Sometimes I get so worried
Worried that you'll hurt me
I don't mean to
Just how my mind works

Like, I want to put all of my trust in you but it's hard
I know it takes time

Sometimes I just need reassurance
I feel like I'm annoying
I feel my path is not connecting with yours
I get so scared
So scared I'll get hurt

I've been stood up so much
I hate it

Before you I had no one
No one I trusted with my emotions
I couldn't
No one could handle them or even try to understand

I don't want to put all of my problems and thoughts on you
I need to let it out though
I know it's eating me alive
I know I still hurt
The distance is what worries me
I know why people cheat
I'm a psych major. 
I know people
I know how they are

My mind is a curse
Sometimes I hate it and want to give up
Everything is just too much at times.

For someone to walk into my life like you
It's unbelievable
Its scary
I'm scared of what you can do
You have to power
Don't miss use it.
Please don't

If you must, then let me down easy.
I am the person who puts 100% into a relationship.
I will do everything in my power to please you and myself.
I like balance.

Have I ever told you my deepest fear?
Well it's love.
As beautiful as it is, it can end in seconds

I have so much to give
So much to show you
If you give me time I will

I don't mean to be of offence to you
I just want you to undertand

is it weird that i can see our future?
we’re not together but baby i have a plan.
oh someday we’ll be ready for each other but not now,
we’re too very young to be in love.
it’s always been you
you  
and you again

i choose you every time.
are you aware that i still think about you?
the impression you left.
amazing.

do you plan out the things we’ll do as i do?
oh i think of you.

someday i’ll be ready.
we’ll float the seas
and save the bees.
only for you.

again
and
again.
i choose you.

Friends come and go like the seasons change.
Nothing last forever, nothing we can arrange. 
You are special to me.
Too special for the eye to see. 

I have this feeling or sensation, its more like a connection, but its nothing more than pure affection. 

Like when you go down a roller coaster and your stomach turns.
It's the same thing when I'm with you, my body churns.
It's your physiological essence that I seek.
Something unexplainable, you could say unique. 
Words are only half of what I feel.
The rest is in my actions and what I conceal. 

I don't think this.... Will ever go away.

Hopefully you will kind of understand what my worlds are trying to portray.

I like how you dance to no music,
looking around so no one thinks you're a lunatic.
And how you get mad at the wind for messing up everything, mostly your hair.
I can't help but smile, mostly because you're unaware,
of my selfish thoughts that you'll never leave.

Just a lonely soul
Wandering the earth
In search for something
That can never be found
Cursed at birth
Incapable of loving another
Never to change
Born for leaving

This is me
Gypsie at heart
Runner not a lover
I dine with the witches
A beast of no remorse
Show no pain
No fear
Consume what's in my path
I am lost

I always will be.

i’ve come to believe that the definition of love is very broad and complex and is hard to describe.
although, i know what love is when i see it. eyes are said to be a reflection of the soul and when two lovers are matched with their counterpart their eyes are stable and confident.

an undying trust that is fueled by a desire to be complete.

sometimes i wonder;
do my eyes shake because the taste of love is something i have not acquired. for my testimony of in doubt passion screams for another who shares the same eyes. eyes that can see my vision of peace. eyes that direct hatred from the soul.
eyes that don’t judge nor falter.
eyes that know pain.
sometimes when i look into your eyes i see my reflection, my vision, my love.

i smoke cigarettes to blacken my lungs so they can match my heart
cough up tar in my morning caffeine that excite the drugs that i impart
after i inhale green to forget that i’m alive
then i balance it with aderall so that my anxiety will thrive

im prepared for the fire because my house has been burned before
those glowing flames don’t seem to be so inviting anymore
like how drugs come with a fear of peaking
when i dip myself in acid then wonder if my brain is leaking

somehow i have fit my ambiguity with the thoughts i consider more real
death is inevitable but am i really living if i have emotions i cannot feel
although i know this is not a dream because the scars i’ve pick at don’t bleed as before
and the crow awaits me singing my death as so, nevermore nevermore

Endless love and incapable of anything else
I give it all to you and forget myself
Sunlight to my life you give me grace
A fiend to you, I'm addicted to your presence I cannot replace
An indescribable feeling you bring me bliss
I'm all yours never to remiss
The missing piece to my grand plan
Finally a reality that we can all understand
Keep my words and let them fuel your endearment
Love only grows and never shows indignant
Paste my soul where you can see it, drown in my thoughts, and burn in my voice.
I have found a fire I cannot extinguish, a soul that understands and a love to rejoice

i’m better off gone.
so far that i cannot connect
so far that i cannot find
my mind.
for in fact,
i am a wanderer,
adrenaline addict
drug fiend.

do not get my wrong when i say i am better off gone.

away and untamable.

drifting across the oklahoma wind,
just as violent and atrocious.

Searching for a purpose, just motivation.
To get past the thoughts that down my creation.
Understand that this world is mine,
I've got problems so can we just share some time?
To think about all of the good days
The ones where we were careless in a daze.
Running through life like we're in a maze
Lost and selfish these people don't see my inner ways.

i don’t care if anyone likes me or not.
i don’t find myself caught up in the daily pleasures or indulgences that most of my peers boast about on social media.
although, my subconscious find ways to betray what my mind puts in play
this means that temptation is nothing until i’m caught
under a bridge
in the rain
trying to swim
my way out
of the storm
in my brain.

when my subconscious and conscious greet each other they say **** ME RIGHT?

today i yelled at my coworker for stacking the cups in an unorganized fashion.
**** ME RIGHT?

the wind was blowing from the southwest today. i was infuriated by mostly everything. my mind began feeling a distance from my body when i was a junior in high school. periods of instability.

estranged and unengaged

i distance myself from society so that i do not act on my sobriety. emotions come in variety. i **** on my anxiety

your appearance tells all,
your highs and downfalls
you blend in for the most part,
a conspicuous nature that tends to rub off on people.
that’s why you prefer to be alone 78% of the time.
you usually skip breakfast because your bed feels too nice to leave.
drowning in your unconscious,
time is your greatest enemy.
forever young, keep in mind.
never say no to a fun time.

be free
be free
i feel that i may see,
a better outlook to pull me from the trenches.
deep within we fear
only our minds
that we seek to be clear.

have you ever considered we're just different?
an attraction not capable.
we deserve a certain type of love,
something that only a certain one can offer.
please don't take it the wrong way
but i can't do this.
i'm too different.
i'm too much
it's just lust
follow your heart ma
don't follow me

Drip drip the rain goes. 
Cold bitterness when the wind blows.
The weather turns my heart.
It's broken, slowly falling apart.
Lost in my own conscious mind.
Forever looking for something I can't find.
All of our memories are gone. 
Going through life with this mask I put on. 
Wanting something I shouldn't have.
Debating on whether I should have.
Leave it all here on this page. 
Writing my thoughts to calm my rage.
I'm going insane, please help me.
Love is something that we used to be.
Hating myself at times for my sins.
Crying inside when the episode begins. 
I cannot love another.
Standing alone, no one to call I love her.
Digging my grave in the dark by myself. 
No doubt that I'm stranded I don't need your help.
I'll write till my death and the pain fades away.
Choking my soul I have nothing to say.
Hearing your voice is torture to my ears. 
Our greatest debt is that we don't know out own fears.
Love is gone and drowning is nice.
They tell me to smile but I don't need advice.

i wonder if you think about me the way i think of you.
a gracious outlook for sure.
mostly your innocence that gives away a surprising number.
tell me about the things that go on in your head.
do you fear that one day we’ll all be dead?
i like the way you look at me when i compliment your brown skin.
a smile that warms the oven.
i admire you from a distance
because i am not worthy of existence.

Take over my mind and interrupt my boyish thoughts. I am unsettled within. Deny me fear and see the way I strive without the help of a corrupt society. I am no longer that young boy distracted by the squirming insects in the corner of a classroom. Poisoned, swept into the corner, and left to dissipate into dirt. What if they had wisdom to teach us? We never even asked but instead we assume the worst. Disgusted by the sight of anything with lesser intelligence of a selfish mind. Still lost in the way of a day dreamer but focused on a path, I walk cleaner.

Here today is where i sit, on this porcelain thrown is where I ****. 
Counting off the minutes that go by.
My elbows leave red marks on each thigh.
Thinking on what I had to eat last night. Maybe I shouldn't push with all my might.
Then my peers start to evacuate.
I could have possibly lost some weight.
Feeling fresh and renewed I head back to class. Hopefully no one can smell my ***.

I am fascinated with love. I always have been. I want to know someone more than they know themselves and love it. I want to connect with someone, instantly. I want to be holding you in my arms and know that I'll never let go. I want to understand you in ways that no one ever has. I want to be your light in the dark. I will be all of your strength and you will be my weakness. They say when it's real you just know. I'm not looking for love but if she finds me I won't look past her. I need a friend. A lover. Someone who sees and understands. Perfect in her own ways

It's way too early to be feeling this way
I can't suppress my thoughts
I am nothing
Powerless human
What can I do?
Something is wrong with me
Eating me from inside.
Been this way for months
I need a new life
This one I'm in isn't exciting
I need to run
I need to leave
Before it's too late
Before my mind consumes me
Heart and soul impenetrable.
Veins run cold
I'm something you will never understand
I am lost and chained.
My optimism is gone
Mind has been corrupt
My thoughts are not my own
How did I get here?
I know you dwell within
Deep in my mind you wait
Suppress the monster.
Keep him chained.
He waits and anger builds
I'm breaking away
Stress and pressure consuming me
And still he waits.
Trapped in this cruel world
With only one goal
How to escape?

I think we live in a generation where people don't quite understand what other people are feeling. Misinterpreting emotions because we don't know how to show them.
Concealed behind social media we vent to a computer screen. Words are powerful and we misuse them everyday. Let's try and take the time and ask "if that were me would I be okay?" Changing the way we think would be nice. A goal of mine you could say. To make this world a better place because I can't stand to live like this. A world corrupt and we stand around and watch. We are killing ourselves and you rely on your God. No I am not perfect but I am constantly improving. Working towards a goal that society does not approve.

I am your light
Your guide in the night
Walk with me now
Travel as far as we can
Infactuated beyond belief
Lovely words drive me
You are beautiful
You make me weak
Watch my words speak
Let me be yours
Your power
Your balance
Your hero
Someone you want, and need.
Yours.
My love to exceed
I am King,
Will you be my queen?
I visit you when I close my eyes
Elegant but powerful
Never to leave my mind, 
You see who I am
Your deepest thoughts
I want to know you
The real you
The you no one else has ever seen
Show me your soul
If you trust me
I will not hurt you
Only to serve you
My Queen
Eyes that take souls
Smile that never stops
Beauty beyond belief
Wrapped in your graceful touch
So tight you can never leave
I crave you
Day and night
a fire you started in me
that cannot be extinguished.
Someone who sees. Who understands.
Feeling it's warmth.
Never to leave my mind.

All is forgotten but not forgiven. 
Sleeping just to pass the time. 
Staying high to block out the pain. 
Been months since I've cried
It's just a high school relationship.
Nothing big, just a broken heart. 
Lonely stoner finding his way. 
Tired of seeing the same people. 
Music is my release. 
It's my temporary escape. 
Sooner than later.
Back to reality. 
We all have demons.
My rage dwells within.
I'm angry and I don't know why.
****** at the world. 
I don't want anything to do with anyone.
Leave me alone.
Please.

im magic to the touch
bring me back to life
it's not time to die
no not yet
i still need time to fly
i still
need and consume
it's all im good for
inhale drugs
exhale flies
i can't suffer without your lies
oh understand
i am nothing
nothing but alone
pitiful and disgraceful
undermine that im distasteful
i eat flies to make my face full
cry so that i can't pull
a life so ungrateful

Just another someone to make me feel special for a couple weeks. Nothing long term you're only temporary. I don't make plans for us. I tell you from the start that I'm not what you're looking for. I'm not your knight and shining armor. I'm not your best friend. I don't need your help. I don't want to hear what you have to say. I know how it all goes. It's easy to say yes. It's easy to give in a little and like how she feels. It's okay for today and tomorrow. Sickening when I try and feel. Coming here I will not be hurt again. You can't get to know me. You can't change me. I'm not like the others. I crave to be something you can't make me feel. There's no point in this. I just get lonely. I'm not the same man. Drowning in my thoughts. 
Incapable of love.

sad boy
sad boy
dark and lonely
malicious thoughts
the devil is my homie
sad boy
sad boy
weird and stoney
i smoke drugs
demons, they own me.

So how does this work? Does it all go away at once?
How long do I wait? Will time ease the punch?
Fighting sobriety to push away my pain.
Holding in the tears that remain.
I don't know what to do.
The days are cold when everything reminds me of you. 
I have to get you out of my head. 
I can't love with you the way you said.
No sleep and I can't eat, 
It's like you put the pain on repeat.
Everything that we've done is all gone,
Slowly falling I need someone to out this weight on.
I don't want this. I don't want this pain.
I hurt too much to explain.
Done with this
Time to move on and forget the girl I used to miss.

Rub my face in the dirt, tell me I ain't ****.
You treated me less than a human, it's hard to admit.
That I,
still feel lonely in the dark and I cry out to you.
The pain bites like a shark, ripping the life from you.
I tell myself,
I need drugs to calm my rage
and fear my mind is older than my age.
I purposely deprive myself just to feel but I can't find a reality that's really real.
I'd like you to,
Explain to me how you came up with the idea to drown me in air.
I thought not but I guess you never know if people really care.

The masks we wear
hides the lies we share  
with a generation that does not care.
I think I messed up when
my mind let no one else compare.

I am what I am
Nothing more
And nothing less
pry at me if you wish
I will tell all someday
I will tell of the day she left
The day my parents separated
The day where I feared no man
The days that made me who I am
The days that made me a man
I will cry in your arms
Weeping my sorrows away
Passing them on to you
Trusting that you'll know what to do with them
Someday you will come along.
To save me from myself
To ease my troubled soul
And to bring light where darkness fell
Someday my love
I will show you who I am
All of my hopes and dreams
Downfalls and surprises
One in thousands.
Just another fish in the sea
Can you find me?
My love.

Often over exaggerated and far too elaborated,
I over think.
Every outcome is weighed for possible gain or loss.
My mind works in a way where I cannot,
Strive without suffer.
I return to pain to remain the same.

Living is not certain
The devils hallows creek as the wind manhandles the trees.
The stench of October reeks intimidation amongst the other months.
Pumpkin patches stain orange to the dry dead earth this time of year.  
But we proceed along the as crow flies.
The witch in the forrest is dangerous,they say
Clearing 18 towns and draining blood from 97 head of sheep.
Her spells are claim to subdue any man she pleases.
But we proceed on against the blistering wind.
My 2 lasting companions come armed with only a knife, a bible, and a blessing from the pope himself.
the journey here killed my other 48 men.
Our bodies are drained of everything and our feet are rotted to the shoes we walk on.
But we proceed on past the drab pumpkins
We break camp for the night but don't make a fire. In fear we might wake the evil that lives in the forest.
Deprived of food and water we have no choice
but to proceed on in hatred vengeance.
The land we once farmed and lived is now dust and I blame the witches plague.
The best thing now is the bitter cold pumpkin that fills my groaning stomach.
We huddled for warmth that night and I silently came to a conclusion. I was dead before I woke.
Orange stained to the dry dead earth.

I need time alone
time to think
time find myself
I need to figure out who I am
I need to figure out what
The time alone
the time that I sit by myself
It hurts
it's miserable
I can't stand it
because all I think about is you
I don't know how to stop
I don't know why I do
but you're the person I need the most right now
and I can speak to you
how do I stop
who do I talk to
no one understands
no one listens
I don't know how to figure out what's going on my head
its just too much for me
you could make sense of how I feel.
You could help me through this
I know you could help me
but I can talk to you
because I'm scared
scared we'll fall right back into cycle scared of you of what you think of me

but the true reason can't talk to you because I love you
and I know that if I talk to you
it would just ruin everything
I'm sorry but I just don't know what to do

I'm still so young and unclean
20, with a path that is still unseen
My voice means nothing
but I want to be a part of something
Writing may be the only way to go
Let people hear my thoughts and emotion show
Still living at a stand still
Just aging with no bigger shoes to fill
May my words be an inspiration
Now or later, destined to lead a nation
Greater things are meant to be
but what to make of what is meant for me
I believe my thoughts will form in time
Into something of value and sublime
Admire my rage, I am angry
Closer to an answer, only I can save me.

there you go again
off looking for love again
no time to waste
already in another's face
replaced me in 5 days
our 54 was just a daze
can't believe i'm stuck
she just wanted to ****
and unlike you
my heart breaks in two
my time wasn't enough
i roll these drugs and puff

it's typical, she's what you expected.
childish and perplexed.
it wasn't bad timing or objected.
just feel like we weren't what we expected.

I know it hurts. 
I know how bad. 
You can't even talk to me.
I can't help but die inside.
Wish things didn't have to be this way.
I'm sorry for everything.
I know you're sorry too. 
You're still holding me down. 
How do I let you to? 
Haven't heard from you in over a month. 
Hope you're moving on.
I know it's hard.
How to love another?
I cannot imagine.
Still.
I am stuck here.
Lonely and cold and weak.
Waiting on someone. 
Someone like you.

**** around
too many thoughts in my head
they need to breath
they need to be
i’ve turned my anxiety inside out
and broken through the wall.

substance user  
feeling abuser

i am the ghastly ideas that
pace under your bed at night
the man in the corner at a
short glance.
feel my pain because i have none left.
clear skies reflect white lies
i don’t want to change my brown eyes

We can't eat,
We can't sleep
But we like the pain
So we don't weep.

I'm not involved
You've shown me
I don't need you
My soul is empty

Lies from the tongue
I do not believe your heart
**** love, don't need it
I can't stop falling apart

Who are you?
No one, that's who
We're not friends
I don't like you.

Yeah, we still cool
I still smile when you look
Can't replace time
Don't give back what you took

dripping in gold,
eye contact is fatal.
i think i am unable to relate,
amongst my interpersonal debate.
relax time,
contain my glow.
it’s warm in december,
the weather changes
   without snow.

i’m all too interesting
although, unable to relate.
consider my personal state,
i’m not feeling too great.

I'm in a mid trap and all I think about you.
Can't sleep can't eat
nothing takes my mind off.
Reality vs Insanity?
you can ask me where I fall.
I can't breath, overrated anyways.
Values of life.
start contemplating every outcome 
Then accept them.
A starting place or a new beginning?
I need excitement, adventure.
Common words from a lonely man.
I can only contemplate death.
never to do a thing about it.
Lives unlike my own.
There is nothing greater than us.
show me what you believe,
I do not judge.
Life's only outcome is death. 
No one will be remembered.
Consumed with power and ego
I live to create a better life.
Not for me but my own.
Not to be remembered, 
But to remember lessons.
Because what is learned can only be remembered.

All is not lost
This world is our fault
Cursed with a cost
We are subject my default.

Time to spare
We must act now
If I ever were to care
I have wisdom to endow

A flaw we cannot dismiss
People of lies
and society is selfish
With hatred filled eyes

I'm here to give advice
Smile and be kind
Find the words to be nice
Spread love to humankind

Love yourself
And love one another
Money means no wealth
And no being is above another

See the big picture
think beyond your ego
No different from anyone
Don't let your mind slow

Take my words
And Don't twist them
No shame within
Keep Love, no diadem.

aimlessly abusing anothers cognitive psyche is a crime against yourself.
you begin to lose the things that make a human :fearemotiontime: it's easy to fall into those grooves. the low tides that wash bodies to the shore on late october nights. sad and distant. too young to disappoint but too old to love. find me a keeper. time isn't relevant but the wax from my candle has begun to drip on my hand. oh i fear the day i disappoint. the sunken indention on the couch has relevance. over used and abused is where we connect. letting strangers prob their feet wherever they please. i need you to stop.

Grow with me
Understand my life and listen to the thoughts that I hold dearly. I will be the melody that eases your soul when you feel alone. A voice to calm your anxiety and grieving bones.

Don't be so distant.

Because being next to you
is like dying.
Or flying.
I haven't figured it out yet

We could do great things you and I. Although, I know you have a path and I have mine. Time is the only thing working against us. Why shouldn't we make something beautiful out of the few short weeks we have until January?

You spoke of soulmates once.
Someone you can
learn from
and grow.
Maybe just for a small moment
In life.

If we love and lose then I would be okay. A beautiful heartbreak. Why can't we see it that way? Two smooth pears in a prickly patch bound to rot away but we could be alone together before we have to move away.

I hope we meet in a void somewhere in the distant future. Somewhere our souls have connected and bodies float. An essence of ourself free to roam across the unseen dimensional universe we dream about. Take me to the place where our creators flaunt. Not far from here but you can't get there by foot, nor car, nor plane. It takes two to reach a state of spiritual independence in the universe to represent one another as a species. A species made to strive off of a counter part. Cohesively strengthening each others weaknesses to one day maybe find this place we write about. The place where we understand the word time and to teach us the moral principals we forgot when we became these selfish beings. An hunger to be an immortal  inter-dimensional being and shed the flesh of my morality. Give us life in a distant sea so that we may begin a world selfishly.

I feel like I'm in this world alone.
Wandering soul
Looking for another like mine
I cannot love another
Incapable of you
I am hopeless
No one compares
I cannot stop my mind
It reaches out
Wanting you
Craving your soul
Missing your mind
I don't know why
Feels like hell

I. Just wish we could talk.
Sometimes I need you.
To make sense of this world
You were good at that
Understanding me
It was always you
I can't do this much longer
I feel I'll go crazy
But I know
I am patient
I am strong
You cannot hurt me anymore
I am free
Yes I miss you
But I will live
Love was ours
God it was beautiful

We met in the sewer. An odd place to be on such a dreary night. leaves cracked as we crept into the dim tunnel. The tips of our fingers stained blue and yellow. our souls painted on the cold grey concrete at 1:05 AM. Nothing good ever happens after midnight. Later our lips touched and minds crossed. She gave me her bracelet so that every time I look at I have to think of her. A fire was sparked

my dismal attitude is still there,
although the downcast of my emotions
hit it's peak yesterday. today i am deranged and infuriated. not by the fact that i am alone, which is my preference, but at way the irking wind blew against my sleeve on my way to class this morning.

i despise the contented souls who have never fantasized about death and it's properties.

Often misinterpret feelings because no one has conversations. No exchanging of words
That's why we're on different pages
These things that I'm telling you are for your ears only. Understand that i am opening up, and my love is growing slowly.
We see that someone was attached and someone wasn't
And someone always hurts while the other lies that it doesn't.
A friendship ends and loving a person turns scary
Failed attempts make you cold and wonder if you'll ever marry.
People do you ***** and always wonder why. 4AM texts didn't mean anything and everything you said was a lie.
How'd I get so cold? Why do I push people away? Will I die alone when I'm old?
I ask myself these questions and I can't find an answer. Wondering when I'll find you and get rid of this cancer

I'm here in this world ripped and broken. 
Calling out your name in the same voice I've spoken.
Lost in a crowd with no one to look for. Listening and waiting for your voice puts myself at war. 
Waiting on and endless flight. 
Speaking of that forever sleepless night.
Gone gone gone, with no one to go to. 
I'll never feel the way I'm attracted to you.

I'm searching for a real love.

I'm a deep drowning undone emotional mess.
Mistreated heated gone in baked stress. 
It seems longer than time itself. 
Back and fourth we go gives you time to find yourself. 
I give you everything and all of my anything. 
Bringing all of me to meet your something.
Shaking in these dull moments for what?
Because I'm opening doors loving you shut.