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Phil Dodsworth Aug 2023
30 December:

Diagnosis cancer

February Surgery

The longest day …..

Home

Recovery and Love

Chemo….

It's a slog….

But you are legend

Life re-set

My beautiful wife

My favourite person

A second chance

**
Grateful to get through this. My wife is my favourite person and I can't imagine life without her
May 2020 · 133
Relationships
Phil Dodsworth May 2020
If you could hear what I thought

And I could hear what you thought

And women could hear what men thought

And men could hear what women thought...

Relationships wouldn't last very long
Feb 2020 · 128
An Unwanted Visit
Phil Dodsworth Feb 2020
Death had visited 

Again

I was worried

He was becoming too familiar.

Perhaps if I moved away,

Kept my head down,

He would forget about me.

For a while

At least
Feb 2020 · 136
Françoise
Phil Dodsworth Feb 2020
'How did she die?'

They always asked that.

It annoyed me.

Once, I might have asked it too.

Now I realise

The question should be:

'How did she live her life?'

And the answer...

She lived it without fear
Feb 2020 · 113
I read your poem
Phil Dodsworth Feb 2020
She said she had read my poem.

She said it made her laugh.

I thought the poem was incredibly sad.

One of us was emotionally broken.
Sep 2019 · 317
The Safe Question
Phil Dodsworth Sep 2019
I asked her if she hated me.

It was a safer question

Than asking if she still loved me
Aug 2019 · 160
The Future
Phil Dodsworth Aug 2019
In the future we won’t eat food
There will be a pill

We won’t drink wine
Another pill

We won’t go out
We will be able to visit anywhere on Earth

And beyond
Via a headset

No one will write books or poems
The robots will do that for us

And the only thing people will talk about
Is the good old days

Before we ****** it all up
Jul 2019 · 153
An Unwanted Trophy
Phil Dodsworth Jul 2019
She wears a permanent frown  

On her deep lined face

An unwanted trophy of a hard life.

New day, same story:

Morning paper

Handful of scratch cards

Scratching away as she walks

Expressionless  

Probably no longer expecting to win

But willing to pay the small price

To hang on to the dream.

I wonder if she remembers

What the dream even is?
May 2019 · 309
Not Much To Ask
Phil Dodsworth May 2019
I need to go away, I said

I've done my time

Doing what's right

But now I need some time for me:

To refresh my soul.

One year from what I have left

Is all I ask

And that's not much to ask.

She thinks I'm joking

But I'm serious

And already dreaming

About how I will spend

My long days of freedom
May 2019 · 187
Heaven
Phil Dodsworth May 2019
Me: Imagine if it's your worst day ever,
Over and over for all eternity

J: That's not how it works!

Me: Who said so? Are you writing the rules?

She was silent
Probably considering the worst day she had ever had
May 2019 · 164
Night Thoughts
Phil Dodsworth May 2019
This one hits me harder than the rest:

The horror of the grave

An eternity of nothing.

The futility of it all

Makes me feel like screaming

And running away

From everyone and everything.

There will be no more sleep tonight
Night thoughts:
Those thoughts that jump into your head at 2am and won't let go.
May 2019 · 141
23 April
Phil Dodsworth May 2019
A fine day
Not as warm as yesterday
When the sun burnt my face

I sit in the park
With a coffee
And people watch

The Japanese tourists
Photograph the blossom
The irony makes me smile

A Japanese boy stares at me
I put my sunglasses on

Perhaps I remind him
Of someone
He once knew
May 2019 · 200
Lifeboat
Phil Dodsworth May 2019
She wrote me a poem

I forgive her.

It's beautiful, I say:

A

Lifeboat

After the shipwreck
May 2019 · 937
A 25 Year Old Fighter Pilot
Phil Dodsworth May 2019
Don’t get old
The old boy said

As he struggled past me
With his walking stick

Don’t get old
He repeated

As though by telling me
I would be able to avoid it

There’s a 25 year old
Fighter pilot inside me, he said

Then he was on his way
Hunched over
Shuffling along
With his walking stick
Some old people are still young, but trapped in an old body
May 2019 · 731
John
Phil Dodsworth May 2019
John died last night, my wife reported

Sadness:

Mostly for him

Some for me

As I’m reminded

My days are numbered

He was a good old guy:

Led a full life

Survived war

And marriage

I wondered what he thought at the end

Knowing his time had come

What an inglorious finale?

Or

Just

Relief to finally be departing

This absurd life?    

I’d invited him to visit my studio

The last time we spoke

He said he would like that …...
May 2019 · 141
Ambidextrous III
Phil Dodsworth May 2019
I tried to do right

With all I had left
Apr 2019 · 458
Forbidden Fruit
Phil Dodsworth Apr 2019
I kissed her:
Forbidden fruit.

Sweet
But the memory is sour.

Now
I am alone.

Ashamed
For betraying you.

The pain
My punishment.
Apr 2019 · 193
Do you want to hear a poem?
Phil Dodsworth Apr 2019
Do you want to hear my best ever? I asked
Ok, she said uninterested
I might as well have asked
If she wanted to hear last night's football results
Or the shipping forecast
I recited Four Seasons Winter
It was a good reading:
I nailed it
The drama
The  timing
The punchline
She said......
Is that the best you can do?
It was like a punch to the gut
Apr 2019 · 289
What is normal?
Phil Dodsworth Apr 2019
We pretend to be normal

She is sobbing

I am helpless

I reach out

She pushes me away

I walk out the door

For once I don't care
Apr 2019 · 316
Ode to Bukowski
Phil Dodsworth Apr 2019
Hey Buk    

I just wanted to say...

Thank you

You make me laugh

You make me think

About this thing called life

And the small part I play

You inspire me to write

Even though by comparison

I am a fraud

I promise to dedicate my first book

To you

Or Robert Baun

Or my wife.
A short thank you to Charles Bukowski, who makes my life richer for knowing him and his poetry.
Apr 2019 · 254
The Last Good One
Phil Dodsworth Apr 2019
What if that was the last good one?

Out of ideas

And inspiration for the rest of days.

Unable to write anything of worth

One piece of crap after another

Abandoned by the Muse

A victim of writer’s block.

I better write another

Here and now

Just to prove

I still have it.
Apr 2019 · 709
A Single Kiss
Phil Dodsworth Apr 2019
A single kiss
Engraved
To memory

The weight
Of guilt
Immense and unfading

Forever ashamed
For one act
Of betrayal
Apr 2019 · 205
Storms
Phil Dodsworth Apr 2019
After the shipwreck,

We drift through calm seas:

Together.

Another storm...

The sky rages

The sea erupts

We’re torn apart,

Struggling against the waves

To get back to safety
  
And each other.

The storms come more frequently of late.

Each time

We drift further apart.

I fear  

The next storm

We may drown
Apr 2019 · 198
Was Ist Kunst?
Phil Dodsworth Apr 2019
Maybe it’s a story

Everything

The creative of beautiful things

Some were not sure:

Eh?

Wot that mean?

Ich wiess nicht Vater

Finally,

I had to agree:

Tiefe frage für einen montagmorgen

(
deep question for a Monday morning)
The question I asked, based on a piece of art I created
Apr 2019 · 233
The Plagiarist
Phil Dodsworth Apr 2019
For days he had searched for the words, but they would not come

He shouted, ‘Stop mocking me gods, you have had your fun!’

Another sleepless night and the day was here

As the class grew nearer so did the fear

And then he realised the route he had to go

Steal or borrow, no one will ever know

That evening he beamed as he read the stolen creation

And when he finished, he smiled and waited for their adulation

But all he heard was….

‘Oy you ****, I wrote that!!’ as he was swiftly thumped in the face
Apr 2019 · 828
Le Rêve
Phil Dodsworth Apr 2019
In my dream

They stole

My soul

When I awoke

I was broken

And alone
Apr 2019 · 641
A Day For Me
Phil Dodsworth Apr 2019
Drowning in the Sea of Freedom.

A citizen of nowhere to go

And nothing to do.

Hanging out with Bukowski

And drinking tea.

I should spend more days like this.
Apr 2019 · 410
Dream Thieves
Phil Dodsworth Apr 2019
In my dream

They stole

My Sole.

When I awoke

I had blisters.
Mar 2019 · 454
Parents
Phil Dodsworth Mar 2019
I wish I had spent more

Time with them.

That’s what people say

When they are gone.

But whilst they are still here,

For one reason or another

It’s too difficult.

One day

I will probably say

I wish I had spent more

Time with them.
Mar 2019 · 242
My Best Ever
Phil Dodsworth Mar 2019
The wine flowed from the bottle  

as the words flowed from my pen.

It was my best ever.  

A match for the greats:  

Kipling, Thomas and Henley.

And one that my favourite, Bukowski

Would be happy to say

You matched me today.

I celebrated my masterpiece

With another glass of wine

Before going to bed, joyous

With the feeling I had created

My Magnum Opus.

In the morning I rose,

Clear headed and happy with

The memory of my creation.

I read it again.

It sounded different.  

This was not the splendid verse I recalled.

It was the ramblings of a drunken mind

Bukowski would say

Try again Man

This is a pile of crap.

Suddenly, I had a hangover.
Phil Dodsworth Mar 2019
I thought it was

You and me

Against the world

But life changed us

And

The world changed

And

Now it’s just

Me

Against the world
Mar 2019 · 223
Magnum Opus
Phil Dodsworth Mar 2019
I have already written my magnum opus

Attempts to better it, seem to be hopeless

As I struggle to create an anthology

Perhaps it comes down to Psychology
Mar 2019 · 622
Ode to the homeless man
Phil Dodsworth Mar 2019
When I heard you were dead
I was sorry
Sorry for your wasted life

I’d see you in your regular haunts
An inconvenient problem
For the world to ignore

Asking, ‘Can you spare some change?’
Change for drink and drugs
Or change the world?

Perhaps if I knew your story
I would understand
Perhaps not
Phil Dodsworth Mar 2019
Life is filled with joys and sorrows

But some joys are expensive

They come at the highest price
10,000 Joys and 10,000 Sorrows*
* A popular quote from the Tao Te Ching describes life as 10,000 joys and 10,000 sorrows
Mar 2019 · 667
All is lost....
Phil Dodsworth Mar 2019
I am in the valley of despair

My ship is sinking

The Gods mock me

My dreams are dying

Even my imaginary friends hate me
Mar 2019 · 161
Tuesday
Phil Dodsworth Mar 2019
Burnt my toast

Stubbed my toe

Why do the Gods

Mock me so?
Mar 2019 · 189
Four Seasons - Winter
Phil Dodsworth Mar 2019
Shotgun, shells
A bottle of whisky

A final burger
The best of Bukowski

Some pills
A line

Vivaldi for the last time

Sorry for
The mess
My first poem uploaded to hellopoetry

— The End —