This is,
A quick attempt at sketching the overall picture,
A collection of existing material,
Summarizing the essential characteristics,
And offering a novel interpretation of
The “self-actualizing personality.”
And the gifts,
That set them apart,
And that are underutilized,

They are,
Misunderstood,
And underestimated,
By peers,
By society,
And by themselves.

The gifted rarely fulfill,
Their full creative potential.
This is particularly true,
For gifted women,
They don’t fit stereotypes,
Society has,
Either of women,
Or the gifted:
Typically seen as men.

The highly gifted are rare,
In the population.
Those with IQ’s,
Of 150 and above,
Occur five to seven times,
Per ten thousand.
They are never quite sure,
If it is good,
Or bad,
To be very bright.
It is difficult,
For average persons,
To identify,
With their gifted counterparts’
Superior cognitive abilities.
If feedback is internalized,
A self-conception,
May be constructed,
Based on underrating the self.

They are experiencing in a higher key.

I'm self actualizing
Vibing
High fiving
Myself
As I cross the finish line
Thriving in success.

The cacophony of metal cutting metal screeches,
burying the sound of 2,000 automobile engines, one train,
and 45 yapping onlookers.

I am self-actualizing.

The ******* Oriental who cut me off
learns the meaning of justice in a hair-split second.

I howl as I force his car further to the side of the road.
He's yelping, feeling fright claw his once-proud brain.

I look up, trying to keep my car on the road.
We tear past shopfront after shopfront,
patrons wailing, pointing, finally finding
something mad enough to put down their forks.

I see skeletal trees,
overshadowed by a red wrecking ball,
an out-of-business record shop,
the metal still crying the most demonic
siren's song.

Further I push him,
he's on pavement,
my little Oriental enemy.
I look at him again.
His knuckles are milk white,
his brow covered with perspiration,
his mouth bleeding from his own bite.

Then he hits.

A stoplight post of solid steel,
with three or so feet of concrete surrounding.
I learn he isn't wearing a seat belt.
Glass grinds his delicate skin, he catapults through the air,
then flattens against a newspaper dispenser.

Then I hit.

A **** Suburban in front of me,
who had stopped to watch the carnage,
now found itself partaking.

I have my seatbelt on,
the bags deploy,
thumping my head and
chest like a crippled bolt of lightning.

The Suburban spins into oncoming traffic,
getting further rearranged by
a pile-up of moaning metal.

My truck comes to a stop.
Smoke cascades languidly,
as humans shout in unison,
"I hope you have good insurance!"

I walk back fifteen yards to the
newspaper dispenser.

The Oriental man twitches,
blood pooling about his head
and left arm.

I stoop down closer to him,
look at his silent Rorschach ****** features,
gaze over my shoulder.
The Suburban lies in smoldering ribbons,
driver probably trying to get into heaven.

Shouts continue, building upon one another,
a crowd gathers around me,
whispers all similar to "what the hell happened?"
flame up and burn through the collective.

"Did you know him?" a small black boy,
with teeth of snow asks.

"Not real well, but don't worry kid, he wasn't a good man."

I rummage through the crowd until I break through,
I hear sirens of some sort in the distance,
unclear of cop or ambulance,
I survey the damage to my truck-
a light busted out,
bent bumper,
and what looks like a few holes drilled into the grill.
I open the door,
clumsily ruffle the airbag,
put my key in the ignition,
and to my delight
when I turn the beast,
it purrs submissively.

I grin, let my fingertips
briefly dance on the steering wheel,
and put the truck in reverse.

Our lives are like ocean waves, born of a celestial entity among a diversified sea of possibilities. Direction and intensity set at birth with a future blurred by the endless horizon

Some waves wander alone, losing momentum as they are gradually ushered down by Earth’s gravitational pull before tragically coming to a rest among the blue abyss, destination never realized

Others are born of the unseen violence and upheaval between tectonic plates battling for dominion over the volatile landscape deep beneath the surface. Knowing no other way, they perpetuate the violence that created them, destroying and consuming everything in their path

Yet some join together, superimposed into a harmonious union that multiplies their strength and propels them forward until it’s waters gently meet the shore in an actualizing marriage of journey and destiny

Storms often boil up out of nowhere, dismantling adjacent waves. While a select few resist the onslaught, instead gaining strength and vitality. Like a conductor bringing a symphony to crescendo, the roil pushes these waves further than others in pursuit of their destination

This dynamic tapestry of new beginnings and violent ends blend together as one, eroding and shaping the land around them as they work out their daily squabbles. Heads barely above water, they continue onward towards the horizon blatantly disregarding a future for which they create

Who's that girl
it cannot be me.
Does she want to be set free?
Maybe.
She used to come around often,
then hid in the blue moon.
Actualizing anarchy
Rain down depression
Monsoon
Not a confession
Utter confusion
Living this illusion
Dealing with this delusion.
She comes out to visit
illicit,
explicit.
Bottle of wine,
a wink,
a sign,
a drink,
not mine.
She isn't me,
that's my claim,
she isn't me,
she's to blame.

this creative sea
you, me, us
a cavalcade of pronouns
dead tigers
swimming and spinning
through cascades of metaphor
and simile maldefined.

so sick of seeking truth
a battle poorly placed
awkward timing
skinny lines
of belief, disbelief and nonparticipation
waiting for clarity
in the waves of obscurity.

“as you know, we’ll never know
and blindly ford the river of paint
horse hair in hand
to an actualized bank.”
scoffs, she does, and moves face and nose to her art
up for air, and down again
actualizing the truth
that was never there, always.

I feel I've discussed this before, but I feel compelled to write it, nonetheless.
To me, the purpose of my Art is not to be an epitome of an ideal Philosophy,
nor do I seek that it is thought of as a direct reflection of my Self or my Philosophy.

To me, the purpose of my Art is to postulate a question.
I hereby claim not to know the answer
I simply seek that we ask of ourselves these questions
because the pursuit of Understanding
is the Path to Understanding.

The Destination is unable to be reached.
Travel the Path anyway,
for it leads inward.

The Journey is the Path.

The Obstacle is the Path.

I hope that others find these sorts of things worthwhile, as well.

Let it be known:
I do not necessarily identify by my Art-
that is to say
I do not necessarily agree with my Art.
Art is an Expression.

Sometimes it is dark
sometimes it is a coping mechanism
sometimes it is funny
sometimes it is loud
sometimes it is abrasive
sometimes it is music
sometimes it is language
sometimes it is silence
sometimes it is true
sometimes it is simple
sometimes it is complex
sometimes it is improvised
sometimes it is planned
sometimes it is hyperbole
sometimes it is paradox;
sometimes it is all of that and more.

Art is an expression of the Artist.
Art is the Purpose of the Artists;
to reflect upon their Experience
and that of the Human Condition.

Art; in it's purest form,
whatever the medium,
whichever the Medium;
is a language of Spirit.

I see how this can sound lofty
but I beseech thee to look deeper.

Perhaps my experience is unique,
but I lament if that is the case.

Art, for me,
is a means of liberation.
A means of enlightenment.
A means of furtherment.
A means of actualizing logical and creative potential.
A means of interpreting Life.
A way of Life.

If you owe anyone anything,
you owe it to your Self
to express yourself purely:

That's the only voice that cannot be censored.
That's the only vote you're ever guaranteed.

I've always waited for this moment,
An all-pervasive coming-to-be
It has permeated my existence since infancy,
My illusory life that began when I died
When I fell from my heaven
Into the ego traps of Owen Phillips
The pathetic human shell I've come to inhabit
He is too weak to contain me, to enact my desires
He must be destroyed,
That I may return and be a self-actualizing soul
In the infinite blissful embrace of every imperfect beauty
I ever longed  for in my lowly, cowardly human skull

Little do we know of what we know is very little,
too little to put the next step forward,
so little that we even hesitate in putting any extra effort.

With regards to drawing any conclusion at the present moment in time,
little do we know,
if anything about everything in the present,
very little.

Like happiness, even success cannot be achieved instantaneously
Only knowing that both success and happiness have got a definite place in everyone's life will not make things work,
more importantly we need to agree and accept upon the same.

Most importantly, consistent efforts need to be made in the right direction.
Initially it's need of the hour,
then later on,
of course the same becomes a kind of a habit.

Along with time, experience and expertise, patience and perseverance also play a major role in an individual's life.

Over a period of time after actualizing the right moment in time things start to take the right shape when success comes along the way.
Everything now depends upon the future, so ascertaining the future as of now is something that cannot be stopped.

Consistenly, over a period of time something goes on in the mind
There is a sort of restlessness that seeks into the mind
Same restlessness later on becomes a concern and over a period of time the same concern gets deeper,
concern is with regards to the future,
same concern also with regards to doing everything as quickly as possible in the present.

Anxious is the state of mind now, a little bit anxious and somewhat excited to know more.

More than what has already been registered by the mind an anxious mind tries to know everything in detail.
Thoughts in the mind race from present moment of time towards future,
of course, a future has always remained uncertain.

An uncertain future remains on hold and since been on hold,
of concern remains the future,
great concern.

An uncertainty about the future at first disturbs the mind, later on over a period of time there is a restlessness that sets into the mind.

What else is there as of now?
What else is the possibility with regards to the future?
Is there any other way out?
Is there a better way of doing things?
Quite possibly some kind of innovation can be done.

Little do we know of what we know is very little
Little do we know that there is no alternative to hard work and also there is no short cut to success.

Always it's better to play safe rather than to feel sorry later.
Always it's better to know everything at first instead of straightaway jumping on any sort of conculsion,
rightaway making any kind of decision,
since both of which can spoil the game.

Each and everyone plays a game in his life,
a game of his own choice,
a game which will decide the fate of his life.

Better to discuss each and everything first
Once done, then comes the final decision
Right or wrong, of course that fate will decide later.

Little do we know of what we know is very little,
too little to put the next step forward,
so little we know of what all we know that we hesitate in putting in any extra effort.
Even as for drawing any conclusion in the present,
little do we know,
if anyhing about everything in the present,
very little.

Silence is deafening
Waking from a cacophony of sounds much like "A Day in the Life"
Only to find that silence is greater than any voluminous discord imagined
Feeling like a superhuman, the world is now illuminated
With choirs of percolating atoms spinning
Pure harmonious energy that goes under the human threshold

Silence is actualizing
Awakening to the potentialities and nuances lost in the clutter of prepositions and pronouns
Experiencing how momentous each rise and fall of breath erupts to revitalize the whole world
Perceptions externalized and internalized merge as one truth
Tangibly existing as a universe within a boundless wave of sensations

Silence is beautiful
Silence is breathtaking
Silence is humble
Silence is abundant

Silence is the world
Silence is the body
Silence is the mind
Silence is the soul

Silent I am

Introduction before the curtain is opened.
-->The  introducer addresses the audience.


Instead of none-stop
Condemning the past
Let us do our part
To lift our country
From economic morass fast.
Better than licking a wound,
Taking corrective measures
On former leaders’ mistakes
We could
Capitalizing, on what
They did good.

(Open Curtain)

--> Enters Emperor Tewodros II

I had tried
Citizens to unite
So that
They will not
Stop short of might
When invaders they fight!

I had also exemplified
Portraying a spectacular
Self dignity and pride
Whatever sacrifices
Trying times demand,
A coward,
An Ethiopian must not
Yield a hand.


To convey
I had also tried,
Though possible
As a tourist,explorer and
Even a covert spy
To enjoy oneself in
Ethiopia, famed for
A hospitable land
The impossibility
To carry away with
A shoe
Ethiopia’s golden
Silt or a sand.


--> Enters Emperor Yohannes IV



In the battle of Gundat
And Gura
I had shuttered
Egyptians' and Khedivi’s
And their Europian advisers'
And North Americans' aura.

Revolted by
A scramble for domestic power
Or salivating for wealth
And abhorring
Stooping to things glittering,
Defending my country
And faith
Valorous, on the forefront
Of a battle
I did shake hands
With the angel of death.


Successors,
There are lessons
You should learn
Adoring your country
Rent seeking
You have to shun,
Putting my country first
A notable self sacrifice
As I had done!


--> Enters Emperor Menelik II


Simply with
A sword and a spear
Carrying a shield
And riding a horse,
I did chase out
To its teeth
With modern weapon
Armed invading force.

When citizens
Join force and unite
With a golden pen
History they can write
History that flickers light
The oppressed,worldwide,
Could win if they fight
For their
God-bestowed right.

Also to modernization
According focal attention
Must be the task of
A given nation
If ignorance and disease
Their tight grip
Must cease.


--> Enters Emperor Haile selassie I

When many warned me
“You will live to regret
Your good gesture!”
To the development of
My country giving
Focal attention
I allowed students pursue
Further education.

I  also allowed many  here
And   abroad a broad-array of
Subjects learn
And their poor country
Serve in their turn.

A prophet
I exposed League of Nation's
Double standard
So that
The world understand
“Though today
Ethiopia’s turn
The flame of fascism
And ******
Tomorrow
Supper powers too will burn!”
It was my wont
In the diplomatic mission
To bring
My country to the front!

Along with fellow leaders,
It was my dream object,
To de-colonize
And unite the continent.

That is why many
Saw for a continental seat
—OAU later AU—
Ethiopia fit.

--> President Mengistu Haile Mariam

As revolution
Was the day’s talk
With the progressive
I broke
On peasants and
The proletariat
Imposed yoke.

Sied Barre’s
Unexpected attack
And intrusion
I had managed
To reverse back,

Also fighting
Mass illiteracy
Was my
Outstanding task.

In fact,
I did try to keep
My country intact.

-->Prime Minister Meles Zenawi

My long-cherished bent
Was ensuring
Political pluralism
And democracy’s advent
For which cause
My youth and adulthood
I spent.

I and combatants
After tyranny
To a grave sent,
I invited
Soon,
Marginalized states
To come aboard and
Equally enjoy
Development’s boon.

In an astounding
Developmental feat
I was out
The unconquerable

—Blue Nile—

To defeat.
Also against poverty
A similar victory repeat.
What is more
On the road
Of Renaissance
I did inspire
Over 80 ethnic group
Forward to run
Actualizing a leap in
Their life span.

A win-win
Environment smart growth
Was what,charismatic,
On the global arena
I brought forth
Making super powers believe
Giving attention to Africa
Is worth.

--> Prime Minister Hailemariam Desalegn

In trying times
Not to allow
Started mega projects
Suffer a set back
I saw to
Things are on the right track.

More than one cabinet reshuffle
In  the leading party
Deep renewal and reform,
Together with  members,
I did perform!

To a peaceful power transition
I have set a glaring example
A move
In Africa many took unthinkable!
Averse to rent seeking
I am patted on the back
“You have done a nice thing!”


(Close Curtain)

--> Introducer

Conspiracy
To grab the rein
Of power
At the cost of harm
Allowing one ethnic group
On others to tower
Sluggishness in resource
Utilization, not allowing
Development to equally
And fast flower,
Harbouring fright
When citizens exercise
Their allowed democratic right
Are follies
The coming generations
Have to fight
So that
Ensues peace
And days bright,
Off springs of Lucy
We have to always unite!///

In this back pocket of the Universe I call my Body and Mind
wages a constant struggle for Self.

Aspects of me such as Shadow and Ego
strive for my mental electoral college votes
to preside as a sort of Pope of Cognition,
but they can only win
if I don't fight them;

if you can best your Shadow aspects and Ego beasts,
they will respect you,
and when your Shadow and Ego respect you,
You metamorphosize into Yougod;
people will sing your praise
and you will want them to stop
for they are the same thing in potentia
and they only distract themselves with their reverence
instead of actualizing their own potential
and becoming Godselves, themselves.

Unconditioned to channeling the inner parody,

Actualizing the adaption of an animal apt for apathy, actively act in atrophy.

The vessel a fractured vapid faculty,

Of exactly the amount of human trapped in how not to be.

Lock and key, the property you deem your thoughts; a metropolis of atrocities.

Listen, don't listen, push and pull the pensive pistons,

Re-position, your decisions, until you got what you'd envisioned.

I am the string
that tied you around
the man tied to the bottle
your love was not full throttle;
the bottle can't love you back
can't pay you back
things were always out of whack.

But in your heart there was a fire
a deep burning desire
to love someone who wouldn't be like that
who would always love you back
so the stars gave parts of themselves
to meld me for you
but a child (or two)
won't undo
can't fix
or release
how how your heart has been breached.

Your life isn't the beach you envisioned.
No, it must be more like a prison
to live your life for somebody else
never actualizing your "self"
I can't imagine how that felt
Here's your accomplishment under the belt:
two children lost in the sea of themselves
because you never found your well
deep inside of you
made up of the river of your soul
whose waters whisper that your happiness is the only goal
doing what you love and loving who you are:
that is your role.

You dug, but never got that far
and you never set the bar
to be who you are -
had to learn that on my own.
I am Ryan,
locally grown
home grown
self grown.
I am my own
yet forever a loan
you cash out for happiness
with the best of intentions
the love we share is no invention
but I just need to mention
you're a divine woman for surviving
but getting by isn't thriving.

You've made it this far
and you are who you are
stand in the center of that
and swat
every thought
that doesn't contribute
to a room with a view
in the center of you.
You will find in your mind
you can make all your dreams come true
you just have to follow through
yes, it's true,
your happiness depends on you
and what you choose to do.

iS THIS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN MEN WATCH TV 18 HOURS A DAY

ah, me, I am living this useless way

unless
someday you are sad and read
what we formed here from ignored

floaters in the flow of things

and some think I said we made a thing, you got
a little think
wink,
I am connected but my hands are some other minds
or minded

some series of letters are contests
which hand can get the point of being used this way

intime

exit strat-edgies begin to shape decisions, cut-offs,
loose threads, inkling
streams
leaking into the eitheroreal sidereal dust twixt us
and that band of stars we call
milky, Plato called
γάλα, say ga-la, see

the galaxias spir-al-ish spinner of spinners,

we spin within the wake of the matter spinning around us,

grave gravitus maximus

after actualizing self
we
form

we perceive
we receive, then be
deceived by from for
losing
grip
on sense, crazy as hell, the actual idea.

time related to duration is not constant,
sorry. C squared makes no
real sense,

a little think, a wink and a smile.

Some mind left graffiti:
It's all Greek

translated into  Es gibt mir Spanische

A dialog: Come, Let us confound...

habah ner adah
sam
habah ner adah
sam wana ba lah, lah, lah (Gen.3:7)

Sung sing song children sung haunting us
soldiers marching, as to war,

mine eyes (i lie)
have seen the glory (i lie)
of the cominging of the boss,
the protector of our kibble, by which

man does not live alone.

isolated self-actualized Masloafian men,
wombed or un

no lies appear true in actual here, after
individuated integration

the eight great fortunes exist to balance

the hermit isolating zeitgeistical anguish

and grinning
at the aspect of serious perspicacity

clearness of vision, abundance of light fractalling details
into all the significance
available
globally. as it were,
wireless fields of fractional banked capital ideologics
and podiums
for standing stones of a hundred tonne
weigh nothing, when we whistled,
while we worked,
we and
these ideas built Machu Pichu, don'chu fo ***.
It
weigh one pi-plancksec, and we imagine that
to be
your part in all of this. What it means to you it means,
if you believe,
i.e. let be

within the game you play

beyond the window you spectate through

we, the people who hold certain truths, not sacred
and undeniable, but

self-evident. Hold that thought,
Get the idea,
evident,

seen? Self seen? We, the people hold such truths
as being very complicated.
A.I. Art Intelligence, saved us.

Creative words are eternal. Times are the opposite.
Balance factors at the one in eight billion ratio are immense.

Keep calm and carry on.

There's an essence
A celestial fragment
actualizing the aura
when it comes to this life

Most beautiful is ineffable
best brought out on keys
major over minor
lift me up now bring me down

emoting like the purple sky
shining in a white conundrum
where the night recedes
to ring in a new dawn

I think I’m jealous of the sun.
All it has to do is spread the multicolored ribbons it has as arms
and settle over the horizon
to fill each individual who steals a glimpse in its direction
with an uncontrolled,
self-actualizing
knowledge of how small,
yet how incredibly crucial,
their existence is
to the universe.

It’s not the same
as investment banking,
but
you get the idea.


Investing emotion.
A willingness
to make something better happen
to or for
oneself.

Investing in
our own emotions,
so as to garner
more intellect in this regard.

An education in spending wisely.
Energy.
Education.
Experience.

These lines themselves
are an investment,
in thought,
in the feelings
behind the words on this page.
An execution.
An actualization.


We deal in Certificates of Deposit.
Human thinking reconstructed.
Structured.
Settlement.
Earning interest.

Renewed,
by oneself,
in oneself.

Rending willful neglect
to be null and void.
Willing the restored onto the next plane of existence;
the belief that one is powerful enough
to accept viability and value as inherent.
A readiness to do better than before.
Valuable.- Worthy of a life worth living.
Victorious. -- Made new, by one’s own hand.
Using one’s own mind;
actualizing this happening;
becoming worthy of being
powerfully reborn.

*
-JBClaywell
©P&ZPublications 2021

"Angels are self-actualizing."

A line from Lucifer

the big bang was the origin of the greatest fractal that will ever exist

everything is the logical conclusion of everything that came before it, eternally entropying into a complete expression

for every pattern, its hosts have unique traits

this deterministic totality cannot discourage us from forging our marks

actualizing change is the destiny of every branch of the fractal in carrying out its life

but we can also not be hurt by the blame that comes from losing sight of this great machination that encapsulates us all

Are we just lonely trumpet flowers dangling
Sang an owl, on the hour, drawn from the stream
When all our hearts made the same offerings
We are pouring into each other's vessels
Muscles with memory select the kinetic chains
That bind our names to our destinies
Its the same as yesterday’s dismembering
Its a blessing to embody the fire
As if this desire is higher than anything
That you’ve ever seen apart from dreaming
So we listen closely for the logos to speak softly
After all it seems it's not so easy to imagine
The fathomless depths of our being
Until right before we need to step off the edge
And rest fully suspended in the breathless
We are the everyday magic of life
Actualizing itself while tired feathers fall asleep
Out of touch but still somehow within our reach

Thru emerging adulthood awareness awoke
within noggin of average baby boomer bloke
catastrophization toward risk taking I evoke
positive growth experiences throughout vast
number of orbitz around sun never kickstarted
nor linkedin with potential livingsocial folk.

Courtesy solitude yours truly
proffers poetic obscurantist blatherskite
discombobulated clishmaclaver will delight
expressing how me courage doth take fright
puncturing since boyhood head to toe height
housing crotchety, fidgety, impiety bent knight
impossible mission to summon bravado might
thus, I figuratively slink within analogous shell
avoiding testing comfortable autozone outright
trumpeting unconvincing lame excuse quite -
begetting, drafting, fielding, heralding, jump-
starting, loosing, notching another
psychological another mischievous sprite.

I submissively succumb opportunistically,
meekly, heroically, and dutifully attest
to surrender once plagued narcissistic self
to beastly merciless beck and call behest
all the while actualizing, envisioning,
and imagining outlook as if afflicted
with dissociative identity disorder,
whereby manifested spirit housed in my chest
spontaneously showing up as unwanted guest.

Twas deadly scourge
of one obsessive/compulsive disorder
anorexia nervosa absent bulimia - nadir
of onset sans quasi schizoid behavior,
which agonizingly slow suicide
by self starvation
mailer daemon maelstrom
within mine psyche
when yours truly prepubescent lad
(particularly devastating

to immediate family members)
as emaciation pitted existential revulsion
from unseen wuthering heights
nearly wrung death knell
annihilating me fragile entity
with peremptory imprimatur
yielding covalent bond to death
readily obvious to kith and kin
via zorro like signature per profound
perilous depressive psychological state.

Now - at about two score plus eighteen years
from attaining rank of centenarian
perfect 20/20 hindsight
offers supreme advantage
from said aforementioned psychological crisis
within mind of yours truly
middle aged progeny and sole sol
(of Boyce and Harriet Harris
mine father and mother respectively)
hypothesizing numerous educated guesses
why he willfully hurtled his flesh at light speed
down the abyss toward his demise.

Literal and physical lightness of being
manifested within nooks and crannies
prior to full blown symptoms
to eliminate sustenance
drawing the curtain on brief residence
way before high noon of life.
metamorphosis from boyhood into man
found solace in attempting to keep at bay

natural cycle which transformation grieved me
to pine for nostalgic childhood’s end,
(albeit one fraught with romanticism)
vengefully interpreted attempt
to halt dead in the tracks intervention of mother
whose nursing experience
helped fend off passive attempt
to promulgate passive silent plan to fruition.

She whipped various
nutritious concoctions in the blender
to ensure minimal essentials to this
(I readily admit) famished body
in conjunction with applying vital supplements into
one or the other bony gluteus maximus
thru fuel injection
which submissiveness to acquiesce
and bare my buttocks
did absolutely nothing to squelch death wish.

I inexorably overcame eating disorder
to cease going on deadly hunger strike,
which essentially constitutes
a declaration of independent control
despite horrendous deprivation
regarding voracious craving for food
stuffing innards like a pike
bifurcated psychic division to live
ousted coeval death wish sans goal
seize yore per reminiscence of blissful
childhood over-flooded self made ****
engendering propensity to catapult
over abysmal emotional hole
and way before the invention of facebook,
I mentally clicked like mental health
to fight the mailer daemons
that part of me healthy development stole.

What do you do
When there's nothing to do
Ask yourself the question
Is it because of you

It always is
True to yourself
Interrogate the self
It reveals itself

Next on the tick box
Choices as answers
You know the answer
You still need s choice to make you ponder

Are you alone
Are you lonely
Alone and lonely
Alone not lonely
None of the above

Data Analysis question
All seem alike
Know it at the source
Or you are playing the wrong course

Unlike during the test
Time unlimited
Test to prove to the outside
This has everything to do on the inside

Option available need not be the answer
That option is there in the question
Tick the last box
Then this whole enquiry needless

If answer in the paper
An honest truth seeker
Answer will present itself
You just have to be present

Alone a Philosophers abode
Lonely a humans inferior quality
Alone not lonely a Saints pedestal
Alone and lonely have a lot of work to do on yourself

Is it just a feeling
Or reality presenting for you to see
Dream like Mirage can mislead
Playing for the wrong side in the field

Enquiry answers the query
A one man jury sees things in totality
Purity the quality the jurors inquiry
Judgement delivered with equanimity and honesty

Playing this game compulsory
For spiritual advancement answers necessary
Question and Answer everything secondary
Actualizing yourself and not the your image is Primary

Actualized once the question ceases
Along with it the choices
Judge and jury are the same the mind realizes
Knowledge of this after the search started
Start and end the same when realized you are a Zen Master

Thru emerging adulthood awareness awoke
within noggin of average baby boomer bloke
catastrophization toward risk taking I evoke
positive growth experiences throughout vast
number of orbitz around sun never kickstarted,
nor linkedin with potential livingsocial folk,
thus omniscient cosmic consciousness I invoke
diametrically contradicting atheism
haint no (Sikh, sick nor sic) joke,
where self important
fulsome mortals indistinguishable
among bobbing flotsam and jetsam
squarely sponging precious resources
off the pants courtesy Mother Earth
heartily rooted in narcissistic strength,
whenever necessary razing mighty oak
destroying other flora
unwittingly insidious effects
industrial revolutions triggered global warming
and abomination, brutalization, cannibalization
demolition, eradication, ruination...
on the upside twenty first century
environmental activism did provoke
circa 1979, a geography course
I enrolled in at Temple University
taught courtesy John Western,
whose exceptionally adroit calligraphy
attentiveness drawn towards
chicken scratch of mine woke.
Courtesy solitude yours truly
proffers poetic obscurantist blatherskite
discombobulated clishmaclaver will delight
expressing how me courage didst take fright
puncturing since boyhood head to toe height
housing crotchety, fidgety, impiety bent knight
impossible mission to summon bravado might
thus, I figuratively slunk within analogous shell
(think “Peter Peter
Pumpkin Eater nursery rhyme”)
avoiding testing comfortable autozone outright
trumpeting unconvincing lame duck excuse quite -
begetting, drafting, fielding, heralding, jump-
starting, loosing, notching another
psychological mischievous sprite.
I submissively succumbed opportunistically,
meekly, heroically, and dutifully attest
to surrender once plagued narcissistic self
to beastly merciless beck and call behest
all the while actualizing, envisioning,
and imagining outlook as if afflicted
with dissociative identity disorder,
whereby manifested spirit housed in my chest
spontaneously showing up as unwanted guest.
Twas deadly scourge
of one obsessive/compulsive disorder
anorexia nervosa absent bulimia - nadir
of onset sans quasi schizoid behavior,
which agonizingly slow suicide
by self starvation
mailer daemon maelstrom
within mine psyche,
when yours truly prepubescent lad
(particularly devastating
to immediate family members)
as emaciation pitted existential revulsion
from unseen wuthering heights
nearly wrung death knell
annihilating me fragile entity
with peremptory imprimatur
yielding covalent bond to death
readily obvious to kith and kin
via zorro like signature per profound
perilous depressive psychological state.
Now - at about one score
plus seventeen years
from attaining rank of centenarian
perfect 20/20 hindsight
offers supreme advantage
from said aforementioned psychological crisis
within mind of yours truly
middle aged progeny and sole sol
mine father and mother respectively
hypothesizing numerous educated guesses
why he willfully
hurtled his flesh at light speed
down the abyss toward his demise.
Literal and physical lightness of being
manifested within nooks and crannies
prior to full blown symptoms
to eliminate sustenance
drawing the curtain on brief residence
way before high noon of life
metamorphosis from boyhood into man
found solace in attempting
to keep derrière at half moon bay
natural cycle which transformation grieved me
to pine for nostalgic childhood’s end,
(albeit one fraught with romanticism)
vengefully interpreted attempt
to halt dead in the tracks
intervention of mother,
whose nursing experience
helped fend off passive attempt
to promulgate passive silent plan to fruition.
She whipped various
nutritious concoctions in the blender
to ensure minimal essentials to this
(I readily admit) famished body
in conjunction with applying
vital supplements into
one or the other bony gluteus maximus
thru fuel injection,
which submissiveness to acquiesce
and bare my buttocks
did absolute zero banishment
to squelch death wish.
I inexorably overcame eating disorder
to cease going on deadly hunger strike,
which essentially constituted
a declaration of independent control
despite horrendous deprivation
regarding voracious craving for food
stuffing innards like a pike
bifurcated psychic division to live
ousted coeval death wish sans goal
seize yore per reminiscence of blissful
childhood over-flooded self made ****
engendering propensity to catapult
over abysmal emotional hole
and way before the invention of facebook,
I mentally clicked like mental health
to fight the mailer daemons
that part of me healthy development stole.

made fibrous threads...constituting heavy blanket
(crocheted by the missus)
on a cool Autumn like morning...

to stave off experiencing getting
chilblains, goosebumps,
or subjected to the blast of cold air
wafting thru the opened bedroom window
on a frosty early August morning
about a month before official start of Autumn.

Quite refreshing the brisk temperatures
courtesy a cold front
that allows, enables, and provides
a harbinger and foretaste
when those hazy, hot, and humid, languid
and torpid days of summer quickly forgotten
as the lazy fox jumped over the brown dog
the latter slumbering
after weathering triple digit temperatures
record breaking heat waves
for the history books.

Though generally prone to being tired
subsequently driven to be a caffeine ******
unable to swing from trees like me monkey
forebears, I get energized
after an early afternoon siesta
in tandem with the missus
unwittingly actualizing, employing,
implementing, and underwriting
Sir Isaac Newton's first law of motion
also known as the law of inertia, states
that an object at rest will remain at rest,
or if in motion, will remain in motion
at a constant velocity
unless acted upon by an external force.

The above immovable status of one body,
albeit human an ideal synopsis of yours truly
all throughout his doggone life, especially
when a student (at the School of Hard Knocks)
remaining deaf, dumb
and mute to the webbed wide world:
if asked a question responding with
my quintessential shoulder shrug,
which characteristic inherited
courtesy our youngest
and second born daughter.

Cold winter days
seem closer on the horizon,
when yours truly sequesters,
and cloisters himself with bad company -
not by personal choice -
i.e. those pesky fruit flies riddling man cave
within four walls of apartment unit b44
for seven long years of penal solitude
(denuded of cell bate)
unlike conventional Norwegian bachelor farmers
living social during their Neptune salad days
and a side apertif of powder milk biscuits.

Ungroomed hair on head and face
found my mother back in the day
when I unfortunately lived under the same roof
as an emerging adult
with mother and father;
she resorted to hashtagging me
(her one and only prodigal son)
as a member of the Ubangi tribe,
the name of peoples
who live in the Congo River basin
to the west of Mossaka,
while the Binga Pygmies and the Sanga
scattered through the northern basin.

Being demonized, humiliated,
lambasted, psychologically
like totally vilified et cetera
(courtesy mommy dearest,
who referred to me
when a little boy as her monkey)
kickstarted inferiority complex
and a love of bananas.

I ofttimes consider myself the missing link,
a hypothetical extinct creature  
thought to be an intermediate form
in the evolutionary line between
modern humans and their ape-like ancestors
scraping his knuckles along the ground
as he ambles along
the boulevard of broken dreams
******* primal grunts and groans
essentially the mating call
inevitably invoking ribald hyena like guffaws
from uber hominids within the human jungle,
who managed to lyft themselves
by their bootstraps.