i don't completely understand alcohol
why it brings out this goofiness
and this emotion from me


why do i pour everything out
and feel comfortable with complete strangers

why can't i be like this sober
why do i feel i am judged by everyone i meet
and encounter

there are so many beautiful people
with so many beautiful pasts

yet i am so afraid to show them mine
because there are dark secrets
that even i keep from my lover

for i do not want someone to judge me
for my "sins" i have committed

i am trying so hard to be good again
that i let my young past poison everything

i am afraid of wrong-doers
and imperfect people

because i know that i **** up too
and i'm too afraid of someone hitting me again

i will not let 1 fist touch my porcelain skin
for it is both pale and fragile

the visible veins not only carry the life within me
but carry secrets that i have told no one

and i'm sorry
but i have no time to deal with people like me
because no one should deal with people like me