Every time something new and exciting happens,
I'd write a letter to mumma,
ever since I was six.
New Ma and Pa gave me a pen and paper
one day, and an envelope with a unfamiliar adress,
they said, "Write 'til your hearts content, sweetheart."
My first letter had terrible spelling,
with backwards letters,
But it had meaning,
it read, "Where are you mumma?"

I wrote a letter for each week,
and New Ma would let me put it in the box,
down by the train station,
I'd run home as fast as I could
and Pa told me that if I sit by the letterbox
too much, a patch of grass next to it would die,
so I sat at the door step waiting instead.

As I grew up,
The amount of letters I'd write would
slowly decline, I'd write more in depth
than one sentence, but only once a month.
At the age of 17, I'd write only 2 letters a year,
Christmas and what they told me was her birthday.

I'm 29 now, I still write her a letter
whenever I have time,
and somedays, when I feel lost,
or empty inside,
I'll still sit by the dusty letterbox
and wait.

*Dear Mumma,
I'm 29 today, are you proud?

How are you?
Are you fine?
Are you fascinated by stars?
I watch them tonight,
As I write to you.

Mumma, I have some sad news,
New Pa had been terribly ill for weeks,
Months maybe, but it all seemed too quick.
He passed away last week, Mum.
Pa was a beautiful man,
I wish you met him, Mum,
You would have liked him,
Every one did.

At the end of Pa's funeral,
New Ma handed me a shoe box
covered in tear drops
and her shaky hands were so pale.
But, Mum, do you know what was inside?
The box held every single one of my letters
That I had sent you,
All were stamped with "RETURN TO SENDER".

On sunny days,
I still wait for you at parks, Mum.

From your forgotten daughter,
Florence.
I love you.

If only you knew how much I've been missing you
I better not say how much i've been craving you,
I really hope you'll come back soon
I'll be looking for a sign at a full moon,
But let's be honest, deep down I can't wait no more
give me the adress and i'll show up at your door,
I wanna hit the road in the middle of the night
Feel your love, make love when the world's quiet,
you wanna have fun, let's make it our private party
I wanna hold you tight, bite and kiss your lips so soft
Could I undress you and write poetry on your body
chained to your love, now I bet you'd want me handcuffed
I've never had enough, so there'll be after parties, loving you crazy


Would it be a crime, I just wanna feel you
It's been a long time, i've been needing you
driving to your town, I just wanna feel you
thinking about loving you down, let me do it to you
you're always on my mind, now i just wanna feel you
come back now, I wanna feel you

I wouldn't care to spend sleepless night if I spent it with you
There's no clock, no hours, the world stops when I'm with you,
Come back to me, I've had enough of this pain entertaining me
I don't care if it makes it better or worse, I need you here with me,
been away from me for enough time, now I can't take it no more
give me a sign, a green light, and I will come at nightfall,
I wanna grab your body, leave kisses on your skin
take away this pain that caused me to become so cold
I need your arms gently wrapped around, need your good lovin'
I'm not ashamed to say I want you
and I want more than only small bits,
my kind of paradise has always been you
******* alive, make this heart of mine beats,
I've never had enough, so give me that lethal dose

I woke up with a splitting headache,
I may drink too much but my parents dont need to know that.
I had to forget that wretched evening and it was my only way out.
My reflection was a dissapointment,
as always.
There were no letters with my adress and no messages with my name.
I was starting to act like my father,
it was unavoidable, I know.
But a part of me had no desire in a broken future,
I had cut a sliver of daydreams,
child's play.
But this was reality I was facing.
It wasn't facing,
more like nodding in agreement.
I had no fight left in me.
Nothing to lose.  
Nothing to gain.

Im now falling asleep at my desk,
adjusting for a new day ahead.
We're all adjusting, but no one is actually comfortable.
My arms are spotted with bruises
as the bottle settles my dreary mind.
I dont know how long I can perform this act.
Re-runs aren't appreciated anyway.
So why dont you take me off the air.
Or perhaps,
just shatter me into pieces
on the blood stained
kitchen floor.

I met her by chance
Standing in the middle of destiny
Governing all eyes who passed,
All who could not adress her.

The solitary star she was
With her own kind of light
That goes on fiery,

It runs from the night
And lends beauty to day,
Like the blaze of a dark Star,
Birth of a second life,
Ebony girl,
I rip myself from the serpent's tooth,
I awaken from a thousand days
Of forever and she brings
Me forth from oblivion,
I utter one word between my lips,

Ebony

The word of nocturnal beauty,
I wish to plant the seeds so
Loving, so caressing,
They grow inside her heart,
I bequeath it all,
Should it all be just a dream,
Running or flying,
She flanks the reality
And  pours her own brand
Of living waters,

Ebony girl,
Your lightning sweet and tremendous,
You give my clouds wind,
Warm me and hold me
Closer to the fire
Of your chest.

You’re left at the back, anxious at sunrise
as day by day we drift through consciousness.
Ring the Bell. These thoughts are your demise

Act profound, fixating us with lies
Invigorate a prompt adress;
your qualms are back, anxious at sunrise

You’re mother’s boy, your father’s eyes
they know first hand, you’re prone to stress:
so ring the bell. Your thoughts: our demise.

Refrain from fear, nor anthropomorphise:
doe’s endear, their bliss is careless.
You’re stuck at the back, anxious as sons rise

and fall or fail to climb. Surprise,
surprise, with fear of death you now obsess,
over the bell. Our words: your demise.

They say you’re fine, you compromise,
it’s in your head, that last abscess.
You’re left to rot; absent at sunrise
they’ve all forgotten. Those thoughts, your demise.

my hands have been shaking
non stop
for the last year or so
and i am not writing this
because it stopped
it's just changing
like us
and the weather
and the sky
and nothing's changing
for the better
but you see, you kissed me
a year ago
and it wasn't much later
when i found myself in your bed
taking off your shirt
god i wish i remembered more
i just remember my hands shaking
every time you touched me
and so they shook
for six months
then you gave up
and i fell in love
and you'd stay in your room all summer
while i stayed at home
far from 'home'
and then the mornings got cold
like you
and my hands shivered all summer
and through the autumn
cause i was losing weight, and myself,
and you
i remember running my hands through your hair
not that long ago
like it would be the last time
not knowing it was
not knowing that when you told me
"i don't have much time"
you ment us
so now you're where you want to be
and that means not here
and that means gone
and now my hands shake
like the way they probably would
if someone was choking me
and i think it's unsaid words
and our memories
and your long gone kisses
that are wrapped around my neck
and i'd rather it be your hands
the way they used to

Not all those who wander are lost, but I surely am.
Though I'm still not sure if I'm lost in this city or in the depths of your eyes.
And I'm drunk– whether it's on love or on alcohol, I'm not so sure anymore. But that's not what matters right now.
On my way of finding myself I'm actually trying to find you.
I could swim through the seven seas without exertion, but I'm drowning in your eyes just like that.
I write love letters, poems and sinfonias to you in my head, but I could never do in reality, for I don't even know your adress nor your adress.
You're the firmament above my head, when I look at the Gestirne above me I find myself gazing at your eyes.
And I wonder, I wonder, what could, should, would have been if…
And so I keep wandering, being lost, truly lost in melancholia and thoughts, wanting to get lost in your eyes; wanting to find myself in your heart, wanting to fix my broken soul with the golden love that, I hope, is awaiting me.

You know you were abusive right?
Honestly worse than your father
You strangled me with words
And left me riddled with questions and scars
Now the scars I applied myself
I had to create some physical evidence
Of the torture you left
And speaking of leaving
You left me
Which I'm happy to say
No longer distresses me
Even though you still won't adress me
Apparently
You go mute when I try to speak
Nontheless
I am no longer obessesing
But sadly
You learned to obess over me
It's obvious you started watching me
Amature
Cover your trail
You're immaturity makes your frail
But you were abusive
Though not anymore more
I finally have picked myself up from the floor
You see
I found the good in goodbye
And I don't crave you anymore
So goodbye abuser
And Thank you
For leaving me once more

FWD: Guardian Of The Light
Soul Glows Goes Below
Behold Darkest Night
Perception Surpassing Depths
Humans Mention
I Am Adept
Ascending Threw New Dimensions
I Understand I Just Do
I Am Just Me
Trust Me Your Just You
Souls With Special Power
Universal Timing
Alining The Perfect Hour
Rituals To Share Respect
There Is No Tear In Wear
When Im Here Or There
And Adress The Threats
Im Here On Earth To
It Hurts The Worst Of Course
What The Heck
Im Burining In Flames
That Strain Amazing
Gazing In Just A Sec
Secrue WHEN Im Near
The Oppisite ***
Im Too Awesome To Rest
My Dreams Are Life And Death
I Feel Nervous
Breakin Pools Of Sweat
I Pull Through Like Maters Do
Till Wings Grew
And There Is Nothing Left
That I Can Give
Or Recieve Like No More Breathe
I Came To Earth
To Transcend I Past The Test
Theres A Star Some Way Out West
That Reflects The East
I Be At 4 Directs
Gazing At The Sunset
Im The Water Baier
That Can Get The Sun Wet
Magik Fairy Dust
Is What My Ashes ArE
Came From Far Away
Past The Stars
I Hold Romance
& Soul Hands

And you dare
adress me like I'm ordinary
Don't patronize me
Because you know this life
has been cruel to me.
But don't share it's cruelty
Not with words
Not with actions
Try to be artistic with your words
Cause I'm too different
to be told the same things.
And I love you;
is too abused.
And I love you;
Is too abusive.
Try to be artistic with your gestures
cause I'm too different
to have things done for me
like everyone else.
cause hugs are abused.
and kisses like that
are just abusive.

There are skeletons in my closet
And monsters under my bed.
My ears are ringing,
with threats, unsaid.

Voices whisper,
but never caress
my body, no.
My mind they adress.

A thought that always
grinds with frustration.
Is this all real?
     or imagination?

There are skeletons in my closet
And monsters under my bed
But none of them compare
to this demon in my head.

Respond to me
Leaving single lines of poetry
A letter or a parable
Give me strength
With a single look
Of your eyes
Driving me
Back to the wind
Without a wave goodbye
I want to send you a line or two
Maybe one or two
But you are so far away
At a strange adress
Living a life I have not seen
I am in love with you
Innocent and pure
One or two lines
Condensing
Forming
Until crafted word
Contains blood and bone
I am these words as much as they are me

I do not claim to be the strongest or the most important, but I would treat you like a gift from fate
I will carry the weight of your lonliness until you fall fast asleep. Holding your hand until my final night is come.

hurt so deep
because it's so true
she caught in two words
what it's like to be two
strangers on a ship
where the cabins don't meet
and the ship is of wood
not glass like the sky
vibrations shaking the tears
out because the cabin
walls are thick
and you cannot
kick a magic trick

oh honesty
how you hurt a man
how you make him
one by slapping back
his crazy hand

oh love
how complicated
how free

oh you
how perfect how true

oh years
how long and stretched

you ate the truth
than hid it in yourself.

you spat it out
like heavy pearl
in my pleading mouth

and I'm here in the kitchen
having read your *******
text
hoping I had the guts
to make you cry
wanting to kick you
wanting to kiss you

sinking noises.
we need to address this
but not like that
not by hitting the strings
and cutting them with our salt

learning how to play
the satisfying way
without making sad
the one you love
because it's *******
not my fault for these cabin walls
so don't cry
explain with caution
adress the situation

she whispered
"Sinking noises"
and said goodnight.

and I'm wondering if she's right

but in the end
we should help each other
not find ways to
hurt each other

No one can love me,
I'm a deaf, dumb, and blind ******* fool,
I cant chase any dreams,
Or even finish school.
And to myself; I am the most cruel,
I'm so ******* stupid and stubborn,
No brighter than a mule.
I'm a ******* wreck,
There is no cleaning up this mess,
And I'm scared of these problems I should adress,
I'm afraid of another ones' caress.
Even in my brightest moments, I only see the flaws,
These manic episodes that flood my head,
I don't ever really know what brings them on,
I wish I knew the cause.
No one can save this soul,
It takes timeless effort, someone fearless and bold,
I wish to fix my heart of gold,
I yearn,
To earn love;
And for mine not to be sold.
But nothing comes easy,
Most intentions these days are just ******.
And maybe I deserve all this pain,
Think of all the scars I could gain,
Who am I kidding,
I just sound insane,
But to fulfill this fantasy,
How could I refrain?

Stay where you are.
I think I see you,
Or, maybe, that isn't you.
I don't think its you.

Okay, keep on walking,
Come to me,
I'll stay where I am.
I'm next to the watch kiosk.

Are you on your way?
Okay, I'll stay here,
Come to me.

Okay, Its been about an hour.
Did you leave me?
It's okay if you did,
I'll just drive to your place.

I'm in my car now.
My phones almost dead
And my GPS is a *******
It doesn't work.
Whats your adress?
I'll try and get to your place.

I've been driving around
For too long.
I think I might just go home.
I'll see you tomorrow.
If You're not doing anything.
Oh, you're busy?
Thats okay, I am too actually.

Maybe next week then?
Okay.

I'll see you when I see you.

Psychotic, sickly, and weird.
Dont come near,
Cuz im a freak with these fears.
Take the blade to my skin,
Draw a portrait, sink in.
Watch the blood overturn,
These emotions are stirred.
Give me some medicine,
Its alll in my head again.
Even after putting up a front for you a thousand times.
You claw at my sadness,
And pick at my madness.
Numbing out the sorrow thats deep inside.
But everything fades,
Like the sun on a rainy day.
These pills arent enough,
Choking on nothing more than cigarette dust,
Waiting on that novitine rush,
All the while im feeling crushed.
Take a breath
Is all theyve got to say,
Well im breathing,
Still im not okay.
Suffocating,
And keep breathing,
All it takes is one single step i say,
End this madness, im all strung up,
Caught in a mess,
That i dont want to adress.
Fixating on all those things they say,
But whats wrong?
I made a left turn,
I do this to myself.

Is livi
ever going
to answer
answers please
on a postcard
adress to
to the sender of
the original
ow thats me
this is a story
of plus in a vein
hope it will not burst
at my time of life.

A lull can overcome
Any bright beginning
Adress the small insignificances
Which we cerish as profound
Defines itself beyond our..
Beyond what do you ask?
Don't know quite yet
This the only point
Is that a lull
Means nothing
Or all

It was in that moment
When I watched you
Enter the room
You held the door open
As I was going out.
There's a kindness in your eyes
A fair and just man.
All of which I see
And deeply appreciate.
But it is truly in the way
You sort me out
Without ever losing your temper.
The way you look me
In my eyes and say "no"
In the calmest manner.
You use my name
To adress me.
It's not in the name
But the way you say it.
That makes me smile
And makes me realize
That I will only be
As impossible as you allow me to be.

Once surrounded, slowly fading
I was once the center now I am
the edge.

In times of empty days, in which
you find too much space,
so much it haunts you.

Talk about, adress your long lost
friend and speak and tell and pronounce
the words: I love you.

Before you fade, before you turn into
me. The last thing I sometimes want to be.

Hard times are nothing to brag about
Thirteen years old
Kitchen knife sellotaped to torso
I reminisce on that being the worst of it

Soon it'll be a whole year since you left
   well I guess I left but really what choice did I have
Some nights I'm sleepless I no longer miss u I'm just still burnt over what u did
I'm ok I breathe, I smell blood and my heart beats in my chest

Victim complex no longer my priority
I believe it's better I believe this is how we get happier
I've said goodbye so many times and surely I'll say it so many more
Goodbye my love, goodbye
But truthfully, now I am bored

Why romanticise a mess when there's no longer any need to adress it?

Late april
I was going to do a redraft of my suicide note
But truthfully, my handwriting is too messy
I think the action says enough.
But truthfully, I've got cats u gave me I can't leave.

Thank you,
     I felt stupid for being sad and missing you all last month
But I don't anymore,
  thoughts swirl, moods crash and people collide or grow cold and standoffish
When too familiar.

Dumb ***** chipped teeth lies lies pleading i need you please don't cry i want us to last like our words promised
But like-- we were kids and like-- I've already
      went over all this in my head;
Again and Again;
I swear I force myself sad sometimes just to feel something.
It's all finished and all so boring now
You both look cute
Your aimed posts are cringe-inducing but I don't think either of us have ever been thought to be stable
     beforehand.
I'm happy for you I hope you are happier but hopes only come true with care and care comes from home
You were home once
And I've had to leave so many homes in the last few years
    yet with my heart beating in my chest I will never be homeless again.
I do not care anymore.
What my life amounts to--
I do not care anymore.
What I'll do tomorrow--
I do not care anymore.
I should not sleep I have things to do--
I do not care anymore.
Whatever we didn't say made up what we did--
I do not care anymore.

abstention stops the shadows
in the dark impasse
a scream is hears
frightening desolation
who,what,where searchs
all doors to the wrong adress
or guest are welcomes deaf

formerly was happy tale ends

a fortune-teller told me
'love finds you'

I quess love doesn't know my adress
nobody who still plays my door no

love didn't find the path
my heart's stranger is love