Life, as we understand it, could just be another one of our fickle imaginations
Every day is a new fantasy
We are running around in circles concentric;
Making us feel vulnerable and asking ourselves whether we are eccentric
With each passing experience, we make the circles grow bigger,
But are we growing, who's to know?
Maybe we are and who's to blame us,
After all, life is all about trying to be a better part of our selves
At the core of these circles, we lie and we never try to forget
Who we were during the part of the whole process.

Even if we did figure it all out, who we were supposed to be;
Never fearing about the fall-out and remembering our need to be free,
Even if we did stutter to make the best of it,
Did we ever try to feel like a complete part of it?

Who are you chasing?
Is it a part of you that you left behind or just another one of your own created versions?
At the centre of it all, we're still the same person
Who we were and we never tried to escape it, all we did was just reshape it.

We're running in tails of who we wanted to be
Never realizing how much we want to be the one we were supposed to be
But who are we supposed to be?
What's the cost of happiness we ask,
Is it drowning into your problems or giving life a way to seep through you?

Every tangent is different, every experience will take you away from your circle,
to make you feel something more
But that might not be the only way to grow, but it surely will be the right one
They say 'go with the flow' without ever telling the real truth,
Go with the flow as long as you don't crash and burn.

Chaos is everywhere, within you and without you
In chaos there's meaning, there's truth
It's inevitable but so are you
Each chaos is your tangent, maybe the aftermath is not the complete you,
It won't matter though as long as you take the exit
And get back to where you were before.

At the end when the dust settles, you're still your self
Your version who thought he was better than your previous self,
It was harmonious knowing what you know now
Even if you found yourself and how,
Knowing you'll never go back to being the same person you were,
before life consumed you and you became the paranoia that only you know.

You are still the centre of your creations,
Raking chaos in your way of finding a meaning.
Trying not to lose yourself along the way,
Before you fade away.

You don't have to go
But if you must,
Escape to a place
Where the cold winds blow,
A place of starry nights
And even better snow.

Reality is jaded, memories are faded
The end of a long hedonistic night comes down to the same old plight
Reminiscent of the old days when you never knew you had enough to go on,
In the end, you always got more than what you thought
Is it the freedom that you're after? or is it the one that's chasing you?
Are you trying to create a story for yourself?
Or just being a part of one makes you feel complete?
Maybe you've always given your best, maybe all you need is some rest
Some shut-eye to take a temporary pause in a life that never stops
Will you ever get there or is it just a waste of time?
Will your passion be the wildfire you crave or will it put you in your grave?

There's no end to this pretend, maybe this is the wrong intent
Project what you are, there's no reason to be scared
Madness is the only reality and reality is the only madness
You thought life was a gravy train and you arrive late to the station
But believe that this struggle is your only salvation

Now that you try to fight it, try to snap out of it, it seems harder than usual
This encounter with your past self might not seem so casual
Maybe it has some significance
Or is there another meaning to life?
Well, if at the end of the tunnel you see the meaning
Will you chase it or would you want to transcend the feeling?
Because maybe if you already found the meaning, your life would lose it.

Been running silent,
Silent but deep
Into the wondering night,
All of that seemed so bright.
Once upon a time,
Holding your hand in a place
Of serenity and peace
With blinding passion and love,
I was always at ease.
With the moon glancing at your face,
The trembles of leaves, the luscious forest
Reminding me of the times
when we had it all but eventually spent.

In rather the discussions of the dichotomy,
Of what it meant to lose ourselves in each other's minds
And still be able to think
About all the moments when time stood still.
You were always there to connect,
I was maybe lost within
This journey of memory I had withheld.

My mind still plays these tricks
As I fade out to the thoughts
Where am I standing?
With you by a silent creek.
Playing with those pebbles
Now they just seem like stones
Of cold and heartache, the pain had left me afloat.

These feelings never let me sleep,
never let me sink to the bottom
The depth of our purpose was something I could never fathom.
There were times when the sky looked so bright,
now just seems like a clutter of unwavering clouds.

All the things you used to say,
All the things left unsaid
Now feels like an ephemeral mirage
Maybe if I could still see the pain
I would reach out to you,
Little did I know we were so close,
Yet in desperate need of repair.

Despondent and despair as I feel right now
I always believed,
we could survive the crushing burden somehow,
Of how we wanted to feel each other
And wished each other to just be.

Being yourself with someone else
Didn't seem like a challenge before,
Little did I know
I was waiting for a hail mary,
Before the perpetual snow.

I can still see so vividly
How your lips were always so tender,
Never leaving a chance
For me to do nothing but surrender.
I tried to change but that rarely works,
For you have to see yourself in the mirror first
Before you make the eventual jump.

My ears could recognise you from your soul-soothing voice
Is all a distant memory now, a cacophony in disguise.
Held pictures of you in my heart,
Trying to take them all down now
For it had to be done,
Otherwise, I might again sway.

Your eyes did have that shine
For me to slip away,
I wish time was kinder
So you to still be here
For I didn't just lose you,
But also a part of me
That had to be buried deep inside now.

Maybe I needed help to recover little parts of me somehow,
Maybe some parts were still left unscathed
Hoping for your eventual return, my mind played another one of its tricks.

Only time will tell
If I do get up or just sit there and dwell
Even if I wanted to,
I got no control over time,
All I know for a fact is,
Only this time I couldn't make you mine
Our story did always feel like a book,
A book with no ending
With its ups and downs
A terrifying thriller.
At the end of each preceding chapter
I should rather stop and run away,
Before I turn over to the last ones
Who am I kidding?
Things don't just seem to change.
I was a leaf caught in a blizzard,
Waiting for the eventual rain

Hoping to rise from the ashes
Of the toxic smoke,
Wishing for a return to normalcy
From the tragic crisis that this seems.
A remedy for solicitude,
Is to maybe replace it with solitude
At the end of it all though,
I'm just hoping for a glimmer of hope.

A test, another thing to best,
A new you for another day
Sometimes you can't survive the burden,
That lay on top of you.
Your shoulders were never weak,
Until you saw the path that lay ahead
The mystery of life brings you down,
How does someone stay content amid such chaos?

Building yourself up every day
Only to be broken down again,
Overcoming your shallow misdemeanours
One day at a time.
If there's no bliss at the end, is it even worth it?
How hard must one grovel?
Maybe you've never seen the real thing?
Or maybe this is that path you were too afraid to travel?
If overcoming is the result, why must I even bother?

Maybe all I want
Is to persevere,
But towards a tangential goal
The sight of which still seems near,
It is too much, I often lose myself
In trying to build houses,
Over the grounds of disdain and despair.

Maybe all I want
Is to be happy right now,
Not thinking too much
About the load that I have to carry.
On the road with my dusty soul
I often wonder about could have been
Had I been normal,
Not letting my mind into overdrive
Running wild with thoughts asynchronous,
Maybe then I could have finally put on a savoury smile.

Can't always be proving myself,
I should instead focus on growing myself
To deal with things I've never dealt with before,
Tackle all of the unknowns
Trying to hold on to my peace of mind,
Never letting go of the grind.
What if I lose myself in the process?
What has been the purpose of all this struggle?
Isn't it to find solace in all things uncertain?
Or just make peace with what you had always known,
Still not fit for the task, I have got to grow.

I have got to rise, be mature
Get real about the situation,
Can't escape anymore
Is it a stronger sense of urgency,
Or a deeper sense of complacency?
That keeps you dwelling
Upon how things will eventually turn out,
Maybe you've always known.
Even with the work, you'll probably still end up ashore
In a sea of ghosts,
Never once been able to set sail for the treasure island.

Don't let the result bother you, they say
Well, that's the novel approach,
You've always been told to stay awake.
Never resting, never sleeping
For you might miss your chance,
With your ever fading vision
It's getting rather harder to hang on,
To the thought of you ever climbing up the skies
Bringing upon a tear down your eye.

Regardless, the wheels of change are in motion
You have to play your part,
Even if you feel like a deserted hut on a mountain hill
Like a cactus plant on a long country road.
It feels like the strangest thing,
But now you have a deeper understanding
You have to put it all on the line again.
Let your purpose be all-consuming
For this time if you fall short,
You fail with a purpose
Of trying to never let go of it,
For now, you are closer than where you were before.

If I let my sins do the talking,
You'll only hear them say
Pleasure is all you were seeking,
Pain is what lead you to stay.
Knowing this story of right and wrong,
Of pleasure and pain, of black and white,
Has got no end
Things so often knock you off your spirit
Bring you down.
For it was never binary
But rather multifaceted,
It was all the colours that you had found.

Maybe that's the only lesson here
Altering your thought process,
To walk with different shoes at different times
Always staying on top of each phase.
Winning is rather inconsequential now
In the longer run,
You'd have enjoyed your date with destiny,
With all its ups and downs.
All the times you'd have previously frowned
Now you'll smile in the same place,
For now, you learnt how to let go
Of that two-faced coin,
Holding on to the idea that experiencing a multitude of emotions
Is still a better result than waiting for the ultimate win
Feeling all the colours of the rainbow after heavy rain.
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