"deathwish" poems
next time you see me slit my throat
let my blood gush like it did on american streets
mute my screams like i did while the news got old
let your knife **** the silence and ignite the need for equality.
next time you see me pull the trigger on my foolish mouth
shut me up while i complain about my silver spoon
while children die of empty stomachs in the south
let the gun sound wake up people like me to reality.
next time you see me lynch my body
let it hang like decoration to show people that
the silent are like the violent
the mute are like police who shoot
the ones who are quiet while they feast on a meal
are like the crooked politicians who steal.
let my silence be the death of me
and my new found voice be the death of the thoughts of our enemy.
- t.m
Jan 16, 2017
Jan 16, 2017 at 1:29 PM UTC
Everybody always telling me
That I’m young
That I can do anything that I want to
Should I be excited? Right?
But I can only think that I should die high
I’m so afraid of those feelings
Why I still killing me
Don’t leave me alone with me
But
If you stay by my side
I’ll break you so hard
So go away,
go away
I don’t wanna make you feel my pain
Don’t worry baby, I’ll be okay
Living with my fake face
My fake friends
I’ll be okay
Jun 23, 2020
Jun 23, 2020 at 12:20 PM UTC
of all the things i've ever loved
you deserve it most,
and i am inadequate.
if drinking's a sin
and drugs are expensive
how am i to numb this?
i've never craved anesthesia
until tonight
school taught me about bones
but it never mentioned
how caged they would make me feel
i'm trapped in this body
restricted by the only thing that's truly mine
no one likes a broken mind
everyone pities the girl with scars
and i don't understand
why some are born happy
and others with a deathwish
and maybe i'm not meant
for this life
Sep 23, 2015
Sep 23, 2015 at 12:14 AM UTC
Roaming in the dark
seeking life to take apart
Once a creature with a higher purpose
But after your missteps you began to hurt us
Destruction is what you live for
You want us to suffer because of our nature
"Baphomet I know it's hard, you don't know regret."
Try to be logical avoid your hateful thread.
Helping you is like a deathwish;
we know the dangers but we still accept it.
There he stands the creature of deception
In the eye of the beholder, he makes no exception..
May 5, 2017
May 5, 2017 at 6:55 AM UTC
Southwestern Dis-United States of Memory
Piñon smoke and sagebrush, voice of New Mexico night driving into an Arizona dawn rising over dreaming pueblos, low-ridden plazas, kivas and ruined cities’ rubble traced and highlighted by sunlight, Anglo angling into Aztec toward Zuni over arid zones… A to Z to El Dorado; a voice covers the high hills with a dusting of snow—every word hangs in the notes of the song: music to fall apart to, breakdown to, hurling the soul into the bottomless well of psychotic nostalgia: música de cavanga, falling into the depths. Melody pushing to the threshold of a bar and leaving you there with cash in your pocket and no ride home. The warmth inside beckons—you step across as the song fills, swells, intoxicates, then excavates the wall of the dam until it collapses. The fatal mistake: you read too much into the lyrics of shallow love songs. The deathwish beast of despair arises, the flooded plains dazzle your eyes, the Indian girl smiles on the rim of the grand canyon, the tattooed cholo pulls a knife in the trailer park, the dark waters under the bridge murmur and surge with regret; el río de Las Animas, Durango CO, Aztec calligraphy on the wall: Las Cruces, NM; Clifton, Morenci, Globe, AZ: stepped pyramids of copper tailings, gang-warred walls in fallen barrios covered in Chicano hieroglyphics, the ruined huts of shepherds and cowboys, pit-house dwellings’ flaked arrowheads and pottery fragments scattered forever in the coyote laugh of desert dusk. Crepuscular colors on the names of mountain ranges: Santa Catalina, Sangre de Cristo, Sandia, each one a separate sunset delirium—then you ride through the night to the city of palm trees and the orange-lined boulevards of Heaven.
The singer herself grew old but her YouTubes live forever.
Feb 23, 2017
Feb 23, 2017 at 9:37 PM UTC
I'm broken
Worthless to my owner
No care for me at all
They think I was born to fail
Send me away I'm a sinful
Lock me in hay with no bail
Inject me with lead you'd all love if I were dead.
Cut out my eyes listen to me wail.
Tear me to pieces cause I'm frail.
**** with my feelings it's okay it's a game
Soon I'll be hangin like other *****
Slave to no man but a noose.
Before death I'll be screaming you'll love that tune.
I'm lit like a flame but burning in pain.
Put knives in my brain.
I'll be sharp in my head.
Deathwish is what I want.
While I'm bleeding to death.
My death will be praised.
They all I've never been sane.
I cry myself to sleep.
At my funeral don't weep.
You cut me wide open
So 'll get a late abortion.
You played with my emotions
More than with female sheath
You took away my oxygen
When you lied to me
I know you never liked me though
I always knew you were a fraud
You said you're queer when my heart speaks
So now all girls just disgust me.
I was never good at lust
I get confused with loving
Jan 20, 2018
Jan 20, 2018 at 4:21 AM UTC
Is it so bad to be the way I am?
I can barely convince myself
To get out of bed
If I'm not sleeping all day
To be reminded to eat
Or reminded what happened yesterday
I get so dizzy, I fall down
Get so tired that my whole body
Shuts down
And there are even days
When I hate myself
So strongly, that I want nothing more than to punish myself for living
I don't even want to die out of pity
But I feel like I am so toxic
That I deserve to die
I deserve all the pain the world has to offer
When anything bad happens in my life
Anymore, I don't hardly get upset
I merely accept it, and say that's what I get
For being who I am
I don't even want to live
I'm so high on medication
And yet I can't image lasting
One moment in my natural mind
I want to die
I want to die
I think about it all the time
Look into my eyes
And tell me it'll be alright
It'll only be another lie
Mar 18, 2017
Mar 18, 2017 at 2:53 AM UTC
I was a loner when i was born
I will be a loner when i'm gone
The good,the bad and the ugly....the highs and lows of life....
....i've seen it all
There were times when i wished i were dead
And then there were times when i had a ball
I've never had no expectations...coz whenever i've had one i've lost it all
Isolation's been my best friend
One misery in my life followed by another...that's been the trend
I once looked at the stars..
...How they seemed to shine so bright!!!...
....It's like they were making love to the universe
Out in the dark....in the open sky
Some in a cluster...
While some spread so very far
As far as my sight went..right up to the distant horizon
.....Beautiful assemblage of lights
Just looking at them made me high...
I guess we r all looking for that one particular face(the star of our life)..somewhere out among the stars.
Alas!!!... i don't have this luxury with me
SSHHH!!!!.........can you hear it??....
.....The serene silence of Death
..the bitter taste...the elixir that frees you from the chaos and confusion of life
I sometimes want it so bad....
Truth and falsity....hope and regret...they all find peace in death
As my body grows old with the advent of time
And my soul is but aching...
Life has reduced me to a caricature
...All i wish for is to go to that place of eternal sleep
...and for Death to engulf me in it's fury-filled grasp.
Jun 20, 2015
Jun 20, 2015 at 5:53 AM UTC
You fell right back into my life
A burning star with a deathwish
I can see you hurtling through the air
Holding my heart deep inside
To be honest
I truly welcome the impact.
Sep 20, 2013
Sep 20, 2013 at 2:10 PM UTC
Not all blessings happen in the same week
But everything eventually comes to me
There's still a lot of life to be displayed
Grab a shield until the fears go away
Afternoon nightmares held my face
Reaper with the scythe of I'm not okay
Lucifer came, and from there I prayed
To **** every deathwish and plague
I know you haven't found a home
I know, it shows, so have
My arms, my heart, my soul
I'm gonna put the ************* demon
In a barbed wire bodybag for one reason
Don't think about hurting that girl again
Or you'll see how this story will end
You do not lay on a crown of thorns
Now see what I could use this fire for
I'm burning the bag inside of the black
And I'm taking her ******* soul back
May 5, 2018
May 5, 2018 at 5:53 AM UTC
I need a conscience vacation
I need to get away
I can't be here anymore
I want to sleep until I'm no longer awake.
Someone please take this life
Take my name
Take my everything
Throw me into legacy and fame
God knows this heart will never beat the same
Proud but a coward
I stand strong but cower
I need a hand
I need a push
Off this ledge
Into this tailored noose
Deathwish seems like an understatement
I'll die young just like God intended
This name is a curse
And I'm not sure which is worse
To know what it is to be your best friends worst enemy
Or to know I'll be the death of me.
Feb 2, 2016
Feb 2, 2016 at 10:52 AM UTC
I noticed
a girl with scissor earrings on the bus,
What an amusing tiny anecdote ha!
Two more in different intervals reading in their seats...
(lucky bastarrds who get to seat and to read in these hellish buses)
I digress, one was reading Osho and the other a book called "The relic".
I stare,
that's what I do.
Always.
Stare and laugh then wait for reactions.
Lately the amount of green eyes around me have made me unfaithful to the 2% promise.
Also every crystal blue has been painful.
-please don't watch me unless your gaze is lighter than mine-
There's delight to this dull compression.
We leave crying,
we come back jubilant in sorrow.
What generational wander!
I've been staring and deafening myself to the attentions of others,
Thinking every word addressed may as well be a deathwish.
Give up, you don't want to argue with me...at least not today.
I promised myself a 9 blossomed on my skin, as if mold has inherently carved itself into me.
I'm keeping myself awake for that promise now.
Once it's over I'll promise myself some other futile dream.
Life has been...tame.
Nov 25, 2021
Nov 25, 2021 at 3:01 AM UTC
i cant help but feel so rotten
when it's all in order
feeling like i deserve the
tug of war between
depression & mania
like my life isn't quite as interesting
at baseline
and it may not be
but at least i can stomach it
for what it truly is
Feb 1, 2018
Feb 1, 2018 at 8:12 PM UTC
deadly in love,
and substance abused,
turning mirrors into loss,
every night turning into you.
written words to signal stars,
always dreaming your eyes.
Jan 2, 2022
Jan 2, 2022 at 1:58 AM UTC
I dreamt a dream that some demons must have sent,
Feeling all the pains I underwent;
No pictures, no hues, just the feeling,
All my bruises and cuts without healing.
I dreamt a dream that was set as sent by Death,
But it did fit no reasoning, nor math;
No relief, nor aftermath, just the moaning,
Like a self-pity-full, endless night and morning.
I dreamt a dream that was meant to be my end,
A fearful damnation, not mend;
All the pain and immense sadness,
Making every deathwish sickeningly reckless.
I was sent a senseless dream with Death being mad,
Vengefully meaning me dead;
I felt blueishly cold and in dreadful purple,
Hiding in my last reckless prayers as a turtle.
I was meant to dream a dream that was chance or warning,
Putting up the black phone calling;
With every evidence Death's hands hang,
I wished not dreaming that dream while it just rang, rang, rang...
Oct 5, 2019
Oct 5, 2019 at 3:58 AM UTC
"to say I love you"
tears walk away from my heart
a new series of terror
you hold fifty one vials of my blood
loving you and waiting
something ****** the soil
the cattle continue missing organs
it's too much to drive
the pastor says he's been waiting for me
it's pretty much what you choose now
blue eyes
fruit only the river could hold
we chew onions from the Amish
one week later and I'm not strong enough
we eat
summer withdraws her claws
twelve wives and eight of them pure
it's your choice the pastor says again
that prophet speaks into my perfect ****
it's the neighbors next I'm told
and thanks for asking
-------------------------------------------
fifteen years later and there ain't a bullet which could take me down
it's two lines for every buck I don't have
there's a look now
--------------------
convinced it ain't me touching
-------------------
into the red clay
tarnished steel coos
brassy nose learning to mask a smile
it's twenty two to life he tells me
these sins you commit, it'd be worth it
try as i smile
he breaks my resolve
it's ten years ago and you ask where'd I lose that tooth
that barn all but burnt
it's four years and death threats
threats but none so close
a gift you told me
a promise comes later
after the flower for the pence
after the deathwish
it's but the only wish
I killed you a long time ago
it's just a bag of trash
inside are things unwanted
with that out of my chest
i ask replace it
with an old sweet dream
it's the wolves' fangs
a sight akin to my bladder losing itself
and it's your smile
that contains my heart
-------------------------------------------------------
covered in a sheet of ice
thinking for so long the morgue was where i'd finish my first smoke
life burns out and death moves forward
a war is won with footsteps retreated, muddy & unaccounted for
it was my horse's tooth
'tis not that legendary silver fang
even now i taste you
weak and acrid in my happiest cups
much to remove
you
being such a series of
flashing lights
barking and hollering
defending and pleading
resurfacing and resurfacing
Mar 16, 2019
Mar 16, 2019 at 12:09 AM UTC
I drown myself in alcohol,
So my brain cant think at all.
I wasted most nights all alone.
Searching for a feeling i call my home.
But nothing is mine to own.
They say,
Stop feeling broken and sour.
So i drown myself in pills and liquor,
Cuz for me that's only working cure.
Even the music cant help no more,
Small wooden box, my deathwish, my final decor.
Jun 20, 2020
Jun 20, 2020 at 7:04 AM UTC
I wish that
You would die
So i
Can go on living
Happy,
Fed.
Apr 1, 2022
Apr 1, 2022 at 12:03 AM UTC
Everything broke - me included
I cannot keep my mouth shut - I will lose this
It's not a fashion statement, it's a deathwish
It's not a whimsical desire, but my whole life
my tears dry
You say and you talk about reality
but reality is a many sided thing
**** their reality, never worked for me.
If you knew to which point I came to be broken
how much it has weighed down my wings from soaring
and only now I was flying...
I love her! I can
At a distance
So I don't break in parts
'cuz of joining
Jun 12, 2017
Jun 12, 2017 at 3:45 PM UTC
White as a sheet ghostly color,
sans countenance of mine
impossible to differentiate between
Lenovo external screen background
myopia no deterrent as jaw slackened
upon Citizens Bank notification
current spate of ill health
(relentless stomach virus)
triggered emotional state
Kamikaze nose dived
into forbidding deathwish
gastrointestinal Civil War
relentlessly raged kickstarting
linkedin body, mind, spirit
emergency necessitating transfer of funds,
and/ or anonymous philanthropic injection
to staunch, stave, and stay hemorrhaging,
whereby checking account
beyond restoration, sans life support
heroic measures sense (cents) less,
now, mine entire being
excruciating figurative explosion,
viz rapidly fired projectile
as if "FAKE" mandibles bit the bullet
self destruction declaration reactivated
casus belli (caused by ache'n belly)
just on cusp of recovery
succumbed to lowest record nadir
kindling, sparking, and whip sawing
plea for salvation or termination,
mine abysmal ad hoc existence
evincing illogic, quixotic, tragic...
charade, facade, masquerade, et cetera
accursed woe synonymous with Sisyphus
condemned to Hades exhausting
arduous, laborious, torturous... punishment
social security disability deposit
congenital schizoid personality disorder
attendant anxiety, obsessive/ compulsive
disorder, panic marginally tempered
asper prescription medication
as each day of destitution,
offers smidgen alleviation!
Mar 27, 2019
Mar 27, 2019 at 4:24 PM UTC