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674 · Sep 2014
I finally fell out
Red Sep 2014
I sensed I was forgetting something
possibly school work or I left something on

I figured I should go on the internet and see who's birthdays i forgot about

and it was yours

Today is your birthday
I forgot your birthday

I didn't know that something so small could bring me so much
relief
joy

this means that I finally am over you
a calender of your life is no longer singed in my brain
i can't feel the rough creases of your hands on my skin anymore

your lips in my head are just another one on my flirty list
and your boisterous laugh is a distant echo that I can't make out

I thought I loved you
But I was in love with the idea of you
I was in love with your potential

but it is known that nothing flourished
and now that the false love has died in my head

it will also die in my heart

this is how we fall out of love
Red May 2015
my name is shauna
i say im hot as a sauna
because that's the first
bar that i ever rap
no this is a poem
it's not a trap
to get you to listen
to what i could be spittin

or could i?
try?
to be
fly
like the
guys

but i'm a female in this world
filled with darkness, i hurled
threw up inside
when i found out my little cousin
was touched by some big scary man
i wasn't there to protect her
and society will neglect her
probably shame her
maybe even blame her
because of what she was wearing
how could you possibly be caring
about
or even
doubt
that a little
girl
with a small small
world
would fill it
with this scary
hairy
demon that i would ****** if i got my hands around his throat...

i don't mean to go
too far
it's just
when trust
is taken
forsaken
from a 3 year old girl
who will now question her world
and why it is so scary
and will be afraid of all the
hairy
men
because of that scary
demon
who took her spirit
ripped it right out of her pig tails
my grandmother wails
sick of all the ******* man
sick of all the bull
****
man
a freestyle poem out of nowhere i wish i could rap
Red Apr 2015
I think you're afraid
  **** man

I mean you're 17 and you might go to jail
   I would be afraid too!!
to be honest I think I would have killed myself by now
   but maybe for you that's scarier...

I didn't mean for it to turn into a fight
   Ya know?
   dude?
   hah

this depression I feel
I don't want it
I never wanted it
I want to stab the ******* demon inside me
that has me trapped
in this little *** cage, in my chest

and I'm trying !!
so hard !!

we haven't talked as much lately

I think you're afraid
   I'm afraid too.
   every day.

maybe not from the Feds
but from my own two hands
because I woke up with scabs all over my legs
and blood underneath my nails
when I thought that I was ok

every day a bar of this cage is broken
every day it is like I am gifted a new weapon from my subconscious

because whoever is together in my head
whether I'm crazy or not
     we are a team
     we are an army

     and we will fight and we will NOT
     let the depression win

so the day that we (I) beat it
hopefully I have more money
and more time
and more direction

because **** dude
DUDE

maybe I'll find you
so I can apologize like a human

instead of a try-hard wanna be
poet on the Internet

I miss you
I wish you the best
I wish I believed in a God
but **** I might still pray for you

you're still a beautiful person to me
and always will be

Your bro,
      Shauna
For Jonathan
Red Jul 2015
There was a time in my life
That I had you
You weren't with me
And I lay in bed
My hair wet from tears on both sides

Depression plagued me
And held a weight on my chest
That cemented me to my mattress

I didn't know I was sick
I thought you were to blame
And that wasn't fair

But despite that
Despite the fact I thought you were the reason for my sadness
I still told myself that I would never leave you
I told myself that I loved you too much to ever hurt you or make you sad
I promised myself that I was going to stay with you until you died
And it was worth me having a miserable life
So you could be happy
I was going so crazy I thought about killing myself
But I knew that it would **** you


I WAS GOING SO BAT **** CRAZY
I MOMENTARILY CONTEMPLATED WHAT IT WOULD BE LIKE IF I KILLED YOU
AND KILLED MYSELF
SO WE COULD BE RID OF THIS PAIN
AND IF THERE WAS A GOD
YOU WOULD STILL GO TO HEAVEN

So don't EVEN
FOR A ******* SECOND
TELL ME
THAT I DIDNT REALLY LOVE YOU
BECAUSE I WAS WILLING TO GIVE UP
EVERYTHING
GIVE IT ALL UP
GIVE UP MY HAPPINESS
MY SANITY
MY LIFE AND ITS WORTH
FOR YOU AND YOUR HAPPINESS
THATS WHY I KNOW IT WAS LOVE
IT IS LOVE
Because all the other boys I "had"
All the other boys I "loved"
I let go
For me
And I still haven't let you go
For me
But I try to leave you alone
For you


I've been seeing you in my dreams lately
Last night I was covered in burns and you still brought me home
And we made love

I knew it was a dream
But at a very strange point
I said **** it
And gave you the most loving hug
Like I used to
With my arms cradling your head
And my legs wrapped around your ribs

It felt real
I could feel the warmth of your skin
I could SMELL you for christ's sake
Does that mean you were there??
Is love actually this spiritual??
Do you dream of me too??
Or do I remember your scent and feel so well, that I tap into the deep deep parts of my subconscious and I can relive
Such vivid memories
That its like you're actually there

I love you
I love you every day
I will love you tomorrow
And I will love you until my last breath

I will be who I want to be one day
And that day I will come for you
And tell you I'm ready
**** dude I really hope you'll take me then
I wish even more I was ready now..
I AM SO ANGRY WITH YOU
WHO ARE YOU TURNING INTO HOW CAN YOU BE SO SINISTER
650 · Feb 2015
" "
Red Feb 2015
" "
you stood at the door
   1       2     3    4      5
but you had al-rea-dy
   6     7     8    9   10  11
left me and you al-one
12  13   14    15   16 17

how can hands cra-dle my
  1       2      3        4     5    6
life-less corpse that died long
7      8       9        10     11    12
be-fore I rem-em-ber
13   14 15 16   17   18
615 · Nov 2015
Happy Birthday Young Boy
Red Nov 2015
happy birthday to the first love I ever had
although it ended uglier than I had ever wanted
this person helped me to find who I am and sparked the path of acceptance of everyone
I am now on my own way to trying to accept myself as well

This individual
thinking back
will always be what I want to find in other people
not in an obsessive way
but in a "you give me hope for the humans" kind of way
as much as this person was not perfect
or perfect for me even

this individual showed me that love is possible
that there is such a thing as that feeling of completeness
the feeling of rejoice after finding someone who accepts one's flaws

it showed me that it is possible to think someone is beautiful in their worst state
I know this
because although the love we shared fleeted from beneath us
and our sad hearts broke even more
I am still able to sense this feeling
and what it had been
and that it is alright to cry for what was
and that it is natural for such a feeling to drive you mad
turn you into a ghost of your past self

So Happy Birthday to the first person to make me truly feel for the first time
and despite all of the pain and what ifs
I wish nothing but for this person to find a sense of worth
in themselves and in this world
Like I found in him
611 · Oct 2012
Schwelly
Red Oct 2012
I knew. I just knew.

I would be back into your arms
You've been in my mind since we kissed
Your everything engulfs my dreams
It wakes Me up with feeling

I'm so happy
I can't wait to be with you
Your tattoo will look fantastic
You're what I want

The tall gangly limbs are perfect
Your smile
Squinty eyes
It all warms my heart

Now my throat won't close when I see you
Everything is going to be okay
It's going to be okay
All okay
Okay
597 · Jul 2013
thanks summer
Red Jul 2013
Winter tends to bring out the worst in people,
living in Wisconsin doesn't make it easier,
when 60%,
of one year,
of your life,
is cold and wet.

We all yearn for summer,
The word "summer" itself becomes a cliche,
we can't stop talking about it,
and us northerners think about it often.

then the days come when the leaves are on the trees,
and boats and docks sprawl on the thawed out lakes.

And we become happier.

Even those of us with hurt feel bads,
and broken hearts,
they can all forget the pain for a moment.

When they wake up on a summer day,
and hear birds chirping,
and hear the country music blaring,
and the days are longer,
and everything seems pure.

I even can forget about you for a moment,
when my beachy hair flies in my face,
and the lake water covers my skin.

Summer helps me to forget you,
Even though it is when we met.

I'm forgetting you.
Filling up the holes you left,
Finally.
Forgetting.
All of it.
596 · Feb 2015
i'll be waiting
Red Feb 2015
I wish I had a typewriter
because I feel like my works
would have more meaning

every poem I write about You
is a piece of my heart
and soul
if we have those

because when I hurt
I think of Your big
goofy
smile

and I smile

as much as I want to be the reason
for your happiness
and the mother
who holds your child
I can't

not for sure

You see...
love isn't a selfish act
if you love someone
set them free

so I set You free
but I will never let You go
because I don't want my future
any other way
but with You in it
for you
593 · Nov 2015
Your fragments
Red Nov 2015
They say that heartbreak stays with you
and love hurts when you are young
and that pain stays with you

I am trying so hard to move on
it gets easier every day
I don't even think of it most of the time anymore

But today while doing laundry
I found one of your curly black hairs again
why? HOW?! I literally yelled out

QUIT HAUNTING ME
You're like a zombie of my loved one still walking around
the old you is long dead
and whoever you are now stumbles in and out of my view

I am afraid
but if I show no emotion
maybe you won't try to eat my heart

It didn't hurt as bad
finding pieces of you here and there
but ******* it
it is still as exhausting
585 · Oct 2015
I am honestly so weak
Red Oct 2015
you see a photo
of someone you loved
and they look so beautiful
you fall again
sigh

why did I have to fall in love
for it just to end
love it is so fragile
and I couldn't take care of myself
let alone take care of us

I don't even miss us anymore
I just miss you
I just wish your face didn't bring so much pain
but I guess
it wouldn't be so painful if I didn't still love you

so I'll continue to wait
until it fades

(please God if you are truly there let it fade I don't think I can live through another 9 months)
(NINE MONTHS?!!??
I CANT GET OVER IT AND ITS BEEN NINE MONTHS)
581 · Nov 2012
The feelings
Red Nov 2012
It's back.

For a second.
Minute.
Hour.
Day.

Who really ******* knows?

But there it is in my stomach
Knees
Heart
Eyes

Waiting again and again and again.

I don't want you to come back
It will restart.
Again
Again
Again

It hurts too much


Please


Please


Please


Stop.
578 · Feb 2015
in the future
Red Feb 2015
if I spend my entire life
chasing after you
to be with you
only to find out it was a mistake

it will have been the best mistake I ever made
Red Jan 2016
I feel I'm getting sad again
I don't know how to scare it away
and I'm sick of it coming back

it's like a monster that hides it's way inside
and comes out when life becomes lonely and difficult
I had come so close to making it all the way back
and then I was hurt again by friends

so the sadness is returning
and my chest feels small and cold

but he makes me laugh
makes me giggle like a child
I just want to open up
but I am ugly and twisty on the inside
my ribs are made of barbed wire
and my heart has grown callouses

I look at my own body in the mirror
and what once was voluptuous again
has slowly become the skeleton I knew a year ago

I don't know what to do
I don't want to try to be happy
it's not so easy
I just want it to happen for me
please!!
just this once!
please!!
567 · Feb 2015
jan 30th
Red Feb 2015
feeling whole wasn't an option

There's been empty spaces
in me since I can remember

I thought you were going to
   fill them?

Why are you telling me to
   snap out of it?

I'm sorry I'm sick
I'm sorry I'm sick

I feel everything dying
within

I let you in, you tore
through my life with a
machete and my heart had
the brunt of it all

I don't hear it beating anymore

  Is this the afterlife?

Can't be
I've been in hell

But you are lucifer and
  you persuaded me to "heaven"

"heaven" filled with silent episodes
and meaningless ***

I clawed my way out
to release you

and then you pushed me
into my well

there is a flood here
The water is rising me to the surface

but I can't hold my breath
for very long

you sink your ship

find your good and save
me from yourself
wrote this at a very dark time
564 · Jan 2015
I needed help
Red Jan 2015
the most heartbreaking thing of all is that I watched myself fall apart

I looked in the mirror and slowly didn't recognize this sad girl
and I couldn't find myself
the monsters in my head kidnapped me
I wanted you to save me
so bad

but I felt you forgetting me
forgetting us
so I stayed kidnapped
and slept

you got mad
because I needed to get out of bed
but when I say "I can't" why don't you understand the cry for help

even though the pain is in my head
doesn't mean it isn't real to me

so when I see you smiling and singing
when I always wanted you to sing to me

but by the time I would wake up from the late night of fighting demons
you had already left
your body remained
so you thought with it

I felt like a *****
my boyfriend had his fingers in me and around my neck
while I held my head in my hands pleading for the bad thoughts to go away
you would hit your head too if it felt like it was poisoning your life

you made me feel like I was crazy
and I think I might be

that's what I'm so afraid of
because the monsters that kidnapped me

were me
557 · May 2014
similar humans
Red May 2014
i don't completely understand alcohol
why it brings out this goofiness
and this emotion from me


why do i pour everything out
and feel comfortable with complete strangers

why can't i be like this sober
why do i feel i am judged by everyone i meet
and encounter

there are so many beautiful people
with so many beautiful pasts

yet i am so afraid to show them mine
because there are dark secrets
that even i keep from my lover

for i do not want someone to judge me
for my "sins" i have committed

i am trying so hard to be good again
that i let my young past poison everything

i am afraid of wrong-doers
and imperfect people

because i know that i **** up too
and i'm too afraid of someone hitting me again

i will not let 1 fist touch my porcelain skin
for it is both pale and fragile

the visible veins not only carry the life within me
but carry secrets that i have told no one

and i'm sorry
but i have no time to deal with people like me
because no one should deal with people like me
549 · Oct 2012
Morgan
Red Oct 2012
Its happened.
Gone
Gone
Gone
Gone
Gone

Why.
I'm so lonely now,
Not even my figments to hold me.
They left when my heart did with him.
756 miles away.

And now I'm not even figuritively with you.
Goodbye I'm sorry.
548 · Sep 2012
Untitled
Red Sep 2012
It will always be there
it's almost like a pain in my chest
it never goes away
but I don't want it to leave.
Because there's nothing I can do
her body took you over
and now in my dreams
I hear your dumbfounded laugh.
And I am so happy.
You squeeze my hips
and we get high together
you jam out in your jeep
and all I can do is stare.
You are the most beautiful creature I've laid eyes on.
I've never wanted someone to be happy
without me.
But she's with you
and your smile makes me giggle while I sleep.
It will always be there
it's almost like a pain in my chest
it never goes away
but I don't want it to leave.
Red Jul 2013
I'm sorry. I'm sorry I care about you so much and I want you to be happy. I'm sorry that every day I think about you and hope that you're having a good day even if I'm not. Even if its the worst day of my life I'm sorry I still hope your day is perfect. I'm sorry that I never want one tear to drop and I never want to see one frown. I'm sorry that I want your life to be perfect beyond measure. But I'm mostly sorry that you do not want me. I'm sorry that I'm not as artistic and I say stupid things and I'm not as pretty because I don't like to wear a lot of makeup. I'm sorry that I think of things that you would like to see me in and clothes that you would like to see me wear. I'm sorry that I want to lose weight so you may think that I have an attractive and fit body. I'm sorry that I imagine everything over and over again in my head. I'm sorry I'm crying while typing this. Most of all things over everything, I'm sorry that I complimented your eyes without your glasses. I'm sorry that when I had you I left you and broke you more than I ever can realize. I'm sorry you don't feel anything anymore, and I'm sorry that you're the only thing that is keeping me alive. I'm sorry I met you. You'll never see me again. I love you. I'm not sorry for that.
538 · May 2013
details
Red May 2013
I try so hard to remember
every detail
the squinty eyes
with little eyelashes
but so much wonder.
the thick hair that falls so perfect,
that has the childish blonde peaking through.
a loud laugh that echoes,
but is so rare.
the teeth in a u,
and crooked on the bottom.
occasional glasses,
with a slightly bigger nose.

I try to remember everything about your face,
so one day when you decide to forget about me,
which may be soon,
I can still dream about you like it never happened at all.
538 · Apr 2015
lies/lies
Red Apr 2015
the worst lie i ever told you
was that i didn't love you
and the worst lie i told myself

is that i can get you back
because i don't know for sure

and i am terrified
and angry
SO SO ANGRY

that's why i cut myself
because the pain i felt inside
didn't reflect

so it made me feel less crazy

ha

a person cutting themselves to feel less crazy

ha
537 · Jul 2015
are you there babe ¿
Red Jul 2015
he calls me poetic

he talks to me on the phone like I am not Shauna

But then

he breaks from something
a cage a shell a barrier

calls me
poetic
says I am
good with my words

man oh man i am going insane
Lord help us all
J
Red May 2016
my brain has felt foggy for quite a long time
it seems only drugs can clear it away
and happiness and love are able to find their way through

the hardest thing to ever accept is that this is how I am
when did I become such a sad girl
when I used to be the one who was always smiling

when did I become so afraid of being alone
and when did I love sleeping in my bed laying in my tears
rather than being outside and enjoying the Earth
my heart is heavy today
and it is hard to find the will to move my legs up from my bed
and to walk across the street

the only thing that can give me life is people
but at the same time I feel the constant desire to be alone in my thoughts

when will this constant battle end
when I am dead?
it frightens me
to think all the pain goes away when I am no longer living
but it also comforts me

everything will be okay soon
I know that
but today
half of the day inside alone
has felt like it has aged me four years
and I'll look at my face in the mirror
and see more lines
from stress
and sadness

thank goodness pain isn't reflected on the outside
for I wouldn't be a pretty sight
533 · May 2014
i want it to be you
Red May 2014
i'm trying really hard not to be afraid
when i found you i didn't want you for all of your greatness
just your lips
and your body

now i have all of you
only to me

i want you to be the one

i want you to be there with me forever
in my first house
with my first boy
when i graduate
when my skin starts to wrinkle

i want you there every minute
sad and happy
even when you're the reason why
i will never leave

even when my dad is too drunk and my mom makes me cry
i want you there holding my hand
i want you to be the one
i want you to be the one
Red Jul 2015
they don't come as often,
but there are days,
when I feel so much pain inside,
that I just want pain on the outside.

I was always too chicken to be a cutter,
but my lit cigarette has met my wrist.

I see it every day.

I think the reason I did it,
was because you didn't check for scars anymore,
you passed by and you didn't bat an eyelash at me.

So I put the ember where it hurt the most.

I have a large pink dot below my left breast,
because that's where I feel the most pain.
Inside.

I wanted to burn it away,
I wanted the cigarette to desintigrate any traces of you.

I still push on my sternum when I lay here crying,
and pound on my chest.
The pain never seems to go away.

But I won't give myself another pink scar.

because one day if I am blessed once again with our two naked bodies together,
I don't want you to be ashamed in me.
for J
531 · Oct 2015
answer your phone
Red Oct 2015
I just didn't want to be alone
I sent you message after message
called

please I just do not want to be alone
the demons are strong now
I won't hurt myself

but they are yelling
my body hurts from the inside out

and my chest feels it is caving
I am having a panic attack again
please I just told you I didn't want to be alone

answer your phone
please please
527 · Sep 2017
Navy blue
Red Sep 2017
I followed you into the dark
I came out - crippled
- deformed
I looked the same on the outside
But all could tell something was
    Different
I was thinner
My jaw gaunt
Eyes covered in makeup
Lips overlined
The paint on my face was hiding something

On the inside I was black
There was darkness
Where my guts used to be yellow
And my heart a crimson red
Now everything was a deep , dark
Navy blue

Beautiful
Yet somber

I followed you into the dark
We do it for love
All would do it

But when you go into the dark you don't come out
The same
You come out angry
And you lose part of yourself
To the darkness

Your dark eyes are no longer filled with spark
But pain
Worry

They search for darkness to match themselves
Instead of light it searched for before

So I find another partner
Who is also dark and twisted

We take drugs together and smoke cigarettes
In my bedroom

I glance down to the cigarette burn on my breast
I tried to burn out all of the navy blue

I could feel it consuming my heart

Years later navy blue floats about inside me

Now I am the deep violet
Filled with some warmth
But equally matched with somber

I am still filled with anger
Disgust
Envy

So much impurity

I think of you
And my stomach churns
Not from butterflies
But from maggots
Eating away at every yellow speck within me

You are everything I do not want to be
The idea of being with you was once my dream
This nightmare again and again where
I would capture your love
Only for you to steal it away again

But that wasn't a dream
It happened
Weekly

You showed me your love
And instead captured me

Captured my yellow
You used it
To fuel your cackling laughs
Your large smile
Using your wit to stab me

Invisible holes covered my body
And your navy blue seeped out of you
And into me

You whipped my body against yours
I thought it was love
The only way you knew to show

But it was anger
So much anger

You slammed my mouth against you
Until I threw up

And kissed me with satisfaction

Did it please you?
To see me in pain

To know that you tore me apart
And my body couldn't handle it

So it did the only thing it knew
It went limp
Gave up

All of my yellow came out of me

Your navy blue seeped into my veins
My mouth
My brown eyes went black

Did it feel good
To **** the only love out of me that I knew

This is why you haunt me still
Because I followed a fairy into the dark

Only for it to transform beyond the shadows
And steal my soul away from me

In my nightmares you assault me

Throw me around

And no one believes me

Maybe I dream this way
Because it is what I lived

How could a fairy hurt a fly?
How could

A fairy

Steal the love from the living
And make them feel dead?

I guess they will never know.
526 · May 2013
confused with you
Red May 2013
PLEASE
help me to understand

I loved you so much
so much

and you left?
  me here?

my heart rotting to its core
and my brain feeling dysfunctional.

I loved you with everthing I have.
I love you with everything I have.

I would jump in front of every bullet,
run my nails on a chalkboard,
  lie to my mentor,
   and start chewing.

If it meant you would love me.

Every despicable thing in the world is a mere task,
if it means in the end I will be held in your arms,
with your musk surrounding me,
barely awake, and yet my heart soundly asleep.
For if that would be the case,
the morning I would wake,
happy,
for the first time,
since I first met you.
526 · Oct 2012
Bolo
Red Oct 2012
You made it official.

Gave up.

I guess I don't blame you.

Because i know.
I'm right there with you.
Through the pain,
Agony,
Desire,
Hurt.

But I'm in Wisconsin.

Where we belong.
517 · Jun 2016
no more public poems
Red Jun 2016
unfortunately due to privacy concerns
i will no longer post public poems
i'm kind of an idiot for not realizing you can post private poems in the first place

maybe because to one person i didn't want them to be private
but we all grow up sometime dont we

i wished to share my art with the world
and a girl who thinks im obsessed with her life
will not leave my life alone

i feel bad for you
it must be sad to have such no meaning in anything that you do

how sad it is that someone wishes so much pain within another
if i see you again i will do one of two things

ignore you
or beat you senseless

if only i was joking
now please
for your own safety
leave me alone
514 · Aug 2015
Another memory at 5:06pm
Red Aug 2015
I remember on Halloween
I was covered in fake blood
And red hair dye
And I was crying

And you got in the shower with me
And washed my hair

I watched the red cover the bathtub
I had wished it was my blood
But hugged your warm thick body instead
The feel of it is something I think about a lot
I know you think about it too
I know you at least think of me

Ps. I told you so
513 · Sep 2013
another poem
Red Sep 2013
i've been wanting to write a poem for some time
but i've been stopping myself

i don't know if i'm afraid of the rejection
or that my poem will actually be good
and someone i care about might see it

or you might see it

either way the idea of someone seeing another vulnerability terrifies me
but at the same time its exciting

i'm not sure
i don't really get myself either
513 · Nov 2013
finding the look
Red Nov 2013
it's hard finding someone new
because not only do you have to find that feeling again
but someone has to have that feeling back

they need to look at me how you did
their eyes need to smile
and their hands need to be perfect like yours

because you were the one who loved how i looked when i woke up
and before i went to bed
even after the long rough days

you were the one who loved me in baggy t shirts
and kissed me when i took my makeup off in the shower

you were the one who left flowers in my car
and spelt our love on a fence

why find someone new?
because we were so young
and so was our love

and although young love may be the purest
and the strongest

it is the shortest

because we change so fast when we live for the nights
and yearn for our futures

when in reality
the good ole days are now
505 · Feb 2015
jan 28th
Red Feb 2015
your eyes like black holes

i'm looking into them but
you've left me already

I want to save the ship
in your head
but my arms can only hold
so many buckets
and xanax serves as cannon *****

I can't swim
this must be a dream

I can't swim

I'm sinking with your ship

but I can't be the captain

not again
im sorry i wasn't strong enough
Red Jan 2015
I was so sad
I was so
*******
sad

and all I needed was you there
well you were there

but not really

you say you forgive me
but how am i supposed to forgive you

I feel like little people in my heart
are cutting it apart
tying ropes to my heart strings and pulling as a team

because I was so ******* sad
I just needed you there
I couldn't get out of bed
and you got frusterated
blamed my ******* meds
called my mom

when I JUST NEEDED YOU
I JUST ******* NEEDED YOU
AND NOW YOU'RE THERE
FOR EVERYONE ELSE
AND YOURSELF

and not for me
not for me

why couldn't you have been there for me

I was so sad for so long

and now you're alive


and I am dead
497 · Mar 2014
time can heal
Red Mar 2014
that night you tried to get back in
wanted to wiggle back into my life

did it make you upset?
were you surprised?

Yes, I'm actually making it by without you

spooning on a couch won't make up for lost time
I already tried so hard to win your heart
dove my way into your emotions
forgetting about myself

but past poems show that didn't work
I was filled with heartache for so long
and you were where I suspected

no where to be found

But
I ended up okay

So please

I had to forget your dark eyes
and the obnoxious giggle

I poured myself into stanzas
hoping for some release

but poetry didn't save me in the end

I did

and for now

instead of wiggling your way back in

maybe you should forget too
485 · Nov 2012
Untitled
Red Nov 2012
I never knew that pain could develop like that
You're just a person
Made of flesh
Bones
Blood
Muscle

Like everyone else

But your arrangement is perfect
Your contours
Bumps
Bruises
Scars

Flow perfectly

So that why this hurt developed so quickly

Because love is a sinister, deceitful thing.
Red Sep 2013
I read poems to get inspiration
in reality they just make me think of you

When I talk about you I don't know what to say
there isn't a distinct thing I can call you

I could say "my friend"
but you mean so much more to me than that

It takes more than a friend to make me feel the way you did
I would never kiss a friend the way that I kissed you
any other person I wouldn't excuse for your shy attitude
for you I accepted the romantic inexperience.

Despite all of my feelings
and the yearning to be with you

I can't even say that we had something
because before anything could blossom
you became afraid.

I guess I can't really blame you.

There is nothing more terrifying than putting yourself out there for someone.
No matter who they may be.

Nevertheless I would have protected you
and I still will now.
480 · Jan 2013
Morgan
Red Jan 2013
Never in my entire life have I felt it
The hurt
The pain
I would rather throw up
I wish I could throw it up
This pit in my stomach
Is worse than any cut
Any bruise
Any burn
Any broken bone
It's in my heart

It feels empty
Like something was ripped out
An artery gone
It doesnt feel like it's pumping


And then I think of your heart
And laying on your chest
And appreciating an ***** more than anything in the entire world
Because it kept you running

And in the romantic sense
It wanted me
I remember feeling it against my back
When we would nap just because
And it was perfect

It couldn't have been more perfect

And now it's gone

Because I was scared

And I shut everything off

Because I didn't want to get hurt

And now I hurt more than i ever have

I'm sorry

I'm so so sorry
473 · May 2013
a battle
Red May 2013
it's bothersome,
how I let this thing well up in my throat,
time and time again.
   and pretend that it's okay,
   that you hurt me as much as you do,
   when in reality it is really not.
you are so beautiful,
everything you do,
and you will never believe it.
   so in return I get pushed away,
   and you see how far you can push me,
   until I stop coming back.
but we both know that will never happen,
you will never be "ready,"
and I will never stop trying.
   one of us will have to give in eventually,
   whether it is love,
   or if it is defeat.
and I reallly don't want to lose.
465 · Feb 2015
creative writing: poem #1
Red Feb 2015
I never thought it would be me again

h    e    a    r     t    b   r    e    a    k    e    r

i've been torn

to pieces
itty
bitty
         p    i    e    c    e    s

I never thought I would be

the evil

I just wanted to be happy!!
is that bad?
don't I deserve that?
why am I guilty?

I didn't do anything wrong
why is it wrong to be happy

I just need to find happy
where is happy

I've lost happy

I've lost happy

How did I lose Happy?
for my creative writing class
463 · May 2013
I apoligize.
Red May 2013
It makes me feel bad,
how I become so anxious,
to be sure that you love me.

I should just accept the fact,
that you keep me on your mind.
And be grateful,
that I'm the only one.

I should not let them,
  the traders
  manipulators
  and heart breakers,
Control my future with you.

I used to be the one who didn't worry.
"Go with the flow"
"Whatever happens, happens"

I found him under my skin.
I hated myself.
So. Many. New.
i n s e c u r i t i e s.

You taught me to love again,
  not only you,
Myself.

Thank you.

So,
as long as at the end of the day,
I'm the one you think of late at night.

everything else is alright with me.
Thank you Alex.
459 · Jun 2015
I promise
Red Jun 2015
I really didn't mean to hurt the person I loved the most in an act so selfish that it would have me hurting for another 100 days

I have to realize
that we can't be in love right now
it's too late
much too late

it might be because of me
I know it's because of me

but I can't say I'm sorry
I broke your heart
and your moms heart
I broke the heart of your whole family

so I need to go away for a while
and find myself again
so I can try to be ok again
so I can make it everything ok again

I'm gonna fix it
I promise
to u
456 · Mar 2014
on this cold linoleum floor
Red Mar 2014
i always complain i want to be smaller

but by smaller i didn't mean clutching my knees
and rocking back and forth
with anger in my hands
and hot blood in my veins
tears in my hair
and scratches on my calves

filled with so much anger and rage that it crippled me to the ground
making me sob with frustration
i feel so small
weak
fragile

the wind could ******* away if i let it

maybe i will
452 · Nov 2012
Squinty
Red Nov 2012
I try so so hard
I sit there and think of you
I take it
This heart and hurt it
I throw it at you

It is yours!
You never need to ask
Nor plead
Just look at me

Gaze at me with those beautiful eyes
So dark yet so bright

I don't care about the image
Or the words

Just please let me be your everything

It hurts too much
Red Sep 2013
I met you, and I saw you
but I didn't really see you.

I see you, and you see me
I'm not used to this feeling.


We've talked, and shared
why haven't you shared it all?

You listen so well, you understand
but I'm so afraid.


These feelings I have, what are they?
I only have them for you.

These feelings I have, what are they?
I only have them for you.


I need you, you make me happy
spend time with me.

I love being with you, but I'm scared
I can't get hurt again.


I don't understand, you said you felt the same
what have I done wrong?

You're perfect, I just can't do it
please you deserve better than me.


I can't take it, I'm leaving
going far away.

Please don't leave, I need to see you
but I'm too scared to tell you.


I love you so much, I miss you already
but you cannot know.

You left, I feel empty
I don't know what to do.


Goodbye. I love you.
I'll always love you.

*Goodbye. I love you.
I'll always love you.
448 · Jun 2013
how i fall in love
Red Jun 2013
falling has never been a graceful act
it has always been a bit messy

over time we learn who to fall for
and we try not to get hurt

but over time I have not stopped
I still fall in love with the same men:

hey you look kind of broken
  well I'm broken too
we can work perfect together
learning about our scars
   and soft spots

but later:

actually don't worry about me
I love you too much
be as happy as possible
I will try to fix your broken parts
and try to fill your broken heart

just please never be sad again
I can't take it when such a soul
is poisoned
with the sadness we both have

I'll be okay
Don't worry about me
I can handle it
I've always handled it
I have to handle it
for you
every time
447 · Aug 2015
I'm a sad girl tonight
Red Aug 2015
Dreamt ******* about you last night
Doesn't it hurt being with someone when you're missing me?
Or maybe you only miss me when Jack Daniels reminds you
Of what we were
Of what I am to you
Whenever I hold another man I close my eyes as tight as I can and try to imagine your scent, to get as close to you as possible

It's sick isn't it?
How pain will lead me into the arms of someone else
But at the end of it all
Although I care about this man

I wish it was you every time I wake up in the morning
J
447 · May 2013
Imagine Poetry
Red May 2013
Thank you poetry
  my escape
My councious thoughts

I imagine you as a young man
with a meek smile
   but a Large heart
Filled with promise
of justification

I'm
Not surprised
describing my wants
Which contain you

Poetry helps me escape
the idea of you
  I write it on paper
   so the idea becomes real   Real to me

Thanks poetry.
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