For me to dine with you
We'd have water not wine
Paper towels as napkins
But you only get one sheet
And this old pizza box for a plate

The food will be cold
And I can't give you dessert
Though I do have some pretzels
And chocolate syrup

All of this is not because it's what you deserve
It's just all I have to offer
But unlike other places
I'm open twenty-four seven

I stopped in my tracks
I stopped at your door
"Welcome," it said
Funny...I thought

Love is not welcome
When a door has closed
Or is it?

I could knock
I could ring
I could run
But all I did was
Look at what said
"Welcome"
And wonder if you
Would say the same

Say 'hello' to the Earth when they bury you
Say 'how do you do' to the Worms and Ants
They're here to spread your Atoms
They're here to make you new
Matter cannot be created or destroyed
Your Atoms have always been here and they always will be
Welcome home

Fight or flight
A gut response.

I've bathed in hatred dressed like leathermans pointed at my ribcage.

Jumped off rooftops thinking the ground was softer than my future.

Told woman to choke me until I purple
Purple plays verb safer than run
Than scream
than remember.

When your sancuary
Has a spotlight on the one thing you've been escaping from.
Fight or flight.

"Hello"
You tap her shoulder.
Confirm she's not your hallucination.
You still aren't sure.
You couldn't touch long enough.

Do not ask.
"where is she?"
Or "so you're an alcohaulic now?"
Or "are you having a panic attack? Because I'm having a panic attack.
And you used to always have panic attacks.

Do not pose:
If I avoid the streets of an entire city
So I won't cross your path.
whether you are there or not.
See Your ghost in the deli,
Order gelato, carrying a carseat.
hear your name
reach out to thin air
that belongs in my lungs.

Why, beautiful disaster
Are you skipping your A.A. meeting
Sitting at this bar, that I call home.
Drinking on a stool that with one moment
Belongs to your ghost now.

how did you stumble into this bomb shelter?
Were the salt circles not enough to keep you out?
have I not been loud enough?
I preach the Gospel of this microphone.
Everyone within a ten mile radius of a screen
knows I come here at this time
on this day
every week

If you ever want to see me.
I'll be here.
I can't leave.

You can.
You don't have to.
I mean, I didn't invite you.
But when has that ever stopped you before?
If you need to face me head on.
Come.
I need you too.
Let's dance
Forget the empty dresser covered in princess stickers
Forget the swirling mattress of our lies and mistakes.
**** Google+
your perfect ***,
the photographs I can't delete.

Jump on this bar table with me.
Show them how it breaks under our weight.
Smash that beer against the wall
Jam the broken bottle in my ribs
I promise you.
I will ******* feel it.
If my blood doesn't spill out.
If my pain doesn't splatter this godamned stage.
If a single person in this room forgets
This dance
When we purple.
our bodies slammed off every dining room table
Shatter wine glasses into chapbooks
tear off your fake smiling mask
throw it at a nearby ******.
Naked screaming killing each other.
When we blackout.

your ghost will still be sitting at the godamned bar haunting me.

And it's funny
Why does it hurt?
It's not like I go a day
without seeing you anyway

It's coming to a rest.

Welcome new beginnings.

The transformation has just completed.

Time for New Phase.

Ill try to explain and describe what I am seeing inside this massive expanse of light.  

Inside is outside and outside is inside.  The light kisses my armor and soul with such a welcomed embrace I am certain I will soon be a part of it.  I will shine forth eternal never fearing death.  I will illuminate all that is dark and vanquish all that is evil.  

After my thoughts run rampant for just a moment I see at this center an ocean made of watery light.  I then realize I am floating in it.  The waves of light water take me under and I am back in the expanse of light.  This seems to happen more often as I near the being at the center of this expanse of shine.  

Imagine being surrounded by light.  There is nothing to see.  Nothing but light.  But at this moment I am looking at a light that outshines all other light.  It looks a lot like a sun that has turned into a diamond. A sun filled diamond.  So beautiful a dream could not conjure it.   At the center of this was him.  This diamond sun that surrounded him was in fact a sort of barrier or shield protecting him from all light and darkness.

His eyes were made of white sun fire.  He looks to me and embraces me with his eternal shine.   He speaks only one word.  " WELCOME"  
S DIVERS

Each one handmade and held together with hope
From shore to shore each containing a note
Broken and flooded not all will survive
Their pieces find rest with salinity and die
With luck and good will others arrive
Please open and read them between the LInES
For when you look close the message is same
Within; a teardrop, blood clot, and ragged remains
Is inscribed a pleading for help, please be human(e)s  
You may retain or refuse the option is yours
yet for me their treasure is reveled with embrace
and when opened I relate and savor their tastes
to my bottled up world that has just yet been before displaced