“Take away, the paper;
cuts a hole in the heart.”

Like bloom anew, awoken,
and envious: a verde-begotten
flaunty smirch veiled upon;
to flourish, now or maybe then?

Thereon fringes; in between spaces,
And the perversely peeking quills
spying; as eager ambience instills;
The silver bearing fissures seethes

red to be and yet; I see it paler,
that I might have it shed if ever
a pearl would shine over its beholder,
I’d dye me green, and cast that hand away.

“Drift away, the ink;
trails farewell apart.”

#love   #poetry   #heart   #poems   #paper   #cuts   #farewell  

Tear me down till I am nothing more than a pile of broken dreams.
Beat me till my body is black and blue
Your vicious words tear into my skin like a ship caught in a storm
But this time there is no one to see the cries for help.

Haunt me, till I’m too afraid to face the day because my nightmares are becoming reality.
Kill me, slowly tearing me limb from limb until I’m nothing you told me I was.
Cry yourself to sleep you stupid, pathetic girl,
No one cares, its all just lies when they say they do.

Cuts, cuts, cuts, litter the once clean skin of a messed up mind
You’ve proved to me time and time again I am worth nothing to you!
I’m just someone you claim to love, but I’m worthless
A worthless nothing, better off gone!

Breaking down crying
For the third fucking time in
Three days. Please help me.

February 17, 2017.
#depression   #pain   #sadness   #tears   #crying   #frustration   #blood   #cuts  

1 cut, 2 cut, 3 cut, 4

A few more cuts and I won't feel any more

5 cut, 6 cut, 7 cut, 8

I am consumed with all of my hate

9 cut, 10 cut, 11 cut, 12

I grab more blades from the shelves

13 cut, 14 cut, 15

I cry silently to not make a scene

16, 17, 18

My bath tub will be hard to clean

19, 20

A few more won't hurt I have plenty


I wish I had a gun


I wish I was good enough for you


I'll finally be free


It's a good thing I'm ok with gore


I feel alive


I'm getting my fix


I know I won't go to heaven


I'm almost at Hell's gate


It's the end of the line


I'm not afraid of death, this I can guarantee

– Counting Cuts // F.C.

Possible trigger warning and I apologize if anyone is uncomfortable reading this

Today, my friends made fun of depression.
They laughed about suicide.
They pointed out the cuts on my hands and arms
And they laughed some more.

"I'm going to slit my wrist too
And even put a band-aid on it!"
And they laughed again
While looking at me.

They made faces
While drawing lines on their skin
Mimicking how I had cut mine
Laughing at how I bled

Is it that funny?
Did you even know what I felt that night?
When the world was blind
And you were thinking when's everything going to be alright

When the world was dead
Of your screams and cries
And no one can't notice you're drowning
And you're struggling to save your own life.

Do you even know how it felt like
When the blade drew blood on my own skin
What kind of satisfaction it felt
Knowing that I was hurting?

Is it that funny?
That I had put bandages on my wounds
Because I was embarassed
To show deep inside how it hurts?

Is what I did that funny?
That you laughed so hard
You almost can't catch your breath
And it even made you tear up?

I also felt that
I also can't breathe that night
And it's because I was crying
But I was gritting my teeth instead of a grin.

Is it funny,
To have these monsters inside your head
Whispering how no one loves and cares about me
And I deserve all this pain and I should die?

Is it funny,
When I finally gave in to my demons
And searched for that new blade my mother made me buy because I lost the old one?

Is it funny,
That I was so drained
From giving all the love that I have
To someone who would never see my worth?

Is it funny,
When I finally had the courage to cut my own skin
And the stinging sensation I started to feel
And I heard my demons cheer?

Is it funny,
When they whispered "cut it deeper!
You deserve to die
Because nobody loves you!"?

Will it make you even more happy,
If I'll cut it deeper next time
And you'll see me on the floor of my room
Blood pooled around me?

I'd like to hear you laugh at me again
But I know
That I won't be breathing and feeling anymore
When that next time comes.

I just hope they become sensitive with their jokes sometimes. They always take my feelings like it is nothing.
#love   #friends   #suicide   #broken   #bleeding   #blood   #cut   #cuts  
Erin Nicole
Erin Nicole
Nov 27, 2016

I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me

You used to captivate me by your resonating light
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face, it haunts my once pleasant dreams
Your voice, it chased away all the sanity in me

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me
All of me... All of me... All..

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I try my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid

Because of you
Because of you

true for me...

Because of you by Kelly Clarkson
#fear   #sad   #depression   #scared   #hurt   #lyrics   #burns   #cuts   #ashamed   #becauseofyou  
Erin Nicole
Erin Nicole
Nov 27, 2016

Years ago we sat there in the church.. talking away. You were the only one that got me. The only one that understood my life. You are my old friend. Best friend. Brother. Bub, I miss you so much! I can't wait 9 years. I can't wait till I am 23. I would do anything for you. When I have the money I will call you! When I am 18 I will come see you! There is no one on earth that could hold me back from seeing and talking to you. My parents don't like the fact your in my life and they don't like you. But screw it. Screw them. I am done and nothing can stop me now.

To my loyal and trusting brother Richard Allen Lima.
#love   #missing   #cuts   #brother   #missyou   #jail   #closedin   #behindbars  
Nov 26, 2016

he had one for every mistake and every failure
until there were too many scars
and not enough skin.

society is wrong
#society   #scars   #cuts   #attention   #seeking  

the slightest discomfort ..
my mind stops what it's doing and becomes mortified to this ... thing you call depression .
Scratching my arms...
so much it takes for the blade to not make its sweet imprint in my cold skin ...
the color is red ..
red blood ..
color is purple ..
purple bruises ..
the color is pale ..
as my skin gets when I scare my self shitless ..
as I look into the mirror to face who I've always been ..
endless tears ..
they remain while I lay my head on my pillows..
I never fully sleep .
but I always dream ..
this world is a full blown maze..
and the people in it are waiting for you to go crazy ...
lucky for them,  they don't have to wait much longer .
As I lay here ..
My mind switches .
and I no longer cry .
I no longer feel .
I no longer exists .
in my mind ..
this is it ..

#depression   #heart   #moon   #red   #colors   #cold   #transition   #cuts   #full   #blades  
Erin Nicole
Erin Nicole
Nov 11, 2016

Just an average girl
She always wore a smile
She was cheerful and happy for a short while
Now she's older, things are getting colder
Life's not what she thought, she wished someone had told her
She told you she was down, you let it slip by
So from then on she kept it on the inside
She told herself she was alright
But she was telling white lies
Can't you tell? Look at her dull eyes
Tried to stop herself from crying almost every night
But she knew there was no chance of feeling alright
Summer came by, all she wore was long sleeves
'Cause those cuts on her wrists were bleeding through you see
She knew she was depressed, didn't want to admit it
Didn't think she fit it, everyone seemed to miss it
She carried on like a soldier with a battle wound
Bleeding out from every cut her body consumed
She had no friends at school, all alone she sat
And if someone were to notice she would blame the cat
But those cuts on her wrist, they were no mistake
But no one cared enough to save her from this self hate
Things were going down, never really up
And here she is now stuck in this stupid rut
She knew exactly what she had to do next
Just stand on that chair and tie the rope around her neck
She wrote a letter with her hand shaking wild
"Look at me now, are you proud of your precious child?"
But she knew that her parents weren't the ones to blame
It was the world that should bow down its head in shame
She stood up on the chair and looked out at the moon
Just don't think, it'll all be over soon
The chair fell down as she took her final breath
It's all over, all gone, now she's greeting death
Her Mum walks in, she falls down to the floor
And now nothing can take back what she just saw
The little girl that she raised is just hanging there
Her body's pale and her face is violently bare
She sees the note and unfolds it with care
All she does is stare, "How can this be fair?"
She starts reading as the tears roll down her face
"I'm sorry Mom but this world is just not my place
I've tried for so long to fix this and fit in
I've come to realize this world's full of sin
There's nothing for me here, I'm just a waste of space
I've got no reason to stay here with this awful race
It's a disgrace, I was misplaced
Born in the wrong time, and in the wrong place
It's OK though, 'cause you'll see me soon
You'll know when your time has come, just look at the moon
As it shines bright, throughout the night
And remember everyone's facing their own fight
But I can't deal with the pain, I'm not a fighter
You'll make it through the night, just hug your pillow tighter
So let the world know, that I died in vain
Because the world around me, is the one to blame
And I know in a year, you'll forget I'm gone
'Cause I'm not really something to be dwelled on
That's what they used to tell me, all those kids at school
So I'm going by the law majority rules
My presence on this earth is not needed any longer
And if anything, I hope this makes you stronger
You're the best friend, that I ever had
Such a shame I had to make you so very sad
But just remember that you meant everything to me
And to my heart, you're the only one that held the key
Now it's time to go, I'm running out of space to write
And yes I lost my fight, but please just hold on tight
I'm watching over you, from the clouds above
And sending down the purest and whitest dove
To watch over you, and be my helpful eye
So this is it, world, goodbye."

#love   #suicide   #death   #loss   #goodbye   #lyrics   #forgiveness   #fighting   #cuts   #awareness  
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