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"brittleness" poems
I couldn’t sleep. I was lying in bed watching the patterns reflected moonlight made on my ceiling when I heard the faint beep of the kitchen microwave. I smelled popcorn. I decided to fill up my water bottle and see who was up. I slipped on a thick, terrycloth robe I’d gotten from Lisa last Christmas. It must weigh 15 pounds and it’s so warm and heavy I seldom wear it. I silently glided into the main room. Leong was standing at one of our two large picture windows staring out at the night. Her left arm cradling a bowl of ultimate-butter popcorn. Anna told me last night that Leong and her long-time boyfriend, who’s back in China, had broken up. They’d been together forever and had been expected to marry. A bright half-moon was hanging high over campus, an electric ornament on a velvet background, its moonlight glint painted the world, like ice on mountaintops. “I heard about your breakup,” I said, “what does it mean?” In Leong’s world, who you dated was of family interest. That person had to be approved, their bona fides proven - they had to fit into some long term plan. “It means I can’t be tamed,” she said, with soft bravado. After a moment, she spoke again, more seriously. “It’s better this way - for now - someday..,” she trailed off. I understood. All of our hopes are resting on someday, like so many wagers at a casino. I imagined some gambler, stepping up to a betting window, in an old black-and-white movie, saying, ”Gimmie 5 bucks on Someday to win.” Something in her voice, a brittleness, precluded further questions. I looked at the clock, it read 3:47. I gave her a hug and yawning, filled up my water bottle from the refrigerator's filtered tap. “See ya.” I whispered and headed off, back to bed. With any luck I could squeeze another hour's sleep out of the morning.
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Feb 3, 2022
Feb 3, 2022 at 5:04 AM UTC
sleepy popcorn
I couldn’t sleep. I was lying in bed watching the patterns reflected moonlight made on my ceiling when I heard the faint beep of the kitchen microwave. I smelled popcorn. I decided to fill up my water bottle and see who was up. I slipped on a thick, terrycloth robe I’d gotten from Lisa last Christmas. It must weigh 15 pounds and it’s so warm and heavy I seldom wear it. I silently glided into the main room. Leong was standing at one of our two large picture windows staring out at the night. Her left arm cradling a bowl of ultimate-butter popcorn. Anna told me last night that Leong and her long-time boyfriend, who’s back in China, had broken up. They’d been together forever and had been expected to marry. A bright half-moon was hanging high over campus, an electric ornament on a velvet background, its moonlight glint painted the world, like ice on mountaintops. “I heard about your breakup,” I said, “what does it mean?” In Leong’s world, who you dated was of family interest. That person had to be approved, their bona fides proven - they had to fit into some long term plan. “It means I can’t be tamed,” she said, with soft bravado. After a moment, she spoke again, more seriously. “It’s better this way - for now - someday..,” she trailed off. I understood. All of our hopes are resting on someday, like so many wagers at a casino. I imagined some gambler, stepping up to a betting window, in an old black-and-white movie, saying, ”Gimmie 5 bucks on Someday to win.” Something in her voice, a brittleness, precluded further questions. I looked at the clock, it read 3:47. I gave her a hug and yawning, filled up my water bottle from the refrigerator's filtered tap. “See ya.” I whispered and headed off, back to bed. With any luck I could squeeze another hour's sleep out of the morning.
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9
I won't lie, it's easy enough to replace you. You were a replacement yourself. I bought you at office depot, and your predecessor was given to me by a friend. Mechanical pencil lead is cheap. The only difference between you and the lead I've owned before is that you broke every other word I tried to write. It didn't matter how much weight I put onto the paper. You snapped into pieces that dropped every time I tried to pick them up. Because of your brittleness, you stood out, and unlike the lead that kept itself together, you won't be so readily forgotten.
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Feb 7, 2010
Feb 7, 2010 at 7:38 PM UTC
Elegy for a Pencil
when you’ve traced every corner of my body and have felt the brittleness of my bones —and when you’ve brushed your fingers through every inch of my skin, promise me you won’t break me when you’ve bit my lips and find it bleeding know that I’m vulnerable to your lies and when you’ve kissed my tears and find my eyes lost know that I’m fragile to your touch
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Jan 13, 2015
Jan 13, 2015 at 11:16 PM UTC
inch by inch
“I Have Been Tamed” I have been tamed. By the white wings and scents of springtime, A set of shoulders sprinkled with gold, I’d rest my head and think of silk eyebrows wrinkled together, Looking out of a window, nestled upon a pair of brown eyes and blonde hair. I have been tamed. My joy: my dear, sweet, pure angel. I love her with unending love. As long as the rivers wrap around together and surround again on the globe, As long as there can be love and peace, hope, happiness, and joy. I have been tamed. Her feet, tapping and smooth, Perfect little rhythms, like stones skipping along a pond, I’m so glad the Good Lord made them to skip and shift. I have been tamed. In gleeful wondering, an atollment hugging the thoughts, Tracing my memories around her, She left the outline of her hair blowing through the breeze, Eyebrows lifted like bending fir trees over a pair of brown eyes, slightly smiling lips, and golden blonde hair. Hair that fights with its surroundings like rolling tigresses, paws drumming over one another through a cloud of sediments, Sun-bursting hues and radiation, each strand kissing my eyes, an exclusive glow caressing and basking. I cannot stand to look too long to her nor look away into some distant vision, Out upon her flowing silks, I left so many thoughts and skills, that I pray to God not to take either of them away. I wonder if my heart was not made to be tugged and pulled by a woman. Love, do not forsake me; It is more blessed by God to give than receive, But to give love and not receive is painful to the brittleness of my bones.
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Aug 8, 2013
Aug 8, 2013 at 3:03 PM UTC
I Have Been Tamed
“I Have Been Tamed” I have been tamed. By the white wings and scents of springtime, A set of shoulders sprinkled with gold, I’d rest my head and think of silk eyebrows wrinkled together, Looking out of a window, nestled upon a pair of brown eyes and blonde hair. I have been tamed. My joy: my dear, sweet, pure angel. I love her with unending love. As long as the rivers wrap around together and surround again on the globe, As long as there can be love and peace, hope, happiness, and joy. I have been tamed. Her feet, tapping and smooth, Perfect little rhythms, like stones skipping along a pond, I’m so glad the Good Lord made them to skip and shift. I have been tamed. In gleeful wondering, an atollment hugging the thoughts, Tracing my memories around her, She left the outline of her hair blowing through the breeze, Eyebrows lifted like bending fir trees over a pair of brown eyes, slightly smiling lips, and golden blonde hair. Hair that fights with its surroundings like rolling tigresses, paws drumming over one another through a cloud of sediments, Sun-bursting hues and radiation, each strand kissing my eyes, an exclusive glow caressing and basking. I cannot stand to look too long to her nor look away into some distant vision, Out upon her flowing silks, I left so many thoughts and skills, that I pray to God not to take either of them away. I wonder if my heart was not made to be tugged and pulled by a woman. Love, do not forsake me; It is more blessed by God to give than receive, But to give love and not receive is painful to the brittleness of my bones.
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28
She wears an old fashioned shawl laced wool of camomile flecked with seeds of apple pip brown. Wading shin deep with stork length legs, though lacking all brittleness, she hems the thirsty sand line of shore that's forever sipping foam and swishing froth from the sea's diaphragmatic shifting. The drag of each stride breaking v's in their wake all too soon dissipates only to be replaced with every surge and **** and lull. She recites a poem as she treads the shallows Hardly a whisper above a whisper Blending lullaby syllables with the rhythmic surety of the tide. Every word a billowed sail carrying the craft of verse upon ripples and surf back to the memory of one long lost across the sea.
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Dec 14, 2014
Dec 14, 2014 at 5:03 PM UTC
Sea Shawl
Unfrozen, surviving in miles of silent wasteland Somehow risen from cold to my feet, but not breathing Am I flawless that I drift so lightly with a Western wind? Or so flawed that I don't admit I'm desperate for coming home The final night with my elbows on the throne Laughing over longing after end to the infinite. Beheld well with the highest intention to flatter you Maybe I'll die in laughter when you realize I invite you to bitterness, brittleness to the shattering for which I'll want you close Because with another's bloodstains I can live alone Using what I've siphoned to make my ill-advised scratches on tablets on tabletops.
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Jan 4, 2015
Jan 4, 2015 at 2:14 AM UTC
ClamJam: "Dusk Moon Wail"
My capillaries believe that the frost is coming for them -- my spine aching for the warmth it has come accustomed to, rather than the boreal brittleness underneath that the cutlass attached to my feet glided around in spheres. It reminded me of the moon’s orbit, the shape of the planets the ellipses of the galaxies -- suddenly swirling, breaking and reforming the stars within them, which I then noticed to be the warmth of your carpals and metacarpals between mine, filling up all the Thenar Space.
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Apr 25, 2013
Apr 25, 2013 at 1:01 PM UTC
Thenar Space.
Inside the brightly painted hut crinkle cut and candy flossed where old men dossed out of the rain and one more stain don't make no odds to Gods who 'cock a deaf un', sits Johnny Stone, among the brittleness of skin and bone, he wears his worries and his cares away by sniffing grey hairs up his nose. Posing every now and then for beachside surfers who,when they see this man survives amid the torture of the lies that haunt his face,move on to another place and forget they've ever seen and glad they've never known Johnny Stone. In this tinsel town one more Stone goes down and one more becomes the one that's trading places,revolving dreams on sunlit faces and a bigger pile of luggage cases for the dustbin men to take away Stay at home,carve your dreams quite thinly off the bone, or you'll end up like Johnny Stone, hungry and all alone.
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Dec 30, 2013
Dec 30, 2013 at 6:02 AM UTC
Happy new year.
I) Departure Short ride Blinked And the Conductor Woke me up Last stop he called End of the line The not so secret Graveyards of movement Edge of where sleep can Carry one Time unlike movement Can vanish Blink and a year has passed Suddenly after a month in a new city Your parents are old Or your children are grown Either way the radio no longer plays Music you can recognize Yet the trains Do not change much Marking out time One rocking lullaby at a time II) Return One train To another, To another, To another, Finally the long walk home. Past the bar Which I will end up grabbing a round in Before heading across the street And typing up this weekend’s poems Hard decision figuring out that order Either way New York is almost welcoming With downcast eyes And screaming sirens When compared to the growing limp My father carries himself with Seeing age claim those we love Is a broken promise Fractured while we were off Spending days like easy dollars Until one wakes to frost On youths windows, The sudden knowledge That autumn, is over Displayed in brittleness Of your fathers bones
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Dec 10, 2013
Dec 10, 2013 at 11:25 AM UTC
To and From Visiting My Sick Father on the LIRR
It was the weight of indecision that proved the brittleness of bones we hesitate while casting sticks and stones while authors explain in webs of prose the heros and foes swords and bows crossed again back ****** and fighting. The cowardly meet the brave rave and rage the patient confront the vain never to be patient again and one always walks away leaving the other slain in this game. Where truth lies; and lies are found true false words command masses on paths they should choose when left with seemingly nothing they show it's your life to lose and you do. Soldiers in streets march unison with their feet. The blood. Oh the blood. It comes clean from cloth but hands remain drenched til death's thirst is quenched. The cup put on tilt and only guilt it spilt. To run off tables of being and somehow be freeing Where murders death rattles sound off like triumphant trumpets. And the sweet swan song rings out light calls from your next adventure bringing you forth. Could death be such sweet sorrow? and is life just time borrowed? and what life comes in with our tomorrow? I don't know. But it won't be my shattering bones and no soldier shall march all alone let indecision be unknown and let's march for a  world that can grow.
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Jan 9, 2013
Jan 9, 2013 at 1:59 AM UTC
War something
She was made of glass, I’m sure Her beauty was her perfection; flawless, Optically correct, one might say, But she was hard with a sharp tongue, And after a while the brittleness grew, Her motives were transparent, I should have been more careful, when I put her back, But feeling dropped, she shattered Razor shards and splinters flew, some cutting me Oh, the pain of glass.
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Nov 18, 2011
Nov 18, 2011 at 9:38 AM UTC
The pain of glass
A distant light flickered with the brittleness   of life, once seen, then gone, then seen again. The very air seemed callous of its treatment    of this wan, pathetic beacon    in the void. We felt no humanity now -- all traces scorned as weakness, cast off as useless weight. There was nothing but us, and the vacuum of our souls. No common ground to share with any other thing -- we had gone beyond (at first by accident, but then and then again by choice) -- we destroyed eveything we might have turned back upon, becoming "more than", instead of "once was". Our sanity cast off with society's rules -- a tragic dream of a different    mother's brood. Death meant nothing, for we drank blood from a different golden chalice, and cleaned our wounds with someone else's salty tears.
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Feb 16, 2011
Feb 16, 2011 at 9:44 AM UTC
Exiles IV
Please look at me, and judge If I am okay, not by my surface But by peeling back my skin, and see If my insides do not scare you. When you are looking, please check not Merely for darkness plaguing my heart Seek also for brittleness in my bones And poor circulation that makes havers cold Please look at me, in the eyes Deep enough to find what behind them lies Is it fear, anger, violence, regret A dare to challenge you, or an internal death? You could not see anything; all my insides are black Infection from mankind's poisons attacked The rest was once silver, shiny like gold But tarnished from harshnesses as I grew old I like you. But realize the horrors I'd bring unto you Is it worth it to risk such improbable strife? Dependent on someone else's then-state of life I fear it is not, as I'm sure you can see The pitfalls associated with me So farewell, my friend, I'm a half-empty cup I hope you can forgive me for being messed up
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Jan 24, 2013
Jan 24, 2013 at 1:51 PM UTC
Forgive me for being messed up
sitting in the sunlight the winter's brittleness penetrates; pond's laminated shimmers whisper frightening warnings of frost, and for a moment, My world is on hold. brutal wind hits my face, the trees dance in amusement, the ducks gawk at my unfamiliarity, I smile and shrug because for a moment My world is on hold. this wooden bench is my freedom an escape from My troubling reality. it is a shame I had to write this vicariously and only imagine, putting My world on hold.
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Feb 27, 2019
Feb 27, 2019 at 8:00 AM UTC
the bench
I'll turn it all to art, Every little part, Soul heart happenstance. Cannot remain the same. Cause swallowing it all, Will fill me with delight, Turning the spinning fear, Into clothes I wear. Witness how suave I am, A grounded formal star, Speaking beyond those all around, The cracked brittleness of awareness.
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May 5, 2014
May 5, 2014 at 9:27 PM UTC
Dine on smoke
The deathly shadows casted a wave as they flashed through the burn of my headlights On their way to another steal Another day ? Another time maybe?... But turn me cold they did to form shivers So sharp my deadened eyes rasped against their brittleness I hate the midnight call This lack of rest was winning to my Thought's of a day all mine Yet on I must drive For it is you that is in need In need of these words In need of my hands For I am the healer and the shadows are waiting They know all my work and despise my view For I taketh the bad to bring light out from the dark I am the healer I am the one The shadows are waiting No payment to be crossed No words from your lips As my silence is your gift So my work must continue The shadows are waiting Dawn chorus wakes the morning light To a relieve as I sigh The shadows are hiding and my work is not done Tears flow as I fall to my knees Earth has taken its feed Let the shadows wait
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Jun 14, 2013
Jun 14, 2013 at 10:47 PM UTC
Shadow
it feels like I've been walking on the same pavement riddled with the same fallen leaves spelling out regret and trap. it's lined with trees that look so barren that everything is starting to sound like the same kind of goodbye though I'm not really sure what they're saying goodbye to. Reflective surfaces come in the form of my empty palms and the crunch of leaves and the snapping of twigs just seem to whisper in my mind. I've been walking on the same pavement and I'm not entirely sure why it is the same kind of brickwork. A little sloppy, if you ask me. The signposts are broken and rotting and I haven't been able to make out the words that are haunting the seemingly endless bounds of my mind. Have you seen the sun yet? I can't seem to make sense of anything from the slight rain and the dense fog. There are stains on my sleeves and my shoulders are weighed down and sagged. I've been trying to reason with myself that this is what I ought to be doing. I've been trying to reason with myself that this is the path I should be on to find whatever it is I've been looking for. I've been trying to reason with myself that I belong here, on this dark and cobbled pavement while my arms are riddled with horripilation and my chest is sputtering blood from the hollowness of it all. I've found a weeping willow - it weeps like the heat from my neck and I haven't felt the coldness settle. There's frost on my fingers but if it is any consolation, I have no idea how to love or deserve to be loved. Where has the time gone? Can you tell me? The rabbit holes are empty and there is a void where my heart ought to be. My lungs aren't burning but there's smoke escaping with every breath I let out. It's been too long, it's been too solitary. I can almost feel the brittleness of the skeletal structure that keeps me collected. And time has escaped me. There are no sounds and my ears are deafened. The cold is settling. I can still see the pavement. It's still empty. Is there no life here? Can anyone hear me? I can feel my thoughts echoing. Hello?
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Nov 15, 2014
Nov 15, 2014 at 7:11 AM UTC
Pavements
it feels like I've been walking on the same pavement riddled with the same fallen leaves spelling out regret and trap. it's lined with trees that look so barren that everything is starting to sound like the same kind of goodbye though I'm not really sure what they're saying goodbye to. Reflective surfaces come in the form of my empty palms and the crunch of leaves and the snapping of twigs just seem to whisper in my mind. I've been walking on the same pavement and I'm not entirely sure why it is the same kind of brickwork. A little sloppy, if you ask me. The signposts are broken and rotting and I haven't been able to make out the words that are haunting the seemingly endless bounds of my mind. Have you seen the sun yet? I can't seem to make sense of anything from the slight rain and the dense fog. There are stains on my sleeves and my shoulders are weighed down and sagged. I've been trying to reason with myself that this is what I ought to be doing. I've been trying to reason with myself that this is the path I should be on to find whatever it is I've been looking for. I've been trying to reason with myself that I belong here, on this dark and cobbled pavement while my arms are riddled with horripilation and my chest is sputtering blood from the hollowness of it all. I've found a weeping willow - it weeps like the heat from my neck and I haven't felt the coldness settle. There's frost on my fingers but if it is any consolation, I have no idea how to love or deserve to be loved. Where has the time gone? Can you tell me? The rabbit holes are empty and there is a void where my heart ought to be. My lungs aren't burning but there's smoke escaping with every breath I let out. It's been too long, it's been too solitary. I can almost feel the brittleness of the skeletal structure that keeps me collected. And time has escaped me. There are no sounds and my ears are deafened. The cold is settling. I can still see the pavement. It's still empty. Is there no life here? Can anyone hear me? I can feel my thoughts echoing. Hello?
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22
Give a man some straw to build a bridge, and he will find a way to mend brittleness for his Family to cross. But give a man cement and the foundation will be lazy
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Dec 18, 2019
Dec 18, 2019 at 10:36 AM UTC
Straw Bridge
The deathly shadows waved as they flashed through My headlights on their way to another steal Another day ?? Another time maybe I thought ? But turn me cold they did to form Shivers so sharp my deadened eyes Rasped against their brittleness I hate the midnight call This lack of rest was winning to my Thoughts of a day all mine Another call to the front A sound ****** on my echoes around The quiet room called home For I am the collector and your soul Is in my seek My journey is to help you fight them For they steal all your promises They eat at your want and relish at Your need Allow me to protect you till you move Till the change is complete Into your fade of this cold place Till you brave the land I know Take my hand Let me explain ....life
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Jun 29, 2013
Jun 29, 2013 at 12:40 AM UTC
Life
his feet drag too weak to lift he shuffles to the alter patiently waiting his turn to receive the body of Christ, his savor head down back arched like a cane brittleness pronounced in every step his life, lived he simply waits for what is before him when his turn approaches he crosses his arms above his frail chest and bows his head unworthy to receive yet a blessing lands upon him and fills his empty, humble spirit with a restoring light of Truth.
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Oct 4, 2019
Oct 4, 2019 at 9:40 PM UTC
Humility
You can twist the way a man sees the world. Do you think that sounds ridiculous? What if you did it over time with subtlety and diligence? The audience is largely uneducated, so remind them of their impotence; tell them any other source of facts must be regarded with suspiciousness. Whisper to them over breakfast and slowly introduce corrosive dissonance; outright lie to them at dinner,salting in some truth for spicy antithesis. Those who run the country are up to something mischievous; their lives, their fine America, have been eroding with precipitance. Remember empowered yesterdays with a sad and tearful wistfulness; twist the needs and rights of others with pernicious lies and maliciousness. Invest their government with conspiracy and its policies with wickedness. Remind your audience that freedom was torn from kings by well-armed militias. Introduce the savior as a shining instrument of religiousness; defend his faults as small and frivolous and his right to rule as unambiguous. When shocking reality dares assert itself, denials must be vicious and officious. A rescue mission must be launched and certainly they must be participants; banners from the gift shop will form a team identity and a certain moral equivalence. The leader will whip the angry crowd, stoking resentment with fabricated incidents, swearing, “I will be with you on this great crusade and you will be my instruments” As the mob storms off he will slink away; he was only there for stimulus. Hear the old republic creak as the President flexes his insolence; he’s seen that no blame can touch him, so he’s filled with proud ambivalence. What will it take to rein him in? What kind of obvious stimulant, with thousands already dying every day and our society marbled with brittleness?
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Jan 8, 2021
Jan 8, 2021 at 8:44 AM UTC
twisted America
You can twist the way a man sees the world. Do you think that sounds ridiculous? What if you did it over time with subtlety and diligence? The audience is largely uneducated, so remind them of their impotence; tell them any other source of facts must be regarded with suspiciousness. Whisper to them over breakfast and slowly introduce corrosive dissonance; outright lie to them at dinner,salting in some truth for spicy antithesis. Those who run the country are up to something mischievous; their lives, their fine America, have been eroding with precipitance. Remember empowered yesterdays with a sad and tearful wistfulness; twist the needs and rights of others with pernicious lies and maliciousness. Invest their government with conspiracy and its policies with wickedness. Remind your audience that freedom was torn from kings by well-armed militias. Introduce the savior as a shining instrument of religiousness; defend his faults as small and frivolous and his right to rule as unambiguous. When shocking reality dares assert itself, denials must be vicious and officious. A rescue mission must be launched and certainly they must be participants; banners from the gift shop will form a team identity and a certain moral equivalence. The leader will whip the angry crowd, stoking resentment with fabricated incidents, swearing, “I will be with you on this great crusade and you will be my instruments” As the mob storms off he will slink away; he was only there for stimulus. Hear the old republic creak as the President flexes his insolence; he’s seen that no blame can touch him, so he’s filled with proud ambivalence. What will it take to rein him in? What kind of obvious stimulant, with thousands already dying every day and our society marbled with brittleness?
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15
Friends, this is an old poem of mine from ‘Poemhunter.com’, which has been re-written for my readers here. Hope you like it, - Raj. IN THE  WINDMILL  OF MY  MIND As in the poem ‘The Brook’, by the English poet Rupert Brooke, Our mind keeps chattering all the time, Like the flowing chattering Brook! As one thought flows into another right till our bed time. Even during sleep the chattering continues, nor does it get left behind. For dreams appear and disappear, even though our body is at rest. Only a sedative can truly put our mind, - To a complete peaceful rest! Now in the silent chattering of the mind, many thoughts come and go. Some get realized with time, while others simply flow. A few thoughts stagnate, and some thoughts get lost. But the chatter continues all the time, at any cost. What I know not, I know not, it should not bother me at all. Yet the quest for the unknown and unseen, In some of us remain pretty strong. As search for that philosophic truth, continues all our life long! The Autumn brings brittleness, with whitening of my hair, Yet I like to dream those dreams, and also to dare! As the withered leaves of Autumn, keep dancing in the whirlpool of time. My thoughts keep churning, in the windmill of my mind!                                     - Raj Nandy, New Delhi.
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Aug 29, 2020
Aug 29, 2020 at 2:58 AM UTC
IN THE WINDMILL OF MY MIND !
Dilapidation sunk its teeth into you Shearing off your softer side Exposing your skeletal essence Which had cut off calcium from cows Long ago Leaving it on the brink of brittleness As if the blow from a kiss Would deconstruct to dust The bones that once bore the strength To love without fear
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Nov 8, 2018
Nov 8, 2018 at 8:08 PM UTC
Scraping The Remains of a Soul
there's a paradise in the way you say my name    or she says my name or he says my name syllables crashing like head on car collision or train wheels wrestling with the tracks one time i brought back a starfish from the ocean hiding it in my sweater pocket it soaked all the way onto my pants into the upholstery of my father's old car and everyone pretended they didn't see maybe it wasn't even there, maybe i wasn't there sometimes ghosts would follow me i would end up breathing on the glass and leaving impressions as proof of existing, of understanding what it meant to live with the living getting home, unearthing my discovery in the bathtub but there was only a thud, an ugly crash on the resin the fiberglass making the death inhabitable i wanted you so much you turned to stone a hard shell of what i found so beautiful i could cry but there wasn't even a yell ignore me and ill love you forever i picked you up, cradled on both my palms but the keepsake was in the lesson a memento of solitary moments waiting shrivel up my father found me or maybe it was my mother or maybe it was nobody and i picked myself up silent   into the backyard where i dug until my fingers hurt, until my hands knew the brittleness of rhythm i might have never stopped until i reached some kind of closure or maybe magma, a molten crust of hell i had missed before my jeans dirt-stained and my face red from scratching bugs that weren't really there maybe we met at the wrong time, maybe there's never a right time for anything you reach certain points and then head back in the other direction you bleed until it's time to reach for the band-aids in the medicine cabinet and call it healing maybe i'll never know some things never figure out questions that still tap on my windowsill demanding to be answered or asked in the first place and i think i can fit comfortably in that, in this
0
Jan 19, 2019
Jan 19, 2019 at 3:32 AM UTC
an impromptu
there's a paradise in the way you say my name    or she says my name or he says my name syllables crashing like head on car collision or train wheels wrestling with the tracks one time i brought back a starfish from the ocean hiding it in my sweater pocket it soaked all the way onto my pants into the upholstery of my father's old car and everyone pretended they didn't see maybe it wasn't even there, maybe i wasn't there sometimes ghosts would follow me i would end up breathing on the glass and leaving impressions as proof of existing, of understanding what it meant to live with the living getting home, unearthing my discovery in the bathtub but there was only a thud, an ugly crash on the resin the fiberglass making the death inhabitable i wanted you so much you turned to stone a hard shell of what i found so beautiful i could cry but there wasn't even a yell ignore me and ill love you forever i picked you up, cradled on both my palms but the keepsake was in the lesson a memento of solitary moments waiting shrivel up my father found me or maybe it was my mother or maybe it was nobody and i picked myself up silent   into the backyard where i dug until my fingers hurt, until my hands knew the brittleness of rhythm i might have never stopped until i reached some kind of closure or maybe magma, a molten crust of hell i had missed before my jeans dirt-stained and my face red from scratching bugs that weren't really there maybe we met at the wrong time, maybe there's never a right time for anything you reach certain points and then head back in the other direction you bleed until it's time to reach for the band-aids in the medicine cabinet and call it healing maybe i'll never know some things never figure out questions that still tap on my windowsill demanding to be answered or asked in the first place and i think i can fit comfortably in that, in this
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28
I abscond from the phone calls where her voice reminds me of her. She's mumbling of the brittleness of the east Cascades; memory can't but etch, line to line, some sore straightliner, wheeled. I'll still playback what you leave me, and harbor beneath the arches of ourselves. Penny for the poor: I never promised to pay this sum.
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Mar 11, 2019
Mar 11, 2019 at 10:32 PM UTC
of dialogue