I hold your life inside my own
as you hold me
in your sea of seeds and waving reeds
Beach grass on breast of sand
Ripples of wind
Across my dune
Tracing the mark of a high tide
with my wanderings
Will I be the last?
to recall its highest reach upon the land?
I note the smell of dead and ebb
Would change it all on my return
if it were up to me
And once I started running out
“Wait! O, Wait!”
The sand bars
between the tide pool’s
red whispers of you
I now believe
gulls turn time in their wings
Today I find myself comfortably numb
My brain has gone silent, my emotions feel dumb
I will find warmth in a Moonlight Sonata
In an empty room filled with no sunlight
I will tell myself to live, I’ll say that I’ve got to
But looking around, how does one live?
I hear a voice, it says I must protest
Keep your focus, do not digress
For sleep, from you, has been solemnly taken
Until you leave a mark, the world must be shaken
I have proven to you that you are not a priority
And to surrounding people you are rarely picked
You do not exist to the vast majority
And you are left to die, you are left to be sick
So you must force yourself to leave quite the impression
And the world will know it was you, nonetheless
Get yourself out of this depression
And give everyone what you have left
I found closure in the idea that I was free
But the one who was chained down, I saw it was me
I reached for a helping hand; I felt my left take my right
How beautifully remarkable, what an incredible sight
And then my brain began to defrost
How cold and lonely; I was no longer lost
Without myself I was surely deserted
The evidence cannot be destroyed
And I made a promise, it can’t be averted
I have lived for too long in this void
How lovely you seem, how lovely you are
Your body has hidden most of your scars
So get yourself ready and get yourself dressed
Pick up your courage, pretend you are blessed
. I'm sorry.
Sorry to you first
and sorry to her.
Sorry I wasn't able to
help you at your worst
but also to her for showing up in a blur.
don't think I just
chose her over you:
It's much more
than that too.
I'm sorry you don't know me yet
and won't know what to expect.
Sorry I won't say
I know too well
that you're always at my side
Forgive me if I lose my mind,
if in the end,
I'm not what you'd thought you'd find.
*I promise I will stay strong
No matter what it takes
On my own it may not last for long
But with you I will for your sake.
An apology to my girlfriend and suicidal best friend. Structurally, the right is for him, the left for her, and the middle for both.
(Revised Aug. 26th 2014)
Is it okay to be nice every day?
Seems like it's not
I barely not think when I do
Because sometimes, it doesn't get me to the place I want
Is this all my fault?
In the moment that I really don't know how to read things
when I spell it all out in sober?
I can't even tell the differences
And, of course
I owe you an apology
It's on my mind for the past weeks
I'm really sorry
For things, that went wrong
For words, I told you that not strong
For sleepless night hourlong
To our minds that don't get along
To you, I don't belong
I'm deeply sorry.
I find myself locked
Between my flaws
In that I love too much
And I love too hard
There's not much I can do
Than just be apologetic
But living an apologetic life
Leads to apologetic stories
So I wish to not say sorry
For I cannot change this
My flaws are my flaws
And they are what make me
This is not an apology
Just a warning
For my love is large and strong
And I cannot stop for anyone
I wish I never knew you.
I wish I never loved you.
I wish I never saw you.
Before, I thought it was okay to hurt myself.
I said, "It's okay you can handle this."
I tried to get used to the pain.
But I realized
After a several weeks,
That handling was useless.
You were too much pain for me.
I'm sorry I was ever in your life.
I'm sorry I ever urged my feet to go sit with you at lunch.
I'm sorry I ever met you
*I'm sorry I loved you.
sorry sorry~ sorry~ sorry~~ neka neka neka neka
I'm sorry, Queen of the sea
I know how rude and unfair of me
I didn't keep my promise and I flee
I just want to be free
Please let go of me
I can't sail anymore on this vast sea
Your pain and sorrow is haunting me
I just want to be free
Your heart is locked and I'm not the key
I cannot join you in this Odyssey
I'm getting devoured by my misery
I just want to be free
You have to accept that it is not me
The "One" in your so-called "Destiny"
So listen carefully, Your Majesty
Please, let yourself be free
Be free Queen of the sea
My divulging outcries should
match the anguished weeks we've had. I've deceived all of
you with obscured replies, and now this distrustful person
I am is hard to understand. But you see, I can't decipher myself,
for I'm a traveler of my own heartbreak. A nomad without a map, searching for this knack to surviving. Deserted on scattered land, and each fighting "I'm okay" evolves me more lost. An unsolvable destination to which discovered, I may uncover a pumping, breathing new body and fresh spirit clean of a blemished memory. Deprived and striving; I'm holding on for that revival of flared hope, to where I cope with these thoughts in a better way. How long can you
thrive on nothing?
Will I last today?
I hold everything in, and then I break. No one gets what I'm feeling, because it usually happens a long time beforehand.
The love pretty please
wait for my
Cherry baby on top
Not some love O-Oreo
I could scream beguiled
Both twirled in swirls
Love has torn at the seams
Bad dream hot hit
Bunny ears of the hop heart
it skips divine lips like a light tower
No other apology cries the thunder
And wait a **** minute
O-Oh-Yes where's my tip
I am not your second
fiddle of stunts
The romance of philosophy
We can fly higher
will ever be
The Outgaze O hearts
Being told about their love
or other peoples fun
Twilight apology Wolfin tie outrun
Love O Apology light my pleasure
O on Overdrive no time for the
S letter-word SOS seizure
How many love gestures
Love word *O love
Being psyched for physiology
Feeling mighty good right now
Don't blow bubbles like their
stars* of trouble
A few in the A-New heart stays
ever so blue few Good Men
Perfect Zen thumbs up
His or hers how cute
the words up
The Buddha says
Love is a
The herbs body rubs
Going to the Hubs
Behind all your apologies
Wearing the new Doctor scrubs
Love house of Labs resistance
The morning glory September
rise and stretch your
Believing never comparing
to another love
It's your love
Or very O for outstanding at the utmost
So incredible the feeling
There's absolutely no apology
The love surrender lion and tigers
Her turn like a Turnup
Up close nose smells the rose
Picking love out pulling
Her red embarrassed face
of the radishes
The Shy bush compared
to the O outgoing love
A hint of red delicious apple
Buzzing around the
Big Ben London
O Sweet Lord of magic singing
*Rosebush* fresh lemons
George Bush Patriotic
Chilean Sea Maiden Bass
VIP pass especially with love
Here it is his loves
A spinning wheel so dizzy
London foggy she is the
product of the flower *****
Like a carnival cotton candy
What a head rush
Another apology and a big push
Those hummingbirds of sweet soul
But something ambushed
She got a lump of his
crab meat cheek crush
Getting over someone never to see them
*Picking out all the petals of the rose when she was with him*
How many apologies open heart surgeries
Apology on hold like a new series
*Wake up "O" my muffin*
Cheers to the world of Oats
*Don't give in get to know him
New love *Caved In*
His way per click day
High payments to pay off
BMW Billionaire Man wilted
Love head Beamer
Be_ My__ World the dreamer
That love pain injury, going faster
Strong love never to lose her
Like cancer Santas Deers love prancer
Fine tooth comb
Negative force to succumb
Artsy wings to meditate
She is destined for something
Can this be a painful love of fate?
She succumbs to the time given in
To her O Lord temptation
Words stand alone planet of people
Hearing the real voice no recording
From here to eternity the blasted phone
The Love O not to outwit just sit
And lift your gravity of love
Round earth or your flat on the ground or above
someone knows your true love
*She is combing her hair Silkience Queen of the Divination
Love, there should be no apology lifted gravity that loves O went further than he will ever know her sexuality was smiles alive he couldn't learn his numbers. Where is the love when your heart thunders world of letters and love writers never to apologize we are the real fighters
My thoughts lay 'neath the moonlight shine,
Yet the abyss still dark and silent,
The stars hung within the nightly heavens,
Whisper "Shall thou make ammends?"
I sang a song,
She danced upon it,
I did her wrong,
Her graces forgave it,
but she can't forget,
so she went on her way,
oh how much I regret,
now I'm left here in despair.
This is how I feel,
all that I've shared,
thoughts dark enough to ****,
written and told so I would be spared.
As I look back and realise that it was my fault.Feeling guilty all the way even after she said "It's okay".
Sorry, firstly, for what I said,
what I did and how I hid it.
Forgive that I was so severe.
Your tears, they sting,
my lips they sear.
If we were happily in love,
and then I began to stray a little farther-
I’m sorry, love,
but you can blame my father.
I am sorry Mr Confucius
I have broken the world
It fell apart into ten thousand pieces
of a crystal glass
It dissolved into ten thousand grains
of a dry sand castle
It frayed into ten thousand threads
of a silk cloth
Words became sounds with no meaning
Hugs turned into meaningless sensations
Faces changed into mute colours
The terrifying truth of deep reality
The loneliness of complete unification
The old sages lied
There is no peace in truth
You were right Mr Confucius
The woman's job is to weave
I’m clearly not an original in this sentiment:
“To each his suff'rings: all are men,
Condemn'd alike to groan,
The tender for another's pain;
Th' unfeeling for his own.
Yet ah! why should they know their fate?
Since sorrow never comes too late,
And happiness too swiftly flies.
Thought would destroy their paradise.
No more; where ignorance is bliss,
'Tis folly to be wise.”
Thomas Gray, 1742
imagine feeling every little thing around you
then feeling nothing.
imagine not knowing whats real
and knowing how much is real.
waking up and feeling like yesterday never happened
but remembering everything that did
like a dream
hazy and unsure.
I have these realizations sometimes
And somehow I'm surprised
Did you know I mistreated you
In ways you never said?
You said I didn't take you seriously
No, I didn't treat you like a person
See, even though I was raised as a woman
I was raised in a system that told me that
Women are less than
And I never believed it consciously
But my best friend at the time
Treated women like others
And the system and my surroundings
Wore off on me in ways I'm not proud of
I'm not making excuses anymore
I take responsibility for my actions
I just wanted to tell you that I'm sorry
That I never listened to you
That I let him and myself
Speak to you the ways we did
It surprised me that you talked to him again
I can't help but wonder if you're friends now
Before you left you were afraid of him
I just hope you know your worth
I hope you remember you matter
Because you deserve to be respected
It took me some time and some space
To realize my mistakes
Actually it took having someone else
Experience what you put up with
And calling me out for it
But you were raised in the same system
Brought up in these twisted gender roles
I just hope you don't believe in it
Cause life is a lot better
When you don't feel invisible
I'm sorry B. I'm sorry I didn't realize sooner. The reason I'm not friends with him isn't the breakup, it's my realizing that he's problematic in ways that don't align with my values.
I've been trying to be more social
To step out of my own little comfort bubble
But I guess I got carried away,
I just enjoyed what new things I've done a little too much
So I apologize to those I've now annoyed
I guess I got too happy and clingy
So now I know to not be social
To just stay hidden away and disappear...
Feel free to share revision ideas :)
as I learn to
soften the blow
of my words.
I have a gift
for slipping daggers
making you bleed
before you realize it
with my sharp wit
and cutting edges.
I want nothing more
than to retire
because I know
is no way
to win hearts.
I've always had a quick wit and dry sense of humor. I've also had a hard time knowing where to draw the line. I'm glad to have friends willing to tell me when I've hurt them; here's to learning how to avoid further injury as I mature.