July 3rd, 2016
10:42 pm

I can hear
fireworks
going off somewhere
in my town

And I wish
as each firework
explodes
and as they
give out  bursts
of sound
that they are instead a gun
putting holes
through my chest
head
stomach
anywhere
to relieve me
of the pain of living

It's an impulse you can't control,
An action you wanna take back
But let's face facts
You can't delay it
The pain waits patiently,
Tapping away at your consciousness
Regardless of the consequence
And I'll be honest with this
It's almost impossible to stop

Almost

The key word I hang onto with every breath
This is not just a test of strength
But of reality,
Making short work of your sanity
You try to stop it
But it won't have any

I see the kids with mocking laughter
Not knowing that my body awaits disaster
Trying not to cause drama
To kick up a fuss
To set off the bus
Drive it down main street and yell
"Hey look mum no hands".

There's a reason rumour rhymes with tumour
Malignant and fast
If not careful you'll breathe your last
One misplaced cut and your veins start spewing
On the gums with nervousness inside your mouth you start chewing
And deep inside your anger is brewing

Boiling
Broiling
Coiling around your throat
Just to choke you out

That's what my impulse is like
That's what my impulse is about
And sometimes it's hard to resist
When my subconscious persists
That little voice in my head telling me
"You ain't ****!"
"Just another mother-******* chopping board
Slicing
And dicing
The Sunday specials you had stored"

I'm better than this
Experience defines who you are
And I'd rather not be a peeling bandaid,
A walking, talking, bleeding scar
That won't heal!

That stays, never gives up for the wrong reasons!
Searches and lives a life without meaning!

I'd rather just be myself
Not the trash can everyone dumps their **** into
Even when it's full

I want to be safe
Can you say the same?

insignificant and worthless...
Loathsome and valueless....
I'm nothing to you...!

I'm nothing....
not a reason to smile...
not a tear of your eye...

you always want to depart.....
I'm not a throb of your heart...

I want to be something to you...
Ah! still I'm nothing to you....

It's hard to find....
why I got you on mind....

I wonder why you mean the world to me.....
yeah! It's  true
I'm nothing to you
then why you  mean everything to me.....!

Please,
Please,
For the love of God and my self esteem,
Do not
Under any circumstances
Compare me to another girl.

You see when you do this
My heart sinks.
My chest gets tight.
My through clenched.
My eyes sting.
My gut feels like it was struck by a first.
And my self confidence
Is nonexistent.

It doesn't matter who you are
Who she is
Or what my relationship to either of you is.
Just don't do it.
Being told that someone is better than me in any way
And that I am not good enough to be equals with them
Leaves me broken
And more depressed
Then you'd expect.

She
May be a better singer;
She
May be prettier;
She
May have enough to be perfect to someone.

Me?
I feel worthless
24/7.
And knowing that someone
Thinks less of me when compared to someone else,
Imagine
How you would feel
Knowing
That you are not ever going to see yourself excel in that area
Ever
Again.

So please,
Please,
For the love of God and my self esteem,
Do NOT
Under ANY circumstances
Compare me to another girl.

Thank you,
Insecure and pitiful

Sick and twisted, People are sickened by my visions,
When all I do is lead you out of the cave of oblivion.

  Insinc you walk wearing a mask of your false happiness
Inside you wish not to be a carbon copy that’s why you listen to me

Don't you hear them
failure, worthless, no one loves you

You hear them, i don't
That why were different

I'm sorry, you walk left as i go right
Sometimes i can hear you think
You wish to be like me, different