Everyone always leaves.
What is it about me that is so wrong?
My heart strangles my throat,
I cannot breathe.
Take my body back underground,
Let this broken flesh rot from my bones.
Let me start again.
Maybe I’ll be born once more,
And people will stay.
Or maybe I’ll be born again,
More powerful than ever before.
I feel so small and unimportant.
Maybe I was never meant to be more than a fleeting thought.
A disappearing memory; a false attempt at love,
A stepping stone in the direction of anyone else.
There are so many ‘maybes’ filling my tear ducts to the brim.
Like maybe you didn’t love me,
Maybe this is how I’ll finally drown.
Suffocated by my own tears,
And ripped apart by your emptiness.
Maybe .n.o.t.h.i.n.g. is all we were ever meant to be.
Whoever has my voodoo doll, can you please please please stop stabbing me in the ribs?
I used to be comfortable with the idea of loneliness,
And for the most part welcome it as normal.
Solitude was my high ground
And I didn’t need anyone.
Self sufficient, functioning.
I was strong.
But then you showed me it didn’t have to be that way.
I didn’t have to ‘survive’ alone.
I wasn’t an outcast.
I wasn’t alienated.
I was loved.
And could love.
You showed me that I could be accepted.
And then you left.
And loneliness is so terrifying.
And I am so scared.
When will loneliness become the norm again.
When will this pain end.
Why wouldn’t you stay.
My skull is like the sides of a pin ball machine lined with thoughts of you leaving, pain, loneliness, sadness, and crippling nausea.
And I’m constantly bashing the buttons on the side so my brain doesn’t hit the walls or rest at the bottom of the tray.
So my brain doesn’t fall to the end and I run out of credits.
I don’t know.
It feels like I’m floating in limbo
Wrapped in barbed wire
Watching you tug the end
As you walk away.
I am waiting. I am aching.
I need to know if you’re working on this too.
Because yesterday was my last day and I’ll be better from now on.
I hope you’ll love me, from now on.
Whoever thought butterflies had such
strong, strangling h.a.n.d.s.
I watched the darkness leak
Into your eyes
As your skin found mine...
I am tortured by the silent way
You crawled into my head
And decided to stay.
Tell me what you see?
The sound of bones cracking;
The screaming sensation of skin tearing
Is too much of a comfort.
Newly found lost poems
I’m going to watch you walk away from me one day
And the world will flatten, finally.
And I think I’ll let the ocean
Take me that day...
And I think I’ll let you be the end of me.
I’ve been thinking about drowning again.
But I’ve found home in the nape of your neck.
I’m still scared.