i don’t care if anyone likes me or not.
i don’t find myself caught up in the daily pleasures or indulgences that most of my peers boast about on social media.
although, my subconscious find ways to betray what my mind puts in play
this means that temptation is nothing until i’m caught
under a bridge
in the rain
trying to swim
my way out
of the storm
in my brain.

when my subconscious and conscious greet each other they say **** ME RIGHT?

today i yelled at my coworker for stacking the cups in an unorganized fashion.
**** ME RIGHT?

i’ve come to believe that the definition of love is very broad and complex and is hard to describe.
although, i know what love is when i see it. eyes are said to be a reflection of the soul and when two lovers are matched with their counterpart their eyes are stable and confident.

an undying trust that is fueled by a desire to be complete.

sometimes i wonder;
do my eyes shake because the taste of love is something i have not acquired. for my testimony of in doubt passion screams for another who shares the same eyes. eyes that can see my vision of peace. eyes that direct hatred from the soul.
eyes that don’t judge nor falter.
eyes that know pain.
sometimes when i look into your eyes i see my reflection, my vision, my love.

i smoke cigarettes to blacken my lungs so they can match my heart
cough up tar in my morning caffeine that excite the drugs that i impart
after i inhale green to forget that i’m alive
then i balance it with aderall so that my anxiety will thrive

im prepared for the fire because my house has been burned before
those glowing flames don’t seem to be so inviting anymore
like how drugs come with a fear of peaking
when i dip myself in acid then wonder if my brain is leaking

somehow i have fit my ambiguity with the thoughts i consider more real
death is inevitable but am i really living if i have emotions i cannot feel
although i know this is not a dream because the scars i’ve pick at don’t bleed as before
and the crow awaits me singing my death as so, nevermore nevermore

the wind was blowing from the southwest today. i was infuriated by mostly everything. my mind began feeling a distance from my body when i was a junior in high school. periods of instability.

estranged and unengaged

i distance myself from society so that i do not act on my sobriety. emotions come in variety. i **** on my anxiety

i’m better off gone.
so far that i cannot connect
so far that i cannot find
my mind.
for in fact,
i am a wanderer,
adrenaline addict
drug fiend.

do not get my wrong when i say i am better off gone.

away and untamable.

drifting across the oklahoma wind,
just as violent and atrocious.

i’m all too interesting
although, unable to relate.
consider my personal state,
i’m not feeling too great.

dripping in gold,
eye contact is fatal.
i think i am unable to relate,
amongst my interpersonal debate.
relax time,
contain my glow.
it’s warm in december,
the weather changes
   without snow.

**** around
too many thoughts in my head
they need to breath
they need to be
i’ve turned my anxiety inside out
and broken through the wall.

substance user  
feeling abuser

i am the ghastly ideas that
pace under your bed at night
the man in the corner at a
short glance.
feel my pain because i have none left.
clear skies reflect white lies
i don’t want to change my brown eyes

is it weird that i can see our future?
we’re not together but baby i have a plan.
oh someday we’ll be ready for each other but not now,
we’re too very young to be in love.
it’s always been you
you  
and you again

i choose you every time.
are you aware that i still think about you?
the impression you left.
amazing.

do you plan out the things we’ll do as i do?
oh i think of you.

someday i’ll be ready.
we’ll float the seas
and save the bees.
only for you.

again
and
again.
i choose you.

my dismal attitude is still there,
although the downcast of my emotions
hit it's peak yesterday. today i am deranged and infuriated. not by the fact that i am alone, which is my preference, but at way the irking wind blew against my sleeve on my way to class this morning.

i despise the contented souls who have never fantasized about death and it's properties.

your appearance tells all,
your highs and downfalls
you blend in for the most part,
a conspicuous nature that tends to rub off on people.
that’s why you prefer to be alone 78% of the time.
you usually skip breakfast because your bed feels too nice to leave.
drowning in your unconscious,
time is your greatest enemy.
forever young, keep in mind.
never say no to a fun time.

be free
be free
i feel that i may see,
a better outlook to pull me from the trenches.
deep within we fear
only our minds
that we seek to be clear.

i wonder if you think about me the way i think of you.
a gracious outlook for sure.
mostly your innocence that gives away a surprising number.
tell me about the things that go on in your head.
do you fear that one day we’ll all be dead?
i like the way you look at me when i compliment your brown skin.
a smile that warms the oven.
i admire you from a distance
because i am not worthy of existence.

my mind is on repeat
repeat
repeat
repeat
repeat
repeat
repeat
repeat
my mind it doesn’t not sleep
sleep
sleep
sleep
sleep
sleep
sleep
sleep

there you go again
off looking for love again
no time to waste
already in another's face
replaced me in 5 days
our 54 was just a daze
can't believe i'm stuck
she just wanted to ****
and unlike you
my heart breaks in two
my time wasn't enough
i roll these drugs and puff

im magic to the touch
bring me back to life
it's not time to die
no not yet
i still need time to fly
i still
need and consume
it's all im good for
inhale drugs
exhale flies
i can't suffer without your lies
oh understand
i am nothing
nothing but alone
pitiful and disgraceful
undermine that im distasteful
i eat flies to make my face full
cry so that i can't pull
a life so ungrateful

it's typical, she's what you expected.
childish and perplexed.
it wasn't bad timing or objected.
just feel like we weren't what we expected.

sad boy
sad boy
dark and lonely
malicious thoughts
the devil is my homie
sad boy
sad boy
weird and stoney
i smoke drugs
demons, they own me.

have you ever considered we're just different?
an attraction not capable.
we deserve a certain type of love,
something that only a certain one can offer.
please don't take it the wrong way
but i can't do this.
i'm too different.
i'm too much
it's just lust
follow your heart ma
don't follow me

smashing personalities, something like colliding stars.
silent tragedies are what i love for,
break my steaming heart so i can write more.

i met a girl like you tonight.
short hair, wild attitude.
i was really never that mad at you.

i don't see them
i don't lift my head
i don't take out my earphones
i don't know why i'm mad
i don't know why i'm different
i don't know who i am
i don't think i'm always the same person
i don't like the other me
i don't like to fight it
i don't think people understand
i don't think they know i'm crazy

aimlessly abusing anothers cognitive psyche is a crime against yourself.
you begin to lose the things that make a human :fearemotiontime: it's easy to fall into those grooves. the low tides that wash bodies to the shore on late october nights. sad and distant. too young to disappoint but too old to love. find me a keeper. time isn't relevant but the wax from my candle has begun to drip on my hand. oh i fear the day i disappoint. the sunken indention on the couch has relevance. over used and abused is where we connect. letting strangers prob their feet wherever they please. i need you to stop.

i was built fast and i built to last
get your finger and pop my ***
coming down from that last bean
when i wake up i start to fiend
**** my brains
melt my chains
i take this gun
i let it aim
dreams of death
bring out the best
cut my wrists
my brains possessed

never not once has a god

not once has a god
said stay for me
so when i say don't pray for me
i mean don't stay for me
because i'm all you need
with hatred and all this greed
take care of yourself
but don't pray for me
don't pray for me

it's better that you just stay away from me

i can't help it
my mind is true and i'm selfish
lately i can't help it
life's been too much **** it
so just love it
then **** it
i got all the problems you gave
give me a time and place
so we can meet up and face
the lies we create

i can't tell you how much i love you

but this feeling is above you
i see you texting aggressively
leave me and judge me
i can tell you wanna **** me
just don't pray for me

so don't wait on me
and don't pray for me

i wish you knew how my mind worked. i wish you could understand. i'm not sane all of the time. unstable and lonely. the places my mind goes to are dark and scattered.

you're a heartbreaker and as much as i try to keep from falling,
my vulnerability seeps through my pores.
loosening my grip,
sweating out my insecurities into puddles on the concrete underneath me.
so don't slip,
on the melted walls i once built to hide the fact that i'm alone.

Often over exaggerated and far too elaborated,
I over think.
Every outcome is weighed for possible gain or loss.
My mind works in a way where I cannot,
Strive without suffer.
I return to pain to remain the same.

i feel like i'm going crazy inside my head.
dark thoughts with lucifer,
he stays under my bed.
peel back my skin,
i think i'm already dead.
no time to waste,
i gave my soul to the devil instead.
creepy crawlers under my skin.
demons filling me with sin.
trying to hold back the monster within.
myself.

I like how you dance to no music,
looking around so no one thinks you're a lunatic.
And how you get mad at the wind for messing up everything, mostly your hair.
I can't help but smile, mostly because you're unaware,
of my selfish thoughts that you'll never leave.

Rub my face in the dirt, tell me I ain't ****.
You treated me less than a human, it's hard to admit.
That I,
still feel lonely in the dark and I cry out to you.
The pain bites like a shark, ripping the life from you.
I tell myself,
I need drugs to calm my rage
and fear my mind is older than my age.
I purposely deprive myself just to feel but I can't find a reality that's really real.
I'd like you to,
Explain to me how you came up with the idea to drown me in air.
I thought not but I guess you never know if people really care.

The masks we wear
hides the lies we share  
with a generation that does not care.
I think I messed up when
my mind let no one else compare.

Take over my mind and interrupt my boyish thoughts. I am unsettled within. Deny me fear and see the way I strive without the help of a corrupt society. I am no longer that young boy distracted by the squirming insects in the corner of a classroom. Poisoned, swept into the corner, and left to dissipate into dirt. What if they had wisdom to teach us? We never even asked but instead we assume the worst. Disgusted by the sight of anything with lesser intelligence of a selfish mind. Still lost in the way of a day dreamer but focused on a path, I walk cleaner.

Misfits of our own culture we don't belonged to society. Never appealing to the normalities or stereotypes of our reality. While the government feeds common people lies to their filtered brains. They are hypnotized by Fox News, Facebook, and Forbes list. Forced to believe what they're fed. Although we never gave into the corruption. Instead we kept our minds open and cultivated our walls with the beliefs of our own.

I don't necessarily have a religion. I don't like religion. I believe it holds you back spiritually. I'm just going to have to explain.

I don't believe in any one "god". I believe that there could possible be a creator. Someone higher who made our galaxy and pressed play.  Maybe in a different reality than ours. An alternate dimension within our own reality. Maybe when we die we never really leave, just pass through slides and given a new perspective on reality. Growing spiritually through the layers of life. I don't really know how we got here or if there is an afterlife. No one knows for sure. I've accepted this. This thought process is just an alternate view on life that I chose to believe to entertain myself. Something I've come up with to please my inner day dreamer. Something you cannot deny because you can't prove me wrong.

I hope we meet in a void somewhere in the distant future. Somewhere our souls have connected and bodies float. An essence of ourself free to roam across the unseen dimensional universe we dream about. Take me to the place where our creators flaunt. Not far from here but you can't get there by foot, nor car, nor plane. It takes two to reach a state of spiritual independence in the universe to represent one another as a species. A species made to strive off of a counter part. Cohesively strengthening each others weaknesses to one day maybe find this place we write about. The place where we understand the word time and to teach us the moral principals we forgot when we became these selfish beings. An hunger to be an immortal  inter-dimensional being and shed the flesh of my morality. Give us life in a distant sea so that we may begin a world selfishly.

Grow with me
Understand my life and listen to the thoughts that I hold dearly. I will be the melody that eases your soul when you feel alone. A voice to calm your anxiety and grieving bones.

Don't be so distant.

Because being next to you
is like dying.
Or flying.
I haven't figured it out yet

We could do great things you and I. Although, I know you have a path and I have mine. Time is the only thing working against us. Why shouldn't we make something beautiful out of the few short weeks we have until January?

You spoke of soulmates once.
Someone you can
learn from
and grow.
Maybe just for a small moment
In life.

If we love and lose then I would be okay. A beautiful heartbreak. Why can't we see it that way? Two smooth pears in a prickly patch bound to rot away but we could be alone together before we have to move away.

I was an innocent teenager so madly in love that nothing else mattered. We used to talk about leaving that small town and making something of our lives. She used to make harmless comments toward my caramel complexion in contrast to her milky white skin. We thought nothing of it but that wasn't up to us. Her parents were ignorant and we were colorblind. I remember the day I stopped feeling

I turned my shoulder when I left to college and ended our suffering. The pain was so much I made a selfish decision to rip out my corazon. I never intended to taint their precious daughter. Evil won for once. She kept my heart because I left it beating on her concrete drive way.

Now I am bound to no one.
a hopeless romantic incapable of love. I think to myself if I will ever love again. Dreaming of someone that sparks my interest. Hoping she would take my soul for keeps interrupt my selfish feelings towards emotion. I dare someone to skin my barrier of rotten love and moldy affection. I will never feel again.

We met in the sewer. An odd place to be on such a dreary night. leaves cracked as we crept into the dim tunnel. The tips of our fingers stained blue and yellow. our souls painted on the cold grey concrete at 1:05 AM. Nothing good ever happens after midnight. Later our lips touched and minds crossed. She gave me her bracelet so that every time I look at I have to think of her. A fire was sparked

An innocent teenager so madly in love that nothing else mattered. We had a bond that no one but distance could break. A fire we thought would never extinguish. A world we thought we could change.

I turned my shoulder and made a choice to be free from connection and emotion. The choice I made was selfish/necessary. I needed to find me. She kept my heart because I left it beating on her concrete drive way.

I am bound to no one.
a hopeless romantic incapable of love. Pressure gauge my understanding of a woman. Try to take my soul for keeps and interrupt my selfish feelings towards emotion. I dare you to skin my barrier of rotten love and moldy affection. I will never feel again.

Living is not certain
The devils hallows creek as the wind manhandles the trees.
The stench of October reeks intimidation amongst the other months.
Pumpkin patches stain orange to the dry dead earth this time of year.  
But we proceed along the as crow flies.
The witch in the forrest is dangerous,they say
Clearing 18 towns and draining blood from 97 head of sheep.
Her spells are claim to subdue any man she pleases.
But we proceed on against the blistering wind.
My 2 lasting companions come armed with only a knife, a bible, and a blessing from the pope himself.
the journey here killed my other 48 men.
Our bodies are drained of everything and our feet are rotted to the shoes we walk on.
But we proceed on past the drab pumpkins
We break camp for the night but don't make a fire. In fear we might wake the evil that lives in the forest.
Deprived of food and water we have no choice
but to proceed on in hatred vengeance.
The land we once farmed and lived is now dust and I blame the witches plague.
The best thing now is the bitter cold pumpkin that fills my groaning stomach.
We huddled for warmth that night and I silently came to a conclusion. I was dead before I woke.
Orange stained to the dry dead earth.

Like kids playing a game in the fresh cut summer grass at a park. Careless and full of excitement. We laugh and act as children. Our lives are linked 1450 miles away. A feeling of secureness in someone you've never touched. A life you've only seen through pixels on digital screens. There's not a chance I will ever meet my corazon but I don't care. Intriguing my mind and challenging my soul, one doesn't forget. The feelings you invoke with your innocent smile that alters my perception on life. You give me a different view point on a model man. Something about you makes me want to be glorious. I am emotionally invested.

I believe we are immortal in a way. When you speak of a soul what do you think of? Something that you have? An interdimentional thing? What if I could show you my soul? A soul is not linked or stuck within  It's an ever present glow that is contagious. Constantly showing in what you do. In the efforts you put fourth. Your soul is what you create. Art is a reflection of something inside of us that we may never understand, but it's beautiful.  How do you describe to me something only you can feel? You can't. You can only show me. Our souls mark this earth like cranberries on a white shirt. The stain may fade over time but its presence is always known. We paint our souls across a world that will only forget that we live forever.

I get excited about people. New people in my life that I find interesting. It's almost like a high. Spending time with someone and getting to know them. Its weird. I crave an emotional bond with another being. If that makes sense. A feeling of connection. Someone to decipher my thoughts. So I know I'm not the only insane one..

Talk to me about your inconsiderate thoughts of leaving everyone and everything behind.
Tell me about all the pain and hatred that lingers in your mind.
I want to know why you do the things you do
How you got there and why your favorite color is blue.
Explain to me you life from the start.
From your first memory to the time you fell apart.
Let's walk to the edge of the earth and skip rocks on the clouds.
I will never let you stumble or fall, I am your crutch this I've vowed.
I have a love that does not sleep.
It's all for you and yours to keep.
Keep my words close so you can always remember.
The sad cries of a poet locked in December.

Put time on my life

I am dying slow
I can't feel no more
Pain is all I know

Please update the feed

I am not a man
I can barely stand
Do you see my plan?

I hope you hear my screams

Begging stop your ****
The cryings over with
The pieces do not fit

Put time on my life

Searching for a purpose, just motivation.
To get past the thoughts that down my creation.
Understand that this world is mine,
I've got problems so can we just share some time?
To think about all of the good days
The ones where we were careless in a daze.
Running through life like we're in a maze
Lost and selfish these people don't see my inner ways.

Speak inside my mind and search for something I have yet to find.  
I have a way of speaking
Made just from thinking
An individual grouped by society
Stereotyped and writing violently
My life a disgrace
But to whom I show my face.
Leave me to the depths I am no longer a man
A fiend for the part that no one understands
**** me please I am in insane
Red slumber my dreams remain.

Unlock the inner perceiver
Nothing more than a day dreamer.
Take me to a place of unimaginable sights.
Big waves with pretty lights.
I contemplate my existence to a spec.
We are just a space in retrospect
What is this life that we seek
Something unobtainable we peak.
An empty hour glass because time is not real
Make your own life it's only what you can feel.

I remember we talked about something,
That ultimately lead to nothing.
Using my body to ease your mind
Forgetting him was not hard to find
I am an object used for lust
I have no feeling my heart is a bust.
A careless male that has no soul
Drowning in pleasure pain is our goal.
Claw, scratch, and bite I can go rounds alright
Tell me you love me but only for the night
We crave something we done need
Take off those heels and follow my lead
*** I feel shame, I find my height in this story
A sad reminder of a love once mandatory

I think we live in a generation where people don't quite understand what other people are feeling. Misinterpreting emotions because we don't know how to show them.
Concealed behind social media we vent to a computer screen. Words are powerful and we misuse them everyday. Let's try and take the time and ask "if that were me would I be okay?" Changing the way we think would be nice. A goal of mine you could say. To make this world a better place because I can't stand to live like this. A world corrupt and we stand around and watch. We are killing ourselves and you rely on your God. No I am not perfect but I am constantly improving. Working towards a goal that society does not approve.

All is not lost
This world is our fault
Cursed with a cost
We are subject my default.

Time to spare
We must act now
If I ever were to care
I have wisdom to endow

A flaw we cannot dismiss
People of lies
and society is selfish
With hatred filled eyes

I'm here to give advice
Smile and be kind
Find the words to be nice
Spread love to humankind

Love yourself
And love one another
Money means no wealth
And no being is above another

See the big picture
think beyond your ego
No different from anyone
Don't let your mind slow

Take my words
And Don't twist them
No shame within
Keep Love, no diadem.