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"bulged" poems
You call me She, Her, Daughter, Girl Shhhhh... You speak with a blind mouth, Look at me, see me She isn't me, Only a fantasy that you clutch till your knuckles grow pale. I am not broken, I am free But you hide behind a veil Afraid to finally let go of... Long hair, Lipstick, Lace dress You question each time I show you my truth, "Are you trying to hide your femininity?" No, my femininity is simply not my definition. Spend a day in my skin, in my cage, And don't cry when the words start to pierce you like daggers, Shhhh... Stay silent, don't worry, it's just a phase. Now do you see that "She" just doesn't make sense? You speak to me but your voice seems distant, Bouncing off of me and echoing Like I am the hollow statue of the girl you used to see. "I am right in front of you, you know" But my words are only heard when they come from her lips. Do you see me now? Mother, Children, Wife, Woman A silent prayer each night for all the things I am not, Stomach swollen, hair to my waist The glow of an expecting mother on my face. Curves, not edges, Pink, not blue. Delicate hands grasping the man who stands in my place. Do you see me now? Pants swollen, hair to my brow, Along my jaw, Down my legs, Sprouting from my toes. Do you see me now? Bulged, Buzzed, Boy Blood on my sheets, not between my legs Stained by the girl who lies in her place Fresh coat of gel and cologne, Swirls of shaving cream. Bare chest, Burning skin Twitch of an Adam's apple when breath comes short, Nervous fidgets with a tie, tick tock, "Pick me up at eight" "Treat her right" "I will sir" "Will you be my..." "You're going to be a father!" "You are the best daughter we could have asked for" ...."Son" I whispered. But you didn't hear, Please tell me Do you see me now?
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Jul 23, 2018
Jul 23, 2018 at 3:01 AM UTC
His Silent Cry
You call me She, Her, Daughter, Girl Shhhhh... You speak with a blind mouth, Look at me, see me She isn't me, Only a fantasy that you clutch till your knuckles grow pale. I am not broken, I am free But you hide behind a veil Afraid to finally let go of... Long hair, Lipstick, Lace dress You question each time I show you my truth, "Are you trying to hide your femininity?" No, my femininity is simply not my definition. Spend a day in my skin, in my cage, And don't cry when the words start to pierce you like daggers, Shhhh... Stay silent, don't worry, it's just a phase. Now do you see that "She" just doesn't make sense? You speak to me but your voice seems distant, Bouncing off of me and echoing Like I am the hollow statue of the girl you used to see. "I am right in front of you, you know" But my words are only heard when they come from her lips. Do you see me now? Mother, Children, Wife, Woman A silent prayer each night for all the things I am not, Stomach swollen, hair to my waist The glow of an expecting mother on my face. Curves, not edges, Pink, not blue. Delicate hands grasping the man who stands in my place. Do you see me now? Pants swollen, hair to my brow, Along my jaw, Down my legs, Sprouting from my toes. Do you see me now? Bulged, Buzzed, Boy Blood on my sheets, not between my legs Stained by the girl who lies in her place Fresh coat of gel and cologne, Swirls of shaving cream. Bare chest, Burning skin Twitch of an Adam's apple when breath comes short, Nervous fidgets with a tie, tick tock, "Pick me up at eight" "Treat her right" "I will sir" "Will you be my..." "You're going to be a father!" "You are the best daughter we could have asked for" ...."Son" I whispered. But you didn't hear, Please tell me Do you see me now?
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55
These poems do not live: it's a sad diagnosis. They grew their toes and fingers well enough, Their little foreheads bulged with concentration. If they missed out on walking about like people It wasn't for any lack of mother-love. O I cannot explain what happened to them! They are proper in shape and number and every part. They sit so nicely in the pickling fluid! They smile and smile and smile at me. And still the lungs won't fill and the heart won't start. They are not pigs, they are not even fish, Though they have a piggy and a fishy air -- It would be better if they were alive, and that's what they were. But they are dead, and their mother near dead with distraction, And they stupidly stare and do not speak of her.
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43.1k
Stillborn
I took the left path where hydrangeas grew and sleepy primroses under woods, edged shady trees. The empty stream ran quietly dry With grass cuttings piling high. If one peeped, one would find tiny creatures To cast a sparkle here and there, a delight. So on tip-toe, with sandels bent Up high I reached to take The plastic fairy as she twirled a pirouette In a theatre made by chance. Reflected in a silver mirror intwinned with ivy branch A mottled foal tends his dreams and Chrismas robin chirps. My brother took the right hand path where the trees grew fruit Ripe berries from the gooseberry bush bulged their prickles. Dangling from hawthorn now a cowboy with a hat Looking for his fellow Indian with the yellow back sack. Sheep gather in a hollow, dark, protected from the sun And Mr toad, now lost of paint, has turned a bit glum. And so we leave our woodland friends and travel up the slope Winding round the rose bed and goldfish where they float. Then up we climb, the middle route, to jump the pruned clipped Hedge. The lawn divided in two halves, a contemporary taste. Now we're nearly at that place where if one was to turn Could see down across the land To the sea and sand. Of all the beauties that I've known Nothing beats this Island home. Love Mary x My grandfather’s retirement bungalow was in Totland Isle of Wight. It was named Innisfail meaning ‘Isle of Ireland’. Behind, the garden led down to magical and delightful to children who came as visitors. My grandfather would prepare this woodland with some suitable surprises. The garden and woodland deserved its own name and in retrospect Is now named ‘Innislandia’ to suggest a separate, mysterious land. Beyond the real world. In the poem A Country Lane on page 8 the latched gate is the back gate to my grandparent’s garden and bungalow in Totland as above.
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Jun 23, 2018
Jun 23, 2018 at 7:57 AM UTC
‘NOPO@HEPO’.My Grandfather’s Garden: Innislandia, The imaginary world of my grandfather.
I took the left path where hydrangeas grew and sleepy primroses under woods, edged shady trees. The empty stream ran quietly dry With grass cuttings piling high. If one peeped, one would find tiny creatures To cast a sparkle here and there, a delight. So on tip-toe, with sandels bent Up high I reached to take The plastic fairy as she twirled a pirouette In a theatre made by chance. Reflected in a silver mirror intwinned with ivy branch A mottled foal tends his dreams and Chrismas robin chirps. My brother took the right hand path where the trees grew fruit Ripe berries from the gooseberry bush bulged their prickles. Dangling from hawthorn now a cowboy with a hat Looking for his fellow Indian with the yellow back sack. Sheep gather in a hollow, dark, protected from the sun And Mr toad, now lost of paint, has turned a bit glum. And so we leave our woodland friends and travel up the slope Winding round the rose bed and goldfish where they float. Then up we climb, the middle route, to jump the pruned clipped Hedge. The lawn divided in two halves, a contemporary taste. Now we're nearly at that place where if one was to turn Could see down across the land To the sea and sand. Of all the beauties that I've known Nothing beats this Island home. Love Mary x My grandfather’s retirement bungalow was in Totland Isle of Wight. It was named Innisfail meaning ‘Isle of Ireland’. Behind, the garden led down to magical and delightful to children who came as visitors. My grandfather would prepare this woodland with some suitable surprises. The garden and woodland deserved its own name and in retrospect Is now named ‘Innislandia’ to suggest a separate, mysterious land. Beyond the real world. In the poem A Country Lane on page 8 the latched gate is the back gate to my grandparent’s garden and bungalow in Totland as above.
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35
There’s no other choice but to wear them, The drawer offered nothing but these. An odd pair of socks might be quirky, Odd sizes don’t normally please. The one at my ankle was spotted, The other was striped to the knee The latter two sizes the smaller, The former quite large by degree. This mismatch I thought to keep secret And cover the dissonant pair. I chose from the wardrobe some trousers And shoes, with considerable care. My ruse would conceal the divergence From prescribed social standards of dress And none would be any the wiser My discomfort I’d have to suppress. Now, it’s harder to mask discomposure When physical pain has attacked. The small sock had cramped my toes tightly That blood didn’t flow, was a fact. My colleagues regarded me strangely For they could see nothing amiss But I could feel cold perspiration, Anxiety I couldn’t dismiss. It was then that I felt a strange itching, The striped sock began to descend And round my right ankle it wrinkled And bulged at the trouser leg end. Dismayed at my great consternation But clueless to what was awry My friends made comforting gestures Need of which I could only deny. The moral of this story’s transparent Socks are always best worn as a pair Their nature is in the relationship Which provides a well-balanced air. And take the trouble to remember Be congruent in all that you do For disparity will often bring discord And that path, you’ll certainly rue.
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Oct 11, 2009
Oct 11, 2009 at 6:43 AM UTC
Odd Socks
Isabel met an enormous bear, Isabel, Isabel, didn't care; The bear was hungry, the bear was ravenous, The bear's big mouth was cruel and cavernous. The bear said, Isabel, glad to meet you, How do, Isabel, now I'll eat you! Isabel, Isabel, didn't worry. Isabel didn't scream or scurry. She washed her hands and she straightened her hair up, Then Isabel quietly ate the bear up. Once in a night as black as pitch Isabel met a wicked old witch. the witch's face was cross and wrinkled, The witch's gums with teeth were sprinkled. ** ** Isabel! the old witch crowed, I'll turn you into an ugly toad! Isabel, Isabel, didn't worry, Isabel didn't scream or scurry, She showed no rage and she showed no rancor, But she turned the witch into milk and drank her. Isabel met a hideous giant, Isabel continued self reliant. The giant was hairy, the giant was horrid, He had one eye in the middle of his forhead. Good morning, Isabel, the giant said, I'll grind your bones to make my bread. Isabel, Isabel, didn't worry, Isabel didn't scream or scurry. She nibled the zwieback that she always fed off, And when it was gone, she cut the giant's head off. Isabel met a troublesome doctor, He punched and he poked till he really shocked her. The doctor's talk was of coughs and chills And the doctor's satchel bulged with pills. The doctor said unto Isabel, Swallow this, it will make you well. Isabel, Isabel, didn't worry, Isabel didn't scream or scurry. She took those pills from the pill concocter, And Isabel calmly cured the doctor.
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6.6k
Adventures Of Isabel
Isabel met an enormous bear, Isabel, Isabel, didn't care; The bear was hungry, the bear was ravenous, The bear's big mouth was cruel and cavernous. The bear said, Isabel, glad to meet you, How do, Isabel, now I'll eat you! Isabel, Isabel, didn't worry. Isabel didn't scream or scurry. She washed her hands and she straightened her hair up, Then Isabel quietly ate the bear up. Once in a night as black as pitch Isabel met a wicked old witch. the witch's face was cross and wrinkled, The witch's gums with teeth were sprinkled. ** ** Isabel! the old witch crowed, I'll turn you into an ugly toad! Isabel, Isabel, didn't worry, Isabel didn't scream or scurry, She showed no rage and she showed no rancor, But she turned the witch into milk and drank her. Isabel met a hideous giant, Isabel continued self reliant. The giant was hairy, the giant was horrid, He had one eye in the middle of his forhead. Good morning, Isabel, the giant said, I'll grind your bones to make my bread. Isabel, Isabel, didn't worry, Isabel didn't scream or scurry. She nibled the zwieback that she always fed off, And when it was gone, she cut the giant's head off. Isabel met a troublesome doctor, He punched and he poked till he really shocked her. The doctor's talk was of coughs and chills And the doctor's satchel bulged with pills. The doctor said unto Isabel, Swallow this, it will make you well. Isabel, Isabel, didn't worry, Isabel didn't scream or scurry. She took those pills from the pill concocter, And Isabel calmly cured the doctor.
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40
All summer I made friends with the creatures nearby --- they flowed through the fields and under the tent walls, or padded through the door, grinning through their many teeth, looking for seeds, suet, sugar; muttering and humming, opening the breadbox, happiest when there was milk and music. But once in the night I heard a sound outside the door, the canvas bulged slightly ---something was pressing inward at eye level. I watched, trembling, sure I had heard the click of claws, the smack of lips outside my gauzy house --- I imagined the red eyes, the broad tongue, the enormous lap. Would it be friendly too? Fear defeated me. And yet, not in faith and not in madness but with the courage I thought my dream deserved, I stepped outside. It was gone. Then I whirled at the sound of some shambling tonnage. Did I see a black haunch slipping back through the trees? Did I see the moonlight shining on it? Did I actually reach out my arms toward it, toward paradise falling, like the fading of the dearest, wildest hope --- the dark heart of the story that is all the reason for its telling?
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6.7k
The Chance To Love Everything
Eat then to toss it up, Appetite sedated for the time being then to just loose it all In the fight of the stomach acids and the food This will **** you, but you still puke Bulge on burgers and Shakes then to loose it to the bowl I used eat then loose it I bulged on burgers and shakes I used to be anorexic
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Oct 30, 2013
Oct 30, 2013 at 4:39 PM UTC
Anorexia
Not too distant beach tree sways in distance Mandala Rorschach blot patterns dance like celebrating Salish drum circle There's a hallow college sound of crime show to my left Bickering with the occasional crush of, **** my job is stressful." A sleeping armadillo composed of quarks reflective within a drop of water Fallen from the bottom-bulged North 49 canteen A foot and 3/4ths away the snow-white generic of a ***** coffee mug formerly host to a Tetley green stands silent Reminiscent of the eternal stillness of a mountain range Fibonacci's name rings inexplicably from tilting branches And I can't help but wonder if I would be grasping his hand in grasping a branch. 19 years alive and I can't help asking if I've grown-up too fast Or simply grown into myself. I feel old young and somewhere indescribable most of the time and it's funny I cannot even fathom the length of 22 years. A deflated balloon yellow like trend pants or sunrise sits like dejected missile No longer screaming towards Gaza No longer screaming. A Holiday Inn Express pen sits with a ready-call number Part of its mustang flame If its quality of penmanship has any parallel to hotel service Perhaps I'll stick with hostels.
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Nov 29, 2012
Nov 29, 2012 at 2:34 PM UTC
Shoe Jiggles
Eat then to toss it up, Appetite sedated for the time being then to just loose it all In the fight of the stomach acids and the food This will **** you, but you still puke Bulge on burgers and Shakes then to loose it to the bowl I used eat then loose it I bulged on burgers and shakes I used to be anorexic
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Oct 30, 2013
Oct 30, 2013 at 4:39 PM UTC
Anorexia
If, entrusted were I, with a magical purse, one that held what was needed, but not monies curse. One that neither bulged, nor would ever be empty, so when I reached down within, there I'd find plenty. A handful of tolerance, I would pull each day, to pass out to those in need, I met along the way. I would take a fist full of hope, to toss aloft. Scatter it among the throng, letting it land soft. I would enter into the turf of gangs and their wars. Trading peace for their guns, so they would **** no more. I would go to Washington, there I would invest, two handfuls of honesty, perhaps ten, would be best. Charity, I would share, with those who live large. Help them to give some away, so no one need starve. I could change so many things and alter many lives. But, I could also do harm and make so many cry. As it is so easy, to think one self's above, to take control of lives, forgetting about love. So for myself, I'd take a bit to keep myself humble. So that I and my purse, never, ever stumble
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Dec 21, 2010
Dec 21, 2010 at 2:28 PM UTC
My Purse
didn't shower sitting in the cubicle for long hours didn't shower and blood is still on hands and feet are still riddled with dirt staining cheap carpet floorprint afraid to touch anything coworkers peer over their fabric palisades eyes burning holes through ripped shirt and crooked tie head down don't exist no one has to know a thing didn't shower hair is manged and disoriented I can feel blood drip off fingertips pat - pat - pat on bland slate carpet design can't concentrate didn't shower everyone stares black eye swollen and scabbed everyone knows have to it's all puddling at feet washing with the dirt look away ******* look away! head is severed on the mahogany finish desk black eye bulged black and purple tennis ball everyone gathers whispers whispers jaw opens teeth fall out pat - pat - pat no one says anything look away look away look away get up to leave the head stays there dark souvenir quick drive home shower hours melt away infirmities recede sink back below skin didn't shower everyone knew what happened last night but now no evidence no witnesses no one knows the perfect crime a cruel smile emerges on bare white teeth as night sets in once again
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Jul 24, 2013
Jul 24, 2013 at 5:26 PM UTC
Guilty Conscience
We'd found an old Boche dug-out, and he knew, And gave us hell, for shell on frantic shell Hammered on top, but never quite burst through. Rain, guttering down in waterfalls of slime, Kept slush waist-high and rising hour by hour, And choked the steps too thick with clay to climb. What murk of air remained stank old, and sour With fumes of whizz-bangs, and the smell of men Who'd lived there years, and left their curse in the den, If not their corpses... There we herded from the blast Of whizz-bangs, but one found our door at last, Buffeting eyes and breath, snuffing the candles, And thud! flump! thud! down the steep steps came thumping And sploshing in the flood, deluging muck - The sentry's body; then his rifle, handles Of old Boche bombs, and mud in ruck on ruck. We dredged him up, for killed, until he whined 'O sir, my eyes - I'm blind, - I'm blind, I'm blind!' Coaxing, I held a flame against his lids And said if he could see the least blurred light He was not blind; in time he'd get all right. 'I can't' he sobbed. Eyeballs, huge-bulged like squids', Watch my dreams still; but I forgot him there In posting Next for duty, and sending a scout To beg a stretcher somewhere, and flound'ring about To other posts under the shrieking air. * * * Those other wretches, how they bled and spewed, And one who would have drowned himself for good, - I try not to remember these things now. Let dread hark back for one word only: how Half-listening to that sentry's moans and jumps, And the wild chattering of his broken teeth, Renewed most horribly whenever crumps Pummelled the roof and slogged the air beneath, - Through the dense din, I say, we heard him shout 'I see your lights!' But ours had long died out.
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2.5k
The Sentry
We'd found an old Boche dug-out, and he knew, And gave us hell, for shell on frantic shell Hammered on top, but never quite burst through. Rain, guttering down in waterfalls of slime, Kept slush waist-high and rising hour by hour, And choked the steps too thick with clay to climb. What murk of air remained stank old, and sour With fumes of whizz-bangs, and the smell of men Who'd lived there years, and left their curse in the den, If not their corpses... There we herded from the blast Of whizz-bangs, but one found our door at last, Buffeting eyes and breath, snuffing the candles, And thud! flump! thud! down the steep steps came thumping And sploshing in the flood, deluging muck - The sentry's body; then his rifle, handles Of old Boche bombs, and mud in ruck on ruck. We dredged him up, for killed, until he whined 'O sir, my eyes - I'm blind, - I'm blind, I'm blind!' Coaxing, I held a flame against his lids And said if he could see the least blurred light He was not blind; in time he'd get all right. 'I can't' he sobbed. Eyeballs, huge-bulged like squids', Watch my dreams still; but I forgot him there In posting Next for duty, and sending a scout To beg a stretcher somewhere, and flound'ring about To other posts under the shrieking air. * * * Those other wretches, how they bled and spewed, And one who would have drowned himself for good, - I try not to remember these things now. Let dread hark back for one word only: how Half-listening to that sentry's moans and jumps, And the wild chattering of his broken teeth, Renewed most horribly whenever crumps Pummelled the roof and slogged the air beneath, - Through the dense din, I say, we heard him shout 'I see your lights!' But ours had long died out.
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38
He stared at the lines on his hands for a moment, his fingers in particular; the candlelight had fallen just right, making it clear that the wrong side of thirty was approaching at the speed of light. He pulled up his socks, slipped on his DCM shoes. Tying the left one with care, he shook his head; the laces were worn, and the mere thought of being spotted walking with a limp was of such … dire concern that it forced a rather vinegary fish-and-chips up, into his throat. Adam’s Apple bulged when he stroked the Bible; on the bedside table he’d taken a swig of bourbon from the bottle, swallowed the sweet liquor like a child would a fable, burped fire-fish stench, picked up the gloves and scalpel. Dance. Church. ******
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Feb 12, 2011
Feb 12, 2011 at 11:21 PM UTC
The Surgeon
You were made in March when the groundhogs sensed shadows and the wine chilled itself in its glassy embrace I was on whisky, watching late nights, and oh The wires crossed and we did too near the fireplace Winter shut the windows with its icy blast and my rhythm quickened at Scene 4 where the door opened and the lady emerged in a birthday suit and settled on the floor. The cat scan showed your wiggly bits in May and Momma smiled about the vortex of the man I made growing plump and rich in a warmer climate inside For nine long months the case of scotch disappeared as you grew stronger and bulged out beautifully. You were born in December when the lights went on and Momma cuddled you chillfully! In Jan you went to Nan. My impulses returned. Feb came around rather quickly. A year gone and a son born unblamed of the winter chill or lusting whisky and late nights surging outside/ inside wherever. I didn't name you Jack Frost Junior for nothing. There's a story behind every name, son! Author Notes Ha ha Ha. © Marshall Gass. All rights reserved.
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Apr 11, 2014
Apr 11, 2014 at 9:20 PM UTC
The Son in February.......
She was the face of the century. We'd all believed the age of heroes was past but she was the real thing - brilliant, brave beyond belief and wise, and the planet - the whole planet - was proud to have her as ambassador. And when the broadcast arrived, proof that we had spanned the solar system and set foot on another planet, every Earthling eye gazed, every ear strained, so as not to miss a word. "..." Martian sky.  Red dust.  Second transmission. "... "I know... "I know you are watching me. "I know that this is the moment, "the moment you have waited for. "Seven months ago I left you.  It's hard "to hold your breath for seven months!" Across the globe, people laughed and gasped. "Seven months." A pause. "Seven months, and enough money "To end poverty "across most of the Earth." Heads were scratched. Where was this going? "Well, everyone, here I am. "I can see you, you know.  A star, "A dot in the black - that's you. "And that dot - "Oh, that precious, beautiful dot!" Eyes moistened.  Friends embraced. "Where every speck of dust is a home "for something. "Where even the forgotten scrapings "Of last week's dinner "plays host to LIFE! "Air to breathe! "Water to drink! "So many, many things to love!" Thirty two seconds of silence. "Why did you send me here?" Fifty three seconds of silence. "This is hell." And with that she placed the camera on a tripod stood before it and removed her helmet. The once fierce eyes quickly bulged and reddened skin puckered and peeled, frost scorched and suffocated lips, best known for forming momentous words turned first blue then purple and blood flowed freely from her nostrils. She slumped, fell, knocked over the camera. End of transmission. The whole broadcast had lasted just seven minutes. She was already dead by the time we heard the first word.
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Mar 17, 2011
Mar 17, 2011 at 2:01 PM UTC
8 Minute Delay
She was the face of the century. We'd all believed the age of heroes was past but she was the real thing - brilliant, brave beyond belief and wise, and the planet - the whole planet - was proud to have her as ambassador. And when the broadcast arrived, proof that we had spanned the solar system and set foot on another planet, every Earthling eye gazed, every ear strained, so as not to miss a word. "..." Martian sky.  Red dust.  Second transmission. "... "I know... "I know you are watching me. "I know that this is the moment, "the moment you have waited for. "Seven months ago I left you.  It's hard "to hold your breath for seven months!" Across the globe, people laughed and gasped. "Seven months." A pause. "Seven months, and enough money "To end poverty "across most of the Earth." Heads were scratched. Where was this going? "Well, everyone, here I am. "I can see you, you know.  A star, "A dot in the black - that's you. "And that dot - "Oh, that precious, beautiful dot!" Eyes moistened.  Friends embraced. "Where every speck of dust is a home "for something. "Where even the forgotten scrapings "Of last week's dinner "plays host to LIFE! "Air to breathe! "Water to drink! "So many, many things to love!" Thirty two seconds of silence. "Why did you send me here?" Fifty three seconds of silence. "This is hell." And with that she placed the camera on a tripod stood before it and removed her helmet. The once fierce eyes quickly bulged and reddened skin puckered and peeled, frost scorched and suffocated lips, best known for forming momentous words turned first blue then purple and blood flowed freely from her nostrils. She slumped, fell, knocked over the camera. End of transmission. The whole broadcast had lasted just seven minutes. She was already dead by the time we heard the first word.
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63
pink scars peppered her lithe limbs flower petals incised on peach skin moss coursed withered yellow-brick channels sloping loosely down the crooked river mouth clouds bulged glazed heavily over the sun like a flashlight engulfed in sheets lightning sliced the pane of sky splintered air ignited instantly and danced around us
0
Jul 28, 2016
Jul 28, 2016 at 3:34 PM UTC
Efflorescence
*daddy screams and shouts, eyes burning with rage mummy cries tears bitter with sage brother is scared, eyes wide as moons we all agree daddy has gone through menopause too soon on our faces, we brush aside this sudden burst "it's just nothing," we say, "he knows family comes first." but the sight of him consumed is etched in the air trapping the three of us in trauma's snare -- his eyes were livid, veins bulged from his neck pulsing with the viscosity of a lava lake he burned like blue fire, the kind that burns too hot destroying everything around it, leaving death-clogged smog i don't know why daddy is so angry today till then, in our room, mummy brother and i will stay i have never seen daddy so angered and flared so distant with fury, so paralysingly mad i fear for this family, i never have before this this fear scares me, so i will make a list i hope it will serve to place some of my fears into linear thoughts, before it rains tears first, daddy has always been holy and kind, on his chest a cross, you would always find but as he grows older, with hair turning grey, with valley-deep wrinkles and memories gone astray, he seems to forget, that i am human too with his words, he beats me, beats me black and blue criticisms and 'bad bad bad' ring through the house if only he saw, he is the wolf that prowls second, daddy had been a family man the kind that spends a fortune flying us over land but lately, he's just been out of touch and sight sins queuing outside the door, waiting to enter at night he seems to forget when i was a child the cards i gave him, the way i made him smile but i remember, when his hair was still black in our family, love and warmth was never in lack time, stop. return my daddy back to me. stop this affair, i beg you; don't let age run free. don't run through your fingers in his hair like that. don't paint his hair grey, don't make it fall away. give me the daddy my mummy met, back.*
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Oct 15, 2014
Oct 15, 2014 at 10:21 AM UTC
daddy
*daddy screams and shouts, eyes burning with rage mummy cries tears bitter with sage brother is scared, eyes wide as moons we all agree daddy has gone through menopause too soon on our faces, we brush aside this sudden burst "it's just nothing," we say, "he knows family comes first." but the sight of him consumed is etched in the air trapping the three of us in trauma's snare -- his eyes were livid, veins bulged from his neck pulsing with the viscosity of a lava lake he burned like blue fire, the kind that burns too hot destroying everything around it, leaving death-clogged smog i don't know why daddy is so angry today till then, in our room, mummy brother and i will stay i have never seen daddy so angered and flared so distant with fury, so paralysingly mad i fear for this family, i never have before this this fear scares me, so i will make a list i hope it will serve to place some of my fears into linear thoughts, before it rains tears first, daddy has always been holy and kind, on his chest a cross, you would always find but as he grows older, with hair turning grey, with valley-deep wrinkles and memories gone astray, he seems to forget, that i am human too with his words, he beats me, beats me black and blue criticisms and 'bad bad bad' ring through the house if only he saw, he is the wolf that prowls second, daddy had been a family man the kind that spends a fortune flying us over land but lately, he's just been out of touch and sight sins queuing outside the door, waiting to enter at night he seems to forget when i was a child the cards i gave him, the way i made him smile but i remember, when his hair was still black in our family, love and warmth was never in lack time, stop. return my daddy back to me. stop this affair, i beg you; don't let age run free. don't run through your fingers in his hair like that. don't paint his hair grey, don't make it fall away. give me the daddy my mummy met, back.*
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41
I used to like you, a lot. My heart soared when you called my phone My eyes bulged when you texted me five years later And you called me gorgeous Something I’ve heard so many times but it only mattered when You said it To me And I thought that those feelings were gone And I suddenly can’t tell if it’s because you’re back or if they never went away I’m missing you But at the same time I’ve forgotten everything we did It’s like I pushed it to the back of mind And somehow it got lost And it’s come all back to haunt me My brain hurts With those feelings From 2013 Because the feelings I have for you now In 2017 Don’t feel the same So should I even try? Where’s your head? Why can’t you focus? Why can’t you decide? Why won’t you just understand That he’s not it And you’re better off alone He’s just a reminder of everything You could never be Someone’s lover Someone’s everything
0
Dec 1, 2017
Dec 1, 2017 at 12:43 PM UTC
Heartbreak pt. 1
*Three months old in my mother’s womb Whispers I heard outside, A man persuading mum To destroy me Because he doubted I was his. I heard mum cried, And felt her tears Falling to her bulging belly, My bed room, A thunderous sound That struck my universe Almost tearing it apart.* *The man talking to another man, A professional killer of my kind, I heard about the price of my life, To destroy me Worth only ‘$300’. Mum’s heart beat faster, Bringing blood like a mighty rushing wave To my weak, gentle nerves and veins Almost rapturing them apart.* *Mum whispered I heard while she cried, “You are a gift and blessing to me, My child, my beloved one.” I will keep you,” She promised. I tried to comfort mum but couldn't. I conjured up ominous images Of my shattered body, My flesh, blood and bone; It was too painful to bear. So I stamped my feet On my bed, Her stomach bulged, And I felt mum embraced me, With her gentle hands.* *From the smallest corner of her heart Next to her bulging belly, My bed room, I heard mama interceded with God For the forgiveness of the sins And comfort of thousand women Who aborted their pregnancies Due to **** pregnant while breast feeding, Incestuous affairs, teenage pregnancies Or on medical conditions For the physical and emotional pains They endured and guilt that may have lingered still.* *In her bulging stomach, My bed room, my home, I waited for my eviction, Every day. Then one day, after a long wait, It rained cats and dogs With muds of blood In my bedroom. I tried to cling to the roof of my bed room, But was swept away by the natural disaster Through the channel of life Into my mother's gentle arms.*
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Jul 26, 2015
Jul 26, 2015 at 8:23 PM UTC
As Heard and Felt from a Foetus
*Three months old in my mother’s womb Whispers I heard outside, A man persuading mum To destroy me Because he doubted I was his. I heard mum cried, And felt her tears Falling to her bulging belly, My bed room, A thunderous sound That struck my universe Almost tearing it apart.* *The man talking to another man, A professional killer of my kind, I heard about the price of my life, To destroy me Worth only ‘$300’. Mum’s heart beat faster, Bringing blood like a mighty rushing wave To my weak, gentle nerves and veins Almost rapturing them apart.* *Mum whispered I heard while she cried, “You are a gift and blessing to me, My child, my beloved one.” I will keep you,” She promised. I tried to comfort mum but couldn't. I conjured up ominous images Of my shattered body, My flesh, blood and bone; It was too painful to bear. So I stamped my feet On my bed, Her stomach bulged, And I felt mum embraced me, With her gentle hands.* *From the smallest corner of her heart Next to her bulging belly, My bed room, I heard mama interceded with God For the forgiveness of the sins And comfort of thousand women Who aborted their pregnancies Due to **** pregnant while breast feeding, Incestuous affairs, teenage pregnancies Or on medical conditions For the physical and emotional pains They endured and guilt that may have lingered still.* *In her bulging stomach, My bed room, my home, I waited for my eviction, Every day. Then one day, after a long wait, It rained cats and dogs With muds of blood In my bedroom. I tried to cling to the roof of my bed room, But was swept away by the natural disaster Through the channel of life Into my mother's gentle arms.*
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Let us fumble, scratch, slash, claw through endless Autumn fields cut from hushed velvet, hushed velvet and husks. You say at night my voice rounds, softens, grows heavy. Breeze rustles twigs, lulls, a lullaby floats over from the farmhouse. Fields fill with dust, bone homes, crackling with seed ticks and mice. I think of fruit, the toil of warm flesh, how it bulged, slumped off and rotted. You ask how I could have forgotten harvest, entered the slumber, reaped nothing? The Moon blooms, ripens the sky. I stop, squat, trace circles in the sand. This year I just don't have the heart. -kevin mann
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Apr 7, 2010
Apr 7, 2010 at 9:08 PM UTC
Waste
Late in the year and in the night, A ghostly giant came into sight, It slowly trailed and bulged the ancient causeway, Intent on hiding out of harms way. A magnificent beast from the age of sale, Came into port to shelter from the winter storms and gales, It groans and creaks from 50 sheets and rattles, Like a wounded whale with its brass decor and iron chattels. The body built of wood and steel, With copper wrapped around it's keel, To guard its cargo of rarest spice, silks and precious metals, It puffed and steamed along like a giant boiled kettle. It has travelled far with many scars, Battled continents and violent seas with ease, From the cape around the horn, And onto the west indies. It seeks and finally finds its place to rest and moor, But alas the storm that winter did not pause, It reached and breached the gates and harbour walls, The fox was in through failing doors. It attacked the beauty in its finest fettles, Her belly broke from bow to stern, It sharply shifts and lists while the candles burn, Then sinks down to the bottom where it groans and settles. It's fate and history long forgotten, But for local shanty hymns, The bulk is left but timbers rotten, With cut back beams and withered limbs. From endless tides it now resides, Out of site and local memory, Through rusted tears it counts the years, Underneath a sea of nettles.
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Sep 25, 2018
Sep 25, 2018 at 1:19 PM UTC
A Bedtime Story of the Modern Merchant Mercantile
Like blood slowly ballooning into a tiny orb from a pin ***** It simply swelled and bulged… As it clung precariously upon the tip of my nib. A slight tremble, almost a hesitation - seemingly afraid to take the leap of faith. Afraid to take the plunge, only to wilfully break the expanse of blank parchment. Afraid to taint the whiteness with the ruthlessness of indelible black.
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Jul 23, 2021
Jul 23, 2021 at 2:28 PM UTC
Afraid
I was limping the edge of the pond so as to confirm in the world my clearance given to me as before by frogs. my punched nose was warm and my grief melted from it and I cupped my hands together for the blood and what mixed with it and when the cup was full I halved it and my already thick shoelaces thickened. soon into this drama one frog jumped from the pond and I was startled. startled too that indeed it was no frog but a toad or some form of toad. I followed it woozily from my father’s land onto the land of my enemy. the toad was dull save for its hop from water and save for its courage and save for a sickly orange spot on its back that was a star when the toad paused and a mangled star otherwise. a couple times I lost the toad, the land was new, but I knew to stop and the toad knew to rustle or in my more desperate moments to come wholly back. everything had been planned and my body wanted to be generous to the toad and it was hard not to run or use my hands or ruin this paradise that I knew then as vengeance but now as existential plagiarism which is nonetheless vengeance. I would not rub the toad over me and I had to convince myself repeatedly. the boy was no doubt inside the house as his dog was not to be seen but his sister was sprawled on two towels put short end to short end as she was very tall and her sunglasses were cocked enough so that her right eye could see mine. the toad was in her mouth immediately and then her throat bulged but was back to its original in no time. I lost the toad forever then but its orange star surfaced on the right and then the left of her belly button. I told her I would see her at school and I would but this was the last time I would see her in anything but an overcoat and the boy would try and come close but never again pin me down.
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Jul 1, 2012
Jul 1, 2012 at 1:25 AM UTC
signage
I was limping the edge of the pond so as to confirm in the world my clearance given to me as before by frogs. my punched nose was warm and my grief melted from it and I cupped my hands together for the blood and what mixed with it and when the cup was full I halved it and my already thick shoelaces thickened. soon into this drama one frog jumped from the pond and I was startled. startled too that indeed it was no frog but a toad or some form of toad. I followed it woozily from my father’s land onto the land of my enemy. the toad was dull save for its hop from water and save for its courage and save for a sickly orange spot on its back that was a star when the toad paused and a mangled star otherwise. a couple times I lost the toad, the land was new, but I knew to stop and the toad knew to rustle or in my more desperate moments to come wholly back. everything had been planned and my body wanted to be generous to the toad and it was hard not to run or use my hands or ruin this paradise that I knew then as vengeance but now as existential plagiarism which is nonetheless vengeance. I would not rub the toad over me and I had to convince myself repeatedly. the boy was no doubt inside the house as his dog was not to be seen but his sister was sprawled on two towels put short end to short end as she was very tall and her sunglasses were cocked enough so that her right eye could see mine. the toad was in her mouth immediately and then her throat bulged but was back to its original in no time. I lost the toad forever then but its orange star surfaced on the right and then the left of her belly button. I told her I would see her at school and I would but this was the last time I would see her in anything but an overcoat and the boy would try and come close but never again pin me down.
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Her hands were so sticky and started to swell Ugly, red, burgeoning paddles convulsion nervously at her sides and then at her mouth as she held back a whimper (The neighbors were still fighting so no one would have heard anyway.) Anyway Her eyes bulged as heart heart felt heavy, then light again, then heavy When her eyes began to swim, she tried she did she tried to get to a telephone but instead she collapsed like an egg from the carton and laid there until the neighbors stopped fighting.
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Jun 19, 2013
Jun 19, 2013 at 8:15 AM UTC
Heartattack Blues
once there was a man. he wandered twisting caverns without a thought, swaying as he walked. he came upon a button on the rotting ground and stooped low to pick it up, holding it between careless fingers. then there was a man with a button. his ambling gait aimless among crumbling walls of dirt, and ceilings of the same. he came upon a needle, rusted but neatly threaded, squatting to look and struggling to grab it between nonexistent nails. then there was a man with a button and a neatly threaded needle, turning endless corners with a hand brushing along every wall. he came upon a soft, dark shirt and bent to pick it up, noticing that, upon inspection, it was missing a button. then there was a man with a button and a neatly threaded needle, wearing a dark shirt. his eyes scanned the rotting ground, holding the needle and button in a tense hand. he came upon a pair of linen pants, midnight black and tailored well. he stepped into them, tucked in his shirt, and continued on his meandering way. then there was a man with a button and a neatly threaded needle in one hand, wearing a dark shirt tucked into tailored pants stumbling through dank tunnels. he came upon a pair of shined onyx shoes and put them on without pomp, leaning against the crumbling walls to lift each foot into a shoe. then there was a man with a button and a neatly threaded needle in one hand, wearing a dark shirt tucked into tailored pants, dragging shined shoes through never-ending passages. he came upon a suit jacket, noticing that the pockets bulged with a pair of gloves as he knelt to don it. he slipped the gloves onto shaking hands. once there was a man dressed for a funeral, a man who was under the impression that he had no occasion to attend in such attire, a man who continued to wander infinite caverns. he came upon a chamber with sobered steps and saw a fitting sight. A casket lay in the center of the room, surrounded by wilted roses on the rotting floor. then there was a man dressed for a funeral who looked to his left and beheld a veiled woman in spectacular mourning dress, whose cold hands reached to hold his own. her delicate fingers came upon the button and neatly threaded needle. she surveyed his garb and found the spot where his shirt was missing a closure. then there was a man dressed for a funeral who, legs shaking, allowed a veiled woman to expertly sew the button back onto his shirt. a voice came from behind the veil: "pay your respects." his legs seemed to move without his say to the center of the room. he watched as his arms, no longer his own, lifted the ebony lid to reveal a beautiful cream silk lining, bright against the Stygian casket, gently cradling a man dressed for a funeral with a mismatched button sewn to his shirt.
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Dec 14, 2020
Dec 14, 2020 at 3:39 PM UTC
mourning dress
once there was a man. he wandered twisting caverns without a thought, swaying as he walked. he came upon a button on the rotting ground and stooped low to pick it up, holding it between careless fingers. then there was a man with a button. his ambling gait aimless among crumbling walls of dirt, and ceilings of the same. he came upon a needle, rusted but neatly threaded, squatting to look and struggling to grab it between nonexistent nails. then there was a man with a button and a neatly threaded needle, turning endless corners with a hand brushing along every wall. he came upon a soft, dark shirt and bent to pick it up, noticing that, upon inspection, it was missing a button. then there was a man with a button and a neatly threaded needle, wearing a dark shirt. his eyes scanned the rotting ground, holding the needle and button in a tense hand. he came upon a pair of linen pants, midnight black and tailored well. he stepped into them, tucked in his shirt, and continued on his meandering way. then there was a man with a button and a neatly threaded needle in one hand, wearing a dark shirt tucked into tailored pants stumbling through dank tunnels. he came upon a pair of shined onyx shoes and put them on without pomp, leaning against the crumbling walls to lift each foot into a shoe. then there was a man with a button and a neatly threaded needle in one hand, wearing a dark shirt tucked into tailored pants, dragging shined shoes through never-ending passages. he came upon a suit jacket, noticing that the pockets bulged with a pair of gloves as he knelt to don it. he slipped the gloves onto shaking hands. once there was a man dressed for a funeral, a man who was under the impression that he had no occasion to attend in such attire, a man who continued to wander infinite caverns. he came upon a chamber with sobered steps and saw a fitting sight. A casket lay in the center of the room, surrounded by wilted roses on the rotting floor. then there was a man dressed for a funeral who looked to his left and beheld a veiled woman in spectacular mourning dress, whose cold hands reached to hold his own. her delicate fingers came upon the button and neatly threaded needle. she surveyed his garb and found the spot where his shirt was missing a closure. then there was a man dressed for a funeral who, legs shaking, allowed a veiled woman to expertly sew the button back onto his shirt. a voice came from behind the veil: "pay your respects." his legs seemed to move without his say to the center of the room. he watched as his arms, no longer his own, lifted the ebony lid to reveal a beautiful cream silk lining, bright against the Stygian casket, gently cradling a man dressed for a funeral with a mismatched button sewn to his shirt.
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