This is it.
The last step.
The final action.
This is all I have to do.
Before I feel the sweet release
Of death.
Freedom.
Is that what they call it?
Release.
Maybe that's it.
Letting go.
But it's so hard.
Stepping off.
There's no turning back now.
Closing my eyes.
I've made my decision.
Taking a breath.
I feel the wind rushing past me.
Heart racing.
I plummet towards the ground.
No, wait.
I can't stop this.
It's permanent.
I wish I hadn't.
They'll miss you.
I didn't say goodbye.
It's a shock as you hit the ground.
I can't feel anything.
There's blood everywhere.
I hear screaming.
Your body shouldn't be at that angle.
I can't undo this, can I?
The sirens are getting louder.
I see my mom. She's crying.
They load you onto the stretcher.
Wait, I'm still here! Mom! Can't you hear me?
Your voice is gone, and so are you.
I see a bright darkness.
Walk towards it.
It consumes me.
Time of death: 9:34 a.m.

patient love,
they tell me.

it's the best love,
yet here i am
alone in the dark.

wait for love,
they say.

i just want to
jump blindly
and see what
happens.

you told me you'd always
be there waiting to catch me for when or if I was ready to fall.

i would look down
and see you with your
outstretched arms and unwavering eyesight set on me.

all this time you've been ready for me,
and so one day i jumped.
i jumped to and for only you.
and as i made my descent i looked down to see you.
and i did. see. you.

but you were running to catch someone else.
someone that was ready before me.

this was the day i had chosen to trust you with my love.
this was the day that you broke me in more ways than one.

you arrived too early and faltered and i arrived too late and shattered.

{d.f. | 11/29/17}

As I wait for the inevitability that lurks beyond the horizon,
I wish I could sleep, relax.

As I wait for this torturous life to continue,
I wish I could look beyond, longingly.

As I wait for the tests and trials to come,
I wish I could believe their words of comfort, help.

As I wait for the oncoming storm,
I wish. Hope.

My cup of tea,
now empty.
sits by me silently,
waits for me
to be up patiently.
As it turned next day
it remains still
the same way.

When you make
a memory
use the very best
materials available,
select the ingredients
carefully,
mix them
patiently,
take your time
and over time,
as you hone your craft,
you will make less mistakes
and create something
perfect.

When you make a memory take each opportunity as it arises, don't hesitate, but be ready to grasp each moment, each nettle, whatever's to hand and to celebrate the here and the now - don't be tempted to wait for that perfect moment,
because it's here.

i fear that the beauty you see in me
will fade
as soon as you see me undressed
i fear that our forever
won’t be as long as you promised
once you get a taste of my lips
and i blame myself
for not being enough for you
when in reality
i am full
and you are empty
you try and empty me
in order
to fill yourself
i beg you
please
don’t empty me