You are my weakness...
You are the weakness that disconnects my heart from my mind
You throw doubt in my face but I ignore it
You tell me lies, but I believe them.

Every word you say is magic to my ears,
Even when it seems to good to be true.
You are my downfall.
The downfall that I know may break my heart,
But I'm willing to see it through.

You are the weakness that makes me doubt my own intuition.
How did I allow you to gain so much control over my mind?
What did you do to me?
Why are you my weakness?
Why do I believe you so much when your actions tell me different?
All the answers are right in my face
Why do i choose to blind myself from your lies?


......because you are my weakness,
You are the weakness that disconnects my heart from my mind.

find friends
someone sent you a friend request
look, some people you might know

nudges to connect
the more the merrier
spend more time looking at screens

immerse yourself in technology
who needs real life?
hey, you need a new phone

it's brand new
it's brand name
it's calling for you, my dear

I don't care much in knowing how this monster was born, I have detailed case files on its existence and I know its patterns very well. I just want information on how it can be found and killed.

To **** any normal monster, all you must do is set it on fire, stab it with a stake, and shoot it with a silver bullet. However, it is nearly impossible to **** a true monster. They are much too practiced with their lifelong art of darkness - its mechanization through deception. Naturally living in shadowy places, they have strategies that work intrinsically against your police background. This monster you speak of – it will drag you from crime scene to crime scene, blood splatter to blood splatter, hoping you turn towards the light of the wrong evidence. Too many days, months, years have passed, it will know the planned escape route perfectly. Every true monster's greatest enemy is the light, however, its very survival depends on the shadow the light creates. You could shine your brightest and try to catch it in the act, but those walls will be marked by your monster, already running in the graffiti of a victim's blood. You might even catch a couple look-a-likes, the ones that are too young to know of your patrol patterns, too naive of their rights not to break under your torturous questioning, giving you useless answers. But that one twisted, maniacal ******* you're wanting, Detective? You'll have to find it while it's resting.

So if I cannot **** it in action and must find the monster while it rests, then it must have a home. What distant cabin of the marsh will it dwell in when I am there to capture it, to take it in chained for execution, to become this town's most needed hero?

For a monster to be born-

I told you, I do not much care in knowing how this monster-

But you see, the cabin of its resting place is the very cabin of its birth. If you wish to capture this true monster, the one that has lead to your own path as this department's chief detective, then you must trust me. You must listen, for your monster's cabin is owned by another.

Go on, then.

A monster cannot be physically born, it is merely a by product of the dark parasite found in a shadow. Anything that shines light has a shadow. One can never fall into their own, thus you must be forced into a different shadow for the darkness to find a carrier. Once inside, the parasite will aim to become its master's keeper. It will dig in search for the creature's light source, causing excruciating pain until it kills the host or disconnects the light. Once it takes over, the monster is born, taking it back to thrive in the very shadow it fell into. The cabin you seek is the exit from the shadow of another.

So to destroy this monster I seek, I must find who's shadow it once fell into? I must find the child this monster once was and pull him through the exit when he's resting. But where will I know to start?*

Continue painting. The sun is almost up.

Your head on my chest:
thumping hare and cerebral mess,
the electricity and disconnects
drove my rhythms out of breath.
I didn't know that this was you:
a tantalizing wit in lieu
of the neurological faculty to
feel my chest pounding for you.
You are a palpable glitch,
with a brute heart and incisive wit:
my form deflated under it,
I gasp, writhe, and then submit.
My eager sentiment waits for the sound
of your breath catching then and now
and I think that you'll come around
when you grasp at me and moan aloud.
But you are steadily in place,
I, silly hare running a race, breathless face
your backward truth, the callous fate,
the need you can't reciprocate.

The daily hot humid
No sweat forehead
All the news her wetness
She was way ahead
I Love Thee rain, sweat, prayers, tears me

The daily routine sauna crib
Rain-She cub selfie
He gets rain-shine all scrubbed
Looked more like a hub after
ten years please comment

The dove soap rainwater scent
washing her eyes watching his
eyes depths body lengths
romancing

And her eyes could devour you
All wet long curled up lashes
The ancient times of their
hot flashes

The rise of the Stock market
How mad she gets throws her
Rain and shine dishes

Heavy rain coming down
Was it a big crash

Or was she feeling the damp wet cloth
the wet moment Man of the Cloth
To her ((Rain Depth))
Or loving the darkness
Rain prayers  Gothic
The umbrella she was swinging
And licking the drops
Going to the side to his
French side
Like a drenching ballerina
Wet puddles wetness in her flats

How his lips were on her deep
the depth of the well seeing
black cats
Was it all his recollection
to tell
Rain is a good thing
The moment set in like a hot
humid fling
with rain tears of crying

Thinking back at their best years
How he tasted the depths of her
mind
The rain kept pouring she was kept
inside wanting
She was the (Kept Women)
Was her time lady with the red dress
Out the red door with her
umbrella and her toxic perfume
He was intoxicated by her smells
drips and drops

No time was their polka dots
Raindrops falling on her head
Th drenching rain combined in
her illusional dream
bed
He was inside cooking his boiled
*** of spring water

The outside was no rain of her depth
the deepness leading her to
no sense of order
The exotically cool rain dancing
Like a Tech the screen was
flooding his search he needed his
food order those
Ramen noodles oodles and
more puddles
Going over her moist legs of hurdles
The rain to high depths of the
treasure of her
map graphs
Really high rains of colorful lady
graphics
City Rain has the
highest love traffic

The butterscotch candy
The Show Grease poodle skirt
raining cats and dogs

Mr. Worth, She was born with it Ms. Loreal
Her braided ringlet hair how he raided her
She swam right in like a loving birth guided her

Like the wrath hail to Mary quite
the contrary the  higher hopes to
the monastery
To her depth of the airplane,
rained on berries

The apps or eps what episodes
to lead her Ms. Sherry
The rain became a new birth
The Czechs with their raincoat
and checkbooks
Those rain  exotic teas take a trip
What we need to accept its
never a sunny day
in Philadelphia

The Park of the Recreation
The TV show on a rain divination
The tears of a powerful lady sing
the Blues Business

No is that so rain go away
No Please stay that's our
A piece of the drips
Don't cop out now the
wetness in her short rain dress
After the heat BUSINESS

Like the rain business
Without the rain no life
of flowers trees birds
All her wet dreams of words

It raining mad Hallelujah
Tall mean and wet drenched
syrup cake of ***
The rain with Graphic effects
I phone gets flooded and then
disconnects like banging
African drum the Safari
Designer rained away Tahari
Every drop is being inspected
Evaluated

Rain depths high to her legs
Sopping wet and her coffee
was somehow cloudy with his
words like rainstorm
How love can be neglected if you're at
the Stockmarket

What a heavy rain pour getting all your
money wet to the love heights
Of her rain depth  you could wake up it
was a rain dream seductively as its told
She got Iced like a cake
The rain was frozen
like the Queen_ war of the dozen

The phone disconnects.
Maybe a rat chewed through the wire
Or the ring of your voice triggered the phone's Numbers to Reject.
The phone disconnects.
I could have slammed it down,
I could have never answered, though luckily for me,
the phone disconnects.
Maybe a rat chewed through the wire.

Insomnia is not the, uh
End of the line or some transcendent sign
That tells you that happiness and comfort are reserved for other people only

Take a deep breath to ensure the cheap death of the sleep theft
That robs you of your right to not dim the lights and go unconscious tonight
Stay awake and aware
Put foot to the brake and delay your despair

Mourn the loss of a fate that did not graduate
Into all that you’d hoped for and tried to create
Life is never translated perfectly from your grandiose dreams
To what actually seems to be the case
That the world is confusing and unforgiving place
Don’t cry over a book shedding some words making the leap from page to silver screen
Rejoice that you even have source material

For me, it was getting caught up in the fantasy of a girl
Who, for a little while anyways, redefined my entire world
My life's atlas is still undergoing edits, so she gets some due credit
And like an inquisitive child testing out his hypothesis on a lightswitch
She’d disappear without a sound and wait around to just be found
Awesome, awful, top of the world, bottom of the barrel, there, and not

And... not.

...

I was foolish enough to be a rollercoaster seat who genuinely believed that
The person who chose me wasn’t merely in it for the ride
But for something inside
Some kind of feeling
Only I could have supplied

But at the end of the 60-second 60-mile per hour loops and swoops
The bars come up and the passengers leave
And the seat is left there wondering
“Didn’t they like having fun with me?”

I’ve been brainwashed
to this strange spot
of abstained thoughts
there’s been days when I praise God
But today’s not
I gotta claim faith debt and hit rock bottom
And do to my demons what the so-called faithful don’t
Talk about ‘em

So for now I’m gonna let her light go dark
Because I’ve been blinded to the fact
That when I’m attacked
I can still create my own spark

I can climb outta the hole and
Get back in control and
shrug em all off and
the only thing she deserves is a scoff and
a few verses dispersed with perverse curse words

...*****.

I’m diagnosing myself with fictitious symptom syndrome
This apparent disease squeezes by my dilating eyes and disconnects my
god ****** diaphragm and derails my dialect

But as long as my skeleton stands up straight
And I have stories to create
Then yeah, I think I’m okay with putting off sleep for the night
In exchange for believing that everything is all right
Because tomorrow morning, I’m waking up at 100%
With the intent to reinvent myself and represent myself
As a glasses free Clark Kent

Your words secretly lure me into your heart,
an art to restart,
my life from your point of view.
The tears of my past evaporate,
to create,
a life where you set me straight,
as my heart slowly inflates, as I fall in love.
I hold on tight,
slightly fright,
but your smile excites me letting me know it will be alright.
Explaining to myself that it won’t be perfect,
you have this effect,
that disconnects,
my brain from my heart,
as my heart takes over the whole aspect of love.
You,
sweet with a high irritability,
with the agility to catch me before I shatter on the ground.
My fragility,
quickly erupts as your arms curve around my flexibility,
telling me I have found, the one.
But even through the storms,
my soul reforms,
to make me a better person,
not only for me but for you.
As it transforms,
it informs us,
that our relationship is something out of the ordinary,
that we have worked hard to pursue.

What is a person in the middle harm (MITM)? Imagine this, an opponent applies up an imitation financial institution internet site in addition to entices buyers fot it web site. The person forms in their pass word, along with the aggressor therefore functions that information gain access to the lending company genuine internet site. If this describes done properly and also discretely, the user won't realise that he / she isn for the lender web page. Your assailant after that disconnects the consumer and tends to make almost any fake purchases how they wish or travels an individual business banking transactions while making his personal trades concurrently.

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Protected tokens, these tiny essential fobs having altering account details, have been thought to be panic disorder many of the basic safety concerns banks confront around discovering their particular consumers. It a great choice greater compared to a straightforward username and password, but it surely not just a bulletproof option that numerous men and women think that it is. Using a male didn't remember the words assault, where the individual can be giving its code and also other material, the particular enemies could clear away a forex account in just a few minutes.

Attackers are obtaining smarter every day when new precautionary features will be made against these. Many clients would think about bogus website instead of have the capacity to decide it is a false website that has been built by the assailants. More often than not these kind of web pages are generally exact same from the genuine websites.

Having a guy in between harm, Trojans along with other spyware are lying throughout wait for an person to access some sort of qualified website, mainly financial plus personal solutions. When the site involves not one but two point authorization in the get access process, say for example a protection important and also token, an individual would certainly enter in the 1 time private data in the token completely uninformed that this invasion is manufactured for the consumer.
An effective way in order to eliminate guy in the centre strikes is to try using the SSL association (as most finance institutions perform), with the user to check the authenticity from the SSL certificates from the machine there're associated with also to employ from band not one but two component certification. This proves that you are attached to the lender straight, to never a man in the center or perhaps a phishing web page in addition to youe capable to discover all by yourself employing outside of group a pair of component validation. Beyond strap 2 issue authorization is best suited for in the event the subsequent factor involving verification develops on the contract period in contrast to if a consumer fire wood throughout.

Cyber terrorists are usually trying to find pertaining to top secret info presented on your desktop. They prefer phishing episodes to help take your testimonials along with determine these individuals since you fraudulently.

The best way safe and sound ya think you might be in opposition to phishing problems plus dude in the centre strikes? Even when you may feel safeguarded searching the world wide web as well as visiting within your online banking, yourrrre still coupled to the principal steady flow of the online where by dude in the center violence could happen. Being able to view machines throughout the world to be able to method details as well as examine private data positions you actually at risk. Even if you or perhaps your business enterprise works by using beyond wedding ring two-factor authorization, all depends about the a higher level basic safety made available from your remedies service but it will depend on the way thorough the finish user in fact is. Just a good out-of-band a couple of issue verification answer may offer the safety that you might want. This is taken a little more forward through the use of any out of strap two aspect verification solution that offers absolutely nothing foot print safety measures as well.

Phishing to get Data

Phishing is often a technique for wanting to acquire hypersensitive information including usernames, passwords in addition to bank card information and facts by simply masquerading as a honest company within an automated interaction. Phishing is much like disposing of your lure looking to trap your private data. There are plenty of means of phishing by means of tricks regarding net houses along with printing but the idea is always to make believe be described as a kind of curiosity towards the sufferer. Once the enemy has generated confidence by simply pretending to be the web site you intended to stop by or even as a result of some form of transmission for instance contact or phone they're going to attempt to siphon details. Phishing can even be completed mail spoofing or im. Bankruptcy lawyer las vegas information is obtained you may be the particular victim involving identity fraud or you'll ended up being the weak link around stability your business originating from a man-in-the-middle assault.

Figuring out using the Man-in-the-Middle

Man-in-the-middle attacks certainly are a sort of eavesdropping that the assailant creates self-sufficient contacts with all the subjects and relays mail messages between the two, making them imagine that these are talking immediately conversing with each other on the non-public link, while in actuality the entire discussion is handled with the enemy. Picture this situation, you will be enjoying a casino game of telephone however pal at the center maintains adjusting the solution. When an assailant has generated appreciable link involving along with their own priority, might be by means of phishing, they might adjust communication. Using this adjustment associated with interaction they even can catch material used in two-factor authorization because most many people have net on the cell phones.

Improved Two-Factor Authorization

If you want varieties of two-factor verification the best kinds make the most of out-of-band zero size connection. Out-of-band certification implements a individual system to distinguish a customer such as the telephone sites. Strikes may happen even though not one but two point verification is present, although the prospects for a guy in the center assault working much less expensive. Employing a new zero size solution can look after a little more forward versus these types of problems. From music group a couple of issue authorization along with Absolutely no records foliage no locate of confirmation regarding and apply no information from your device used by identifying a person. The idea is that their without the need of everything being in the water there is little change to no chance being captured because of the lure involving phishing.

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A child sits crouched behind a wooden fence separating him from the abuses of his home. The winter night in the northern hills chill his breath as well as his heart. He doubts that he will survive the night ahead, but what he doubts most is that you will stay with him. A sad and weak heart is born this night.
Hidden from the world, he disconnects and tries to forget who he is. Though the child's tears and reflection of memories cause him to choke, and the screams from his broken home return him to reality.
He asks himself "what can I do?"
All he knows is to direct the sadness and anger inward for he has been powerless in the passage of life. Though an unknown strength moves him forward from that night to experience the next day. Liberation is one day closer.
He asks himself "is this the day?"
He knows it is not.
Days will go by and nothing will change. Not till the day courage is restored back into him will he be able to take up arms for a better life. He does not give up and he strives on for his mother and siblings.
It is an ongoing battle, but he will lose himself in the quest for change. The memories harbor a distorted child with confusion and resentment. As I said a sad and weak heart is born this night. He forever becomes a shadow of his former self.

Life  as a whole
           Is
An integral yoga

In some phases

     It disconnects

     to Divine

Sometimes it

Connects to

The Divine

If only sleeping didn’t bring out the demons in me

Dark and darker entities popping stopping staring at me for what seems like eternity maybe higher than that maybe in my mind no reality of me living where I am supposed to be.
I see eyes that’s always the beginning they take me inside I overthink the circumstance where I’m the pupil but I’m always sacrificing myself to be the victim.
Flashbacks possibilities deja vus of me disconnections disconnects its blocks of memories.
Stagnant thinking it’s the brinking of uncertainties and the insomniac tendencies left beneath me by my depressive states I question its beginnings.
Where the pain lies in my side every time I wanna die and think back to why it confuses me.
Waking up buried in ***** dust though sometimes sparkly is always as terrifying as the last time.
Even when you get out you’re never truly free in such a dark city.
Let’s try howling like our pets tried when our neighbors died when I wake up I hear her scream.
No clocks ticking it’s just the doorbell ringing and the death chimes on and on.
We’re tearing through the jungle book of matrix look a green computer screen but it’s all black and brown they throw some color red in it.
But it just blurs and blurs and you’re not sure, you just let yourself fade into the chaotic white buzz instead of letting yourself looking at the bigger picture.
It’s on a ladder it’s so confusing every rail means something monkey bars leading seemingly nowhere that’s where the blur starts that’s where my heart dies that’s where I go blind.
Entities blurring creation forget your dreams why have we forgotten where we’ve come from

I'm thinking and guessing
What if the things that are stressing
Me out
Are just problems I've made myself up?

I'm looking for a place to belong,
But what if I have this need as long
As I do not embrace that I'm different from others?
Or am I the one who disconnects and becomes another?

What is belonging?
Is it worth ignoring
Things you don't like,
That you don't feel understood or alike?

They say everything starts within,
Is it something I haven't given
Myself yet,
Or should I keep searching for it?

I glimpse her profile
Off the glare
Of the overhead
Transparent

Cloaked by lank,  
Swinging hair

Eyes curtained
And a negative space of
Existence
Round her chair.

Forgotten  
Neglected
By the rowdy, stinging noise
Peers whose vibrant adolescent mouths blare
Out one-note identities

She is there and

Then she’s gone

And my mind
Disconnects
Mid-lecture

Squinting into the shadowed corner  
Looking for my grade-8 self.

I try to please you,
But we'll never have that.
You say listen, but I can't.
My ears bleed deafness,
From the screams in my head at night.
My head pounds so hard,
Feels like my neck disconnects my spine.
My voice soft and horse,
From Pleading for mercy,
You just do not listen,
My opinion,
So empty.

I want to breathe you in
Feel your skin upon mine
In
Simplistic satisfaction

I want to hear your heartbeat
And feel your hot breath
On the back
Of my neck as I fall
Asleep

I want to live in the afterglow of nothing
Of Pure happiness
And lazy content

I want to see your smile
At every stage
And have your laugh on repeat
Next to me

I want to see your face
At two in the morning
As you let your dreams
Take you away
And I want to know
That I am part of them

I want you to let down your
Iron-clad
Walls
And let me in

I want to be
So very selfish

I want to know your
Memories and
Pain and
Triumphs and
Falls and
Every little thing that can make
You smile

I want to record every second
I spend with you
To watch again
When we are apart

I want to see you grow
To see the sun bathing your
Skin
And it's warm, sandy texture
To be pressed against mine

I want to soar with you
Over all of the hate
And misery
And corruption
In the world

"I can take on the world with
One hand
So long as you
Hold the other"

I want to love you
In the childish
Pure
Fresh and simple
Sense of the world

I want to explore you
And everything
That you are built from

I want to know every
Twist
And turn
That makes up your soul

I want to be
So very selfish

I want to brace you to
The storms
And inevitable pain
You will face

I want to kiss away every tear
And memorize every contour
Of your face

I want to laugh with you
I want to laugh for you
Because of you

I want to invite you into my world
And my heart
I want to share with you
Everything that can be shared

I want to feel your muscles
Ripple and contract
Underneath me
As your mind disconnects
From this world

I want to discover with you
Every part of yourself
You haven't yet explored

I want our breath to mingle
In and ever-present
Greeting
Of hello
And "I love you"

With you I want to reach the end of
The rainbow

Share in disappointment
And bliss
Misery and
Ecstasy

I want to hear you call my name
Everyday
So I won't be forgotten

I want to watch you
Break apart
And lose your way
And
I want
To be there
To help you Re
Discover Yourself

I want to hold you in my
Arms
And run my hands all
Across you

I want to be
So very selfish

I want to give you back rubs
When you've had a
Stressful day

I want to get lost with you
I want to explore with you
I want to ignore the world
With you

I want to watch the
Sunset'~'Moonrise'~'Moonset'~'Sunrise
With you huddled by me

I want to know everything that
Bothers you
Everything that makes you angry
Everything that makes you cry out
In anguish
Or defeat

I want to share a lazy morning
Cup of tea
Or slice of toast
With you

I want to face the darkness
So long as
Your eyes will guide me

I want to sit on a dirt road
In the middle of nowhere
Curled tight against you
Under a blanket
And watch a campfire burn out
And the stars replace the flames
As our light source

But being with you makes me
Shine so very bright
Anyways

I want to be
So very selfish

And have you by my side

The Devil
makes you go hungry
and he fills you with greed.
The Devil whispers in your ears
until they both bleed.

The Devil
is the one that makes
you want to throttle your bird,
you can find the Devil at the
bottom of a bottle I've heard.

The Devil
is to blame, for your pain and your loss,
he fills you with rage,
and the Devil is your boss,
when you work  like a slave for
minimum wage.

The Devil
fills your glasses
and he empty's your cup,
That dark lord will make you
commit benifit fraud,
and he is the one,
who grasses you up.

The Devil
makes you stray,
with no regard,
for what your doing
to anothers life,
and while your away,
the Devil's in your house
giving it hard, to your wife.

The Devil
makes you bold
and he does fill you with fear,
the Devil turnes the young old
and can turn a strait man queer.

The Devil
took your daughter,
and turned her into
a wrinkled old hag.
Round our way, a piece
of the Devil is bought for,
ten pound a bag.

The Devil
never stays at home
and never will he rest.
The Devil is the one who
gives you a loan,
and charges double interest.

The Devil
is the one who the police pursue
he is the one that they do chase,
unless  the one on the run
happens to be you,
then dressed in blue,
the Devil you will face.

The Devil,
when the loneliness
can't be taken anymore,
he comes and disconnects your phone.
Need time on your own,
then the Devils banging on your door
and he just wont, leave you alone.

The Devil
resides, in your ex's eyes,
he made them say those words
that were not true.
And the Devil's already got his claws
into the next one, to tell you lies
and get thier filthy paws on you.

The Devil
makes you repeat what you've heard,
he makes your lips looser,
and next time someone's slandering you,
maybe its because they've had a word,
with Lucifer.

Yea the Devil is everwhere
but there is a way to get him of your case,
and tell him you'll see him later.
Grab that Devil by the horns,
look him in the face,
and tell him you belong, to the creator.

It is incredibly fragile.
More like a web of hair winding through the city
Than a spider’s web that bounces back.
Electric current run through my veins; support me.
More moved to soak in the sun than taste the flow of a water-dam or take in the scent of a coal-burner.
Knock it down,
Down and out with the lights they go black.
They cannot see, cannot search.
Their voices throw complaints at this power-gone-out,
But I laugh.
Reading with the light of the still-rising sun I smile behind the safety of my book.
I do not need to be recharged,
I’ve got the power of the sun to bring me to stand.
They’ve got themselves depending on breakable things,
Leaning on a dry branch as if it would hold them up as long as they need,
Don’t know that a dry thing will snap if you push it too much.
How easy it would be to bring down a place like this,
All strung together, their failing crutch.
Must be in sync.
Must be connected.
But don’t they know?
Connection disconnects when a sacrificial tree topples and their circuit ceases to exist.
Their power cannot reach their devices and their shoulders fall.
Does anyone have a generator to bring them back to life?
And why won’t they regenerate when the lines are cut?
Come back to life,
Find your power in the sun.

-a bit of the main hero myth -

but the legend said I would, and by now,
you think
maybe so, maybe al in real is al in always?

and we begun, to think the bubble biggering thing a
gain a
little
here there a
we informed, an afform-firm
conformative decision, says the story
telling me, to tell you all, we
told you,
so, who due you owe? Define Devine then sift love
from the mix,
mere words
awe,
ah
ha and sounds mmm hmmm ok tic
we talk
you talk,
we talk unalienable rightmtruetoo, 'botchew
lie.
How? civil servant say, how we lie?

whispers laughs ear to earl laughs aloud

your god in the stars, gives you kings, you say
kings is a dangoodway, to rule with just
one lie, the entire idea and the way
to teach it so all stand under it
until death pay each full worth
of every counted for something idle word
deemed
realways to develop the character, wise one,

kingslayer, -{argh- we be makers of peace, y'twist}

strait up made sacred, squeeze through the clench
tightjibbs beesinteeth big olgrin, not a smile
a grimace,

I have miles to go before I sleep…

but that would leave me at the mercy, ah
ha, right we as words used to hold the satellite-ical
logos, systems,
certainly some are better than others in terms,
terms themselves per se, yo se, such easy knowing
we all know the lies about god
are not being told by those who asked
help with unbelief.

What a relief. Enough. Just enough
to know,
orchids are good as mistletoe, in the ganzgestalt

Book of Life, which holds all the imagined ones,
sets of ways we can imagine

becoming from, y'know,
where I'm from, where a mind is made up, matters,
materially, however, we here,
acknowledge good in all its ways, it's as if the good
quantum level good
is
down at the base
re as on,
if off is re
versatile, a stairway, eh, a stile over the wall,
verse
no need to take down the wall, it may have a role,
like one of those domino shows,
10,000, manhours, zip-thasitclickity click and done
or failed,
maybe this wall that holds the last fret to let go,
re
ject, right, once more, throw it all away, and watch
the good stuff keep comin' back sayin',

Horton say you hear us, we ai, ain't d-ai-d, or
afraid, we jes' old
and filled with buckets of lists of all the things we never did.

- ah, me, cool
- see, in egypt to get the best out of life after death,
- you staid ready to say, a whole long list of I did not do that’s
- and if the list of things you did not do
- is long enough, as you write it in practice scrolls of con
- fession pro forma
-
whatever
disconnects you from finding true rest, no worries, fret not
no *******,

that ain't the kind of peace terminals we make up, as minds
accepted, like a hat, pick the wish you were,
wear the hat, walk the walk, do the talk,
it's TV Sci-fi, fi simper, semper fi  - no lie, a good story,

makes a mass audience in tune to common sense, as
hot and cold,
light and dark,
pull and push,
twist and shout, work it on out, it is
oh yeah
your salvation, do it now, did we miss a beat, was there a hell
somebody never made shut yo' lyin' mind

old man, go home
ask truth-its-ownsel,f tell you what lies you leave be true,
you true believer, be
doin' some listen to yo'self say what you know, you don't.
Ask truth what lie you b'lieve.
You know, you don't. You know, you don't. Forever,
yet, beyond the shadow of that,
y'know
here, earth post 2020, we all saw we all are human, by
all the names of terms we all use
to say I know them, their cousins back to mito mom
our whole internal energy distribution system
links us- yeseyesyes- any bleeding mortal reader on earth
is linked to all bleeding mortal readers on earth
and in where radio code can be decoded
hmmm
mmmmm
mind in matter-real struggle for reality, look spot
blind, see, I never did that test for the fifteen degree blind zone.

Face to face, I know a clenching grimace when I make one.

It ios finished, flushit. That real human
feeling
is the actual good that
ties us at the base of all we ever knew, it is true,
science in good con
good con
science is just
like religion, formation of a following explanatory story,
this
is what comes next, unless we do
the right
thing.

Use the dowry? Touch the Principle Thing, oh my GOD
can you imagine, as in
Beulah land, of corn and wine all its riches freely MINE

… JUST OVER THOSE ROCK KANDY MOUNTAINS
eeeee ohdledee odledeeee ooo

-- and nextime the hillbilly baby momma goes to
tell her cousin of the conditions associated with this
pragnanz gnosis, super secret, you cannot say john.

Sure, you name your kid John, mine has a thousand names al-
rea-ah ready
dy
and just as many faces,

and the babe kicked, she said,
in the spirit
that kick

little startle response no excuse, no sense of déjà vu,

that's common.
It comes down in sheets. Let downs,
from heaven.

she wakes to an empty bed
he's left in the early morning
to work, she shivers with regret
He calls at 9am and they exchange
pleasantries. He sighs as the phone
disconnects while she hangs up
hesitantly. Was there more to be said?
He sits in a morose world on the
internet in the afternoons where
he waits for her to come home from
work. He's all alone with his memories
and he dreams of scenarios that
might possibly become reality
if he can convince her that he's
sincere. But shes not there...
Evening meals are a lesson in silence
in the awkwardness of masticating
images that could be dreams or
nightmares, she doesn't care, he
is there...
******* in the dark, in stealth
making sure the rustle of clothing
leaving the body is no indication
of an invitation they awkwardly
brush against each other, creating
friction, gauging reaction, not really
ever wanting to engage in carnality
just basically giving each other
the time of day and the illusion
of Love and a Yes please but
No thanks, not tonight
just another day...
The coffee is cold as it sits acting
like a looking glass for a stare
deep inside the darkness might
be someone who cares but over
the breakfast table on a weekend
morning, the divide is yawning
and there is a weakness to the
futilely uttered
"Good Morning"

Stretched skies and vast spaces
Erase my name from society,
And mosaics, trigonometry, and fractals beneath
At my feet in time become simple and empty.

So with distance, their powers are diminished,
Finishing off the last busy thoughts to my name.
And the explicitly raw material world disconnects
objects of connection to my world and within this plane.

Shut off from the rest of the world, time wasting,
Tasting the distinct flavor of being in time out,
Awaiting a landing that may or may not be homebound,
Undrowned, within the stream of consciousness’ drought

Anxiety eats all my power
It breaks me down into small specks
Spinning my thoughts through each hour
As each idea then disconnects

I bite all my nails down to skin
Hoping to gain some relief
I clench my jaw tightly again
So hard that I crack all my teeth

I feel my brain doing back flips
As it tosses around and it turns
Eating mushrooms to gain short trips
And then coming down to return

Drugs are the one thing that calm me
But prescriptions just ain't my style
So I score them back in an alley
And remain being able to smile

I rip all my hair out by the root
And peel off the top of my head
Hoping I'll be able to reboot
And remember all lost things I've said

Looking at the sky
One late evening
Limitless, vast. So vast!
Echoes of birds retiring.
Water from eons of rebirth
Splashing on the weary summer dock. 

Eyes roam 
Restless twitching
I pace, going nowhere.
Aching in my sweat
My dog wonders, leaves disgusted.
Caffeine disconnects me even further
My focus is fleeting
Looking up, looking down
I'm a lost ant looking for my queue
Frantic, so much to do
One more thread snapping
My head is spinning
There's so much *******
Noise!

Then, you call.
"Hey, wassup?"

I'm melting like ice cream.
Peanut butter and jelly.
Legs propped on the porch
The lake looks nice.
Smiling with you
One rhythm found in your name
Filling the sky. So vast!
Coast to coast
Such a small Universe. 

That's what you do to me.
******* amazing, huh?

the dormant sound when breath is all but gone
cranial infarction electrical spark disconnects around
a bad analogy, and, I don't mean to spoil the fantasy
but,
corpuscle dystrophy rots my bulbous anatomy
'tween me ears swelled
synonymy or  antonymy
like psychology through buzzy eyes
often,
brings a symphony of cries,
I apologize!

Sometimes when I’m sad,
The solution is easy;
I’ll just lather on lipstick
Or put The Beatles on repeat.

A long drive to clear my head,
A good book to ease my mind,
As it turns out contentment
Isn’t always hard to find.

But sometimes when I’m sad,
The solution seems shaded.
I can’t get thoughts together
And my rationale is jaded.

Then suddenly I’m sinking
With a truck on my chest,
In the middle of the night
When my mind disconnects.

The most frightening part
Of the nights I spend awake
In a panic, is that they start
As the sadness I can take.

So had I put that album on
Or gone to drive when I got off,
Maybe I’d have slept tonight
Instead of peeling myself up off

The kitchen floor at five am,
And showering the black out
From underneath my eyes
And dragging myself throughout

The coming day like it was nothing.
I’m an idiot to treat these ordeals like they’re nothing.
Though I have no idea at all how to stop them,
In reality they are very much something.

and now we are here
starring at each other from across a table
a healthy divide between who I am
and everything you thought I should be
all the idealistic pictures you used to paint of the pronoun you exalted as the fantom:
'we'
all the messes we made and the even messier nights are on the table too,
I didn't forget one word.
and I know you didn't either.
and I might be sorry for talking **** and trashing the way you seemed to adopt every part of me
I might be sorry for making you cry that night I pulled away because I was breaking and you couldn't see outside of your own skin long enough to realize what your use of the weight of your skull and who's shoulder you carelessly used to prop it up for no reason at all was doing to me
what it did to me
I know what I did to you, just because I did something for me
I listened to you cry from the bunk bed below alone and tired in your forand now we are here
starring at each other from across a table
a healthy divide between who I am
and everything you thought I should be
all the idealistic pictures we used to paint of the plural pronoun you exalted as the fantom 'we'
all the messes we made and the even messier nights are on the table too
I didn't forget one word
and I know you didn't either
and I might be sorry for talking **** and trashing the way you seemed to adopt every part of me
I might be sorry for making you cry that night I pulled away because I was breaking and you couldn't see outside your own skin long enough to realize what your use of the weight of your skull and who's shoulder you carelessly used to prop it up for no reason at all was doing to me,
what it did to me
I know what I did to you just because I did something for me I listened to you cry from the bunk bed below alone and tired of trying to understand my ever changing disposition
And I too, was tired.
I was tired of you trying to keep me warm
I felt like **** but it ended up okay because you returned the favor two months later at my 18th birthday party
only I had a shoulder to cry on
and I should have seen it then but I didn't forgive you all those times I could have sworn I did
on my knees in the sanctuary begging a higher power to take the anger from me
I swore I never wanted to hate you but **** it maybe I did
fingers crossed dressed all white at the funeral
I always savored your spirals
but I'm moving on from that
and after three good ******* years of on and off behavioral tendencies
reevaluations and disconnects and fear of all that you saw in me
I'm not afraid anymore to say that there isn't any 'we'
at least not in the way you said it would be
and I don't want to pretend that I'm heartbroken over it
though I used to loose sleep at night
I don't want to pretend like there's still something here
moving on finally feels right
as we ******* over a couple cups of coffee I can see clearly that we are not the same and that we will never be
but you just keep on talking about your job and about the road trip that we'll never take and how good it feels for everything to be 'okay'
back in the old cycle of recycling the same five conversation topics trying to grasp at a singular old flame
a spark of the easy days
but all I can think about is how I've changed
I'm not the same
and the divide is clear
but here we are anyway.

I've been thinking about her all weekend,
building up the courage to, at least, ask her name.
Eagerly waiting for Monday to come by
to finally be able to see her again.

I put on my best clothes. Put on some cologne.
Struggle with my hair until it looks good enough.
Pick up my backpack, and put on my headphones,
walking to school listening to love songs.

I arrive early. Some friends are already there.
We talk about the weekend, schoolwork and such.
I'm waiting for her with the courage still building up.
I see her in the distance. Here she finally comes.

My mind disconnects; only focus is her.
My heart is about to jump out of my chest.
Rehearse what you'll say. Come on! You can do it!
She's coming nearer. I'm going over there.

Her hair is beautifully messy.
Her shy look lost in her phone.
Her pace is slow yet steady.
Her skin as white as snow.

She looks at me now. It's time to attack.
My face cannot draw but an awkward smile.
I open my mouth so my voice takes over,
but all I could utter was a simple "Hi.".

"Hi.", she replied, shyly, and kept walking.
Yes. I let her walk away yet again.
Guess I didn't build up enough courage,
but I won't lose this one. Not this time. No way.

Mind racing, heart stops pacing, cannot tell my toes from my fingers.

Its just a dance, a high price dance, where my body disconnects from my racing head.

Palms aching, legs shaking, my body cannot handle my mind.

Cannot, cannot the words pound in my head with an ever resounding Thwop that murders my cells all night.

Help, I cry, I want to scream but words can’t touch my mouth.

Acid mouth that poisons lips and drops them dead right here.

Poison, poison in my veins begging for some nourishment from the silence.

Beautiful is nothing that I say when I look in the mirror to see another’s face, missing my own from memories of heartless futures of nevermore.

Poe knew words that I do not know, wrote them more eloquently than this thirsty heart can ever wish to obtain

I wish I may I wish I might end this heartlessness tonight to burn my soul into  deadly resurrection.

Stop my toes from twitching stop this heart from beating stop my soul from  combusting in the hot sunlight juxtaposed with its secret darkness.

Help.

All I want is help.

Stop.

All I want is for it to stop, for the pain of a thousand years to jump off my shoulders and find a new host to **** dry.

Let me be new, renew my body and heal it from this wicked curse, and save me from killing myself from the inside out.

you hear people tell you how
lovely you are
you read it, hear it roll off
their tongues.
But what you hear disconnects
somewhere
before the point of
receiving.
It gets near but not in
or in but not through.
You close your eyes
and all
you have is a dark black drum,
beating towards a dark sharp
edge, dragging you away

don't let the down days come,
you're begging yourself. Don't
let it swallow you, don't let it
sink, sting, don't lose yourself.
Your only hope is that you've been this low
before and you can float back to the surface
stay afloat, stay
afloat
you don't have to drown, you can drown the dark days