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Penne Feb 2023
You don't need to tell them
That a ***** fell on the floor
Tell them to listen some music
To cover all the noise

You hold a cigarette at hand, you're a criminal
You hold a cigarette at hand, you're against society
You hold a cigarette at hand, you look like a poor darling
Better be cryptic than normal

Why the hotline isn't even free
And why is it only an hour long

The laws of the calling of nature are not helping

You and I use a lot of that
You can tell that I'm not validated as a child
If only I can kick a person's leg, then they won't show the bible to me
If only I can make a person throw up without seeing me
If only I can make a person feed their hand to the fire and burn there to see how it feels

How much of this is oversharing? How much of this is artistic?

I know not everything's my fault
Yet I feel bad I feel bad
when people apologize
The next fight or flight second move is to gaslight me
Trying to glue all the chinks together
Then wait for an hour for a jar to grow

I eat a sandwich of truffles
I don't think they're truffles at all
If only I can eat a paper of daycare rules just like I ate that sandwich
Did you know that sandwich I ate wasn't mine but yours?
Truffles I digest but don't remember how it taste
Meanwhile, a beggar jumps in joy for a dollar

I tried painting the Venus goddess herself once
It turns out that's the girl from The Ring
If she was only as pretty as the eyeliner of hot topic wednesday
We all know that old men love youthful wednesdays that dance dance on their lap until they die

Self-awareness isn't enough
A spoonful of sugar isn't enough
When you have checklists
When you have contests
When you whiten your teeth with coal
When you have a devil that wears prada
It's an illness, not a personality

You don't have to suffer
But this is my suffering

Just to hear a good tone, I'm baffled someone can play a guitar
Meanwhile, I can't manage my own emotions

There is no perfect decision.

But no one would believe in that guru's book of improvement
Only the end product
before I fake laugh.

Once in a while can I mosh pit singing the lyrics to my own concert?
Penne Jan 2023
trauma whispers for a bomb
need something to replace
to break

do you dream of a funnier life
well sorry not sorry, all you have is me

all I see is a punching bag
all I see is a punching bag

**** it to hell
the angels don't know what they're grieving

easy release

do you count for it to come back
or you just wait

staring at me with those eyes!
i can't compare you

yet all i just wanna do is compel

choking the piano won't get me to your world

it's easy it's easy it's easy

planetariums can't be filled with carbon copies

and a moral interitus that purges and eats while it can

this city is drowned for who it is

did you dance for a chapter one
when all you get in the end is a plot twist that you don't understand
Penne Oct 2022
Kung di kaya tayo nagkita,
Paano ko mahahanap ang lihim na palasyo ng saya?

Ang alam ko lang musika noon ay namamatay na sigaw galing sa milyong-milyong bangin

Kuntento na sana ako malunod doon
Paulit-ulit...

Hanggang narinig ko ang boses mo na hinalik nang payapa ng isang mitikal na kagubatan sa gitna ng gabi

Hinaluan pa ng bagyo ng  rebelyon at init na tamang-tama sa akin

Nakaka-excite ka...

Hinahanap ang iyong tunog sa kahit anong anyo
Sa kahit saang lugar

Naaaliw sa iyong misteryo
Bakit kasi rin ang angas mo noong sa munting sandalian na nag-usap tayo?

Planado ko na ipantay ang ihip ng hangin sa direksiyon mo
Ang tanglaw ng tadhana  
Naaabot ko na

I-ikaw din pala?
Gusto mo ipantay ang direksiyon
Hindi pala ako nag-iisa...

Hindi na tayo mag-isa.

Nabunyag ko pa na may tamis na tago sa iyong pigura
Di na kita mabura
Paano ka burahin...
Paano ka ba buburahin?!

Hanggang naintindihan ko na  wala nang magpapantay

Hinawakan ka na
Paulit-ulit
Inuulit sa kamay
Sa labi
Sa isip  

Napabangungot noong isang gabi na maghiwalay
Luha naman ang nahalay
Wala man "silang" gusto sa ideya natin
Mahihimatay na lang sa tamlay
Ng mga nagtatalampasang emosyon nila na walang malay
Hahawakan ka hanggang di hulihin
Hahalikan ka kahit babagyuhin
Walang kahulugan ang pagpigil ng damdamin

Unang-una ko itong pag-iibigan
Akala ko hindi ko maiiwasan ang kasaysayan ng dugo ko na puro sa maling tao napunta ang pagmamahalan
Akala ko wala nang mag-aalaga sa sirang tao na katulad ko
Napaka-haba ng iyong pasensya
Kasi ako wala na talagang pasensya sa sarili ko
Ang presko nang may nagtatanggap sa aking konsensiya
Na walang kapalit na hinihintay
Na walang sampal na hinihintay

Dami dami mo nang ginagawa pero
Wala ka talagang kailangan gawin
Para pasayahin ako
Mamasdan ka lang
Kasi hindi kita papakawalan

Pumantay ang linya
Pumantay ang oras
Pumantay ang agos
Pumantay ang dagat

Sa iyo na ako lulunod  magpakailanman

Sa bilang ng isa,

Dalawa,

Tatlo.
Penne Jun 2021
The sound of the skeleton flower's petal was heard.
Time to go home.
Dripping from the roof is the moisture for the family and animals for 1 whole day.

The sheep filed through the cottonwood gate.
The aardvarks came next, tiptoeing on the birds' isle and then proceed to float on the eye of the lake.

Hot crackling popped from the bird seeds and savaged corn cobs.
All trees and webs lost their sway to give breath to the farmer's daughter.

The miracle of the picturesque was all stolen by her.

The hair is unmatched with nature's colors.
Her rough, sticky, lavender gray curls.
Love is the black ants gathering for the flan, leaf-shaped.
She dips the lark in a pool of beet juice.
Glazed the firewood with snaps of her belting notes and wiped with trots of chameleon.
And the whole world glowed.

One time, the farm girl had too much fun  
But does not know what day it is Neither the sun blinks
So hey, why not start expanding this farm?
Instead of an animal kingdom, a planetarium is forged.

He whispered, "I'm soft as a cloud."
He caressed, "I can give you everything."
He slashed, "I promise."
She knew. But, it was her ambition to have no ambitions.

The baby sheep were sleeping next door.
They were crying.
They were always crying.
Sometimes she wished they had less rights.
But the cries meant something else.

"Baby, why do you keep dying? Just walk already. I wish you were already 25 so you can feel alone."
Sundials were Sunday oranges to drink
Melting, melting, melting it until confessions became concessions.

Obsessed on breaking a patch of grass to look at her reflection. That is her only way to have a reflection.
Comb the grass up if she felt hazy.
Comb the grass down if she has the urge to joust.
Comb the grass everywhere to just forget every minute.

The figs were sagging and darkening. Yet, it was no tither season.

She wondered, "Is there even a  mosquito that likes me? I always ride a horse soaked in paint and has eyes of a distant phone light."

One night, she boiled the fur and then baked some cake.
It was the time to brave the punch.
Nobody was going to take away her hunch!
She heard a poke and an acne groan.
No, to eden! To eden! To eden!
When she opened the main door, the scent of ice shaved her mien.

"This will just make me look hideous,"she thought.

"I'm not a cycle!"

She closed the door. Now, she was afraid to leave and to stay.

Rather mourn as a ringtone and lie as a jester.

No one believed her.
Just because she did not told the story well.
Penne Jun 2021
Whenever you read Dahl, it feels like you're entering and after a few minutes, find yourself dancing in a pretty field. And then, he plants bombs out of nowhere but you don't always know where they were or where they began because they are in a shape and feel of a strawberry.

(Only ways to reassure your experience are you return to the already bombed field and retrace, eat the strawberries and then ***** or binge, and/or leave in shocking cold silence or in idle confusion.)
Penne May 2021
What do you drink to get the purple out of my tongue? What do you take to forget? The picture
of white lady on the mirror chanting ****** mary. The video of being spanked. The layout of the patterns. It is all made into a trail. Wishing to cloak, I thought it worked but it was only a blanket. The blinking lights of the window.  It manages to ***** me and remind me of competition in traffic. The list. Lists. Numbered. Keep scrolling. Will it affect my life?

Needing to fit the box of a ten-year old, I sleep. Then, I post. That was not myself. How did this whole page about me belongs to someone else? I never drift before. Why, I wonder. Here comes the businesses. The banquets. Watching a flute get Tarzan'd by a piece of rope hanged across the room. Out of the blue, I found myself touring with a foreigner. What does he want from me? Is it wrong to think this way? He only asked me where I live and how I am. I stop. I feel the chills burning through my hands to fingers. The bones get cold, but do not when plugged by nerves.

I-I'm addicted? I need to sleep more. It's healthy, they say. It's fun.


When was the last time I had fun?


The more I see the light, the more I hate it. I bring the shutters down. Relaxing. Freeing. Pink flower keep falling. Peach flower keep shimmering. How come I never thought of it before? Now back to sleep. Wait, I can't sleep anymore. But everything's so festive. Are the photos not alive? But they frequently chatter. To me. And you---no me. Me. Me. Me. Me. Me. Branded into these pixels of prizes and sporks full of dramatic dressings. What is meaning again? I kick the blanket out of the bed. I threw my pillows on the other side. It's hot. Everything's so hot. My air conditoner is on max---what's happening?? No, sleep!

It does not take long for me to gasp for air. I keep denying it but it is always in the back of my mind.

The only answer is to get out.

I try by slowly lifting my legs and down to the floor. Do I really? Now? This is the only answer. I repeat thrice. I'm getting old.

A wind caresses my cheek. I forgot I was even in a house.

Dream's over.
🏙🏙🌃🌃   This is what I felt in the early years of using social media. It is like a constant depersonalization and derealization.
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