"brittleness" poems
I couldn’t sleep. I was lying in bed watching the patterns reflected moonlight made on my ceiling when I heard the faint beep of the kitchen microwave. I smelled popcorn.
I decided to fill up my water bottle and see who was up. I slipped on a thick, terrycloth robe I’d gotten from Lisa last Christmas. It must weigh 15 pounds and it’s so warm and heavy I seldom wear it.
I silently glided into the main room. Leong was standing at one of our two large picture windows staring out at the night. Her left arm cradling a bowl of ultimate-butter popcorn. Anna told me last night that Leong and her long-time boyfriend, who’s back in China, had broken up. They’d been together forever and had been expected to marry.
A bright half-moon was hanging high over campus, an electric ornament on a velvet background, its moonlight glint painted the world, like ice on mountaintops.
“I heard about your breakup,” I said, “what does it mean?” In Leong’s world, who you dated was of family interest. That person had to be approved, their bona fides proven - they had to fit into some long term plan.
“It means I can’t be tamed,” she said, with soft bravado. After a moment, she spoke again, more seriously. “It’s better this way - for now - someday..,” she trailed off.
I understood. All of our hopes are resting on someday, like so many wagers at a casino. I imagined some gambler, stepping up to a betting window, in an old black-and-white movie, saying, ”Gimmie 5 bucks on Someday to win.”
Something in her voice, a brittleness, precluded further questions. I looked at the clock, it read 3:47. I gave her a hug and yawning, filled up my water bottle from the refrigerator's filtered tap.
“See ya.” I whispered and headed off, back to bed. With any luck I could squeeze another hour's sleep out of the morning.
Feb 3, 2022
Feb 3, 2022 at 5:04 AM UTC
I won't lie, it's easy enough to replace you.
You were a replacement yourself. I bought
you at office depot, and your predecessor
was given to me by a friend. Mechanical
pencil lead is cheap. The only difference
between you and the lead I've owned
before is that you broke every other
word I tried to write. It didn't matter
how much weight I put onto the paper.
You snapped into pieces that dropped
every time I tried to pick them up.
Because of your brittleness, you
stood out, and unlike the lead
that kept itself together, you
won't be so readily forgotten.
Feb 7, 2010
Feb 7, 2010 at 7:38 PM UTC
when you’ve traced
every corner of my body
and have felt
the brittleness of my bones
—and when you’ve brushed
your fingers
through every inch
of my skin,
promise me
you won’t break me
when you’ve bit my lips
and find it bleeding
know that I’m vulnerable to your lies
and when you’ve kissed my tears
and find my eyes lost
know that I’m fragile to your touch
Jan 13, 2015
Jan 13, 2015 at 11:16 PM UTC
“I Have Been Tamed”
I have been tamed.
By the white wings and scents of springtime,
A set of shoulders sprinkled with gold,
I’d rest my head and think of silk eyebrows wrinkled together,
Looking out of a window, nestled upon a pair of brown eyes and blonde hair.
I have been tamed.
My joy: my dear, sweet, pure angel.
I love her with unending love.
As long as the rivers wrap around together and surround again on the globe,
As long as there can be love and peace, hope, happiness, and joy.
I have been tamed.
Her feet, tapping and smooth,
Perfect little rhythms, like stones skipping along a pond,
I’m so glad the Good Lord made them to skip and shift.
I have been tamed.
In gleeful wondering, an atollment hugging the thoughts,
Tracing my memories around her,
She left the outline of her hair blowing through the breeze,
Eyebrows lifted like bending fir trees over a pair of brown eyes, slightly smiling lips, and golden blonde hair.
Hair that fights with its surroundings like rolling tigresses, paws drumming over one another through a cloud of sediments,
Sun-bursting hues and radiation, each strand kissing my eyes, an exclusive glow caressing and basking.
I cannot stand to look too long to her nor look away into some distant vision,
Out upon her flowing silks, I left so many thoughts and skills, that I pray to God not to take either of them away.
I wonder if my heart was not made to be tugged and pulled by a woman.
Love, do not forsake me;
It is more blessed by God to give than receive,
But to give love and not receive is painful to the brittleness of my bones.
Aug 8, 2013
Aug 8, 2013 at 3:03 PM UTC
She wears an old fashioned shawl
laced wool of camomile
flecked with seeds of apple pip brown.
Wading shin deep with stork length legs, though lacking all brittleness,
she hems the thirsty sand line of shore
that's forever sipping foam
and swishing froth from the sea's diaphragmatic shifting.
The drag of each stride breaking
v's in their wake
all too soon dissipates
only to be replaced
with every surge and **** and lull.
She recites a poem as she treads the shallows
Hardly a whisper above a whisper
Blending lullaby syllables with the rhythmic surety of the tide.
Every word a billowed sail
carrying the craft of verse upon ripples and surf
back to the memory of one long lost across the sea.
Dec 14, 2014
Dec 14, 2014 at 5:03 PM UTC
Unfrozen, surviving in miles of silent wasteland
Somehow risen from cold to my feet, but not breathing
Am I flawless that I drift so lightly with a Western wind?
Or so flawed that I don't admit I'm desperate for coming home
The final night with my elbows on the throne
Laughing over longing after end to the infinite.
Beheld well with the highest intention to flatter you
Maybe I'll die in laughter when you realize I invite you to bitterness,
brittleness to the shattering for which I'll want you close
Because with another's bloodstains I can live alone
Using what I've siphoned to make my ill-advised scratches on tablets on tabletops.
Jan 4, 2015
Jan 4, 2015 at 2:14 AM UTC
My capillaries believe that the frost is coming for them
-- my spine aching for the warmth
it has come accustomed to,
rather than the boreal brittleness underneath
that the cutlass attached to my feet
glided around in spheres.
It reminded me of the
moon’s orbit,
the shape of the planets
the ellipses of the galaxies
-- suddenly swirling,
breaking and reforming
the stars within them,
which I then noticed to be
the warmth of your
carpals and metacarpals
between mine,
filling up all the Thenar Space.
Apr 25, 2013
Apr 25, 2013 at 1:01 PM UTC
Inside the brightly painted hut
crinkle cut and candy flossed where old men dossed out of the rain and one more stain don't make no odds to Gods who 'cock a deaf un',
sits Johnny Stone,
among the brittleness of skin and bone, he wears his worries and his cares away by sniffing grey hairs up his nose.
Posing every now and then for beachside surfers who,when they see this man survives amid the torture of the lies that haunt his face,move on to another place and forget they've ever seen and glad they've never known
Johnny Stone.
In this tinsel town one more Stone goes down and one more becomes the one that's trading places,revolving dreams on sunlit faces and a bigger pile of luggage cases for the dustbin men to take away
Stay at home,carve your dreams quite thinly off the bone, or you'll end up like Johnny Stone,
hungry
and all alone.
Dec 30, 2013
Dec 30, 2013 at 6:02 AM UTC
I) Departure
Short ride
Blinked
And the
Conductor
Woke me up
Last stop he called
End of the line
The not so secret
Graveyards of movement
Edge of where sleep can
Carry one
Time unlike movement
Can vanish
Blink and a year has passed
Suddenly after a month in a new city
Your parents are old
Or your children are grown
Either way the radio no longer plays
Music you can recognize
Yet the trains
Do not change much
Marking out time
One rocking lullaby at a time
II) Return
One train
To another,
To another,
To another,
Finally the long walk home.
Past the bar
Which I will end up grabbing a round in
Before heading across the street
And typing up this weekend’s poems
Hard decision figuring out that order
Either way
New York is almost welcoming
With downcast eyes
And screaming sirens
When compared to the growing limp
My father carries himself with
Seeing age claim those we love
Is a broken promise
Fractured while we were off
Spending days like easy dollars
Until one wakes to frost
On youths windows,
The sudden knowledge
That autumn, is over
Displayed in brittleness
Of your fathers bones
Dec 10, 2013
Dec 10, 2013 at 11:25 AM UTC
It was the weight of indecision that proved the brittleness of bones
we hesitate while casting sticks and stones
while authors explain in webs of prose
the heros and foes
swords and bows
crossed again back ****** and fighting.
The cowardly meet the brave
rave and rage
the patient confront the vain
never to be patient again
and one always walks away
leaving the other slain in this game.
Where truth lies;
and lies are found true
false words command masses
on paths they should choose
when left with seemingly nothing
they show it's your life to lose
and you do.
Soldiers in streets
march unison with their feet.
The blood.
Oh the blood.
It comes clean from cloth but hands remain drenched
til death's thirst is quenched.
The cup put on tilt and only guilt it spilt.
To run off tables of being and somehow be freeing
Where murders death rattles sound off like triumphant trumpets.
And the sweet swan song rings out light calls from your next adventure
bringing you forth.
Could death be such sweet sorrow?
and is life just time borrowed?
and what life comes in with our tomorrow?
I don't know.
But it won't be my shattering bones
and no soldier shall march all alone
let indecision be unknown
and let's march for a world that can grow.
Jan 9, 2013
Jan 9, 2013 at 1:59 AM UTC
She was made of glass, I’m sure
Her beauty was her perfection; flawless,
Optically correct, one might say,
But she was hard with a sharp tongue,
And after a while the brittleness grew,
Her motives were transparent,
I should have been more careful, when I put her back,
But feeling dropped, she shattered
Razor shards and splinters flew, some cutting me
Oh, the pain of glass.
Nov 18, 2011
Nov 18, 2011 at 9:38 AM UTC
A distant light
flickered with the brittleness
of life,
once seen, then gone,
then seen again.
The very air seemed callous
of its treatment
of this wan, pathetic beacon
in the void.
We felt no humanity now --
all traces scorned as weakness,
cast off as useless weight.
There was nothing but us,
and the vacuum of our souls.
No common ground
to share with any other thing --
we had gone beyond (at first by accident,
but then and then again by choice) --
we destroyed eveything
we might have turned back upon,
becoming "more than",
instead of "once was".
Our sanity cast off
with society's rules --
a tragic dream of a different
mother's brood.
Death meant nothing,
for we drank blood
from a different golden chalice,
and cleaned our wounds
with someone else's salty tears.
Feb 16, 2011
Feb 16, 2011 at 9:44 AM UTC
Please look at me, and judge
If I am okay, not by my surface
But by peeling back my skin, and see
If my insides do not scare you.
When you are looking, please check not
Merely for darkness plaguing my heart
Seek also for brittleness in my bones
And poor circulation that makes havers cold
Please look at me, in the eyes
Deep enough to find what behind them lies
Is it fear, anger, violence, regret
A dare to challenge you, or an internal death?
You could not see anything; all my insides are black
Infection from mankind's poisons attacked
The rest was once silver, shiny like gold
But tarnished from harshnesses as I grew old
I like you.
But realize the horrors I'd bring unto you
Is it worth it to risk such improbable strife?
Dependent on someone else's then-state of life
I fear it is not, as I'm sure you can see
The pitfalls associated with me
So farewell, my friend, I'm a half-empty cup
I hope you can forgive me for being messed up
Jan 24, 2013
Jan 24, 2013 at 1:51 PM UTC
sitting in the sunlight
the winter's brittleness penetrates;
pond's laminated shimmers whisper
frightening warnings of frost, and
for a moment,
My world is on hold.
brutal wind hits my face, the trees dance in
amusement,
the ducks gawk at my unfamiliarity,
I smile and shrug
because for a moment
My world is on hold.
this wooden bench is my freedom
an escape
from My troubling reality.
it is a shame
I had to write this vicariously
and only imagine,
putting My world on hold.
Feb 27, 2019
Feb 27, 2019 at 8:00 AM UTC
I'll turn it all to art,
Every little part,
Soul heart happenstance.
Cannot remain the same.
Cause swallowing it all,
Will fill me with delight,
Turning the spinning fear,
Into clothes I wear.
Witness how suave I am,
A grounded formal star,
Speaking beyond those all around,
The cracked brittleness of awareness.
May 5, 2014
May 5, 2014 at 9:27 PM UTC
The deathly shadows casted a wave as they flashed through the burn of my headlights
On their way to another steal
Another day ?
Another time maybe?...
But turn me cold they did to form shivers
So sharp my deadened eyes rasped against their brittleness
I hate the midnight call
This lack of rest was winning to my
Thought's of a day all mine
Yet on I must drive
For it is you that is in need
In need of these words
In need of my hands
For I am the healer and the shadows are waiting
They know all my work and despise my view
For I taketh the bad to bring light out from the dark
I am the healer
I am the one
The shadows are waiting
No payment to be crossed
No words from your lips
As my silence is your gift
So my work must continue
The shadows are waiting
Dawn chorus wakes the morning light
To a relieve as I sigh
The shadows are hiding and my work
is not done
Tears flow as I fall to my knees
Earth has taken its feed
Let the shadows wait
Jun 14, 2013
Jun 14, 2013 at 10:47 PM UTC
it feels like I've been walking on the same pavement riddled with the same fallen leaves spelling out regret and trap. it's lined with trees that look so barren that everything is starting to sound like the same kind of goodbye though I'm not really sure what they're saying goodbye to.
Reflective surfaces come in the form of my empty palms
and the crunch of leaves and the snapping of twigs just seem to whisper in my mind.
I've been walking on the same pavement and I'm not entirely sure why it is the same kind of brickwork. A little sloppy, if you ask me.
The signposts are broken and rotting and I haven't been able to make out the words that are haunting the seemingly endless bounds of my mind.
Have you seen the sun yet?
I can't seem to make sense of anything from the slight rain and the dense fog. There are stains on my sleeves and my shoulders are weighed down and sagged.
I've been trying to reason with myself that this is what I ought to be doing. I've been trying to reason with myself that this is the path I should be on to find whatever it is I've been looking for. I've been trying to reason with myself that I belong here, on this dark and cobbled pavement while my arms are riddled with horripilation and my chest is sputtering blood from the hollowness of it all.
I've found a weeping willow - it weeps like the heat from my neck and I haven't felt the coldness settle.
There's frost on my fingers but if it is any consolation, I have no idea how to love or deserve to be loved.
Where has the time gone? Can you tell me?
The rabbit holes are empty and there is a void where my heart ought to be. My lungs aren't burning but there's smoke escaping with every breath I let out.
It's been too long, it's been too solitary. I can almost feel the brittleness of the skeletal structure that keeps me collected.
And time has escaped me.
There are no sounds and my ears are deafened.
The cold is settling.
I can still see the pavement.
It's still empty.
Is there no life here?
Can anyone hear me?
I can feel my thoughts echoing.
Hello?
Nov 15, 2014
Nov 15, 2014 at 7:11 AM UTC
Give a man some straw
to build a bridge,
and he will find a way
to mend brittleness for his
Family to cross.
But give a man cement
and the foundation will be lazy
Dec 18, 2019
Dec 18, 2019 at 10:36 AM UTC
The deathly shadows waved as they flashed through
My headlights on their way to another steal
Another day ??
Another time maybe I thought ?
But turn me cold they did to form
Shivers so sharp my deadened eyes
Rasped against their brittleness
I hate the midnight call
This lack of rest was winning to my
Thoughts of a day all mine
Another call to the front
A sound ****** on my echoes around
The quiet room called home
For I am the collector and your soul
Is in my seek
My journey is to help you fight them
For they steal all your promises
They eat at your want and relish at
Your need
Allow me to protect you till you move
Till the change is complete
Into your fade of this cold place
Till you brave the land I know
Take my hand
Let me explain ....life
Jun 29, 2013
Jun 29, 2013 at 12:40 AM UTC
his feet drag
too weak to lift
he shuffles to the alter
patiently waiting his turn
to receive the body
of Christ, his savor
head down
back arched like a cane
brittleness pronounced
in every step
his life, lived
he simply waits
for what is before him
when his turn approaches
he crosses his arms
above his frail chest
and bows his head
unworthy to receive
yet a blessing lands upon him
and fills his empty, humble spirit
with a restoring light of Truth.
Oct 4, 2019
Oct 4, 2019 at 9:40 PM UTC
You can twist the way a man sees the world.
Do you think that sounds ridiculous?
What if you did it over time with subtlety and diligence?
The audience is largely uneducated, so remind them of their impotence; tell them any other source of facts must be regarded with suspiciousness.
Whisper to them over breakfast and slowly introduce corrosive dissonance; outright lie to them at dinner,salting in some truth for spicy antithesis.
Those who run the country are up to something mischievous; their lives, their fine America, have been eroding with precipitance.
Remember empowered yesterdays with a sad and tearful wistfulness; twist the needs and rights of others with pernicious lies and maliciousness.
Invest their government with conspiracy and its policies with wickedness. Remind your audience that freedom was torn from kings by well-armed militias.
Introduce the savior as a shining instrument of religiousness; defend his faults as small and frivolous and his right to rule as unambiguous.
When shocking reality dares assert itself, denials must be vicious and officious.
A rescue mission must be launched and certainly they must be participants; banners from the gift shop will form a team identity and a certain moral equivalence.
The leader will whip the angry crowd, stoking resentment with fabricated incidents, swearing, “I will be with you on this great crusade and you will be my instruments”
As the mob storms off he will slink away; he was only there for stimulus.
Hear the old republic creak as the President flexes his insolence; he’s seen that no blame can touch him, so he’s filled with proud ambivalence.
What will it take to rein him in? What kind of obvious stimulant, with thousands already dying every day and our society marbled with brittleness?
Jan 8, 2021
Jan 8, 2021 at 8:44 AM UTC
Friends, this is an old poem of mine from ‘Poemhunter.com’, which has been re-written for my readers here. Hope you like it, - Raj.
IN THE WINDMILL OF MY MIND
As in the poem ‘The Brook’, by the English
poet Rupert Brooke,
Our mind keeps chattering all the time,
Like the flowing chattering Brook!
As one thought flows into another right
till our bed time.
Even during sleep the chattering continues,
nor does it get left behind.
For dreams appear and disappear, even
though our body is at rest.
Only a sedative can truly put our mind, -
To a complete peaceful rest!
Now in the silent chattering of the mind,
many thoughts come and go.
Some get realized with time, while others
simply flow.
A few thoughts stagnate, and some thoughts
get lost.
But the chatter continues all the time, at any
cost.
What I know not, I know not, it should not
bother me at all.
Yet the quest for the unknown and unseen,
In some of us remain pretty strong.
As search for that philosophic truth, continues
all our life long!
The Autumn brings brittleness, with whitening
of my hair,
Yet I like to dream those dreams, and also to
dare!
As the withered leaves of Autumn, keep
dancing in the whirlpool of time.
My thoughts keep churning, in the windmill
of my mind!
- Raj Nandy, New Delhi.
Aug 29, 2020
Aug 29, 2020 at 2:58 AM UTC
Dilapidation sunk its teeth into you
Shearing off your softer side
Exposing your skeletal essence
Which had cut off calcium from cows
Long ago
Leaving it on the brink of brittleness
As if the blow from a kiss
Would deconstruct to dust
The bones that once bore the strength
To love without fear
Nov 8, 2018
Nov 8, 2018 at 8:08 PM UTC
there's a paradise in the way you say my name
or she says my name or he says my name
syllables crashing like head on car collision or train wheels wrestling with the tracks
one time i brought back a starfish from the ocean
hiding it in my sweater pocket
it soaked all the way onto my pants into the upholstery of my father's old car and everyone pretended they didn't see
maybe it wasn't even there, maybe i wasn't there
sometimes ghosts would follow me i would end up breathing on the glass and leaving impressions as proof
of existing, of understanding what it meant to live with the living
getting home, unearthing my discovery in the bathtub
but there was only a thud, an ugly crash on the resin
the fiberglass making the death inhabitable
i wanted you so much you turned to stone
a hard shell of what i found so beautiful i could cry but there wasn't even a yell
ignore me and ill love you forever
i picked you up, cradled on both my palms but the keepsake was in the lesson
a memento of solitary moments waiting
shrivel up
my father found me or maybe it was my mother or maybe it was nobody and i picked myself up silent
into the backyard where i dug until my fingers hurt, until my hands knew the brittleness of rhythm
i might have never stopped until i reached some kind of closure or maybe magma, a molten crust of hell i had missed before
my jeans dirt-stained and my face red from scratching bugs that weren't really there
maybe we met at the wrong time, maybe there's never a right time for anything
you reach certain points and then head back in the other direction
you bleed until it's time to reach for the band-aids in the medicine cabinet and call it healing
maybe i'll never know some things
never figure out questions that still tap on my windowsill demanding to be answered or asked in the first place
and i think i can fit comfortably in that, in this
Jan 19, 2019
Jan 19, 2019 at 3:32 AM UTC
I abscond from
the phone calls where her
voice reminds me of her.
She's mumbling of the brittleness
of the east Cascades;
memory can't but etch, line to line,
some sore straightliner, wheeled.
I'll still playback what you leave me,
and harbor beneath the arches of ourselves.
Penny for the poor: I never promised to pay
this sum.
Mar 11, 2019
Mar 11, 2019 at 10:32 PM UTC