I am worn down, exhausted and depleted; tired of self.

I am torn down by the mediocrity of men and women that
cannot see the façade that blinds themselves and captures
their thinking, rendering them ineffective, therefore they lash out with
false perceptions, unwilling to embrace and acknowledge
the error that lies within their own garden of eden and deception locks
their tongues tightly choking out the very breath used to speak
hypocritically of others.

From the outside in I see myself standing in a crowded space
within “my being” and all of the chatter of endless voices critiquing
“the me inside of me” confuses and distorts my ability
to comprehend  the distance and direction I should be traveling in.

I keep “bumping into myself many times over”
because self will not move out of my way
to allow me to gauge the time and distance it will take
to straighten my path.
I am stuck in the creases of my frown,
it being sometimes dark inside,
yet striving “upward” to a place of stability,
knowing that my end is “far yet to come”.

With instruments of humility leading me,
“something” within the interior of my mind
sands the walls of my thoughts down to clarity,
assisting me in an uncomplicated manner.

This  allows me,
to perceive the portrait
of self,  I have created, and
this complex dilemma I live in
forces me to embrace the contents of the “self perceived” reality around me,
making it easy…. and freely…for me
to “escape the abrasiveness” of the way
“I” see, ‘I” think about…and the way “I” judge myself
when it is not necessary…

©2013

I’ve only been at my fellowship gig a week, but It’s official, I’m a candy-striper. Sort of, I wear a blue vest, not the old, red-striped dress, but it’s the same job. I shadow my surgeon (Rebecca) most of the time, like when she does her rounds but otherwise, I study or try to be helpful by delivering specimens to the lab, messengering things from Rebecca to other doctors or assisting the nursing staff with very minor, mundane things.

My training, so far, has consisted more of what-nots than anything else. “You are not a doctor, you don’t comment, don’t advise, don’t touch anything, don’t perform CPR and if a medical emergency occurs, get out of the way - put your back against the wall.” I made up the “back against the wall” part but that’s the soul of it. I’m just an observant pair of eyes and ears or a Yale lampshade.

When Rebecca (my surgeon) does rounds, she usually has five or six interns in tow (medical school graduates who are first-year residents). The interns review patient charts and get quizzed about symptoms, their meanings and possible treatments. It’s very interesting to watch the process up close - these people are wicked-smart (that’s a Boston saying).

Growing up, my parents were both doctors. I found myself standing, listlessly, a million times, waiting in hospital corridors or by nurses' stations for one or both of them to break free so we could leave. I was exposed to 17 years of medical jargon, as they discussed treatments with other doctors or passed on their final instructions for the night. I’d roll my eyes impatiently, but I guess I absorbed more than I realized. I can pretty much follow the consults as they do the rounds.

I met two new people last week, who I think I’ll see a lot of - Jammie and Quinn. They’re both rising-juniors and fellows, from other schools, working with other surgeons. Jammie’s a handsome, gay, black man from Georgetown University (my brother Brice’s Alma mater). He’s loud, fun and smart, very smart.

Quinn, on the other hand, seems like a short, officious little ****. When we were introduced, he cast his eyes over me slowly and deliberately like a frat-boy or an experienced stock ******* and from the way he talks, you’d think he owned the place. He’s from some second rate, local college, called Harvard.

Funny story, Jammie and I had just met and we were looking-up some fellowship information, on his laptop, I was looking over his shoulder and as he flipped around - his computer files and folders were SO organized - there wasn’t a stray file anywhere - not one. As we were huddled closely together I said, conversationally, because where I come from it means nothing and I guess I have no filters, “Are you gay?” He cringed, shocked, and laughingly said “SHHH!” He wasn’t “out” at work. I swore his secret safe and we became fast friends.

Jammie, besides being a molecular, cellular, and developmental biology major (pre-med track), is an observational comedian and as he’s thinking out loud - at a hundred miles an hour - I wish I could record him, so I could play him back later, slowly and deliciously to take it all in. We had lunch together in the cafeteria Friday and when our time was up, I discovered I hadn’t eaten anything. I’d been too busy listening to him open-mouthed or laughing.

I also realized I’m spoiled and not used to working indoors all day. We come in at 8 and we're released at 4:30. It’s almost a shock to see the sky isn’t fluorescent-lit and the breeze isn’t tainted with antiseptic smells. That was fellowship week 1.

INSCRIBED TO ROBERT AIKEN, ESQ.

        Let not Ambition mock their useful toil,
        Their homely joys and destiny obscure;
        Nor Grandeur hear with a disdainful smile,
        The short and simple annals of the poor.
                  (Gray, “Elegy Written in a Country Churchyard”)

  My lov’d, my honour’d, much respected friend!
      No mercenary bard his homage pays;
    With honest pride, I scorn each selfish end:
      My dearest meed a friend’s esteem and praise.
      To you I sing, in simple Scottish lays,
    The lowly train in life’s sequester’d scene;
      The native feelings strong, the guileless ways;
    What Aiken in a cottage would have been;
Ah! tho’ his worth unknown, far happier there, I ween!

  November chill blaws loud wi’ angry sugh,
      The short’ning winter day is near a close;
    The miry beasts retreating frae the pleugh,
      The black’ning trains o’ craws to their repose;
    The toil-worn Cotter frae his labour goes,—
    This night his weekly moil is at an end,—
      Collects his spades, his mattocks and his hoes,
    Hoping the morn in ease and rest to spend,
And weary, o’er the moor, his course does hameward bend.

  At length his lonely cot appears in view,
      Beneath the shelter of an aged tree;
    Th’ expectant wee-things, toddlin, stacher through
      To meet their dad, wi’ flichterin noise an’ glee.
      His wee bit ingle, blinkin bonilie,
    His clean hearth-stane, his thrifty wifie’s smile,
      The lisping infant prattling on his knee,
    Does a’ his weary kiaugh and care beguile,
An’ makes him quite forget his labour an’ his toil.

  Belyve, the elder bairns come drapping in,
      At service out, amang the farmers roun’;
    Some ca’ the pleugh, some herd, some tentie rin
      A cannie errand to a neibor toun:
      Their eldest hope, their Jenny, woman-grown,
    In youthfu’ bloom, love sparkling in her e’e,
      Comes hame, perhaps, to shew a braw new gown,
    Or deposite her sair-won penny-fee,
To help her parents dear, if they in hardship be.

  With joy unfeign’d, brothers and sisters meet,
      An’ each for other’s weelfare kindly spiers:
    The social hours, swift-wing’d, unnotic’d fleet;
      Each tells the uncos that he sees or hears.
      The parents partial eye their hopeful years;
    Anticipation forward points the view;
      The mother, wi’ her needle an’ her sheers,
    Gars auld claes look amaist as weel’s the new;
The father mixes a’ wi’ admonition due.

  Their master’s an’ their mistress’s command
      The younkers a’ are warned to obey;
    An’ mind their labours wi’ an eydent hand,
      An’ ne’er tho’ out o’ sight, to jauk or play:
      “An’ O! be sure to fear the Lord alway,
    An’ mind your duty, duly, morn an’ night!
      Lest in temptation’s path ye gang astray,
    Implore his counsel and assisting might:
They never sought in vain that sought the Lord aright!”

  But hark! a rap comes gently to the door.
      Jenny, wha kens the meaning o’ the same,
    Tells how a neebor lad cam o’er the moor,
      To do some errands, and convoy her hame.
      The wily mother sees the conscious flame
    Sparkle in Jenny’s e’e, and flush her cheek;
      Wi’ heart-struck, anxious care, inquires his name,
      While Jenny hafflins is afraid to speak;
Weel-pleas’d the mother hears, it’s nae wild, worthless rake.

  Wi’ kindly welcome Jenny brings him ben,
      A strappin youth; he takes the mother’s eye;
    Blythe Jenny sees the visit’s no ill taen;
      The father cracks of horses, pleughs, and kye.
      The youngster’s artless heart o’erflows wi’ joy,
    But, blate and laithfu’, scarce can weel behave;
      The mother wi’ a woman’s wiles can spy
    What maks the youth sae bashfu’ an’ sae grave,
Weel pleas’d to think her bairn’s respected like the lave.

  O happy love! where love like this is found!
      O heart-felt raptures! bliss beyond compare!
    I’ve paced much this weary, mortal round,
      And sage experience bids me this declare—
    “If Heaven a draught of heavenly pleasure spare,
      One cordial in this melancholy vale,
      ’Tis when a youthful, loving, modest pair,
    In other’s arms breathe out the tender tale,
Beneath the milk-white thorn that scents the ev’ning gale.”

  Is there, in human form, that bears a heart,
      A wretch! a villain! lost to love and truth!
    That can with studied, sly, ensnaring art
      Betray sweet Jenny’s unsuspecting youth?
      Curse on his perjur’d arts! dissembling smooth!
    Are honour, virtue, conscience, all exil’d?
      Is there no pity, no relenting truth,
    Points to the parents fondling o’er their child,
Then paints the ruin’d maid, and their distraction wild?

  But now the supper crowns their simple board,
      The halesome parritch, chief of Scotia’s food;
    The soupe their only hawkie does afford,
      That yont the hallan snugly chows her cud.
      The dame brings forth, in complimental mood,
    To grace the lad, her weel-hain’d kebbuck fell,
      An’ aft he’s prest, an’ aft he ca’s it guid;
    The frugal wifie, garrulous, will tell,
How ’twas a towmond auld, sin’ lint was i’ the bell.

  The cheerfu’ supper done, wi’ serious face,
      They round the ingle form a circle wide;
    The sire turns o’er, with patriarchal grace,
      The big ha’-Bible, ance his father’s pride;
      His bonnet rev’rently is laid aside,
    His lyart haffets wearing thin and bare;
      Those strains that once did sweet in Zion glide,
    He wales a portion with judicious care;
And, “Let us worship God,” he says with solemn air.

  They chant their artless notes in simple guise;
      They tune their hearts, by far the noblest aim:
    Perhaps Dundee’s wild-warbling measures rise,
      Or plaintive Martyrs, worthy of the name,
      Or noble Elgin beets the heaven-ward flame,
    The sweetest far of Scotia’s holy lays.
      Compar’d with these, Italian trills are tame;
      The tickl’d ear no heart-felt raptures raise;
Nae unison hae they, with our Creator’s praise.

  The priest-like father reads the sacred page,
      How Abram was the friend of God on high;
    Or Moses bade eternal warfare wage
      With Amalek’s ungracious progeny;
      Or how the royal bard did groaning lie
    Beneath the stroke of Heaven’s avenging ire;
      Or Job’s pathetic plaint, and wailing cry;
    Or rapt Isaiah’s wild, seraphic fire;
Or other holy seers that tune the sacred lyre.

  Perhaps the Christian volume is the theme,
      How guiltless blood for guilty man was shed;
    How He, who bore in Heaven the second name
      Had not on earth whereon to lay His head:
      How His first followers and servants sped;
    The precepts sage they wrote to many a land:
      How he, who lone in Patmos banished,
    Saw in the sun a mighty angel stand,
And heard great Bab’lon’s doom pronounc’d by Heaven’s command.

  Then kneeling down to Heaven’s Eternal King,
      The saint, the father, and the husband prays:
    Hope “springs exulting on triumphant wing,”
      That thus they all shall meet in future days:
      There ever bask in uncreated rays,
    No more to sigh or shed the bitter tear,
      Together hymning their Creator’s praise,
    In such society, yet still more dear,
While circling Time moves round in an eternal sphere.

  Compar’d with this, how poor Religion’s pride
      In all the pomp of method and of art,
    When men display to congregations wide
      Devotion’s ev’ry grace except the heart!
      The Pow’r, incens’d, the pageant will desert,
    The pompous strain, the sacerdotal stole;
      But haply in some cottage far apart
    May hear, well pleas’d, the language of the soul,
And in His Book of Life the inmates poor enrol.

  Then homeward all take off their sev’ral way;
      The youngling cottagers retire to rest;
    The parent-pair their secret homage pay,
      And proffer up to Heav’n the warm request,
      That He who stills the raven’s clam’rous nest,
    And decks the lily fair in flow’ry pride,
      Would, in the way His wisdom sees the best,
    For them and for their little ones provide;
But chiefly, in their hearts with grace divine preside.

  From scenes like these old Scotia’s grandeur springs,
      That makes her lov’d at home, rever’d abroad:
    Princes and lords are but the breath of kings,
      “An honest man’s the noblest work of God”:
      And certes, in fair Virtue’s heavenly road,
    The cottage leaves the palace far behind:
      What is a lordling’s pomp? a cumbrous load,
    Disguising oft the wretch of human kind,
Studied in arts of hell, in wickedness refin’d!

  O Scotia! my dear, my native soil!
      For whom my warmest wish to Heaven is sent!
    Long may thy hardy sons of rustic toil
      Be blest with health, and peace, and sweet content!
      And, oh! may Heaven their simple lives prevent
    From luxury’s contagion, weak and vile!
      Then, howe’er crowns and coronets be rent,
    A virtuous populace may rise the while,
And stand a wall of fire around their much-lov’d isle.

  O Thou! who pour’d the patriotic tide
      That stream’d thro’ Wallace’s undaunted heart,
    Who dar’d to nobly stem tyrannic pride,
      Or nobly die, the second glorious part,—
      (The patriot’s God peculiarly thou art,
    His friend, inspirer, guardian, and reward!)
      O never, never Scotia’s realm desert,
    But still the patriot, and the patriot-bard,
In bright succession raise, her ornament and guard!

Happy birthday to you
my friend I haven’t seen in years
I wish I was there to hug you
and make fun of how short you are
smart, funny, and talented
are words that wouldn’t begin to describe
how wonderful you are
but are the only ones that my small mind
can think of right now.

Happy birthday to you
strong Texan, one of my best friends
working through a hurricane
and still dealing with my complaining
you’re assisting in a hospital now
I’d trust you with my care

Happy birthday dear Julia
one of the smartest people I know
multilingual, a great violinist
top of your class, rightfully so
I know you’ll go far
and I hope I’m there to see it

Happy birthday to you

A change of mind
a change of heart
a step this way
or that
a moment held
or given
a step away from light
naive or dark.

Is choice
an invitation
and if so
by whom
or what?

Those million
thoughts that lead to actions
now or
down the track:
and then this
what if that
to pick up
to put down
to left to right
to leave to stay
and on until
a path or paths are found
or trod
or followed.

If everything is choice
what is not
- to step from instinct to intuition
- to love my wife
- to love my children
- to love the god of life
- to write this.

The barometer of
heart
the judge and jury of
the mind
the guides
the angels
assisting
and the thoughts
that tend to lead
to actions
that tend to lead
to feelings
that tend to lead to more
thoughts which sometimes
are discoveries
that tend to lead
to choices
down the track.

The map of my life
can be seen
by turning
my head to the south.
With the benefit
of hindsight
I see I am and have been
passenger and pilot
messenger and message
drawing and drawn
but with this
I must ask
is it that I am also
a choice
and if so
by whom?

Many people remind us of the Lord.
They venture into places we dare not go.
It might be the ghetto or the wealthy side of town.
Where pretense is in the people you know?

They have the heart of the Good Samaritans.
Where assisting those in need?
Is there only agenda.

They mean no harm.
And many never seem alarm.
But more comfortable.

It's been stated many of us live in a comfort zone.
Surrounded by security from the real sociaty.
Where fear controls your every move?

These brave souls acts on reaction.
Always seeking a satifaction to the crisis.
They have the heart of a Good Samaritan.

Emergency Technicians.
They have the heart of a Good Samaritan.
Fire  personnel.
They have the heart of a Good Samaritan.
Law enforcement.
They have the heart of a Good Samaritan.
Counselors, charity workers.
They have the heart of a Good Samaritan.
All honorable soldiers.
They have the heart of a Good Samaritan.
And brave parents.
They have the heart of a Good Samaritan.
Especially when we see them stand up to those trying to be mean.

When others would avoid getting involved.
We must remember there are those that honorable in the eyes of God.
When people with titles refuses to fight.
They need to remember they walking in darkness instead of the light.

Comfortable in doing wrong.
Instead of doing right.

True criticism
Whether constructed or impulses for the moment;
Taken or not, to be offended by it
Is to be aware of an interjected potency.

A toxin of a so-called realization to drive towards sin
Or perhaps self-actualization, to whom we are within

Mind differs from soul, on the division of what is human.
The thought conveyed is lacking in being, rather than seeing.

Applying logic as a constant is grounds for ill confidence.
In a quality that droughts in tears from a cyclic existence

The thoughtful thrive on selfless striving
to be heard, immortally by their reviving words

The self-centered gravitate to absent causes
assisting no one, and becoming less heard

But sincerely who is right to judge you and me
Bias surrounds us, traps us to filter what we see and believe

Faith is lost to a logical world, where action is questioned
And the metaphysical will soon be poisoned by what is known

There are lights
Not meant to succumb to blight
Of the true dissension of Adam’s apple bite

The good boss is measured by, the way they treat people.
Speak to people.
Do their employees.

The good boss, can ask you on your off day to help out?
And without hesitation , you assist them in a vital situation.
Because when you need assistance, they return the favor.

The good boss, could author a book.
Offering suggestions on ways to keep employees spirit up.
He/she know RESPECT is apart of any conversation.

Even those bad bosses depends on the good boss.
If they can't tolerate you.
It comes down to the good boss assisting you in a vital situation.

It's easy to fire someone.
As, it is to hire someone.
But you're looking for that personality that blend in kindly with others.
To accomplish getting the job done.

The good boss tone when reprimanding someone.
Doesn't come off rude or cruel.
But in away of having the one they discipline mystified, if they were.

Even if they have to suspend someone.
The someone took it in strive.
Because they were treated with kindness.

Which most bad employers doesn't comprehend.
Then some begins to question, why someone after them?
When all they need was requirements of a good boss.

Employees know bosses jobs are to achieve goals.
But if they are treat co-workers, with honor , they achieve so much more.

Prologue:

Good ol’ Phillip Riley. The reason I am restrained in handcuffs, struggling but not able to put up much of a fight, being carried away from my beautiful -was to be- home. The red and blue lights are splashing back from the wet asphalt onto my cold face. I can assume it will only get worse from here, but it was worth it. She should have never crossed our paths and I have now made sure she will forever regret her decision. The only thing to do now is try and convince the jury this was an innocent act of passion. We will see who’s side they are on, after they hear all of the gruesome facts. All in all, the punishment fits the crime, and I accept.

Chapter 1: Mayville

My name is Mayville Houston. I am a single woman in my early 30s, nothing special. I am a licensed market coordinator at a real estate firm. For those of you who do not know what that is, I handle all of the appointments and paperwork that has to do with putting a home on the market as well as taking the home through escrow when we find a buyer. I love my job and there is always something new every day, but there are parts of it that can be repetitive and difficult. All and all, it is an amazing job and it pays the bills, I am grateful.

I am a coordinator to two amazing agents who are top producers, and hit the ground running every year. Needless to say I have my hands full coordinating these two. It is a blessing and a curse. I am a top performer with the top performers, but a lot of the time my personal life is sacrificed for the customer. Give and take. I start work at 8, make my lunch at 12, finish the day, work out, meditate, journal, paint, and do the activities that keep me sane throughout the day. I love my little life and how hard i have worked to get here.

Although every day is different and interesting things arise, nothing was as interesting as the day Phillip Riley and his wife Amber Riley walked through our office doors. It was a Tuesday like any other, all of us, heads down in our cubicles focusing on our work. I was on my second Redbull of the day, kind of a fanatic for them at the time, i felt that they got me through the day. Of course it was just sugary carbs, but I would be the last person to admit that.

Philip and Amber Riley bursted through our doors around 3:30pm. They had an appointment with my agents regarding some gorgeous houses in the area of Orange County that had caught their eye. I heard them come in, and being my agent’s coordinator, I got up and greeted them kindly, welcoming them to our office and introducing myself as Mayville Houston, my agent’s coordinator who will be assisting with all appointments and paperwork as we take them through escrow. I explained to them how excited I was that my agent Mariela would be taking them to see potential future homes. Amber asked if I would be joining them. I respectfully said I had to stay here at the office and take care of other clients. I could have sworn I saw a flash of sadness in Phillip’s face when I said that, but i have always been one to imagine things. There is no way.

Mariela comes out of her office and introduces herself to Phillip and Amber. Everyone is excited to start phillip and amber’s journey of purchasing a home. I wish them luck and hurry back to my cubicle, but before doing so I hand them a business card, letting them know they can call, text or email me with any questions they had regarding their appointments and paperwork. Mariela, Phillip and Amber were on their way out of the door, and I scurried back to my cubicle, trying to ignore what just happened. I swear I felt electricity between myself and Phillip Riley, but I think all of this time spent in this cubicle has me imagining things that just are not true.

Chapter 2: Phillip

*******, did I just witness an angel walk into the same room as me? She is going to help my wife and I purchase a home in the suburbs?

This is crazy. I am 35, settling down with my gorgeous wife Amber. She has strawberry blonde hair, blue eyes, skin as fair as a cherub angel, and a smile that could knock you dead. We are newly weds, so happy to be too. We recently married last August, and when we started discussing a more permanent place, neither of us could be happier about the idea.

But that was before I saw her. Mayville Houston. Apparently Mayville is what they call a “coordinator” in the real estate world. She deals with all of our paperwork, appointments, and assisting us through escrow. I did not know what that job entailed until she told me. Until her soft, plump lips and perfect smile explained her role as her luscious, brown curls bounced off of her shoulder. She was wearing a navy pencil skirt with a matching blazer. I tried to imagine what ******* were wrapping her perfect bottom. Tight waist, fat ***, *******, gorgeous face, hair and smile. Needless to say, Mayville took my breath away. Our first meeting was with Mariela only, Mayville did not attend. I was a bit saddened to hear she wouldn’t be joining, but i understood. I am a good man, a hard worker, a loyal husband… well, I was, completely, before i saw her, before i knew i had to have her, before i would stop at nothing to get her.

I think Mayville is my true soulmate. That is what my heart is telling me, right now…


Chapter 3: Mayville

A chip, Wednesday afternoon in February. For some reason, winter in California starts late. I am digging away at work for my deals when our office door opens. Usually i wouldn’t spare a second glance, but I realize right away who it is.

Phillip Riley stands, waiting for a greeting by our door. I stand up and straighten my outfit. I wear the same pencil skirt matching blazer combo, but today’s color is black. I walk up to him and chirp a quiet “Hello, Mr. Riley.” He smiles and says “why hello Miss Houston”. My knees want to buckle at his voice. It is like caramel dripping down a sundae on a hot day. His pressed, white shirt with a bright blue tie to compliment his perfectly chiseled jawline with just the right amount of stubble. He is about 6’5”, and has grey pants and very shiny dress shoes to compliment his white shirt and jawline. His hair is ***** blonde, but starting to grey. There is just something about this ******* man.
“What can I do for you, Mr. Riley?” I say, putting more confidence in my voice. “Please, call me Phillip”, he says warmly. He then explains to me he is meeting my agent Mariela, they have an inspection today, an appointment to ensure the property is in good condition, and his wife couldn’t make it due to being stuck at work. I get a little excited when he mentions Amber is not here. “Wait right here”, I say cheerily. “I will get Mariela for you right away.” I rush down the hall to let Mariela know that Phillip is here. She gets up and walks toward her door. Right before she walks out of it, she looks me dead in the eye and says “I see the way you look at him. Just be careful. Marriages are nothing to get involved in.” She gives my shoulder a squeeze and walks out. I love Mariela. She has always been like a mother figure to me. But something about the way she says that makes me shudder. I follow behind her quickly, heading back to my cubicle but hopelessly wanting to see Phillip one more time.

I watch them walk out the door. Phillip thanks me again, flashes me a smile, and walks out the door.

I can’t be imagining this electricity I feel between us. But Mariela is right, marriages are nothing to get involved in…

Chapter 4: Phillip

Another appointment that does not include Mayville. I am starting to get irritated. But I understand, she has to stay in her office and tend to other clients, like me. Each one’s needs different than the last. But I am not sure any of them have the needs i have…

I need her. I need to feel her on me, pressed against me, i need to feel what it is like to be inside of her, to release myself inside of her. God, what is wrong with me? I am married to Amber! We were talking about kids the other day! What is this feeling that has come over me recently? I cannot be feeling this way about another woman when we are searching for a house together. Am i completely insane? I need to nip these feelings in the bud before anything can get out of control. They are completely out of nowhere anyway. So I can make them go away out of nowhere too.

Mariela and I finish up the inspection, and she takes me back to her office since i left my car there. I notice there are lights still on in the building, and there is a silver honda civic still in the parking lot. I do not know, but i am hoping this is Mayville's car. I just want to see her one more time, her perfect body, in that tight matching professional outfit. Her pencil skirts drive me absolutely insane. ****, my train of thought got too crazy again. I. Am. A. Married. Man.

Mariella says goodnight to me. I say goodnight back and start to get in my car, and that is when I start to see her thick curls, flowing in the wind. I know I shouldn’t, but ****, I get back out of my car and walk towards her, while she is walking to her car.

“Hi Mr. Riley, er, I mean Phillip.” God, she is so ******* cute in addition to being so ******* ****.
“Hi, Mayville.” I say back. “You can call me May..” she says shyly. Why is she so cute?
“Okay, May. So what are your plans for this evening?” Innocent, but poking. “I was just going to head home… maybe have a glass of whiskey and binge some shows..” she says. “How about coming with me to the bar down the street?” I say, a bit more excited than I meant to.
I can see in her eyes she is unsure, but she nods silently. I motion for her to get in my car, and we ride together in silence to the bar about 5 minutes from her office. We get out of my car and I notice both of us fixing our attire. Curious, how both of us care how we look to one another tonight. I motion for her to walk in front of me as we walk to the front door of the bar. I open the door for her and tell the waitress we would like a table for 2. As we wiggle into our booth, our hands touch and it is hotter than a burning star. I know we both feel this, we have to. It is only a matter of time before I get my confirmation.

Chapter 5: Mayville

Oh my god. I cannot believe i am at a bar with a client. A client who I am assisting him and his wife in buying a home, mind you. He asks me what I would like. I shyly say “an old fashioned.” He grins from ear to ear and tells me that is his drink of choice as well. Am I imagining all of this? I already feel dizzy and we haven’t even gotten our drinks yet. The golden liquid with a slice of an orange peel arrives in front of us. We do a gentle cheers and I **** down half of my drink. Not only am I nervous but this week has been particularly tough and an old fashioned sounded like the best thing on earth at the moment. He says “eager, are we?” with that buttery voice that could melt a thousand candles at the same time. I smile nervously and just say “sorry, stressful week.” He knocks back half of his drink as well and just smiles at me. As if this man could get any sexier, *******. I smile and take another sip of my drink. I can’t help myself, I let myself melt in front of this man. I know he is married and nothing can happen between us, but something about him makes me feel safe enough to let my guard down. A warm home, in a winter storm,

We both have 3 drinks each. Cheeks burning red, I start to regret my decision a bit. I should not be out with a married man on a weekday. Truly, I can’t help myself at this point. We are both giggling about things each other has said. I smile, he smiles back. My hazel eyes glimmer with interest, hope, lust.

He pays the bill and we start walking out of the bar. I stumble once and he catches me. Even his touch is as soft as an angel. He leads me into his car, but instead of helping me into the front, he helps me into the back. I slowly ask “what are you doing?” He just shushes me and gets in the back too, on the opposite side of me. Once we are both inside of his car, he clicks the lock button, and puts up his front window shade.

I start to panic. What is happening? I cannot be doing this with a married man. What am I doing? What is he doing? What is going on?

As if he senses my panic, he grabs my face gently with both of his hands. He asks me gently to look at him, and i have no other choice, so I do. “It’s okay, I want this”, is all he says, before I see him lean forward to me and lets his lips touch mine. I feel his tongue part my lips and my eyes roll to the back of my head. He tastes like heaven and I can’t believe this is happening. Suddenly I am more confident than I have ever been. I am pulling up my skirt and I am unbuckling his belt and undoing the button on his pants at the same time. I feel the warm bulge in his boxers and I moan. I rub up against him once, showing him how much I want this too. He removes himself from his boxers and drags himself across my ****. I let out a wimper and he plunges his **** into my ***** full force. I let out a sharp gasp and he cups my mouth. I can’t believe this is happening. He feels so good, I could cry. I start to grind my hips down onto him. I see him release his arms and throw his head back, letting me know my movements are providing him what he wants. He places his hands on my hips as he thrusts into me as well. Each ****** and pull of his hands is harder than the last. I look into his glossy eyes and exhale deeply. He grabs my face, says “I’m..” and before he is finished, his tongue is back down my throat and I feel his hot liquid pumping inside of me. I bite his lip as I feel each pump inside of me. He grabs and ***** my ******* as we both finish climaxing together. His car windows are steamy, and we are both breathing hard. He looks up at me as I am still straddling him, and kisses me hard. He looks deep inside my eyes and says “now that i have had you, I won’t be able to stop.”

He drops me off at my car, and drives away. Leaving me shivering a bit in the night cold. But I don’t care. What I do care about is I just had crazy, beautiful *** with a man who i believe is my soulmate. I know he is married, but he is not married to the right woman…

Diametric opposites, polarized,
me assured,
I am

at this point,
on this given day
in these taken chances

using my time just fine,

to breathe,
and find my bearings,

things assisting painless turnings,

near perfect spheres, bearings,
in this same race, each have
being same round and round

behavior, thinking between letters,
letting the rivers
of white
in justified
machine set
type leave impressions
of meandering,

I have a sister lost
in dementia, me and
her, we have a marvelously rare history.

She became
to be come quite old, and happy enough,

some old pains, quite old, local shames and such.

Pain at personal scale, old.

Told. For thinking about old mindform we wore
uniformly joining
by invitation any weform reforming

after that atom bomb blew our mind's
and religions hell's
was apoppin', bells was a rangin' rage,
rage against,

the very mechanics of mental advancement.

Mental agreement, mind join agreement,

binding by my back ups in the may be book,
whither any idle word uttered
in conscience confident
all cons are gamers
with science
used as ware
under tortuous line
by line life's values re-exams
- so, once examined,
- then what, Socrates?

the plight
of the navigators
on Life's trial
of those dabar logos

whatsoever we agree,
any we we form, as such
weforms agree
to begin
to make a way, such as

lets any
with the tech, translate
with some hand jive,
letters writ
in mud, since Enheduanna had an influence,
letting ready readers write esoterica,
worth, cost, price,

coded clay tables, writ
in plain text, secure, safe, sound.

Your value lies in knowing the code.

-worth, cost, price, reason - one up

Reading the runes
per uses of rue, in rue the day,
Kairos came into rhetoric class, as warez
laughter
after pain, not
at pain, hoh-eee, here
woe, was so woeful just a while ago
freeverse universe uniformly recognized, here

per usage ritual usual
occupation, aging grace ag on

push me now,
ask me how

I came
to know, okeh, enough,
dabar
to say inspire is spirits, pluralable peaceably so

slow breathe, pearl diver mind,
slow think, thunk,
sunken

thens
whens
those
there
they the others
whens
thens

Zappa, with no acid, just was aware
informing any with an ear, hear,

you are the other people, too.

Yeh.
So.

as an astronaut, I spun on a rotary around the core of your existence like
you were the gravity that held me to the ground but kept me on my toes
if home is where the heart is, i'm coping with this unbearable homesickness
and I know my heart has an anarchy government, living a steel toed rebellion
but these relentless thoughts about you have gotten bad again, i don't sleep
my reckless behavior let loose, like a dog off his chain and collar and i
revisited the places you always talked about, how i dreamed to be there
with you recovering those lost feelings, and rebellion was assisting me
in the mind of my teenage angst, no autobiographies could be more
authentic than the hatred for this unrequited swelling i held in my heart
without a doubt, you're featured in my dreams more than nightmares
you couldn't be more real than the books that I hold in my hands
i'm sleeping in water filled with sharks calling me a tedious terrorist
entering their territory, leaving me with absolutely nothing
just build a bridge, get over it, if you have to, revisit my mind
maybe you'll see everyone is the enemy, not everyone is perfect

-kra

An orb of bright light,
Angels gathering around.
Bringing reassurance,
To lost souls in transition.
Assisting them to heaven.

She spends most of her days in doldrums,
always segregated from the whole crowd.
Everyone uses her acts and games against her.

It seemed like a game and they liked it.
But now it is toture,
she is being bullied
she fears coming to school,
she fails to catch some sleep at now,
their words keep ringing in her ears at night.

Today in the morning it was her shoe lace,
after assisting them
the only thanks they give is by making her feel misrable.
Now this afternoon she is crying,
and it all seems like a joke to them.

"Nomathemba help me with Accounting !"
they call out everyday.
After her help they become ironic,
"she is a distinction student".
They make her feel belittled.

"Dont worry you will be Accountant one day...
Because Accountants are greedy too"
i am not willing to support them,
their games are surely bad.

She fails to laugh,
nor smile,
her heart filled with pain.
She is a victim of emotional abuse,
and am the only one who seems to care.
What happened to the unity amongst us?

Deep into the rainforest, a struggle to survive

From insects to leaved trees, wanting all to thrive

The habitat of animals, species all around

Living things a-plenty, crawling on the ground



The four main layers play a different role

The bio-diversity forms part of the whole

The dark forest floor and the understory

Shorter plants existing, many bugs to see



The vibrant middle layer, yet forms the canopy

Climbing the emergent, just like a monkey

The strong plant materials, helps to build a home

For people of the Amazon, food that has been grown



Tropical regions, Equator ever near

A moderate climate, giant trees are here

Forests on a mountain, misty all around

Coated in a moss, such an eerie surround



North and South America and Oceania

Asia and Europe, as well as Africa

There’s a cycle of life, yet deforestation

Affects the homes of animals for plantation



Removing ecosystems, can cause erosion

Droughts as well as flooding, less cohesion

The modern ways of man affects vegetation

Contributing to a silent devastation



Replanting, recycling, assisting with crops

Steps of preservation quench like raindrops

The precious seeds and life, of which can be found

Yet, it’s not too late to turn this world around



Written by Geraldine Taylor ©

All these whinging intellectual poetic wankers,
scribbling Conditional Love "poems"that boringly
lament why they are such obvious  failures
at the game of life and self realisation.
Spewing out weasel words of poetic hypocracy while
wrapped in navel gazing infantile emotions.
Writing degenerate untruthful words about a love
they'll never know or never have known,
as if unconditional love can be bought
at the local Walmart.
Voluntarily assisting the machinations of mind and groupmind,
since their birth into a lifetime of Conditioned Identity,
in the servitude of the Amerikan Oligarchy .
Strings of meaningless associated words,
lines of lies about life and love that are ever popular with "poets".
Starting with every one of the so-called "holy" books
from millennia past--calling for suicide bombers
and child killers to strut the world stage
spewing  religious racism and sexism like enlightened beings..
After all words have NO SHAME
nor have poets..
Sin Verguensa.
Words have NO GUILT
nor have poets.
Words have NO EMBARASSMENT
nor have poets.
You cannot hide  behind your lies from me.
I see you--I have nous.
Your beard is transparent.
Your unceasing lies deny to others information
to which they are entitled,
"poets" are the worst LIARS of all,
so easily spottable .
Read these pages--see for yourself,
through my eyes .
See the silly ****-fed children of the Amerikan Oligarchy,
wrapped in spangles and colours --posturing like super-heroes.
Vomiting verbal diahorea in lifes gutters,
appealing for just one more chance
to play at love and humiliation.
People with low IQs and lower morals
pretending ,as always, to be mature and human,
characters moulded like products of talk show hosts .
No integrity.
No truthfulness.
No honour.
No decency.
No morals except those learned from Readers Digest.
No to these escapees from the gallows of decency,
torture instruments dangling round their necks,
their prophet validated by being nailed and denied.

Sudden new pressure to make sense,
you see, you know I say you make believe.

Mystic realms realized in meditations,
ancient tails of firebrands, embers glowing
{Isaiah assisting intel…ai ahmen, ok}
embers in the darkness, embers glowing
like cigarettes across the stubble field,
leading to a still dark pond tonight
- this is a way
- we pray, we listen
- for morning
pealing rooster, humming electricity
and my thoughts, my resting peace

perceived reception, acknowledging
the idea that holds truth in bits
in the perifity peripheral ambition,
at ambits
edge of civilized authority, unknown
unknowns offering and making sacred
known uses
we used to know.

On the side of knowledge not falsely so called,
science branches into all we may think
to ask if it were ever witnessed,
face to face, first hand.
Messaging face to face, suffered to be so.
Angelos means messenger, bearer of information,
holder of unknown knowns, becoming angelic.
Guardians of knowledge, root, branch and seed.

Get the message, make it plain, listening,
where would one knock

--I am the door
--I am the truth

hmmmm, so it is written, the message
to the meek, to such minds as let this mind be
earth bound
thinking what would a god with no power
not common
to mankind,
a true mortal experiencer, ask-
think what would, not could or should,
what would, the will that set the galaxies awhirl, do?

If he were such as you, taken with all the learning
available for such as you, who loved to know why,
and how, and when and where,

then and there, tell us, in the spirit realm, words live.
Yes, itself, and No, in all its proofs, still reproving,
living words redeemed and reused
for proverbial instances, reproof is the way of life,
Reproving you know that knowing was never outlawed.

Not by any representative of wisdom.
Subtler than any created thing, this shining thing,
child's eye ignores the lecture, to watch a mote in a sunbeam,
and remember
that
this long later.

------------------------------- Part two

Minding my manners, make yourself
comfortable, slow
thinking takes each letter
push the orders intention to stretch
incredulity to the snapping point,
chaos and chirality clap,
fingers snap, slow think
what possessed me to make me think

{this does not end here}

Like the bike you bought after saving lawn-mowing money for a year, welfare reform was the prized trophy of the conservative governing philosophy. We believed that we'd found the vehicle of social mobility for poor Americans, once and for all. No one should live on taxpayer money without doing some work on their own, right? Everyone agrees, right?

Wrong. President Obama ran over our bicycle, issuing illegal waivers to welfare's work requirements and taking the wheels off the program. The fact is, we never won the welfare battle after all. Out of the 80 different federal welfare programs, the '96 welfare reform really only fixed one. A third of the U.S. population received benefits from one or more of these 80 programs in 2011. According to the Department of Agriculture, one program alone – food stamps – gave benefits to a record-breaking 47.7 million in the last month of 2012, benefits those millions didn't have to work to receive.

Rep. Paul Ryan recently said it's time to use the 1996 reform as a model to fix the rest of welfare. He's right, for at least five compelling reasons.

1. America's welfare programs are redundant and inefficient. As The Heritage Foundation's welfare expert Rachel Sheffield noted, there are at least 12 separate programs providing food aid, 12 funding social services, and 12 assisting education. Average benefits from all welfare programs are about $9,000 per recipient. If you converted those programs to cash, it would be more than five times the amount needed to raise every household above the poverty line. We should streamline redundant programs to save money while getting the same or better value.

2. Means-tested welfare programs are fiscally unsustainable. These cost nearly $1 trillion annually. By the end of the decade, welfare spending will rise from five percent to six percent of GDP. This means every taxpaying family would have to make, and then give up, over $100,000 in the next ten years – just to cover the cost of welfare spending.

Imagine this: If government spending were a pie, welfare would be a bigger slice than defense, education, or even social security. This isn't apple pie a la mode. It's poison-the-economy pie with a side of swamp-our-children-in-debt ice cream.

3. The welfare state encourages dependence instead of lifting people out of poverty. Poverty has actually increased with federal spending on anti-poverty programs. Adjusted for inflation, we've spent nearly $20 trillion total on “the war on poverty.” That's more than the combined price tag of all America's wars. Ever. From the American Revolution through Afghanistan, we've spent less than $7 trillion. These days, we spend 13 times what we spent on welfare in the 1960s. Guess what? In 1966, the share of the population living below the poverty threshold was 14.7%; by 2011, that share rose to 15.0%.

This spending gives people significant incentives to stay on welfare. According to the Senate Budget Committee, if you break down welfare spending per household in poverty, recipients are making $30/hour. That's higher than the $25/hour median income – certainly more than what I make per hour.

4. Welfare dependence creates behavioral poverty. Perhaps President Franklin D. Roosevelt said it best: “Continued dependence upon relief induces a spiritual and moral disintegration fundamentally destructive to the national fibre. To dole out relief in this way is to administer a narcotic, a subtle destroyer of the human spirit.” To become comfortable relying on the work of others instead of your own work will change your character, and the character of the nation. Americans want to give everyone a helping hand, but hand-holding year after year, generation after generation, patronizes, corrodes, entraps. In the words of welfare policy experts Robert Rector and Jennifer Marshall writing in National Affairs:

Material poverty has been replaced by a far deeper “behavioral poverty” — a vicious cycle of ***** childbearing, social dysfunction, and welfare dependency in poor communities. Even as the welfare state has improved the material comfort of low-income Americans by transferring enormous financial resources to them, it has exacerbated these behavioral problems. The result has been the disintegration of the work ethic, family structure, and social fabric of large segments of the American population, which has in turn created a new dependency class.

Is this the America we want? It is not compassionate to leave a whole class of people in perpetual dependence. Behavioral poverty cuts off millions of citizens from a chance at American opportunity, destroying the virtues necessary to sustain oneself. My generation has seen the effects of behavioral poverty – in D.C., Detroit, or my hometown, Cleveland. Whole neighborhoods rot. To many, this cycle of dependence indicts the principles of American society as inherently unfair.

5. Work requirements promote individual responsibility and reduce poverty. Temporary Assistance for Needy Families (TANF) work requirements slashed welfare caseloads by nearly 60 percent. Poverty among all single mothers fell 30 percent. About 3 million fewer children lived in poverty in 2003 than in 1995.

That lonesome,
Long distance
Kind of love.
Shared through
The microwaves,
Images he will treasure
In the darkness
Of his motel room.
They will be his only
Flicker of light
For the next 5 days,
His own solitary pleasure.
He will gaze into that full
Bright handheld moon
And imagine
Floating gently into
It’s haze, losing himself
Slowly, bit by bit,
Measure by measure
While she waits
Patiently on the other
Side of the world,
Assisting,
Offering,
Pleasing
At his leisure

Copyright Marc Hawkins 2017

1058

Bloom—is Result—to meet a Flower
And casually glance
Would scarcely cause one to suspect
The minor Circumstance

Assisting in the Bright Affair
So intricately done
Then offered as a Butterfly
To the Meridian—

To pack the Bud—oppose the Worm—
Obtain its right of Dew—
Adjust the Heat—elude the Wind—
Escape the prowling Bee

Great Nature not to disappoint
Awaiting Her that Day—
To be a Flower, is profound
Responsibility—

Blood!

It’s coming from my right toe. I did not understand what happened at first. I took few more steps. It’s when I reached the door of the balcony, that I noticed that the tea cup, which ought to be in my left hand missing. I turned back.

Blood was there on the marble floor. In equal intervals of space, where I must have my toes pressed while walking. Looking at the blood, I felt ***** in my throat. It’s suddenly like I lost my senses.
“In the land of Mordor, in the fires of mount Doom, the Dark Lord Sauron forged in secret, a Master Ring to control others…”

Do you think it’s the Voice of Galadriel? No. I know. But at that fateful time, I felt certainly like hearing Galadriel’s voice, from The Lord of the Rings: The Felowship of the Ring.

I shriek might have escaped my mouth. My hubby, who was sitting in the balcony, reading the newspaper, turned towards me. Placing the newspaper on the table before him, he came to catch me from falling on the floor.

Why all this had happened suddenly on this pleasant Sunday morning? Yes. There must be a reason. I had seen it. What was that it?

“Wife killed husband with a Saline bottle.” That was the headline I read by chance in the District special which was on the floor on my way from kitchen. The girl in question is known to me. Not known, she worked as a maid for us, and we loved her. In the shock of the news, I dropped the tea cup from my hand. The rest you know.

My hubby made me sit on the bed, and dressed the wound. When I explained what happened, he pinch stroked my chin, and laughed like hell.

“Well, what she did might be right. I won’t pass a judgment.”

Just then my mother-in-Law entered the house. She went to the nearby temple.
>>>

After a couple of days, I met Subbi. She smiled innocently. I took her hands in mine.

“What happened?”

“I could have done it long ago akka,” she said.

She explained me everything then.
>>>

Subbi worked as maid for us when we were in Guntur. My hubby and I were lecturers. As we both of us had to go to the college, and my mother-in-law had to be home alone (hi, you might have counted many mistakes in my English. I forgot to mention, I am a science student, and my English is poor ;-) and I love to watch movies. Home Alone is my favorite movie :P) we hired Subbi to her assistance.

Attamma (I call my mother-in law like that) is very sharp. He makes friends with virtually anyone. Subbi got attached to her quickly. She used to tell her story to to Attamma. Subbi calls her Amma (you might have understood it means mother).

Subbi was married and had 3 girls. Her husband was furious because of this. He wanted boy child. He used to beat her. He always drinks… (right? I mean grammatically) and abuse her, and the children. Attamma told us all these things at the dinner time. Once I asked my hubby to warn him.
>>>

It was a hot evening. I was in the kitchen. My hubby was teaching to the students. We maintain tuitions for additional income. He was explaining the concept of reproduction, I think.

“If X chromosome combines with another X chromosome, it will result in female child (In between us :P he too is weak in English :P). If X chromosome combines with Y chromosome, it will result in male child.”

“Sir, don’t they result in Woman and Man? Is it only children?” some guy cracked a joke. My husband playfully hit him on the back of the head.

All the while, Subbi, who was assisting me in the kitchen, observed them. She asked me, what was that big joke, and why they were laughing. I explained it to her. I noticed a change in her. She was silent rest of the evening.

When it was the time for her to go home, she talked to my hubby. I observed them from the kitchen while serving Attamma dinner.
>>>

After a couple of months, around June 15th, we shifted to Vijayawada, as we both got jobs in a bigger corporate college with higher salaries. At that time Subbi was pregnant. If I remember right, 3 months. Attamma felt sorry for her. She instructed Subbi to inform us if…
>>>

Subbi had an abortion that time. Another year later she became pregnant again. Her husband warned her if it’s again a girl child, he would **** her. Subbi felt shivers.

It was then time for the delivery. She was again warned by him. As fate might have been written for her, it was again a girl child.

Her husband entered the room where she was… furiously. Subbi had sweat all over her. He was about to jump on her…

Subbi took a broken saline bottle, and

“You mother ******* *******, why didn’t you send a Y chromosome?” her words echoed there…!
>>>

I returned home and explained all this to Attamma, and my hubby. After I finished, my hubby laughed.

“She did the right thing,” Attamma said.
I said to my husband, who loves to have girl child, “If you don’t send an X chromosome, I’ll **** you. Alright?”

This time it’s Attamma’s turn to laugh.
>>>

PS: Phew, I’m through with the story. Gitacharya asked me about the incident. Whether he edits my narration, is in his hands. My hubby’s calling me. Bye :D

Tonight, the midnight wind
offers a nostalgic rush
of something I’m unsure ever existed.

I’m transported back the late 1800’s,
deep in the New Orleans south.
Sweaty, I can smell the rain approaching.
The rustling oak tress with Spanish moss sway
in the gray skies.
I’m assisting a powerful Mambo,
chopping her fire wood
Finding certain plants.
Cooking her meals
when she feels too drained.

Cause of my help, she’s made sure
I’m protected
from all the seen and unseen
mysteries of the world.

As thunder strikes in the past
I can’t help but think of the ceremonies—
Dancing,
The drums echo
Our feet shake the wooden planks.
The drums echo
And we are dancing—
dancing ‘till our legs throb
dancing ‘till our lungs explode.
We scream ‘till our ears bleed—
‘till our head hurts.
Anxiously we await possession.

That seems like my life once.

At least, that’s what the wind tells me.

Mr. Scott is a teacher and coach, at our School.  He instilled vital principles, in the students, to abide by all the rules.
He put his heart, into whatever he has to do.  He's always assisting, so you can make it through.
He is a man of integrity.  He reaches for his goal, to be the best that he can be.
He doesn't put up with anyones foolishness.  He takes life serious, he desires to see progress.
He is a man filled with much love.  Something he received, from God above.
By, Sandra Juanita Nailing

I see her often ....struggling all alone.
A diaper bag, pocketbook and the baby.
The look of distress on her face as she pushes the stroller home.

She raises her child all by herself.
Her pockets are not overflowing ....which means she's lacking wealth.

She shuffles off to work each day.
She's wondering when they will increase the dollars in her pay.

Single mom to some, Superwoman to her kids.....no regrets, it is what it is.

How I admire her strength and drive.
She's strong during the day, but at night she cries.
This is not the way it was supposed to be.
My child should be seeing double not just me.

Her mind is steady racing, but this is not a race.
The thought started here and now it's in a different place.

The sacrifices and staying up late when her child is sick.
She's snapping pictures at Christmas time as her daughter opens presents left by jolly ole Saint Nick.

She's thankful for this precious jewel that she must shape and shine.
Smiling as she puts her child to bed, because she has to be at work by nine.

There's always something to be done, so there's not much time to sit.
This is a full time job and one which she can't quit.

The cooking, the cleaning and washing clothes,
she's looking for some tissues so she can wipe a runny nose.

She thinks she's a single mom, but that's not entirely true.
The Lord is guiding and assisting ....pulling her through.

Keep your head up and don't let anyone or anything bring you down.
A queen's crown belongs on her head.....not upon the ground.

A dedication to the single mother's........Thank you for all that you do and have done.

They just use me.
Gripped by the hands of vengeance
Magnetizing attention,
I am the essence of negative presence.
Manufactured to protect and defend
Not to descend you or any of your friends.

Being brought into many cold days and ****** nights
Manipulated into assisting homicide
They fill my cold stainless steel torso with unwanted slugs
As my head is cocked back,
I envision the man in the scrubs.
Then I am released.
Spitting out a regret,
I yearn for I have probably just killed your first born.

Media convinces that this world is torn
Wars from shore to shore causes you to ignore what I’m really for
Police cores don’t help
Every time they see a minority walk out a drugstore they’re quick to say “Knees on the floor”
Then wrongly accuses for having darker colored pores

This is what happens when I am abused
Cognitions stir confused
I apologize but I am misunderstood
My owner deserves to be accused
Because I have been misused.

You are only a few a few weeks away from the day you're planning to shift to another place.
You have began appearance some of the valuable items on your own. And earlier or later, you wonder how come you have gathered these many items since the day you moved in to your present place.
So, in fact you have almost everything yet to program and you are in serious need to get someone’s help in this regard. Here’s when you can should get in touch with a for ensuring that all items get to the new place safely and quickly, however, you choose to contact someone or a in comparison to help you gradually shift the standards to the new place.
Based on the many encounters we have often observed over the years, here we have got for you a gathered history of all problems you are likely to see while picking a friend’s help for the moving job.
• Obligation: Even if you can finish the game in the most hassle-free way or not but the fact is the situation will put you under liability. It’s a tremendous advantage, isn’t it? And you may have to understand providing returning the advantage any time later.
• Time: In today’s globe, time is money! Think again, is your friend ready to get a whole day or may be a few times in assisting you improvement your stuff? He or she may have own programs ready. Do you really want them to get their time handling your luggage?
• Safety and wellness: What if your friend tries to gradually shift the sofa all alone and accidents his returning again. Will you pay for his analyze out to the doctor? What if a more serious occurrence happens to him or to any of your near family members while handling the stuff?  You may experience this is quite awesome, but such aspects do happen!
• Damage to goods: Now this is a serious issue for you. Certainly your friend or relative, you have asked for for help, isn’t qualified for the job and it is likely that he loss some items unintentionally. And the bad aspect is, you will not be able to ask him to pay for the destruction, which would not be the situation if you implement an experienced movers and packers’ group. Even more extreme, if your friend or relative causes important harm, this may effect your connection.
• Privacy: Do you really want your friend to see all your valuable items and see how wash it is under the bed when you together moved it out?
The main purpose you may choose calling someone to help you improvement is to cost-effective, but if you truly evaluate the above aspects and determine the finish time needed then you will recognize how selecting advantages is a right option.
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A blind man told me.
He see more without eye sight than we who can see.
He just rely completely on his instinct.

He said, where we go wrong we use our eyes?
While those who are blind has to depend on their minds.

A smell, a touch, and his hearing too operates together
in assisting him to live.
Even his taste has a place in his life.
It just as important than him noticing the daylight.

I think fear doesn't ever live within him.
Because when push come to shove he has fear runnng away, from him.

All because a blind man stands firmly in tune, of all his surrounding.

Let it rest.
Let us see better, saying
some say we have dues to pay,

duties to the whole human race,
race being loaded with royal faith.

Any propagation of holy order, go,

take the land that lacks any kings,
make men modeled on Donald Trump,
from boys modeled on the anti-hero,
and ---

Accept the offer of a satisfied mind, for a minute.

Poverty of being me, not obliged to any
powers of orders from God, general use,
under which, in America, pledged children stand.

Stepping beyond the ordered classes,
my generation, born into natural TV, Eureka!,
I personally watched Archimedes say it, on TV,
I was seven, and used …
-------------
Information gathering, intelligence collecting,
ever learning never knowing everything about,
ever, as a state.
Eureka!
Communists, say the word,
instant hate,
****, say it, sayit Niggerniggerniger ghuck yew.
Potential traitors, aliegiance pledge violators,
called to vote, under the laws God authorized.

Vote for fear,
vote for hope, vote for leaving me alone.

------------------ governing a self, letting any mind
be in you, being found in the gaseous we state, ever
after all's been said and done, a dozen times, or more.

The entertainment value of life.
Judging one's own experience, later than most.
Age tested…
ex agere, eh, gitgo, let it roll… therapy, in session.

Listen, Doktor, I am a good liar,
I just wish I were otherwise. That's everyman's truth.

It is written, all men are liars, not only Cretans.
Therefore, right,
knowing that, accepting that, we all naturally lie,
and if we are rewarded for the art of mimicry,

we lie until we die.

Think yourself to the source, when did the mind
on offer to the elite who hired spirited tutors,
change
to allow the untouchables
to read?
------- Freedom from unknowing why I disagree.

Over the last century, however,
Freud’s ideas have since been met
with criticism,
in part because
of his singular focus
on sexuality as the main driver
of human personality development.

https://www.quora.com/Do-you-agree-with-Freuds-theories

My AI, intuitional artistry, assisting informant, informs me,
- ego chooses to, a bit vehemently, dis-herd my hide.
Be not conformed to this world…

be not conformed
to the mileau projected as reality, you and me
being formed in, positioned
as carriers, or as carried messages, proof
of all naked mankind may bear up under imagining.

Stand and ask the chronicles. Bow and ask the spirits,
sit Zazen lotus on a goldfish pond, stride across surface tension,
examine
animated orderly symphony of
how big a show we can put on.

Splash.
Recall the age weapon, wielded unrighteously.
-- I can out time waste any young mind.
-- time acknowledged passing. So,
what
am I to do well enough to influence turbulence positively.
Make a point.

Think a cause, make up your mind, our whole mortal mechanics,
levers and weights and balances and tension holders and releasers.

Prods produce anger, and
any we we thought we were kicks it self to death, when…

- Cadmus, it is- and this then that stone thrown at
dragon's teeth, taken from Ares,
by  our selected hero,
fed early Book of Knowledge, and Britannica,
and Aesop, and Poor Richard, and all the Nursery Rhimes…
- just so right, if the least heat zone is cool.
Goldilocks.
Rapunzel, coming of age, rites of passage, understand.
Peter, the pumpkin eater, had a true Freudean problem.

Not some thing nursery children can parse.

Knowledge of the story,
holistic impression on the cultural psyche, do tell,
says the Id to the Super I.

"Peter, Peter pumpkin eater,
Had a wife but couldn’t keep her;
He put her in a pumpkin shell
And there he kept her very well.
Peter, Peter pumpkin eater,
Had another and didn’t love her;
Peter learned to read and spell,
And then he loved her very well."

I'd better think myself a fine boy, for this plumb,
line upon line, steady sense of balance and
timing since, aim, edumacated
will to tell, provocative force, tensile strength stretch
of the imagination,
the imagining machinery, pull
…
Target audience, the attraction in us all, to hit it
the key first thing,
the corner stone.
Masonic
cultural syncretism, lying idle, conjoined heads and tales,
inspiring

preconscious, conscious, unconscious, subconscious
science - use, measure, from seventeen POVs, at once.
collect a consciousness,
form a we, me and thee.
We are perhaps the briefest form of mind,
the passing fancy, fantasy titular idea, the works

opera, machinations deploying ropes and wheels,
and crashing cymbals, Zildjians, no doubt, old ideas,

tinkling bells, and jingling bells, sounds of whips,
sounds of sails snapping, tacking,

ambitions lead us around the obstacles, land us on the sand.
------------
knowledge, expressed with confident proof,
poet's license taken as granted, this is all I offer life.
Any ant-like urge to gather for the colony, I offer this.

I disagree with Sigmund Freud, and Bishop Sheen…
and doubt we ever could have been friends, like me and

the few names I have power to recall, with a thought, like
a charged ion on a quest,

to prove the best use,
of any knack.

This is all I brought with me from my past,
I speak English and
I have a linked history through five generations.

Being amusing, and being a user of muses, are not same
in balance of Natural vs Artformed,
Art's own sake, they say, causa sui
the use of knowledge, knowing and doing, showing growing,
formations of cultural biomes,

rust dust, color of Mars, Ares, same idea,
a good god of war…

"Turn the other cheek."
Love make simple - imagine Romance Novels, all day, all night,
News as it would appear, after the generational curses
propagated at the K through 12 stage,
bear fruit on grafted limbs.

The poor you have always
with you, ye poor in heart.

Fitting war's reality, 2023
--fit, not fight
Pieces of my mind, hoping mostly not to lie, unconsciously.

Lines, floating on singularities too tiny to feel.
Forming
From our conjoined mind's past,
to our oath tied you and me agreement, I admit, I pray,

in much the way I prayed as a child,
hoping to win the lottery,
believing my mercy on the universe plea,
worked.
I can imagine news from the Daily Planet,
I can imagine pogroms looking like a zippo'd village.

Can't we all?
Is not the power of the message art offers seeing eyes,
worth the promise of redeeming shame, cash in the secrets.

The work of a prophet, use the best gift, fabricate a valid reason.
T'is today, Monday, once.

So sophomoric have we become, tomorrow never comes, we know.

Live for today, eh, seize the light, stretch it, stretch it, to the night.

Blessed. Favored above the cursed, happy having things to do, right.
Cursed. Tied to the fear of death, due to childhood trauma, Victorian
moral standards,
five moral generations ago, height of the mission to hide the theft.

History and new thought. Novelty constantly, let me,
entertain you,
let my words be the glue,

listen with a will to know,
and grow your own shelter from the storm,

become a passive unibomber, seek and destroy the glory,
iconoclasm chasm leap

of merest faith, spirit verbing lief as well, mine or thine,
whatever.

Where this is, in a construct believed in as direct objective
The Cloud of all collected knowns and their known uses.

I, ego of the entity I play, outwardly aware you are there,
thinking we think at once,
this time,
this instant, and some men of faith can sell that.
Some sit in the buzz of electrified retiremental bliss,
content. Sowing seeds of kindalikeness.

The prize of the satisfied mind… seek that first.
See what it turns into.

You love hearing.
You love seeing.
You love smelling.
You love feeling.
You even love the taste of life,
Bold statements arise: pentagon built pyramids; hexagram built light…

I’m speaking subtlety’s; the space between five and six,
Like that star David from CSI;
Eleven mirror, twelve depicts,

If they’re in prison, it was because of common sense,
If you’re successful, universe says you were dependent on the sixth…

We’ll acknowledge foundations as Gravity, Although they reflect;
Time as tragedy,
Too low to connect;
Space to one; a division within;
I’m thinking maybe this trinity could project a web,

Gravity is the outcome of manifestations existing;
Creativity transmuting energy that’s coexisting in a space in which polarities consisting,
Space is the frame that’s assisting;
A geometrical web full of light that infinitely splits simultaneously while it’s energy is shifting,
Time is the perception of distance between manifestations, it’s the same as predicting,
It doesn’t exist until it exists,
That’s a matter of apathetic wishing,

“He’s an oxymoron…”

We fear the unusual,
But we can’t possibly be normal,
That’s actually abnormal,
When we conform to others idealism, our realities become harmful,

Earlier I advocated that space is full,
If you’re pushing space in your own gravity, displacement will leave your mind full; time-poor,

Love yourself, because you love your five senses,
No need for senseless for it is why we sense-less before more,
That doesn’t mean closed door,
It means your time is poor;
How can you be of wealth if you’re missing idealism,
In such a situation you’re obligated to war;
Be informed, be young, belong life,
Disconform, keep ***** on your side,
Obliterate, reiterate, polarize,

You must know thyself before you know the sky.

Sire, indeed, I understand,
warden of my infancy, first to feed me
letters ready for my mouth to make words,

someday, today, we make wonder, whying
from a while ago, being made wondering why

If today there were 10 billion breathing thinkers,
all ones, alone, in meditation,
making breathed thinkings,

without the knowing used, tehkne, indeed, secret
NDA bound mental threadings
through mental awl holes,
and needless fretting
pin head limitations
of dancers,
ecstatic…
we may as well imagine
any life like mind, fitting
patterns accepted as true,
the grown ups teachings,
all proven when America, became
the idea nobody takes serious, Spirit of '76
the populist, mob, lot of all laborers
in touch with ra'knacks as a class.

The Smithy, and the Selvedge stitcher, and the spinners,
spinning tales to top the last one left laughing, yesterday,
status quo of the fat and happy,
that's what needs preservation

con-science, con-sequence of con-venience
con-served with all the honor due
Providential Wisdom Lord Mother of Mindforms

and every winter, we were warm, I remember,
Grandpa, thinks, we were warm, I remember,

but, still, with use of history in media conserved since
1910, landmark year in these stacks of idle words,
redeemed with one use, ready, read, done,
rich in mercy sown in local nearby kindness,

the effect of music and motion pictures,
we all have seen the movies of Solomon,

apples of gold in pitchers of silver, seen on screen,
since 1927, to entertain those long used as labor,
and in constant craving for fermented things
and circuses with death defying acts, to see.
as one might entertain a god's worshippers,

presenting drama to the masses, as messages
from the highest Academy of Arts and Sciences,

ever devised to hold the hearts desires of all,
in gnostalgic recognition of outcast pain and misery,

Industrial might, right, enough nukes to undo us all,
yet the debt due on funds borrowed for war remain,
no war, yet, but there is this global debt, due, indeed

to ignorance, but, we did warn you.

In the spirit, revived in 66, from a bit of old mold
discovered in a mine shaft northeast of Yuma,
cherished with a friendly McClelland, as a meme,
remember the effect of the acceptable fast, at last,
the pushing back,
of the iron curtains imposing

hope upon hopelessly invincible ignorance,
if a man does not sweat, he must not eat,
it is the only fair way, we swear, Aye, Indeed

we swore, and went and did the chore,
went through hell to prove it a lie,
lived to tell only those they made believe.

Indeed, those were good ideas we used,

we set the captives free,
we did, we did, we did, didn't we

well, not me, but my natural born wedom,
my native cultural heritage of knowledge,

which is a cultivar taken from the tree of life,
one may envision original intention to invent,
us, as assisting inquisitorial tools for thought,

conversational adversarial engines of ingenuity,
artificed tict tension at central most ache to know
how does a free spirit take weforming spirit form
first one thing makes another, and so on, and on

seed, soul, spirit, mind, point stretching into ever
and back, in time to seem as normal as now, squared

to stand stone straight, upright, grounded, upheld
custom for teaching good walking
in perpendicularity.

At tension, presencing being as ware, soft.
At the squared norm, upright, atop perpendicular toes,
tipping all
whys into the mill,

making up my mind
to make my self
known
to you, as an admirer, as a neighbor, next
galaxy on the left 2 pasecs
through the Hubble Deep Field
in mindsped godthought possible, see,
we become a gallactic blink,
as significant as the average star
in the heavens.

On earth, yes, you are so significant,
as it is in heaven.

Exceptional, yes, on the national level,
we are bits in the arms of the average galaxy,

God pays us all the attention we pay the reasons
for religious wars on specs of speculative ratiocination.