Every couple of days.
She comes around.
She claims to not like me.
She looks the other way.
When she needs me
She knows where to find me.
Reaching with open arms.
When no one is around she professes her love.
There is no other.
She breaks my heart.
The start of another week.
She claims to not like me.
She calls late night.
Apologizing for what she's done.
I never felt so bad.
It's coming to an end.
In another couple of days.
Things'll be back the same.
The same old same old.
Both our selfish ways.
She knows where to find me.
I have no clue where she is

after swearing you would never hurt her
you discarded her along with all the other pretty hopeless things
not broken (NEVER broken)
but anachronistic, paradoxical, incongruous
a past that won’t leave the present.

glimmering tears falling in the dark
unseen, muffled, tracing the fossils of his breath on her cheek.

a sequin dress on the living room floor
with a naked moon child sticking a head out the window
still suffocating.

eyeliner wings searching for halos
but turning up empty
knowing angels don’t exist in her world-
laughing at the thought.

when you, a ghost, moved towards the light
(even though you see a new light every day-
never her, always something, still not enough)
you left her in the blackness of your discarded dreams
like a tool you had no more use for.

ghost stories are meant to scare little girls into sleeping with guns and walking with keys interlaced between fumbling fingers
and as he fades into that ghost from her story
she will try to sleep.

disbelief in ghosts
does not stop them from haunting your dreams
nor stop you from becoming one yourself.

she’s stuck in a timeline that moved on without her
watching like a ghost as life around her naively continues (how? do they still believe?)
hand over mouth to prevent escaped screams
phone in pocket to prevent escaped words

he must not know.
admitting she is still here
is admitting she is pretty hopeless
on her own.

so I noticed that we both drink coffee.
just like anyone, we both like ours a certain way.
i like mine sweeter, with just the aftertaste of coffee there.
caramel, sugar, creamer.
i think about when i’ll have my next cup, and the idea of it alone makes me happy.
i don’t care what time of day i have it, i almost always have a cup.
i make time for my coffee.
it might be safe to say i think you like your coffee black.
you might add just the smallest touch to soften its bitter taste, but never too much.
sometimes i think you just pour it and carry on, as though it’s nothing important at all.
as though all it is, is just some quick fix.
like you just want to get it over with.
we drink it in two different ways.
i drink it slowly.
i note every flavor in every sip, i enjoy it.
i note the warmth it brings me.
i like it all hours of the day.
you drink it quickly.
quicker than me, at least.
you don’t care if it burns your tongue, or perhaps you’re used to the pain.
you accept it.
you never let it last, you move on to something else soon after.
i lay in your bed, watching your eyes as they skim the screen in front of you.
your mind is somewhere else.
i savor the moments you look my way, if even for a second, and smile at me.
i wonder if you even notice them.
i feel your laugh vibrate my bones, making the hair on my arms stand on end.
do i make you feel at all?
i reflect on it every time i drink my coffee.
i think about it with each and every sip, taking my time.
something tells me that you don’t do the same.
after all, it's just coffee.
but i put my all into this coffee.
i think you like your coffee black.

Her soul is prettier than the stars in the sky
Yet you still think it's ok to make her cry
What did she ever do to you?
Look at what you've put her through

She's crumbling like aging stone
Yet you decide to not come home
Again and again you play tricks on her mind
Making her think you're there, but leaving her behind

Her heart is prettier than the dark ocean water
But the tide is just as strong, maybe stronger
The longer your gone, the longer she's alone
The sooner her ocean will be as dry as a bone

Her mind is as beautiful as a sunset through the trees
Pink and purple sky and warm scented breeze
She is everything that means "safe and love"
Yet you put her on a cliff and give her a shove

You think she doesnt know, but she does
You think she's still at home, well she was
Now she's physically there, but her minds disappeared
Lost in the stars wishing she wasn't scared

She wants her soul to be prettier than the stars in the sky
Too bad you never look up there to compare
Your eyes are set on your other highs
So you've never really seen her soul bared

‘i love you’ dripped from his tongue like honey, thick and sweet,
i ******* hate honey,
it made my thighs stick to the seats in the back of his car,
coated my throat so i couldn’t say no.

he didn’t love me
he loved using me whenever
he needed to
***.

-B.P

I lay on my bed early morning
After having to wake up at 5 am
Not that I wanted my night to end that fast
All I think about is how much of a big mistake
My stupid want for someone was
I should have been a little selfish
Then I would have seen through the pretext
But blinded for a need of someone I didn't need
I got something I didn't want
Then I had to accept
And learn to love something that was a bad idea in the first place
And now here we are
As I radiate in my love for him
I can't help but shed tears
Of how it all hurts
That I didn't know it would be this hard
But pushing forward is all that can be done
For looking back just brings more tears
And when you have the audacity
To call me any day to make yourself feel better
I get to understand
That I'm perhaps the only one
Who cares too much about other people
Enough to forget my own happiness

Today I made coffee
Not sure how that happened
Because I'm allergic to coffee
Then my eyes got to open
And I saw how frustrated I am
Not sure what holds more account to my frustration
But one, two, three and perhaps more men
Are on top of the list

It's time I made peace
With the fact that I was used
And of course duped
Into caring for someone
And perhaps people
Who don't give a ****

Now that you are into my life
My little source of joy
And sometimes frustration
But my love for you
Can never compare to any
Even though I'm never going to get enough sleep
Or time for myself
My love for you will never go away

The other day
Another asked to see me
Not because he would come
But for me, and my baby
To travel and go see him
Not to count the counties he needed us to cross
And hours on the bus
Yet he isn't even sure he wants us
I'm not even sure what to say about him

But now my dear
Its time I  accepted
That I am responsible
For both you and me
And that sleep is a luxury
And that mommy
Is always right
And that's me

Now that the best view
Comes from the hardest climb
We're going to get the view
Not sure when
But the patience and perseverance
Will be definitely worth it

The difference between a boy and a girl in moving on.
When it's over for a girl, it's hard at first, but it gets easier later on for her. At first, she'll be devastated. There will be many days she'll text him and show him that she wants to get back together. There will be many nights where she'll lay in bed and send him paragraphs before she sleeps. There will be many occasions where she'll lurk on his social media and see if he's with another girl or around other girls. There will be many times where she'll get mad when she sees him doing things without considering her feelings because in her mind, they're still together. She'll isolate herself and not want to be around other people. She wouldn't be in the mood to do anything eventful. She'll lose motivation in life and feel like it'll never get better because she depended on loving him for so long that she doesn't know what to do without him. But then, after some time, she realizes that maybe things are better off this way, maybe it just wasn't meant to be as she had hoped, and maybe it's time for her to stop waiting for him to come back. Eventually, she remembers how to be on her own. Eventually, she realized how she was fine before him. Eventually, she recognizes that the only person who deserves her love more than ever is herself.
When it's over for a guy, it's easy at first, but it gets harder later. At first, he'll feel relieved. There will be many days where he'll ignore her text messages because he doesn't have to deal with her anymore. There will be many nights where he won't care enough to reply to her messages because he's too busy partying. There will be many occasions where his Snapchat will be full of girls and it wouldn't bother him that it bothers her. There will be many times where he'll argue with her and remind her that they aren't together anymore so she should stop being crazy. He'll enjoy being around his friends. He's be up for meeting new friends and having new experiences. He will so happy that he's finally free to do whatever he wants because being with her was so straining that he had started to love her less and less until he didn't love he hard enough to try anymore. But then, after some time, he realizes that maybe the single life isn't what he wants, maybe it was foolish of him to treat her the way he did, and maybe he should step up and be everything she needed. Eventually, he remembers how much he adored her crazy personality. Eventually, he realized how much he misses her when he stares at the other side of the bed where she used to lay. Eventually, he recognizes how he ****** up on the one person he didn't deserve and was so lucky to have.
words by: teddie nguyen