"pooped" poems
drunk again at 3 a.m. at the end of my 2nd bottle
of wine, I have typed from a dozen to 15 pages of
poesy
an old man
maddened for the flesh of young girls in this
dwindling twilight
liver gone
kidneys going
pancrea pooped
top-floor blood pressure
while all the fear of the wasted years
laughs between my toes
no woman will live with me
no Florence Nightingale to watch the
Johnny Carson show with
if I have a stroke I will lay here for six
days, my three cats hungrily ripping the flesh
from my elbows, wrists, head
the radio playing classical music ...
I promised myself never to write old man poems
but this one's funny, you see, excusable, be-
cause I've long gone past using myself and there's
still more left
here at 3 a.m. I am going to take this sheet from
the typer
pour another glass and
insert
make love to the fresh new whiteness
maybe get lucky
again
first for
me
later
for you.
from "All's Normal Here" - 1985
7.9k
Hip hop. Equals art stop. That crude **** stopped musical fusion
Right in its tracks.
When it first landed, it was still music with a lotta spittle flying.
Not naming names. I listened to a lot of it.
Then Gangsta rap hit. Oh ****
Cant accuse me of blind judgment, I still check it out from time to time
How do you say.Get diverse mud flappers. Know the history.
learn to play an instrument and read it so you can write it. Then come back an see me.
Who am I?.
John Q public.
Pavlov's dog.
Tin Pan Ali.
Long Tall sally.
Sachmo. Scratch less.
Yard-bird.
Donald Bird.
Stubborn ****
Stuff out there is weak as thrice used tea bags. And cost more to get unless you got
a peg leg and a parrot ******** on yer shoulder.
Lyrically, man my six year old says more about less with **** left over. What?
Flame out digitized No talent constructs that make me wanna hurl, url give a dog a bone.
Tin eared, tone def hoochies and synthetic cool cats. Not to mention the rough neks.
Looking like they pooped their pants six times and forgot how to belt up.
There are some real deal talents out there but it is like pickin peanuts out ****
After disco died. Yes I said disco. It has been a circle **** in the cemetery after dark. Naw mean.
But I digress.
.
Sep 24, 2012
Sep 24, 2012 at 4:42 AM UTC
Mirror, Mirror
what do I see?
My demon staring
back at me!
That very same demon
that gives me fright
in early day coffee
and every night!
The demon is handsome
with devilish smile
Sad, they don't know
that this demon is vile!
There's times that he buries
himself deep inside
But, when he comes out
there's nowhere to hide!
The demon is tricky
at every turn
disguised as an angel;
ready to burn!
Fantastic achievement!
You're doing great!
The demon said, "Nope!"
then pooped on my plate!
You're doing much better!
Keep up the good work!
The demon says, "Whatever!"
Man! He's such a ****
When I tried to fight him;
my body would ache.
I've finally learned
that that's a mistake!
I made a decision
to let my heart mend
and welcome the demon
in as a friend!
You can sit quietly;
don't ring my bell
because if you do
I'LL SEND YOU TO HELL!
Sep 21, 2018
Sep 21, 2018 at 10:34 AM UTC
Diarrhea boom...
FLERRRRRRRK!!!!
I am sweating on this silent throne,
Cold is my sweating double lump, my butt-ox.
Dripping sopping is my hole, wet for you, my boo.
PLUMP! SHPLOOP! SQUISH!
UHN! UWAAAAAH!
That is my plural drip, my dipping **** flow, Niagara.
Ookatini flip, my pencil fell in.
Fish it out with my hand.
Ooh, Telpavin. Time out time, sitting on the toiley.
There is no doiley to conceal this mess. Ten sixteen.
3 A.M.
7 A.M.
I'm not even wiping yet.
My dad comes in from working the steel mill. He needs the can.
I cannot.
Offer him.
It.
I wiped for hours.
Then I pooped again.
Like an elephant.
I need a colostomy bag.
Diarrhea Boom part 5
Aug 17, 2011
Aug 17, 2011 at 1:02 AM UTC
He was tripping space *****
whilst receiving some strange alien calls,
up on planet Acidon,
From where he sat he could see Uranus,
he was so out of his mind,
he thought he could fly,
boy was that crazy spaceman high,
The journey took him really far,
way out to a distant star,
His food supplies consisted of turtle soup,
but his bowels couldn't handle it,
so he often pooped,
after consuming turtle soup,
The journey had been long and laborious,
and his co-pilot was a drug dealing walrus,
that could not handle his drink,
it made his eyes go pink,
to the point that he could not blink,
They were so out of their box,
they could no longer think.
By Christos Andreas Kourtis and Larna Kira Kourtis
Apr 17, 2014
Apr 17, 2014 at 5:42 PM UTC
Wrongfully Accused
Everybody wants to know,
what happened so long ago.
It was a day just like this,
been awhile since I had to reminisce.
Got in my car and went to work,
back then, I was such a ****
Me and my wife had a huge fight,
it went on, all the past night.
Long before cell phones and beepers,
never even knew, she had some peepers.
Came home from a long day, with roses,
the house was destroyed by explosives.
Neighbors said they heard arguing,
all last night, till the morning.
No one saw any strange people,
after I left, everything seemed so peaceful.
I was questioned, then taken away,
put in prison, for quite a long stay.
Begged the judge for some mercy,
they found me guilty in a hurry.
Spent five long years in prison hell,
each night I was violated in my cell.
Then one day other houses started to explode,
all wives went on a lock down mode.
The evidence was so overwhelming,
meanwhile my ******* was swelling.
After six long years, I was finally released,
couldn't wait to get a real super feast.
Then I went on a man hunt,
this guys ***** I'm gonna punt.
Then there he was a peeping tom,
carrying what looks to be some kind of bomb.
Thought about calling the police,
but I figured, I could handle this ugly man who was bald and obese.
This guy never saw me coming,
his **** crack, made me think he was plumbing.
I grabbed the fat **** with gun in mouth,
it was him, I had no doubt.
I saw him before stalking my neighborhood,
what I'm gonna do to him will not be good.
Shot the ******* in the face,
his memory got a quick erase.
Brains splattered all over the ground,
his body was never found.
Stuck his fat *** in my trunk,
went to the bar and got super drunk.
Put him in the nearest lake,
still I had a major heartache.
I will say this, I never have pooped like this before,
but now my nightmares haunt me even more.
Dec 23, 2013
Dec 23, 2013 at 4:43 PM UTC
There is a consumer product demon
in the trash underneath my sink.
The other day, I tossed in a wrapper
from a Quest 20-protein-gram nutrition bar
and a hand reached up to grab it.
Thinking I was daydreaming
I pulled out the white plastic Rubbermaid trash basket;
no hand, but the ¼ cup of Kraft Fast Mac
tossed in yesterday was moving, undulating.
It made a distinct voice-y sound
like “You’ll like Mac-a-lot, so eat me!”
Thinking this was just my overactive poetic imagination
I turned to the sink.
My JetZScrubber had wrapped around a spoon
dancing in circles around the In-Sink-Erator drain
while the Ajax Easy-Hands Dishwashing Liquid spewed bubbles
in unison.
Now convinced I took too much acid in college
I ran upstairs where my dog Mr. Brown sleeps
on his 44” x 36” leopard-print GoodDogBed.
“Howdy, partner,” Brown chimed.
“Sure is a fine day to go for a walk
using that Halti multi-loop leader and Sprenger prong collar.
Yes, I love ‘em.”
I took Mr. Brown to the dog park.
the one with the Safe-Steel chain link fence
and the pine trees without labels.
He pooped in the sawdust and vocalized
in his hound voice.
I could have sworn he said,
“Glad I didn’t do that on the L.L.Bean Woven Nylon Area Rug,”
but I wasn’t sure.
Nothing moved
except the wind in the trees.
and I wondered what to call it.
Apr 23, 2013
Apr 23, 2013 at 7:09 AM UTC
I'll go along with the thought, 'work makes you strong' just as long as I can
but,
sometimes, I feel pooped and can't jump through the hoops and that's when the dreaming kicks in for this man.
I spin in the frame of life's arcade type game and I'm lost in the wheels,
it feels
like,
riding a bike and not watching the street but meeting the idols I'd most like to meet,
like,
Gulliver,Gilbert and Sullivan,Jimmy Durante,Popeye the sailor and the Tailor of Gloucester,
lost in the throng and unaware of time carrying on,I get older,no wiser,no miser am I,
I give my dreams freely to those I love dearly.
This arcade game plays on though the moment is lost, and reality arrives if only to remind me, that life goes along and in it you'll find me,playing the machines,winning more dreams,sailing through the streams of unconsciousness.
Jan 1, 2014
Jan 1, 2014 at 5:00 AM UTC
Eating food is an easy thing?
Smug you shovel your food in!
Some of us are not so sure
eating for me has many a flaw
un-plug the oven, my chicken stays raw
could write you many a touching ballad
of how I tripped and fell in the salad
fell asleep when I was pooped
slumped into the bowl of soup
just was a complete disgrace
hot pizza stuck to my pale face
sitting here mouth is stinging
laughter soon I will hear ringing
got to dash, think I broke my leg
thought it was safe to boil an egg.
Jan 17, 2011
Jan 17, 2011 at 9:21 AM UTC
Dog Tired, Bone Tired, Dead Tired.
all in, beat, bored, burned out,
bushed, done in, drained, drooping,
exhausted, ****** fatigued, fed up, flagging,
just about had it, indifferent, knocked out,
out of gas, pooped, punchy,
ready to drop, spent, taxed,
wearied, wearing, wiped out, worn out
plain old zonked.
there are only two words, for which there are no precise, exact, synonyms.
To mind, they flash instantly,
For they are the constants in the equation of life.
**Love
Responsibility**
Man, can they make you tired!
But they are constants, so we accept and pray for ourselves
To accept them both with
Equanimity.
5:45am
August 24th 2013
Aug 24, 2013
Aug 24, 2013 at 5:49 AM UTC
A bird once flew into our classroom,
My pumpkin teacher none the wiser.
In my mind I willed the bird to come closer,
Probably to distract the teacher.
Maybe class would be over, evacuation so no one got bird flu.
The principal might have caught the bird,
And if the bird pooped the janitor would be called.
No one could do math with that happening.
Or maybe I wanted the bird to lift me up and take me with him.
Out of this room my body was chained to.
Take my body to my mind, amongst the birds.
Jun 10, 2015
Jun 10, 2015 at 9:30 PM UTC
I was out walking.. through the jungle one day
When i got to a secluded spot i heard a voice did say ...
"Tooki tookie tonga... white man you... grab him by da bonga's... put him in da stew "!
I stood there feeling scared by this little man's yell, so i turned about then Pooped myself and... ran like hell
Blinded by the sunshine that was caught up in my eyes
I was Tripped up by a creeper... oooh ! nasty sore surprise !
My face got stung by nettles... ouching in my fall
In the distance ... getting closer... i could hear the bonga's call
"Tooki tookie tonga... dinner on the way... yummy in my tummy... you is here to stay
Losing sight of consciousness i woke up... in their *** !
The bonga's danced around me... my bottom getting hot
"Tooki tookie tonga ... dumplings in da stew... dragged here by da bonga's... now we gonna eat you !
Jun 5, 2012
Jun 5, 2012 at 2:31 PM UTC
Dominic ******** › Love So Dear by BR 39 minutes ago
This poem is so ****** I pooped blood out , check mine out people 100 times better than this **** , ,100 times
Dominic ******** › funny how it turns by Sylkie Smoothie 39 minutes ago
Your poem is **** , check mine out people , 100 times better than this , 100 times
Dominic ******** › **** by GussE 40 minutes ago
What a ****** poem , check mine out people , 100 times better than this piece of crappp
Dominic ******** › Life In The Battlefields No. 50 by David 41 minutes ago
****** poetry dude , check mine out beoble 100 times better than this . 100 times
Dominic ******** › Untitled by Oly Light 42 minutes ago
This is **** , check mine out beoble ! you poem is **** ! mine is better , like a 100 times better
Dominic ******** › saeglopur, ii by C S Vincent 46 minutes ago
*cocked mouth * i lyk dat bby
Dominic ********
started following C S Vincent 46 minutes ago
liked ruins by kimberlyxlynn 46 minutes ago
started following kimberlyxlynn 47 minutes ago
started following SoundOfRain 49 minutes ago
Dominic ******** added a poem 2 hours ago
Invincible
Dominic ******** joined Hello Poetry.
2 hours ago
Feb 17, 2014
Feb 17, 2014 at 6:33 AM UTC
Im doing pretty good. Want to create more.
Also it ends up being positive feedback loop. The mental distress caused by creating too much creates more mental distress. Guess Ill just play videogames and relax and take a couple drugs.
Sometimes the drugs do make me constipated though which ***** Feel like I havent pooped in days.
Oct 26, 2016
Oct 26, 2016 at 1:00 AM UTC
The first time a pigeon lands on your head you WILL have conflicting feelings. These consist of, "this is a magical experience" and "please don't **** on me".
But if you stay calm, interested, determined, and lucky you may build a beautiful relationship.
Mayhaps on the chance, you did get pooped on. A torturous smear on your shirt is a valuable resource to a 17th-century European farmer. It is up to you decide if you want to be that farmer.
And lastly, if two parties of the columbiform do agree to the terms and conditions, they can form a lasting relationship.
That is what I hope to have done with you, my pigeon.
Yours Truly,
~Squab
Jan 29, 2018
Jan 29, 2018 at 2:19 PM UTC
the greateast lie of all is feeling of firmness beneath our feet we are at our most honest when we are lost - soren kierkegaard
think about people managing running this city state country how do they do it trouble managing myself today 3/19/10 eating alone at cantonese restaurant suddenly felt nauseous sick rushed to cashier paid drove hurried home feeling need to go maybe ***** ran upstairs pooped exhausted lied down sick anxiety attack could not breathe opened windows fetus position all in my head imagined hours later feel fine think about women how beautiful they are menstraution pregnancy giving birth menapause subjugation abuse stress am i pretty enough good enough property commodity find provider daunting pressures they bear tearing while typing think about my mom turning 90 alone trudging heavy purse think about children of the future so much weight on their shoulders so much dysfunction disarity how will they manage run reach their dreams think about myself so scared desperate about tomorrow future i have no money property belonging this world is tough with great sadness want to hear joke what do you call fish with no eyes fssshh not very funny
Mar 19, 2010
Mar 19, 2010 at 6:39 PM UTC
If you've ever had the chance to message me,
You'll realise at times I'll use the word ****
Its nonsensical in a way but for me it meant more.
**** was the first word I can recall my late father saying.
**** was the word that brought laughter when I was sad.
**** still remains to have nostalgic value to me.
**** reminds me of the times when I pooped my pants,
And had people help me clean myself up.
In a way that **** and pants story reflects moments,
Moments in my life in which I became a horrid mess.
**** isn't just ****
For when I die I don't want people being sad,
Or even uttering 'oh shit!'
I want them to say 'oh poop!',
For then and only then would I know that,
I truly lived.
Feb 10, 2016
Feb 10, 2016 at 11:01 AM UTC
*Ps. I also have to take a ****
He says
It’s what best friends do
They tell you things you don’t want to hear
Like
*Ps. You’re being a ***** right now*
We both know how badly you want to
*Just ******* kiss her*
You are sandpaper laughter
So much grind in my double over we both tear up
This is the stuff I’ve been trying to tell people
For at least 12 years now
How we are so good at following each other’s lead
We get lost in the process and crash into a heaping mess
Of what the ****
Like when I pretend to be gay Christopher Walken
And you are his best friend some Australian guy
And the whole room laughs like this was a joke
I have stenciled SAFETY in microscopic letters
Around the outside of your mattress
For the days I can’t sleep at home
For days where rest
Is the warmth of 3 blankets and a room heater inside your freezing granny flat
You satiate my soul
Like the 12 packs we **** alone in one sitting
Inside your throat
There is a harmonica exhale
Tuned to the key of gritty
It was designed by people who have learned
The true definition of lonely
And It calls to them a song that has only one word
FOUND
I feel found in your ***** harmonica voice
It gets me
Plays my song when slow dancing alone
With my beer belly is all I need for company
You so much an ambidextrous best foot forward
That you occasionally forget which foot is your best
So you remember where your heart went
Always the right place
We might be a cacophony
Of whale farts
and silly accents
and ***** mouthed prayer
to everyone else who meets us
But I have only ever loved amazing people
And I love you
Ps…………. I hope you pooped well
Apr 8, 2012
Apr 8, 2012 at 4:46 PM UTC
Four black matchstick legs
with white strike tips
large belly and a strong black haired back
Gunk in his eyes and
behind the top of his long ears
he leans into delight
strong torse against leg
behind swaying in the breeze
belly rubs and dominance
the possessively agressive- toilet paper connoisseur
arthritis in his back right leg
I the nightly electronic chair lift
squatter on grass green blanket
I was away when it got worse
no acclimation
full on hell storm
ten years ago...
second grade he pooped in the hallways
he's grown out of the escapist gene
looking back now with our loving eyes
my best friend and brother
Spyro: My Brother Dog.
Sep 29, 2013
Sep 29, 2013 at 10:12 PM UTC
Dog Tired, Bone Tired, Dead Tired.
all in, beat, bored, burned out,
bushed, done in, drained, drooping,
exhausted, ****** fatigued, fed up, flagging,
just about had it, indifferent, knocked out,
out of gas, pooped, punchy,
ready to drop, spent, taxed,
wearied, wearing, wiped out, worn out
plain old zonked.
there are only two words, for which there are no precise, exact, synonyms.
To mind, they flash instantly,
For they are the constants in the equation of life.
Love
Responsibility
Man, can they make you tired!
But they are constants, so we accept and pray for ourselves
To accept them both with
Equanimity.
5:45am
August 24th 2013
Aug 24, 2014
Aug 24, 2014 at 4:02 PM UTC
Dignified, sturdy, solid
In all it's equine glory
The fact Mike tried to ride it
Is quite another story
Mike was set to ride the steed
Down the beach to have his lunch
When the horse grabbed Mike's shirt
And then proceeded to just munch
The horse stood nearly 16 hands
Poor Mike stood five foot two
The horse looked down upon him
Most tall children looked down too
Mike steadied it to get aboard
From the left side as he should
He got up and grabbed the bridle
All was seeming pretty good
Mike leaned down to pat it
Lost his grip and tumbled down
The horse just didn't notice
And he peed upon the ground
Mike got up and mounted
Once again upon the steed
He bucked up once and threw him
Mike thought he must be off his feed
The troop of trail ride horses
Made their way along the beach
Mikes horse went on riderless
It was now far out of reach
Mike went back to the hotel desk
Called a cab to beat them all
He was not to be outdone
Just because he'd taken one small fall
He met them at the barbeque
The horses stood out in the field
Mike would eat his lunch and then
He'd make this **** horse yield
He came with a nice apple
and some sugar as a treat
The horse just looked down at him
And stamped on both his feet
While Mike just stood there steaming
The horse ran like a shot
The others were all mounted
And poor Mike's horse was not
It joined up with the others
Leaving Mike away in back
So, he phoned once more for a taxi
And formed a new attack
He was **** bound and determined
To get upon this horse
If not to go out riding
But for a picture, why of course..
He met them at the hotel field
To get his picture just for pride
It didn't matter to him now
That he never got to ride
He'd show the photo to his friends
Of the horse he rode around
Never telling him of his great fall
And how the horse tossed him to the ground
The fact he never rode it
Mike now considered moot
For the horse stood for the photo
And then pooped in Mike's left boot
Jul 21, 2013
Jul 21, 2013 at 11:41 PM UTC
Red Rhymenoceros ate the Green Galatopopulous
Red Rhymenoceros had indignant indigestion
Red Rhymenoceros abounded in agony
Red Rhymenoceros pooped placidly
Don’t eat Green Galatopopuli
Oct 18, 2012
Oct 18, 2012 at 12:24 PM UTC
The only time I've ever felt hunger
was when I fasted for 48 hours
in the 11th grade
just for attention
After I ate my first pop-tart
I pooped so hard I got angry at God
I got angry at God
The boy blessed enough
to be a picky eater
In 19 years of being well fed
the hardest thing I've ever
had to swallow is my own pride
They say if you feed a man a fish
he will eat for a day
Well I've never caught a fish in my life
and half the time I'm too afraid
to order a pizza because I think
I'll mess it up
So tell me why when I go to restaurants
my taste buds feel entitled to slaves
Why do they whip servers into making
my meat medium well
My teeth have never tasted blood
My mouth doesn't know dry
I've never dreamt of food
because I don't know life without it
But at least once a week I get mad
that McDonald's doesn't deliver
I once watched a cow get slaughtered
and I didn't blink an eye
because I could already taste her in my mouth
In the same year my history class
raised money for nine months to buy one goat
to send to a village I've never heard of
The contrast is cruel
I can remember the last sound the cow made
but I can't remember the sounds that made
up the village's name
or its people
So I hope you'll understand that
when I utter the unfathomable phrase
"I'm starving"
all I can taste in my mouth is shame
May 13, 2013
May 13, 2013 at 12:23 AM UTC
Fred Fred
Pooped the bed
Told his mother he'd lain an egg
When his mother went to look
She put her finger in the ****
Sep 13, 2016
Sep 13, 2016 at 4:30 PM UTC