Can change a life,
Yet not just the one
That you'd expect,
Not just the existence
Of two souls involved
But also those of others,
For not just our hearts
Were gladdened
When I said that I love you,
But another heart jumped at that
Phrase for it pleased
Your mother too

I have been my own castigator far too long,
I have beaten myself up for my misdoings,
And rightly so but no more!
What matters is not the man I have been,
It is the man that writes these words,
It is the sorrow regret and repentance
In my heart that matters now,
More than that,
It is my actions moving forward,

For I am no more a monster or an ****,
Or other descriptor of how I was,
I am now just me,
The real me,
A man inherently decent; back in integrity,
A man who loves,
Oh dear Lord GOD how I love!
And just one Lord and one lady there
For all eternity,

I am a solid man with love and strength and skills,
A man who pours himself into the help of others
Often un reported and usually un remarked
Yet effective all the same,
And this man no longer needs castigation,
There is no more point nor place in it,
He needs love for sure
But more than that he needs
Permission to love

Permission to love and see that love accepted
Treasured and valued,
Permission to be someone's person and them mine,
Love is what we all are born for,
Not hate or anger revenge or retribution,
Why **** a man or his love "just in case"?
Be ready to react if it fails but
For my part it will not fail,
I will not fail,

Not this day,
Not tomorrow,
Nor any other day,

Another row and another
****** parting,
Hearts hard and yet
Crying inside,
Anger and passion compete
With yearning and sadness at loss,

We do not know,
You and I,
How to end or part,
And neither
It seems can we have
Harmony between us,

But that is what I want,
That is what you desire,
Even in the midst of war
We both say that
We tire of the fight,
And in not wanting that

We do actually agree,
We both want peace,
We both desire love,
We both yearn to fill
The same aching
****** void,

Well you fill mine,
And I fill yours,
At least we could if our
Rage would let us,
So here's a flag of truce,
Will you honour it?

Can we know that peace

We both

Desire

And

Need?

I am not fat
Nor fifty (plus)
Nor bald
Nor halfway (or more)
Through my span of life,
My earlobes are not grown,
Nor are there bags
Beneath my eyes,
Wrinkles on my face
Slack skin upon my hands,
It's just the mirror tells me that is so,
And it's lies,
All lies,
****** lies...

I keep saying I carried
Us alone for a year,
In the face of
Abhorrence - derision and rage,
In truth some of each with
Much good reason,

I keep saying,
As you did,
That my love is not enough,
Keep saying that now
It's your time to shine and that Indeed now you must,

And yet even as you
Reach out in a way
I am supposed to honour,
Your tone is dipped
In censure and rebuke,
Accusation and deep ire,

What you seem not
To understand is you
Are in fact,
For all your vaunted effort,
Merely nailing our coffin lid,
Firmly,

Shut.

I once wrote a poem called
Words Never Said
And the words never said were
"I love you"

But there are other words
I should reveal,
The ones I will never say,
The ones I will not use,

God knows there are
Reasons aplenty why
I should,
Why some would say I ought,

The twists and turns of the knife,
The illogical argument,
The hand biting,
The rage from nowhere,

The blistering attack,
That storm from a cloudless sky,
Savage and unworthy
Stupid words

From a mouth become
Uncharacteristic in its harshness,
Aimed and timed and crafted
To cause hurt,

So many occasions
When no one would blame,
Not even the cause
Could blame me

Yet those words still
Hang unnoticed
Between us as the frenzy flies,
Just barely seen in the battle smoke,

Enough - I - quit

I felt deaths feather
Touch my face the other day
As my racing heart
Was beating from my chest,

The faintest touch as
Azrael swept past
My parked car with
Door ajar

I felt him draw
My soul into his wake
As he passed along the road
And yet he barely paused

And though I would
Have followed him,
And left this mortal coil
Had indeed made truce with God

And implored He grant peace to
Those I wronged and for
My children
To stay safe,

Yet once he'd passed my
Soul was still within
The bounds of my automobile,
And you had brought me water

Perspective,
Who knew it could be so destructive?
Like the torrent from a breached dam
Driving all before it,
All the good, all the bad,
The imperfect wonder that was you and I
Picked up and flung down the mountain
We climbed so painfully,

Thundering mindless rage and
Self centred affront,
Without ears to hear
Or Understand or process,
No H.U.P,
Just mindless plunging
At the behest of the gravity-like
Decision you made to anger,

So now we are floundering -
Or maybe in your case contentedly floating? -
In the swirling waters of destruction
Surrounded by flotsam and jetsam
Of hopes and dreams,
Of a fulfilling marriage of hearts and minds,
Maybe even marriage of rings and hats and church,
All now sodden and waterlogged

I wonder will it be worth it
One day for you?
To have finally achieved this level
Of destruction to you and to me?
To the future us that we
May now never know?
For I know this sweet heart,
It was not the shoes that did not fit

It was just a grit in the sock,
And the socks are not what
You are disposing of,
Those are still on your feet and the grit
Remains,
Waiting for the next shoe,
Waiting for the next inevitable
Irritation and eventual throwing away

Of another dream

Once you bestowed your favour
Upon this knight
And won his heart
And sword and shield,
Won his love
His effort on your behalf
And every protection in his power,

But you were and are no lady,
For you ascribe no true value
To a knight's devotion
Nor perceive the value of
That which you cast hence,
As if nothing,

But I remain a knight,
Armed and armoured,
Still dangerous,
Still deadly and inviolate,
Wounded maybe yet bleeding inside,
Not outside where you may see,
And I'll take another's favour,

One day perhaps you will see
The error of your ways,
One day the dragons and brigands
May tear your world apart
But I will not be there,
You'll see my strong arms that once
Were yours

Around another,
Keeping her safe,
Making her great,
Being with her,
And as we walk away
You'll see this knight will not
Look
Back.

We have seen the might
And the power of a saturn 5 rocket as it
Claws its way skywards
On a plume of noise and flame and fury
And this is the image we conjure when we
Are presented the concept of rocket,
Or flight,
Or heavenward high attainment,

Yet I know one who flies just as high,
Whose glance,
Let alone whose direct look,
Has the power of a thouand thousand suns
And the intense draw
Or magnetism even of a dozen
Deep black holes
In their wells

Yet she is truly petite,
One may almsot say too tiny,
She makes those of us of barn door
Frame feel truly lumpsome and
Gross by comparison,
Yet she whizzes and fizzes and
Percolates and pops,
Her path is as of rainbows

I am sure I felt the touch of
An Angel wing when she passed
Close by and yet
I see also deep naughtiness
Held firm in check,
Perhaps indeed there are horns
Beneath her dark dark hair

But it is those wings
Which explain the rocket
And the petite and the horns in balance with the good
That quicken the heart of all that
Meet her
Leaving us all just a little exhausted
Yet wearing a great
Big
Smile...

I am an old fashioned lover,
When I love I really
REALLY love,
Pour out all of me,
For and over and all about
The woman I adore,

And sometimes it has been
Worth it and wonderful,
Time and a journey shared,
And sometimes, truthfully?
Not so much wonder full,
So much as I really wonder why,

And then there's you,
Poured out over big time
Loved and adored to my detriment,
But sharing and reciprocation?
No, you were are and always will be

All about

You.

Do indeed stay close
In the hard times,
I have stuck by you
And had your back in
The face of your *******
Tirades,
Come flowers in hand to bind wounds
That you inflicted upon yourself,
As well as me,
And not just emotional but
Some which spilled real blood too,
Yet always here to do your dishes,
To cook,
Clean your hob and hold you,
Murmur love through your anger
And your pain,
I am far more than a true friend,
I am partner
Protector and
Lover
Without end

Alabaster Indian Alabaster Indian
This is Earth calling!
Alabaster Indian Alabaster Indian,
Your soul mate is reaching out
Across the void that divides us,

Alabaster Indian you need to know
That your life is not nearly over,
That OUR life can be only just begun,
Oh what a life!

Alabaster Indian we have seen
Our last savage row,
For we each have heard the other
And at the same time been heard,
FELT that we have been,

You have been floundering
In the bog of your father's making,
But finally you hear me yelling
Where the rope is not driving
You deeper and down as he did,

Please dont grab that rope
Without me there
To make it fast
And haul you safely
Home to shore,

Because ropes and knots
And YOU my love
Are things that I live for,
The things I love and treasure
And,
In your case,

Alabaster Indian

That I would gladly die for.

You pierced my armour
When we first met
And left me all at sea
With sails bad set

You were so much more,
You were enough,
Enough my eye no
Longer strayed

Enough my focus was
Just on thee,
On keeping you safe
And close to me,

Enough that all
I saw was you
Enough there
Was no question who

Was first in my heart
Enough,
No other could
Ever start and my love for thee
Will never end

Once I wrote "Know that I care"
And it tore me apart
I thought,
But I did know then you'd hit me
Quite so hard,
Or quite how well we fit,

For the first  time in my life I've found that
Which I sought over fifty long and
Lonely years
My match,
My love,
My souls mate,

With every shared moment,
Afloat,
In bed,
Unwell at a party,
My heart became more bound
In You

Every picture painted and photo took
(No final launch in my future now!)
Every verse we penned,
Every view we shared,
Every night we spent,
Irrevocably cemented my love,

Every entry into my life has
Made me more yours,
You make every song lyric real,
You inform every aspect
Of my life
You make me aspire to better things,

And it is you my Lady,
You You You and only You,
You for who I yield my privacy,
And you with whom
I would share
My time remaining

I'm finally liberated
From seeking that one person
In my life,
Finally free to live
The life I was meant to,
That life with You

And what would I do
Without that smart mouth?
What would I do breathing air?
But my head has never been clearer,
Nor my heart,
Nor my soul,

Death they say
Is the great leveller,
Claiming rich and the poor,
The good and the bad,
Every race and creed and gender yet

They never mention
The release engendered
By that final diagnosis,
The expert's
"I'm afraid I have bad news",

No time no point in worrying more,
Nowhere to run and
No place to hide,
No more to say,
No bargain to be struck,

Just knowledge that the
World will still be turning
But I have no task left
Beneath the sky,
But to pen this verse and then

Just die

Godzilla-like she sparkles through
Life entirely unaware of the
Destruction being wrought in her wake,
Where Godzilla wrought a wide
Avenue of shattered buildings
She leaves men in confusion and
With broken hearts,

So much power in such small a frame
Belies the obvious strength of Godzilla's mass,
Such poise and effervescence
Could hardly be aligned with such devastation
Yet here we are,
Here we are in a bloodied mess
Of brokenness,

As on she breezes so effortlessly
We rock in the wake of her passing,
Wondering how and why
Such beauty could destroy so utterly
And worse than that without any effort
But without even knowing
Or indeed appearing to care

Yes you had the best of me,
You also had the worst
Sadly all you see
Or acknowledge
Is that you had the worst,
Complain ad infinitum
About the bad,
Never once admitted
The good

In many poems,
Indeed mine own,
Relationships are defined
As two vessels sailing
In close company,
Plotting the same course
By choice and happiness
Choosing to stay close by,

But in truth a relationship
IS a ship,
A single hull with
Two crew to sail it,
Working together
To maintain the five essentials,
A level hull, with sails and foils well set,
And direction agreed,

Who holds the helm,
The tiller and extension,
That person controls
The direction of travel,
And that has been you,
When you sailed us into danger
My hand was there to guide
Us back from hazard,

Now I am steering
And the course is arrow straight
In lieu of help
Or kind suggestion,
A crew entirely focussed not
Upon the vessel but themself,
And no gentle hand to
Re direct our boat

Nor kind word
Or still small voice of calm
To calm the storm for more
Than a minute,
And that is a shame,
It takes two to tango
Only one to sail a boat,
But it is better by far

With another

I have sailed many miles
In a dinghy and in yachts,
I have experinced storms and calms and most things in between,
Too much heat
And too much cold,
Feared for my life and basked in joy,

No two trips the same even though the route
May be identical,
That is the magic of sailing,
Of boats of any type,
The variety and the
Never ending learning,

Though every day is still a school day
I am a pretty good ******,
Good enough to teach others
How to sail and to
Love the water,
Salt or fresh,

Not quite so good with life
Or love though,
In these I end in irons or adrift
Or just plain capsized,
But every day is a school day
In life just as at sea,

And I have learned that
I need not always correct
Or defend myself,
Rather I can let go my ego,
Let the love flow gently,
It is not nor ever was about me,
Or you,

It was and is and ever will be,

Always entirely US

I dont want to have to rescue you,
Although I always will,
If you call me for aid,

I do not wish to follow you
Over the side into
Waters deep and cold,

Although I always will,
If you call me for aid,

Dont want to save you
From self drowning,
While you fight with me,

Although I always will,
If you call me for aid,

I do want us to swim,
In waters calm and warm,
Together

I always will,
If you call me,

I have always had your back,
And if allowed
I always will,

But I'd love it most
My love,
If you were by my side.

Fog is a ****** to fight,
You cannot punch it
Or choke it or
Throw it to the floor,
It's just there,
Damp,
Clammy and utterly inviolate

Like the inner workings of another's soul,
We can reach out but never grasp
Another's soul to our chest,
We can soar across
The wastes of space
Yet never quite reach them,

No matter how we try another's soul
Is theirs and once broken,
Perhaps no amount of love nor care can fill
The void created and
Never when that void is full
Of vinegar spite and
Ire

I have been a dreadful man,
I have done despicable deeds
To someone I love,
Unwarrantable things,

Things of which I am rightly
And deeply ashamed,
And I could easily argue
The case that I be left,

But I am changed,
Apalled at my past and
Perceive that what I have
Is love - true love - real love,

Love that is bigger than me,
Love that matters more
Than pride or overwhelming
Confidence,

But that is all about me,
And with my history I
Really do not matter
Nor deserve a chance,

However I also see the beauty
And the value of us,
The enormity of our relationship,
To both of us,

And it is that which drives
My refusal to quit,
Makes loss of pride and dignity
All worthwhile,

Because together we are wonderful,
Together we can rule a world,
A life of our creation,

Together - and this the vital thing,
We can be that loving family
For each other
That we neither knew before,

And for that,
For you,
For us,
I will do whatever it takes

We dance noses almost touching
Our arms and hands
Placed as the style dictates,
Arms in tension and legs poised yet the
Greatest electricity flows eye to eye
And soul to soul

And many people,
Or maybe some,
A few perhaps,
Profess to like my work,
Riven as it is with broken hearts
And torn souls,
Oceans of tears and
Viscera damp upon the floor
Ripped from bodies wracked in pain,
But here's the thing,
I do not write for others,
Each word that bursts from my fingers,
My pen or often times
My keyboard,
With its burden of blood and pain,
Is writ for just one person,
Sometimes two,
Always me,
Always the author,
And sometimes the person whose
Hand was on the knife!

Today I sailed
As we did,
I sailed at sea
As we did,

The sea was kind
And the wind was playful
As they were to us,
As we were once
With one another,

I sailed with someone else,
Someone new
Who had not sailed before,
But trusted me

She was scared of capsize
But trusted the odds,
My forty years experience
And a single tip

These had to be
Good odds of staying dry
And enjoying
A day without swimming

But my confidence
This time was misplaced
The wind and sea
Had other ideas

And so in the midst of Weymouth Bay
Where once I would have sailed with you
A windward capsize
Broke my pride,

A rudder broke my head
Cold shock broke my will
And a boat sailed beam ends
Away from me

But another day and fiercer wind
And a hard pressed persuasion
Found us asail once more
With others

This time we were whooping
This time all went well
This time my skill returned,
And I am
Over
You

Love is not the thing
Of films or fantasy,
Because love is between people,
And people are ****** hard,
Especially thee,
But so much more so me,

Love is what we find and found
In the roughest of times,
When argument ceased in favour
Of helping and caring,
In reaching out to the one
In who's hands resides your heart,

And heart is where love is,
Heart not head nor gut,
Not head nor sexuality,
But heart with all its
Irrationality and passion,
Because heart,

And love,

Mean everything

I worked it out - ADHD that is,
Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder?
My ****!
For those of us caught in the maelstrom
Of irrationality, rage, accusation and self centredness,
Those of us doomed
To love these creatures,
ADHD is just
A Depressing Horrible Death,
When it could, and should,
Be A Delightful Heavenly Destiny,
Oh well,

From the perspective
Of improvement I can see
That there was a lot of
Darkness in me
Or mayhap more an absence
Of light,

I am not  
Nor ever have been
A bad man,
But like many "not bad men"
I have done bad things
To people that I love,

And that does not
Sit easy with me,
But looking deep inside
I can see not so much
That I have changed
As regained my true self,

It is as if that bright pure
Core in me became,
Like the hull of a vessel
At sea
Encrusted with ****
And barnacles,

A lack of awareness of
Other's needs or hurts,
A selfishness and unworthiness
Of action and attitude,
Even towards my kin
And she that I adore,

These things encrusted
My good heart,
My core,
With unworthiness
That dimmed the light
That burns within me,

I am like a sailing ship,
Emptied of loose gear and
Run up on a beach,
Masts hauled down and hull
Heeled hard over,
To expose encrusted planks

To daylight,
Then the indignity
Of scŕaping awày that ****
And in front of one I love
To boot,
But I got my brightness back

And now, like
That sailing ship,
I am newly refloated,
Reprovisioned,
In all respects ready
For sea,

And I wait for
A destination,
And - God willing - a fellow
Vessel to sail with,
Preferably in close company,
Or otherwise

Alone

I teach others to sail,
Quite literally,
And I am good at that,
Many many people will attest
To my passion and effectiveness,
But sailing is way more
Than just a glorious physicality,
Its a perfect analogy
Of life and love and death,
I also coach and mentor
The lives and loves
The living and doing
Of others,
Also in truth their endings too,
And I offered that best
Of me to you,


But something you seem
To fail to grasp is that whilst
Tacking can be wide,
Deliberate and slow,
Sedate even,
A gybe is the opposite,
Stern to wind,
A boom crashing across
And the cause of many a capsize,
You cannot be gentle gybing
In any kind of proper wind,
Its either one way,
Or it is the other,
It is sudden and immediate and NOW,
So no,
I have not been tacking,
Although at one point maybe
I was going that way,


With an icky feeling
In my heart like
The warning trembling
In a sail's leach,
I am about to gybe,
And it will be sudden,
There will be
A rapid change of direction,
I am a good sailor,
A great seafarer and handler
Of boats
Both real and metaphorical,
So my gybe will be anticlimactic,
Calm even,
But I will be accelerating
Away from you,
Your self centredness,
Your precious secrets,
Your rage,
Months of scorn and derision and accusation,
And while I do not know
My destination,
Indeed in truth I have none,
I do know the seas will quickly
Be much calmer,
The spray far less and that
Without the ice of attitude
And pain,
And at a parting rate of five knots each
In just twenty four hours we will be
Over two hundred miles apart,
I wonder then,
Will you OR I
Find peace?

Came and will soon be gone,
She came and did not bend the rules
She smashed them into
Dust

No usual rules of engagement,
No control no limited investment
Just she
And I
And google translate

Oh and a world of
Uncertainty viewed from
My back foot yet
This minor humiliation
Will not **** me,

Knowing this
I am relaxed and do not fear
The mockery nor yet
React in anger at the slight
Of shared laughter at my expense

What is, is and
What will be will,
Or not transpire,
So I will wait and I
Will see what comes

Maybe good and maybe more
But probably almost
Certainly nowt
And nights and
Nothing more than friends

And that too is fine

I am the giver of hugs,
The dispenser of caressing comfort,
The holder of those in need,
The squeezer out of pain and sorrow,
The shutter out of this world and its woe,
If only for a moment a head Upon my shoulder
Is free of sadness and sorrow,
Free of fear and frustration,
Safety resides within my embrace,
Sanctuary whence nowt can reach thee,

But right now it's the hugger
In hugging need,
That tap gushing
From a bottomless jug has
Just a hint of falter,
A tiniest reduction of pressure,
Insufficient for regard by others
But keenly felt by me,
Hints at limits being reached,
And I rail against that potential
Failure to project and protect,

So here I am,
Pouring out hugs,
While inside every sinew
Screams for someone,
Anyone in fact, to see ME,
See the pain and need,
See my faltering heart
And hope,
And step up,
Wrap me in THEIR arms,
Hold me and heal MY broken
Worn out heart a bit,

So I can hold and heal
Those many more
Still in need.

I don’t like blondes,
They bite and tear out the still beating heart
Of me their victim,
But I do like you

I don’t put myself out for blondes
Because when all is said and done
They are just not worth it
But I waited four hours in the cold
For you

I much prefer a brunette,
You know where you are with brown,
But it’s blonde hair in my dreams these days
And it’s not a cause to frown

Blondes are predatorsand have more fun
As they casually tear up lives,
But you are just independent,
And competent and kind,
Maybe just maybe- who knows if it’s true?

One Day maybe one day
I might much more
Than just like
You

Who knew how much,
Indeed how well
I loved you?
You didn't,
They didn't,

Who knew I would have
Given up my all?
Indeed in fact I was so doing?
You didn't,
They didn't,

Who knew that behind
My flawed action was
Not a jot of cynical or sinister motive?
You didn't,
They didn't

Who knew it was real,
And true and forever
My love?
You didn't,
They didn't

Who knows it's irrelevant now,
Too late for that reconciliation
I dreamed and prayed for?
Who knows I'm dying?
Ah,
Just me

Eli Eli Lama Sabachthani?
Christ called out upon the cross
But I do not feel my God has forsaken me
For He promised He never will,
And my soul is in His keeping always,
But at the end Christ said
"It is finished"
And at that point He died

I will never cry Eli...
But "It is finished",
That line I feel is perhaps
Time to start rehearsing,
I do not wish to pass alone,
Unmourned un-missed,
Yet in may ways that is kinder than
Causing pain to those I love

Time then - in love - to open my hand,
Let go the people I would depend upon
And fade quietly from their ken before I die
Such that,
Once word reaches them
Of my demise - though I was not their foe,
They pause a moment only,
Then shrug and walk on

"Really? Oh"

I wake abruptly
In the early hours,
To a lungful of
Icy air,
The curtains flapping idly
In the breeze,

Fear fades as I recognise my
Darkened room,
Well known shapes
Of furniture
And shadows cast by
Newly bulbed street lights

Yet what woke me
Was and indeed remains
A mystery,
But something did,
Something lost or hiding now in
Mists of memory

Through which my minds eye
Cannot pierce,
But vaguely seen are
Edges and corners
Hovering at perceptions edge
As I roll over

And go

Back to sleep

I keep telling you
Our courses are diverging,
And they are,
By another degree with
Every ****** row,
Every irrational rant,
I'm not sure quite
How many degrees apart
We are now because we
Sometimes correct a bit,
But more than one I think,
It doesnt matter though,
Because with each degree
And 60 miles travelled
I'll be a mile away,
We travelled four years
Thus far and even from a mile away
I won't hear you any more,
That is a mathematical certainty,
But your hand is on the wheel,
Of your ship
And so is mine on mine,
And soon it'll be time to tack.

Written by anyone else I would read what follows and guffaw,
No doubt!
And say between laughing tears,
"What a mug!"
"How insecure!"
Yet you cannot be insecure
About something which does not matter,
And neither can you feel dread
At something coming that
You do not mind about,

I can be objective and say
I knew this day would come,
And if not this day then one day
That the moment will arrive,
I can say the truth,
I love enough to let you go
And indeed dance at your wedding,
As indeed I shall if I am invited,
Yet the keen pain that I now feel is
More the knowing that those three

Small yet massive words we shared,
Rising inexorably from my heart
And yours (then at least),
Have changed everything for me,
Every. Thing.
And I can no more stiffen my lip nor
Be just pleased for you because my heart,
Oh GOD my poor bewildered heart
Is dying now inside my chest,

And with my heart dies the last
Vestige of hope for me,
Hope of a shoulder on which to lean in
Those rare times of need,
Hope of one to love me warts and all,
Hope of one into whom I can pour all of me
Without let or doubt or hindrance,
Hope for that one love we all crave,
And we all know that without hope?
We die.

And as I fell on backwards
Into the vacant air that once
Was rock to have my back,
I felt the shock of water
Envelop me,
That great and boundless deep
Come to claim my soul,

Cold water shock though,
Not the warm embrace
Of my heart attack,
But an alien freezing
Splutter inducing cold
And I do not like it,
Not yet my time to die

And so I struggle back to shore,
Haul myself from the waves
That rejected me and sit
Shivering,
Alone,
And silent,
On the rocky outcrop of my sadness

Sunlight filtered
By trees that last night
Stood nearly silent guard
About us as we  broke
New ground,
Dapples the canvas
Of my tent

Daylight and day bird's chirrup
Would deny the mystery of what went before,
Gone the soft silence
Of the silver moon,

Perhaps too that which
May after all be but dream
Despite the delicious languor
In mine limbs and
Through my soul

I lay betwixt and between,
Half awake and
Half still clinging
To my dream when with
Movement not of mine
Tousled brunette over a shy and sleep creased smile
Says "hi"

Weeks of wrestling
With the line
And feeling
Your footing
Slip on ever
Less dependable
Gravel

Feeling not just
The solid power
Upon the line
But that imperterbable strength,
That fearsome yet calm focus

As a fish once caught
Is reeled in not to rod
And not to shore,
But to new self knowledge
Evermore

Feet now wet
Toes dipped in the waters
Which soon will
Close above as you
Slip delighted
Beneath their waves

Over half a century served now,
Two kids
Two weddings
And one heart attack,
A life chequered with
Equal good and dark and downright bad,
Joy brought to some
Yet to others pain,
So I wonder now,
Can two rights
Overcome one wrong?

Yes I have done my part,
Brought some to faith,
Helped more to a better
More empowered life,
Loved and been loved
And yet always it seems
Lifting others to fly
Like eager doves
To greater things,
Greater lives,
Better loves and more,

Yet still I wonder,
Can two rights correct
One wrong?
Can even I be saved,
Is salvation there for
Even one such as I?
I have been called
An angel,
Even offered wings to
Others comfort
And encouragement,
Yet I so feel that darker side,
That darker things has done,

And so as this journey
Draws to its conclusion
I find myself drawing in
To myself yet still
Extended,
(Over so in fact) to the wellbeing of these others,
Still there for them and yet
At heart and
In the dark
I am alone aside
From the judgement

Of unelected disdainful
Self-righteous prigs
Yet here I am,
Up to my **** in alligators
Yet still trying to drain
Other people's swamps,
Still bailing while
Dodging the bites and
Still quiet,
Still alone,
In the dark,
As the coffin lid,
Slides home.

Freddy Mercury sang that
These are the days of our lives,
And that legend had it oh so right!
Every day commences with
A brand new dawn, and we have seen about a thousand since we met.
I hope that we will see at least
Ten thousand more
Leading days of joy
Before I die,
Laid to rest by a lady
Who loves me

Hypocrite,
*******,
*******,
Poor Christian,
***,
Insincere,
Liar,
Narcissist,
Immature,
Weak,
Toxi­c,
These are just a few of the things
You call me when it suits,
From your precious
You-centredness superiority,
And you fail to see that
Self-centredness IS narcissism,
Leave aside that narcissism,
Even if I was,
(SERIOUSLY?! With my degree of empathy?)
Is not a problem,
Toxic narcissism is!
And I am not that either,
But I interrupt my own flow,
These things these words
That you hurl with wild abandon
Do indeed matter,
And they hurt,
They cut deeper than you know,
Have consequences,
And deep inside I am bleeding out,
So soon and very soon
The tense will change,
Words will have mattered,
Because I wont be about
Any more to be harmed,
And you will still blame me,
Because it is never ever your fault,
Not the words you choose,
Not the things you do,
Is it?

Kerplunk the game has *****
Held in place by spikes
One draws,
Hoping the oppositions ball
Falls from the frame before your own,

Falling from favour with one
You love
One that you adore is much like that too,
With every conversation seemingly
Drawing another peg

My ball is barely in play any more,
I'm hanging by a thread,
Whichever move I make,
Whatever phrase I say,
No matter what the care or intent may be,

Will surely be

Ker

PLUNK