If you read the words I wrote
it might just break your heart
cause they’re sure as hell too much for me to handle

Once worried sick
I went home from school
But then at home
I got enough
I packed a bag
And took the train
I had an hour
Before it would be too late
To catch up and have a talk
But the efforts was wasted
And I got hurt

I wrote in anger
I made even threats
That's a fact
I can't change what I did
While I was sitting the hour on my Way back with the train
My anger dissapeared,
But I forgot
To take down the thrash,
which I had written

Dear Grandma,

I love you. So much. And I smiled so big when I opened my e-mail and saw that you had already replied. I read your e-mail to my mom; we laughed and smiled together. I'm glad that you and Grandpa can laugh while reading my writing. It makes my heart glad to know that what I have to say makes a positive and impacting influence on my readers.

On being careful to not dispose of items...you are so right, and I thank you, ever dearly, for the amazing, experiential advice. It makes me think of times I've been upset and ripped out pages I had previously written, all because of some stupid thing somebody may have said to speak death over me.

I doubt that I'll ever really understand what certain people mean when what they have to say to others is all but joyful and/or uplifting in any way. God knows, though, praise Him. I've been trying my best to speak a lot of life into my heart and soul. I had been super busy, and as a result, I hadn't had enough time to really sit and ponder the way I sometimes, negatively, judged those around me. I silently speak death over them, in reality, and to me, that is one of my most disliked qualities. People should love other people. Now, I want to add in, as a side note, that SPEAKING THE TRUTH IN LOVE counts as speaking life, and not death. I wish more of us humans were blunt and honest with ourselves, as far as telling somebody the very raw and complete truth. Nobody is ever going to get anywhere by being compliant their whole life. I feel so strongly about this because when I am down and not doing well, it DOES NOT help me to be told things such as,

"You'll be alright. Everything will be perfectly okay."

Lots of times circumstances stink, and when they do, it sure doesn't help me to hear somebody whisper that it'll be okay. I just need to be told that whatever I got goin' on, just kinda ***** at the moment. And maybe it will for a long time. But someday, I'll be glad to have had that experience, no matter how bad it might have been at that time. That's what I wish somebody would say to everybody going through stuff. Everybody needs somebody who will be life in the middle of his or her sadness.

Anyways, that's really inspiring about Green Mill, and how you were inspired to write what would soon be the prologue to your book. I really appreciate that; thank you for sharing your experience with me. It made me feel like I was really there, by the lake. I could almost feel the soft, cool breeze blowing my stray hair around. I could almost hear the little waves softly crashing to the rocky "shore." I love it when that happens, when writing becomes something I feel, and not just something I do.

I am so glad that you are alive, Grandma (and Grandpa). You are quite swell, and I mean it. I love you both so much.

© Melissa Carlson 2015

~
Thoughts concieved by open mind
Chosen gracefully, fulfilled and kind;
Are the treasures of remembered days
When pen to quill was an eternal phase
Of two souls yearning to be touched
Regardless of ethereal bond, much
Pleasure of a written word - longed
To become of flesh and blood.
~~~

The words I've lost are too many.

My ignorance has spoken for me too many times.

I no longer feel like a part of myself,

My voice is not my won.

Stay, stay.
Don't leave me astray.
Life became as dull as grey
When you left and walked away.

The moments are slowly fading
But here in my heart you are staying
As much as i want to forget you,
My heart still says i love you.

So wherever you are, please stay safe
Cause here in my heart you will stay.
These memories are hurting me
But i know someday i'll be smiling with glee.

And I am a Woman
who so knows herself
my inner power
alive and kicking
more as each
Blessed year
passes by
My light growing
my blood flowing
into the Universe
as it speaks through me
I have strength
that could electrify
a thousand stars
gathered over many years
of my life's battles
and wars
Mine is a quiet sort
Of fortitude
unstoppable with tears
I am my own warrioress
When it comes to my fears
I have my guides
and they know me well
goddesses and angels…
old friends
wielding
magic spells

But nevertheless
I have
A vulnerable side
Underneath the layers
Of protection and pride
an enchanted forest
of moss and green
a sacred space
that only few will see
Inside this inner sanctum
I am as soft as
fine silk
I let down my guard
as emotions flow
like milk

I am an unlikely
desert flower
Who just wants to
open up to you
to be opened
petal by petal
to receive the waters
of your tender care
most vulnerable
with her
stamen exposed
to be cherished
in the cool night air
I am delicate
as tiny spring buds
caught in the
harshest winter
storms
yet who persists
despite the odds
to keep her
cold spots warm

There is a rumor
In the foreign lands.
Some say
(especially in the East)
I have the elixirs
to tame
the most savage
kind of beasts
(Indeed,
Sometimes
as they come for a
sweet, well deserved rest
lay their huge, furry heads
upon my tender breast)

As for you, my Wild One
I think I hold the potion
to the key to your heart
to your beautiful soul….
Yes, poetry in motion
I want to bring it such light
Ignite your embers
To a spark
I could fill you up
So much
You just might not
feel your inner
Dark

But there is something
important to remember
The One who finds my key
Is the one
Who will be crowned
Defender
Of my tender soul
In all its hues
And asymmetry
Oh, Please, my love
Use it wisely
With the most loving
Of discretion
For under the armor
My heart beats raw
Laid bare
To love and passion

Otherwise
My pain will have no end
And I will have to go
Into battle once again

Now
Inside my
sacred cave
I rest
Need to re-charge
For the next
Battle cry
Lift up
Your heart,
To me, my love
Release it
Let it
fly