and become the greatest of parents
They need appreciation too.
Because a father daughter bond is just as important as a mother daughter one.
Let's appreciate dads too
Aug 2016 · 269
A little rant
Realeboga M Aug 2016
My own words are used against me.
Staked up face front looking at me,
Backing me up into corners.
The cold wall enveloping my fragile mind and body into a hug.
Strangling me,
Constricting me of air,

As a poet my own words are against me.

Who the **** is with me.
I seem to be saying the wrong things I seem to be messing things up. I'm sad
Jul 2016 · 1.1k
I'm no superman
Realeboga M Jul 2016
So I had something written down but then I completely erased it. It felt as if I wasn't saying much.

So I'll try this. In a relationship people always have this objective of trying to save someone. I don't know if that makes sense. But someone is always trying to be your hero. Like they feel that they have the power to make you feel safe yet be able to take that away from you. Because without a hero like maybe Superman or Spiderman where would the city be right?

But I think differently. Getting to know you made me realise something. I wanted to be my own hero so that I can be the best girlfriend ever. I wanted to be my batman so that I can protect you, my Gotham city.
But as time moved on. You opened wounded layers of me and you still are opening them. And you're by my side helping me close them. And then I thought to myself. Wow this girl is amazing.
She's not the typical I want to be your hero person any random person meets.

You showed me something about a relationship. It's not about being your own hero but that does play an important role. It's about finding someone who connects with you. It's about finding someone who's willing to help you with your journey. About finding someone who's helping save you. Someone who's by your side.
Like a sidekick. Most people think less of them. But look at Batman. He has Robin. And without him Gotham isn't safe.

Look at the Avengers as weird as it seems they have more than one person helping each other out.

Or even Spider-Man. He has his own guys with the help of Shield.

I'm getting to my point don't worry.

See the problem of having to be your own hero is that we have cracks that we can not get closure or get them filled alone. And for that we ignore them. And these cracks just keep on getting worse until we are at a point whereby we don't know. Literally we don't.

For example one of my cracks I have is my lack of confidence.
On my own. I would have probably ignored it or come up with a situation whereby I just need to lose more weight. I'd probably be anorexic by now.

But because I have someone like you. I'm finding ways of trying to appreciate myself. Because I'm a beautiful person. I'm a good kid. My baby says so and it's true.
You help me help myself be better. You're by my side as I try to save and find myself.

Which is something I want to do for you
It's something I'm going to do for you. I want to be your sidekick. Your Robin.
Opening up is hard. I know and I understand. I care so very deeply for you baby. Shucks I'm madly in love with you
I want what's best for you. I want you to have the most amazing life ever. I want your heart and mind free from everything that torments you.

But what I do not want to do is force you ever.
I will never get impatient with you. And even if you push me away. I'll stay right here and keep it solid.
Each time you're sad. I'll type the longest message ever. Especially if I can't get to you immediately

I love you. I really do
And I'm here. To talk or not, I know that sometimes we just need to be there for one another and not talk. Just for us to embrace each others presence and I'll be there for that

I'm your Reastar
Your girlfriend
Your best friend
I'm yours
May 2016 · 2.3k
Back to the 90s
Realeboga M May 2016
They told me to take things back to the 90's
Take things back to the heart
Told me I should have done this from the start.
But the views from my six are contoured.
Covered in foundations of fuckboys, fuckgirls and blessers.
So tell me how do I express my heart when this generation believes the only functioning ***** should be brain,
Because heart will **** you
And the others are going to die from harmful ingestions.

They told me to take it back to the 90's.
Take things back to the heart.
So here I go.

The basis of my poetry has always been pain.
My heart and soul always confining in a dark pit of abyss.
My body constricted in a corner
Huddled up, popping everything it could.

Now the basis of this story isn't about you saving me,
But how you gave me your hand, shoulder, smile and wisdom to the path of saving.
Of how you opened your chest, tore out your ribcage and gave me your broken heart as you took mine.
Of how you taught me pain is inevitable but suffering is optional
Of how you showed me true love.
And how grateful I am.

In twenty four hours the heart beats 115200 times.
At least fifty percent of the time my heart skips a beat.
This means from 57600 beats and above are skipped.

A week consists of seven days
In hours that's approximately 168.
As like the first at least fifty percent is lost in thought of you
Which means 84hrs and above I think about you.

An average of all 12 months is approximately 140 days.
Okay skip the math, let's get straight to the conclusion.
Math is a fine art of illusion.
Filled with various abstract to distract you.
But the rule is you will always find your x.
The x that completes your equation.

So what I am saying is that you complete my equation of life
You're my X.

Literature teaches us to express our feelings in terms of literal devices.
From anecdotes, personification to lititoes.
It tells us to sing with our hearts,
Speak with our souls and allow our voices to do it all.

Like Christina Rossetti,
"My heart is like a singing bird"
"For my love has come to me"

Look truth is you give me butterflies.
You make my heart swell up in happiness.
You make me feel alive.
You make me stutter out of nervousness.
You make me want to impress you.
To always put a smile on that beautiful face.
You make me want to hear your laugh every single second.
You make me happy
Which makes me want to make you happy.
Because pain is a feeling we all get to experience
But happiness is rare and I want you to feel it.

What I am trying to say is
I'm taking it back to the 90's
To the early 2000's
To tell you, you're one in a million
That I'm stuck on you
And that I am madly in love with you.
May 2016 · 330
Death of a poet
Realeboga M May 2016
The death of a poet is the death of words left unsaid.
Words that could be beautifully carved into an orchestra of pain, sadness,happieness and a whirlpool of emotions.
The death of a poet is tragic.

As words that people hope to find end up not reaching them because  words could not unfold themselves, they could not evolve from just mere emotions and ideas.
Instead they stay boxed up in the mind of the dead.

The death of a poet is tragic.
May 2016 · 428
She knows
Realeboga M May 2016
"I know we are not going to last", she takes a drag of the cigarette, blowing out fumes of smoke.
She bites her lower lip and stares into his dark green eyes and sighs.
She takes another drag and closes her eyes.
She wonders how he feels, does he really care the way she does.
Does his heart ache for her the way it does for her.
She sighs again and opens her eyes.  She locks her eyes with the Orange yellow setting of the Sun.
She laughs to herself. 'Such a warm romantic feel yet the atmosphere is dull and cold', she thinks.
She takes another long inhale of her stick, burning her lungs as her mind turns light headed. She smiles, yearning for this feeling everyday.
The boy clears his throat and she stares back at him.
His eyes filled with sorrow and pain, he smiles and sniffles.
"I don't want us to get deep into this conversation", he exhales.
"I don't want the thought of me losing you to cloud my train of thought, Lets not get to that please",
He turns his head away.
Apr 2016 · 328
To my Rocky
Realeboga M Apr 2016
Right now all I want to do is hold on to you tight. Hold you by your waist as I hug you from behind. I want to be near you, with you right now. Listen to your heavy yet steady breathing. Kiss your cheek and whisper nothing but honest words.
I want to feel your heart,your soul, feel your deepest and darkest fears, secrets and take them all in. Let them find shelter in my heart.
I want to be able to know all your flaws, to embrace them and love them as much as I love the flawless side of you.
I want to feel you.
To taste you, and I don't mean this in a ****** manner. No none of that, I want to taste your past, swim in the deepest and darkest ends of your mind. Swim in the lightest and best memories in your heart.
I want to take you in, memorize and fall completely and irrevocably more with the girl you are.

I want to watch myself grow with you. Wait I want to experience all aspects of growing with you. The pain, the suffering, the laughs, the happiness, everything. As long as its with you.

My hands are itching. They itch to write something to express this heart of mine.
My heart is crying to protect you.
To put a smile on your face.
To wipe your tears away and hold on to you tight.

My soul craves your soul, it craves to be in the same area, same place, same spot. It wants to feel what you're feeling. To take all your pain away but it knows.
There's so much it wants to do that it cannot.
But it will be here for you, I will scratch that I am here for you. Good or bad. My heart, soul and mind will go to the end for you. I love you.
I love you I love you I love you.
And I'll do anything for you, from the simplest to the most complex.
I am yours and I am here for mines
Mar 2016 · 3.9k
Unrequited love
Realeboga M Mar 2016
"What's the worst feeling you've ever experienced", she stared at her.

The girl cracks a smile and pulls back her caramel black hair, "My name is Kay by the way. It's not short for anything"

The girl blushes and puts her head down, "I'm sorry my manners seem to have disappeared. It's just that I've always wanted to have a serious intimate conversation with a stranger", she sighs.

Kay ***** her head and bites her lower lip. Looking at the beautiful girl with grey eyes. "Don't tell me your name then. Let's have that talk. I'll call you grey", Kay smiles exposing her pearly whites.
"I don't know what the worst feeling I've ever experienced could be really. I mean can we really compare each experience with the other?" Kay stares at the blue black sky.
"Each experience is traumatizing so can we really compare every traumatizing one with the other? Like they were all traumatizing but different from each they can't be compared", she closes her eyes as she allows the Sun rays to warm her face.

The girl looks at Kay admiring her carefree persona. She had some sort of atmosphere. It made the girl want to know her more, make her laugh and protect her? She furrowed her eyebrows and began to study her.
Kay had thin yet slightly full pink lips, she had a scar similar to Harry Potter which made her smile. She had an English nose and slightly pointy yet round ears. Kay opened her eyes and smirked. The girl lost her breath as she noticed Kay's honey eyes and began to clear her throat, "I uh I think unrequited love has to hurt the most", she bows her head.

Kay furrows her eyebrows in confusion, "How so?"

The girl scratches the back of her head, "We fall for someone and we love them with every bit of ourselves. In that process we lose ourselves by loving them but we gain parts of them from their love. However when the feeling can't be returned. We lose ourselves to someone who can't bear to lose themselves to us because they don't see us in that way. And it hurts because you know it yet you can't stop" she sighs.

"You can't stop loving that person. Loving them for all their wrongs and all their rights. For them simply being who they are. And sometimes you watch that very same person fall in love with someone else. And that part stings the most", she bows her head and clenches her fists.

"You wonder why not me. Why not fall in love with me", her voice breaks.

Kay looks at the girl with grey eyes intently and sighs. "You're really beautiful Grey", she immediately locks eyes with her and gives her a tight smile. "The truth about unrequited love is that there's always a third party you never know about. There's always that one person who watches you fall in love with someone that's not them. And to top it all off. The person you're in love with won't reciprocate your feelings. And it hurts. Watching the one you love, love someone else who isn't able to love them back. Talk about double unrequited love", she laughs.

"But then again there's this theory about unrequited love", her smile widens.
The girl with grey eyes furrows her eyebrows and scrunches her nose, "There is?". Kay giggles, causing goosebumps to show on Grey.
"No love is lost Grey", Kay stands up. Dusts her skin tight ripped black jeans.
"It's not unrequited forever", she gives Grey one last smile, exposing her pearly whites and dimples.
Mar 2016 · 13.7k
Insecurity
Realeboga M Mar 2016
"Insecurities are the worst demons to live with", she stands at the podium.
"Can anyone tell me what insecurities are?", she stares in front, looking at the ten students who were presumed to be messed up by the school board.

A boy with a blue hoodie raises his hand.
"Insecurities are our fears of our fears coming true, it's the absence of feeling safe or secure. Which leads to an emotional turmoil of trying to fix them. To ignore them but ultimately they end up taking us", he speaks confidently as his head is bowed.

"Have you had your fair share of insecurities? ", the girl walks up to him and crouches. She notices the exhaustion in his demeanour, the pain, hidden secrets. And death in his green eyes.
He stares at her brown eyes, filled with sincerity and concern along with a dose of hope. She finally found them.

"Haven't we all?", a girl with grey blonde hair speaks up.
Heads turn and look into her direction.
She plays with the hem of her shirt,
"We started off carefree. Young and willing to explore, we meet people who change our lives who make worthwhile but then others. I don't know about them but they take parts of us and play with them, they toy around with them and then drop us. Like old unwanted toys. We begin to wonder, question our hearts, search our minds trying to figure out where we went wrong and that hurts. We then build unnecessary yet necessary theories as they begin to make sense.  That's when they lurk in. That's how we get them", her voice shakes

The boy with the hoodie sighs, "And to think that's only the first part of them", he looks at the lady and croaks his head, "Studies show that we can get rid of these insecurities but I don't know. I've tried all these measures all the ways of getting rid of them but they don't ever leave. They stay, they don't even lurk in. Shucks depression is nicer than being insecure. Depression leaves for a while. But this", he shakes his head and massages his temples.

The lady walks up to the podium and sighs, "Being insecure is a painful thing to experience because with insecurities comes more demons willing to take advantages of you, willing to destroy you trust me I know"

A girl with glasses begins to laugh, "Everyone here knows that Miss, we're all insecure, this could be in terms of our grades, our love lives, our family, our lifestyle, our sexuality, we are all insecure. But the question here is how do we get rid of them? How do we feel normal? How do we get rid of this insane feeling, the hostility we feel from our own selves. How!?" She pushes her glasses.

The lady sighs once again, staring at the girl. She closes her eyes, "I don't know. I believe there's no way out with insecurities. They manifest inside us, they evolve and they become stronger. All I do is face them head first. I stopped thinking and accepted them. I am insecure and I am learning to accept that I am not perfect"

"Do you think that's the answer Miss", the boy with a red bandana scratched his head.
"Acceptance?" His voice heavy with a British accent.

"You said you learned to accept your imperfections and here you are now. Talking to us about our issues. Does this mean you're no longer insecure?" He furrowed his eyebrows.
"Does this mean there's hope for us?" He smiled exposing his pearly whites.

The lady sighed, pondering on how to answer that.
" I don't think that's what she meant", the boy with the hoodie speaks up.
"What she means is that once we learn to accept them like she did. We can learn to move on. To live with them. And truth is they won't hurt us as much as they do now. I mean we know we're not perfect and its okay. It's about acceptance and appreciation of our scars"
Mar 2016 · 323
Sometimes
Realeboga M Mar 2016
Sometimes I just read my work.
I read, analyse and get flashbacks.
From the pain, to the confusion to the love and back to the pain.
The nightmares to my greatest dream and back again to my nightmares.

My work reminds me of how hard my life has been. How painful it has been.
I read my work not all of it but the ones I can handle I read.
I see a child in me then, searching for freedom within my heart.
Searching for some parts of me that I lost.
But then I read a piece further than that. The piece where I gave up on searching for the lost part of me because by then I would have evolved.
Turned into someone stronger who still carries the heavy weight of my past.

Sometimes I read a piece, the ones I'm not supposed to touch and I collapse, my body relapses.
Goes in a neutral stance of holding my legs close to my chest, rocking myself back and forth and asking for the memories to disappear.

But sometimes they don't and I end up appreciating that. I write more about it. Put on a smile and move on. I can't always be down.

And on most days I write about her, my smile, my freedom. The one girl who has picked me up from the darkness and is still picking me up. I'm picking her up as  well. It's like we're saving each other. I write about her and write and write and write and write till my hearts content.

Sometimes I read my work and realise there are people who read it too and I am grateful.
Mar 2016 · 305
Wants: Non applicable
Realeboga M Mar 2016
I want to feel more.
The burn in my lungs.
The iron in my throat,
The bitter metal taste in my mouth
I want to feel more.

I want every part of my body to ache.
To yearn for more.
To scream in agony as my heart flatters in excitement.

There's no greater feeling than physical pain to relieve the emotional but I seem not find that.
No matter how strained my body is.
Feb 2016 · 1.0k
Love Sex Lust (LSL)
Realeboga M Feb 2016
I want to feel you
Trace every part of my body with your fingers
Make my body scream
In the grasps of ecstasy

Let your eyes linger onto me
As your fingers make trails on my skin
Caress my *******, my stomach, my legs
And more

I want your tongue
To ******* body
I want you to kiss me
Kiss me until I am out of breath
Devour me
All of me
Make me surrender

Let me feel you,
Trace every part of your body with my fingers,
My tongue,
Till your body screams in the grasps of ecstasy.

Let my eyes linger onto you,
As my fingers make trails on your skin,
Let me feel you,
Feel your body tremble as I caress your breast, stomach, legs
And many more.
Baby let me listen to the sounds you make as your body explodes.

I want to taste you
Inside out
I want my tongue to take all of you in
I want to kiss you,
Kiss you until I'm out of breath
Let me devour you.
Surrender to me baby.
Credits to my wifey for writing this with me <3
Feb 2016 · 441
A converstation with my ex
Realeboga M Feb 2016
"I know this is all imagined. That its all in my head but I need closure. Whether it's with you or some mental part of me I need closure.
I've fallen deep in love with this girl. She makes me smile and happy but parts of you pull me away from giving her my all. By parts of you I mean the stains you left. The bruises of trust issues, the third degrees of insecurity and scars. So many scars of I know you're going to leave me soon", I bowed my head and clenched my fists.

"You broke me and left me to pick the pieces. You broke me and left me to blame myself for them. I felt as if I wasn't good enough or that I am not capable of loving someone. That I am only here to cause pain", my voice cracked.

"I need to understand why. Because I can't accept you hurt me when I was the one left in corners crying because of the way you were emotionally and mentally destroying me", I cleared my throat

"Please make me understand", the sounds of desperation roared from my voice.

She sighs and sits on the floor with her legs criss crossed. She plays with the hem of her red shirt and sighs again.

"I'm in your head. An illusion you set in your head to answer such questions. But will I really help you", she grazes her fingers on her bottom lip.

"I mean I'll basically be telling you the words you want to hear. I'll be filling your mind and heart with it was all my fault and you did nothings. But what if the reality is you did hurt me. Would you expect me to tell it to you then?" She cocked her head and laughed.

"I've had people call me an ******* for not treating you right. I tried to explain to them. But I never understood it. I didn't respond a text. I couldn't because I so emotionally drained for a month. You didn't want to talk to me. For once in my entire life I just couldn't. I was tired. But that doesn't mean I ran away or tried to hurt you. For all we know I went to sleep. But you. You told people I started to ignore you.Started to treat you like ****. But all I ever did was love you. With each and every part of me, when I needed you. You brushed me off, you turned me against a lot of people. Caged me in. But I stayed. Why didn't you stay when I was suffering the most. Why did you walk away?", I cleared my throat and hunched my back
"Why?", my voice cracked.

"The truth. The one you were trying so hard to be blind to. The I love yous' felt forced to you. They didn't feel real but you brushed them off, the way I would look at you didn't feel right. But your craving and need to find love made you blind to all those. The truth and the only truth was I never loved you in that way. Maybe you were a rebound, I was just up for having fun", she stood up and dusted herself off.

"That's all", she walked away
Feb 2016 · 365
Saving her
Realeboga M Feb 2016
"You're supposed to write so that you heal", she whispers.
"Have you forgotten your purpose?"
She nods her head in disappointment.
"You're falling back. And you know very well no one can catch you. Hence why you write.
So that the paper holds on carefully to your scars so that it takes in all your bruises. So that your hands itch not to hurt themselves but to relieve themselves with a pen, a pencil anything. As long as it feels the texture of paper."
"Stop falling back!" She shouts.

I looked at her. I didn't allow her words to sink in. I just looked at her.
Her hazel eyes piercing into my dark brown.
Her eyebrows furrowed with anger and jaws clenched from burning my heart.

"I can't" I exhale.
"I'm too broken to write.
I love the book. I can't stain it with so much pain to the extent that I  can't look at it. I don't read my own work because it traumatises me.
So yes I'm falling back because I can't hurt my book. I want it to be filled with happiness. At least let it tell the story of my shining days.
I can't hurt it", my knees buckle as I fall to the floor.

"I don't want to", I sniffle
"Don't let me", I clench my fists feeling the cold tiles against my knuckles.

She goes down on her knees.
Pulls her hair back and clears her throat.
"You have to write"
"If you don't..." she pauses.
Clears her throat once again and sniffles
"I'll lose you too", she bows her head.

I lifted her chin up and looked into her puffy eyes.
"I hate to make you cry", I sighed.
"But what point is saving myself when we both already lost you?" I whispered.

"Don't say that", her voice shook.
I closed my eyes and sighed.
Slowly removed my hand from her chin and stood up.

"Why do I have to be the one who's alive in this when I long lost you?" I brushed my hair back.
"I just don't get it", I said barely above a whisper, I slouched in defeat.

"Because you're saving me", her voice cracked.
Feb 2016 · 453
To Poetry
Realeboga M Feb 2016
I promise to write till I have no words with me.
I will write till I've exceeded my limit and can no longer do no more.
And even once my hands are unable to write, I will stay loyal to you.
I will admire the art that you are.

At my lowest,
You held my hands and listened to my withering heart.
You locked eyes with my darkest holes and smiled.
You gave me a pen and whispered, "Write.Anywhere, colour your pain and let me feel it"

During my drought,
We fought.
Countless of times.
I began to lose hope in us but you stayed.
You pushed pens, pencils and papers in my direction and told me to write.
"Good or bad just write, I'm not here to judge", you sang to me.
But I refused.
Blocking your lullaby because I was afraid.
Afraid that I would let you down if it was bad.
I only wanted the best for you.
The best from me.

The drought got worse.
I couldn't write and my heart ached
My souls cried,
My hands itched.
I was craving you.
So I wrote.
Good or bad because ultimately
You won't judge me.

During my moments of happiness.
I wrote a lot,
I wrote till the tips of my hands turned purple.
Till I could feel my own heart beat synchronise with the movement of the pen.
Till my arm cried in pain as my triceps and biceps contracted and relaxed.
I could not stop.
I simply still cannot stop.

You watched me write.
You watched my body grow in anticipation.
Grow anxious to touch a pen.
You smiled and whispered to me
"You're finally writing your heart"

I turned back and looked at you.
Engraved with people's lives.
Coloured with their greatest dreams and nightmares.
Inked with so much of their emotions.

I laughed and turned back.
Jotted down so gracefully.
"She is my heart"
I haven't posted since the beginning of the year. I missed it but I'm back kinda rusty though
Dec 2015 · 630
Literal device.
Realeboga M Dec 2015
I've got a common set of insecurities.
A wide variety of trust issues.
A closet filled with I can't love you's.

I've got a tainted heart,
Painted all over with cracks,
Wrapped around in bandages,
Filled with holes where hope escapes leaving me less whole.

I've got a broken mind.
One which over-analyses each concept of the world to avoid further damage.

I've got hitched breaths and broken voices.
Wirings in my head,
Cocked up screws running my emotions
Forcing me to hide and avoid commotions

I've turned into a literal device.
I've been given limitations.
Turned into a personification.
Talk about a huge oxymoron.

I've been turned into the world's biggest metaphor,
An allegory of what people shouldn't be.
I've been made into some anecdote.

They believed  I would succumb to the notion of pain.
That I could be battered and tattered into some emotional mess.
To wallow and swallow the hurt,
To writher and turn hollow.

The thought assumption is that the final process of completely annihilating a person.
They must be tantalized and blown to smitherings with ones past.

It's the perfect analogy of a literal masterpiece that comes with a lesson.

However the forgotten loophole of meeting a person willing to stand by us has been casted off.
With the assumption our feelings have become one as machinery.

They forgot we could be Wall E and Eva,
We could defy the code.
We could stand tall, fight the pain and feel better.
This is dedicated to one of my friends who's finding love. And escaping yea a lot
Realeboga M Nov 2015
Call me antediluvian, 
But I want to hold you by your hand
Kiss you on the cheek
Whisper, I love you
Call me delirious
I'm just in love.

‎It's hard to say,
That your body animates me
It's hard to say, 
That I want you

It's hard to say, 
That I want to caress your every flaw with my tongue 
It's hard to say, 
That I want to make love to you.

It's hard to say
What words cannot do

Like art
I want to draw you
Trace every inch of you with my fingers
Read every bit till your breath hinges
Watch every part till your toes curl.

It's hard to say,
What words cannot do.

Let me taste your thoughts with my tongue
Inhale the sounds you make
Exhale and grunt to the way your back archs

It's hard to say
What words cannot do.

When there's so much to do
That words cannot say
I collaborated with this awesome girl, her name is Esmee and yea I'd love to give her credit for the inspiration.
Nov 2015 · 460
I remember
Realeboga M Nov 2015
I've always wanted to write about you.
Staring at the stars and wondering about you.
Pondering on the moments we had,
The music we shared
The stories we read
The pages we turned
I remember it all.

I remember it all.

I've been starring out the window
Thinking about you
Preserving our memories
Sinking in our dreams
Realising they aren't no more

It hits hard
Knowing I lost you
The razors hit you hard but never landed you home,
The pills got you two strikes but as a batter you hit strong.
Third strike and I heard, "You're out!" I knew I lost you to monoxide.

I remember it all.
I saw the man that loved you fall to the ground,
Tears stain his skin
Hearts battered on the floor
Lungs tattered and broken voices.

I remember it all

I've always wanted to write about you
But I've never really had the words,
I still don't
But I still want to write about you.

I wanted to write symphonies for you
Melodies of memories
Harmonised stories of our friendship
Because you are family
And I wanted to write you a happily ever after
Because you deserve that.

I remember it all

Standing in front
Watching the mourning faces
Broken expressions
Burnt eyes

I remember it all
Closing my eyes
And praying that God isn't mad at you
I know I'm not mad at you, but I'm no one big but I get it. You did what you had to do to save yourself and I'm okay with that.
I loved you then and I love you now
You're family
Suicide can't change that.
Oct 2015 · 919
Guess who
Realeboga M Oct 2015
Welcome to my testimony.
Silently allow my words to infiltrate your mind and create this imagery of a matrimony.
Allow these words to cluster your mind,fill your heart as your veins pop with excitement as I take you through the ceremony.

I was battered,
Emotionally tattered.
I saw my soul walk away from me.
I watched my demons come at me in forms of alcohol, pills, depression and anxiety.
I ran to the corners and they whispered for me to confide in them.
I choked on my words as these monsters were inside my ear, inside my head, I covered my eyes as they were lurking in. Smirking to me and telling me it was over.
I tried to run to you but I couldn't, tried to express myself but I felt like a broken statue.
I forced myself but still nothing.
I was worried, terrified, petrified, all the words in the dictionary.
I tried to say something but my vocabulary left me,
My pronunciation betrayed me.
I felt myself slip from your grasp.
I shouted and screamed as I watched your eyes fill up with black ink.
You closed your eyes as you let go of me.

As I was falling off,
The wind tried to push me up,
Tried to save me but the demons fell heavy on them that they let go.
I fell back first on the pointy rocks,
Vertebrae cracking as it made contact with the rocks,
Ribs cracking while stabbing deep into my broken heart.
I laid there for months.
Wallowing in the heat while embracing the heat.
Thinking about you

It took me a while to realise you're worth the fight.
That you're the reason for my blissful nights.
You were my teddy when I was scared, I always held on to you tight.
But I let you go that day
I never fought for you with all my might.

And I apologise.
You're my freedom,
My emotions, my thoughts
My only hope in this world.
Poetry you're the one.
And I'm back for you.

Watch as I please you with my lyrical words.
As I go bases higher than third.
As my words hit you to home run.
As my words become the golden goal.
Poetry I'm back for you.
I'm back for you always poetry.
Oct 2015 · 360
I've lost my will
Realeboga M Oct 2015
I've got writers block.
I've got a huge *** wall around my heart and mind.
I can't write anymore.
I can't write about the environment around me.
The atmosphere surrounding me.
The pain inside my heart.
I just can't.

It scares me, thinking that I've lost my ability to write.
The craving sensation to feel the texture of the paper.
The way my fingers would curl up and wrap itself seductively around the pen.

It scares me because I feel someone has taken my will to write.
Like they took the biggest part of me and left scrapes and pieces of whatever this is that I am.

I want to run back to poetry, back to art because my reality hurts.
I'm dealing with a broken heart and an unimaginable weight of depression and it hurts.
I try to write about it but the monsters in my head tell me it's no more, that poetry isn't for me.

And that scares me, my one way out isn't a way out anymore.
It's a longing, a dream, a utopia that is no longer existent.

And that pains me.

I've lost my will to write
I've lost the biggest part of me.
What am I if I don't have art to represent my true self?
What am I if my only escape is no longer an option?

Somebody took my will to write.
My will to draw,
My will to create canvases with my mouth.

I don't know but I've lost it all.
God I wish for you back.
I think this will be the last poem I post and stuff, I'm just at a place where I've lost my need to write and I don't know what to do about it.
Oct 2015 · 345
</3
Realeboga M Oct 2015
</3
When I found out I had to see you again,
I was terrified.
My body shook, I was petrified.
I lost all sense in me. I was horrified.
I couldn't breathe I was mortified.

The memories came rushing in leaving my bruised heart traumatised.
I couldn't breathe as I thought about how good we used to be,
How happy I was.
How your pearly whites took me further than cloud 9,
How your laugh was filled with so much enthusiasm and honesty,
How your piercing brown eyes took me to utopia,
How your touch was euphoric, better than ecstasy.
How just being with you made me believe in soul mates.

But now it's just sheer pain.
I can't bear to lock my eyes with yours.
My heart holds the pain of a thousand needles pierced in.
It hurts more when I see you.
I still love you.
It hurts so ******* bad knowing you're still in control.
Oct 2015 · 256
stars
Realeboga M Oct 2015
The stars give me hope.
Their attitude towards darkness is inspiring.
They are forever shinning.
Oct 2015 · 2.1k
Untitled
Realeboga M Oct 2015
In this post apocalyptic world.
Happiness isn't as important as acceptance
It's a shame really
Oct 2015 · 1.1k
Like nature
Realeboga M Oct 2015
Like nature I do not want to be dependent on you.
I want to be one with myself.
I want to grow and evolve.

Like the tiniest seeds, I want to be carried away by the wind, the rain or the animals.
I want to find myself in the soil as it protects me from ****** birds and excited worms.
I want to sprout out from the soil, experience the sun,
Embrace the wind,
Harbor the cold
And face pure germination.

As they say germination can be thought of as anything expanding into greater being from a small existence or germ.

Like nature I do not wish to be dependent on you.
Regardless of the love you do not give me,
I will extend my roots and find it within me.
Because you might think I need you, but the truth is I don't.
I have learned to evolve just like nature
Not a lot of people know this bit nature is not dependent on us. Because in the end if we do not take care of it. It will evolve, it learns to survive and get through with its days. It's going to live forever no matter how we care for it.
Sep 2015 · 202
Untitled
Realeboga M Sep 2015
The need for these pills so survive is stronger than ever.

If not them I just need somebody that's going to stay with me. I can't trust myself when I'm alone.
With all this darkness the only light I see is these pills
Sep 2015 · 211
Untitled
Realeboga M Sep 2015
You know my heart may be a little messy and all broken.
But I do miss you.
And I still Love you.
And not enough pain is going to take that away.

You're the one I want to marry.
The one I want to spend my entire life with.
Have babies and little animals with.
Gosh I hope we get through this.
Sep 2015 · 391
...
Realeboga M Sep 2015
...
Sometime I can't breathe
Sometimes they all turn against me,
Well most times that is.
They fight me, insult me putting me to shame.
Just because I don't have cuts on myself they put me to corners, Using every form of abuse they can.
But the problem is they don't see me pop on these pills every night.
But forget about that I'll be alright.

I've got zolpidem and eszopiclone to take me to an unstable utopia.
Some prozac to help keep this smile.
I've got my best friends by my side.
So you can keep on ******* with me because I ain't got no cuts on my skin.
It's like they forget that not every depressed person cuts, depression has no limits. I run to the pills, he runs to the blade, she lives on the nicotine, he thrives off the heroine, he ***** it away or maybe they just let it devour them. We deal with it different ways not just one.
Sep 2015 · 598
Untitled
Realeboga M Sep 2015
I guess not enough painkillers can take away a broken heart.
Sep 2015 · 429
---
Realeboga M Sep 2015
---
I've got my heart on my hands.
Not on a sleeve because I want you to see it properly.

But lately its invisible to your eyes. 
It's just not there when to you.

Let me tell you how it is.
With each silence a crack opens up.
With each moment with you the crack opens up and turns into a hole.
Within that hope, my heart is spitting endless pain.
It's beat is slow and unsteady, but in the sense that it wants to stop.
Because it hurts.

With each blood that drips off my palms leads to tears forming.
My hands are shaking.
My mind is working overtime trying to reduce the pain.

But it hurts.
It hurts so much that I pray for numbness.

I don't think I understand where I went wrong?
I've been trying to figure it out.
And I'm not seeing it because it's been my motive to make you smile and happy but it feels like all these attempts are breaking me.
Realeboga M Sep 2015
"You're so cute", she giggles.
"Yes I am", I stand up and flex my muscles.
"Liking my boyfriend and ****", she blushes and looks to the clouds.
"I mean if he makes you happy then bruh heck yea", I flex my muscles again.
"I'm afraid he does...", she let's the words linger and sighs.
I Furrow my eyebrows and look at her, "You're afraid?" 
"Ee mma (yes ma'am ) ", she looks at me then returns her sight to the clouds.
I look to the clouds as well, hoping to see or read further into what she's saying. 
I see the grey clouds, bland looking, filled with so much mystery, so many questions, will it rain, will it not rain. 
I look back at her, "That he makes you happy?, kana I might be reading a tad too much into this"
She laughs,"I am, what are you picking up?"
I chuckle nervously,"‎That maybe you actually mean that this vast amount of happiness is scary and you don't know what to do with it". 
Her ****** expression changes  and her eyes glow with wariness, "Yes, exactly".
"I think you should enjoy it or something? I mean remember how we had a conversation and we don't truly believe in it. I think like just embrace it, I don't know how though", I scratch my head shrugging.
She looks at me and gives me a sad smile, "I'm enjoying it.. but kana 'monate o hela ka bosula' (Good things always end badly)", she sighs.
"That is so true. I mean I don't think we can ever be ready for that so I can't tell you to prepare yourself or always expect the unexpected because regardless of how it is it will always be unexpected. But according to Buddhist or monks they believe that if you imagine the bad to happen then it'll hurt less, I mean sure it may hurt like a ***** but it won't hurt like a ******* as it was", I look at her and smile
She looks to be in deep though, "Hmn. Monks or Buddhist are smart", she smiles back at me.
"Yea", I grin and look back at the clouds
Sep 2015 · 980
Fey
Realeboga M Sep 2015
Fey
I'm addicted to you.
That is the truth and the only truth.

Like the hard drugs you take the pain away.
You take it all away and fill it with the warmest touch.

Maybe what they say is true, maybe you're not good for me. 
Maybe you're bad for my system.
But they need to understand that you're my first Fey.
I remember our first touch in the winters day.
Your warmth invaded my hands, travelling down my spine creating the most surreal goose bumps.
I remember our first kiss, It was bitter but in the sense that I couldn't get enough of you. The way you Tasted and the way you smelled. 
The way you trickled down each part of me.
I love how everything seems to just disappear with you, I have the best laughs, the best conversations, the heated moments of just pure bliss and ecstasy.

They say you're no good for me.
But compared to the others they keep their mouths shut.

You're my addiction Fey,
You're the Caffeine that keeps me up.
I'm at  my highest with you.
My lowest without you because the reality that surrounds me is pain. 

You're my addiction Coffee.
My one and only escape from this Coffee.
Sep 2015 · 630
To Bubbles
Realeboga M Sep 2015
Laying underneath the ***** brown tree I pause.
I hold on to my beating heart and look at you.
Memorising your features from your almond eyes,
To the freckles on your cheeks,
To the pearly whites of yours. 

A smile slowly forms as I feel the heart on my hands beat ferociously.
As I see the holes and cracks in it slowly close.
As I watch the darkness being overwhelmed by light.

I close my eyes just to heighten my senses.
To be able to hear your breathing.
Slow and steady breaths. 
Heart thumping with the rhythm of my own.
Talking in morse code.

I pull my arms out and open my eyes.
I look at the red, muscular object.
Beating hard.
I sigh and look at you.
Almond eyes watery.

"This is my heart, it's not much but this is it. 
You're probably wondering how I'm able to breathe but as long as my heart beats in rhythm and harmony with yours, I'm alright"
I don't know what it is but she makes me happy. Makes me want to give her my entire heart
Sep 2015 · 390
Untitled
Realeboga M Sep 2015
You're my Eve and I'm your Wall E
That show made me believe in love
Aug 2015 · 594
Untitled
Realeboga M Aug 2015
I look forward to my tomorrow with you everyday.
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