Fingers to wipe the tears
Flowing from my river of fears,
A warmth of a tight embrace
As i struggle to win this race.

I long for a single soul
To help me cover each hole
That constantly drained me
Til i could no longer be

I haven't seen a hint of light
Not even a rescue in sight
The pain struck like a dagger
That i've even forgotten anger 

I beg for someone to hear
Someone brave to come near
To see what is within
Buried in this devilish skin

I wish someone could understand
How i got this bloodstained hand
I wish someone would dare
To clean my wounds with care

A single voice to speak,
A gentle touch of a hand,
Ears ready to listen,
A heart to weep with me.

And right in that corner i cried aloud,
Where i knew no one could hear the sound.

The warmth of His embrace
Erased the wrath of those days.

It is He.
Him that i cannot see
Who calmed the storm in me.

As my heart kept losing over my brain,
I am rather more tempted to feign.
To act as if i do not feel much,
Though sometimes i long for your touch.

But be still, my dear.
Through time you'll finally hear.
For these words to which my lips are sealed,
Are feelings need not stay forever concealed.

Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
If i said i miss you,
Would you miss me too?

I have three words to say,
words that echoed in my mind today.
I'd like to say them now,
But i don't know how.

Would it be too much to say it again?
I don't even know if i can.
Should i should say i love you?
Or just resist the urge to talk to you.

My ankle is chained.
I gripped on the railing of my sinking ship, hoping i could pull myself out of the water.

As i waited for rescue, rain poured down and waves grew bigger.
The chain attached to my ankle was too heavy that my hand was already slipping. I had to let go since it felt like i was being torn in two as i was being anchored down the depths of the ocean. I was sure my ankle bled from the chain's tightness and the weight that was pulling me down but i couldn't feel the pain. All i felt was the freezing cold water and my heavy chest.

It was as if my heart carried my whole weight.

I never wanted to drown but i felt like i no longer had enough strength to resist. I gasped for air one last time and yet even the air felt like poision.

Now i felt the physical pain. It stung.
My throat was on fire as i allowed myself to be dragged further down. I closed my eyes as tight as i could and clenched my teeth while my body trembled in pain and my chest felt tighter.  

This. This was the only time i hoped my heart would stop beating. but no matter how i hard i wished or prayed, it wouldn't stop. It felt like an hour of drowning and yet i was still conscious. It's my fault. I built it like this. I built it with hope and faith for years. Now i couldn't understand whether it was for good or bad. To hold on to life or hold on to the pain?

Slowly, i was being pulled deeper down the ocean. I tried to open my eyes but i couldn't see anything anymore. There was nothing but the color red.

I never knew i had this amount of blood. Enough to build an ocean which only God can make.

I'm still alive. I can move.
But i am stuck underneath this ocean of blood with my chest still tightening, unsure of when the pain would stop or if anyone could find me at this depth.

You said you'd come visit. So I left a note on my desk hoping you'd find it. I went cruising even if i hated the waters. I brought an anchor and a chain with me but i left its key on the desk too. I had no idea what it was for or why i brought it. All i knew was i was watching the sunset and it was suddenly chained to me when darkness came. I didn't know how my ship sank or how i got in the water. Maybe it was not in good condition. But then again, i knew you would check it everyday because you told me so.

Where are you? Have't you read my note yet? Did you come visit? Are you on your way?


I'll be here waiting, holding on, and hoping that your hand would be the first one to pull me out of my misery. Even if i know you'd never read the note in the first place.