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Some days
I'm . . . okay.

Some days
I turn out the lights
and start crying.
I lay here in bed
Yearning for the taste
The only reason to get out of bed

The warm comforting feel
Filling my mouth
Filling me with hope

I look forward to it
I want it first thing in the morning
I want it last thing in the evening

One heaping spoonful
Stirred in to get my fix
Sweet, sweet bliss to rot my teeth

Finally, I feel "normal"
Remember that feeling in 2016,
when your choices were - an orange
crybaby or **** filled latrine.

Vote for the third party or abstain,
both of which are options,
options labeling you as vain.

A zero sum game.
Only you're to blame.
A sense of shame.
Profanities, exclaim!
. . . All in the same. . .

Take that nausea and superimpose it
on to every aspect of your life.
2020 has been nothing but $h!t
Originally wrote this as I have been feeling uncertain lately. When I started supporting activist groups in my area, they preached do what you can but don't put yourself in danger. I didn't notice the fine print, if you don't quite your job because of racists you are a terrible person. Just about every at my job is racist and it sickens me. They are sexist too, so I may have white privilege (that I acknowledge) but I still get shat on. In the time of Covid-19, massive wildfires, and over 100k in student loans, I need this job. No matter how poorly I am being treated. Godess bless Capitalism! I have no support group, as they live across the country. I actively fear for my life. But no matter what I "choose", it is always wrong.
Orange shining through the window
We head outside to take a peek
Blue sky's to the North
A dark haze from the South

Small particulates drifting in the air
You reach out, and a piece lands on your hand
It looks like plant matter, only grey
You gently touch it with your free hand

. . . Ash.
September 2020 wildfires light up the west coast. My perspective from a small coastal town in Oregon. Miles from active burns.
Retro clothes, golden glasses, rainbow suspenders.

Wide face, soft skin, petite woman.

Tongue tied, stupid words, blush.
"Mr. Stark, I don't feel so good."

Disappearing, disintegrating, dust.

"I don't want to exist anymore"

Words you can never tell anyone.
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