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  Jan 2019 Shady Teddy
It all started with passion
And then your decisions
Ones that were very selfish
But look where that brought me

I've learnt so many things
It has taught me to love
Not just love, but unconditional love
It has taught me selflessness
I've learnt to give precedence
Someone else's needs over mine
It has shown me beauty
That within and that which I created
I have learned resilience
After crying so many times
I've learned it's okay to cry
I've learned to face my feelings
To check my actions before I take them
To be rational
Even when my feelings attempt to cloud judgement
To persist
Even when the going gets tougher

The best thing about it all
Is I learned it the hard way
And that's what makes it all beautiful
That wouldn't have happened
If you had stayed
And kept lying to me
To the man who made me a single mom
Shady Teddy Jan 2019
You ask why Ted hasn't been good
Ted has been bleeding
But with no physical wounds
Ted is been broken
Yet sustained no fractures
Ted is been lost
Yet still knows precisely where he is
Ted has been crying
Yet he shed not a single tear
Ted is strong now
Ted is wiser now
Ted has given up everything
but not on himself
All is well now
Am learning to live
With a heavy cloud of air around me
Ballast is evidence of my once strong fortress
So many shells
I used to have a heart you know
But I don't know where it is now,
or what became of it
So I decide not to live in regret,
and learned how to live without one
Shady Teddy Jan 2019

Am listening to my heart
And its full of echoes
Echoes of memories of truth
Yet i live in a world of pure deceit
I once was full of vigor
And earnest zeal to fight
But now am a shell
A remnant of my former self
Hardened by the scorching life suns
I miss my younger self
That guy had his life  figured out
People think am smiling
But all I do is open my mouth a little
To catch breath when am suffocating inside
Yet I laugh hard and loud
To convince myself that all is well
I dare myself to walk straight
But their eyes betray what they think about me
Yes I am a lot of things to a lot of people
A clinician who gives hope to some
A miserable resilient friend
The guy with a broken engagement
That dude with expensive taste
A relentless prayer worrior
The heartbreaker
But as I said before
Its what I am to them,
And honestly speaking
I  don't know who I am anymore
I used to have my life drawn
Now I don't even dare sketch it
I have not yet given up
But am also not sure I care anymore
Now am just a perpetual procrastinator
I have been shrinking daily
And now my skin is buggy
Sometimes I feel like shadying it off
I am a disappointment to myself
Ever busy yet achieving no result
Sometimes I get busy in bed
Not in the way you are thinking
I get busy summoning energy to wake up
And that takes some time
See I fell in love some day back
Guess I fell alone
She keeps me  busy marktiming
But hasn't allowed me to march
We I need to move
But she tells me to wait.
But what is she waiting for
She still lies to me with a straight face
And she isn't sorry for that
If she doesn't want to let me go
Why not march with me
If she doesn't want to march with me
Why keep me marktiming with her
Honestly am tired
And am letting go now
Am letting go of everything
And am picking up my pen again
And dating my paper into an everlasting poetry
Meyhem, stuck, love, heart broken, desolate
Shady Teddy Sep 2018
The time has come, for me to fray
the long lost fortune peace and joy
and i peep all around to see a ray
to give me hope and stop to cry
in the face of dispair, i will still try
it feels like hell and i need to fly

am about to burst and am full of thought
then if she left to me its draught
the touch of her hand and a kiss so hot
swimming basking and the fish we caught
fear and doubt with love we fought
she always escaped to what we ought

then came the insighter and he seemed brighter
taking her out and treating her better
Using a phone when i used letters
things were hard especially with a competitor
forgot me complete together with her litter
it seemed to her there was nothing sweeter

after utelizing the better of her best
he disposed her and then left
she had some pain in the chest
when she came in serch for rest
she was mine but we had to test
to avoid being hung like a nest

A drop of blood and a little buffer
recalled how our children would suffer
if through ignorance our life was vapour
my test was a line and my partners twice
why would life be so very  unfair?
her episode was so shortlived

yet she left me huge a burden
to the kids we had i was both parents
just be cause she wouldn't heed
even doctors advice on adherence
all in all i had to say goodbye
coz she was mine for the time we spent

what i am now going through
is a fruit of ignorance and disobedience
my urge my prayer,
that not one falls into the same
it's so easy to say that,
lets avoid the idea of shame
by first escaping the blame
by keeping ourselfs tame.
Shady Teddy Sep 2018
Life is lived, with hope for better.
when life is dry, God makes it wetter
If then it's cold, He gives us sweater
and no regreats, will come in later
When heavy to bear, He makes it lighter

Problems may come, but just for a while
sometimes are bitter, almost like bile
life is pattern, and problems are tile
leave them to God, mind what's worthwhile
even when long, sometimes like nile
prepare to thank, God in your file

Life is cold, and friends are gold
hearts are bold, but never sold
always thank God, till you are old
some hearts to fold and others to hold
friends and lord, they drive the world

when you are down
they always crown
if you are worn,
they make you own
joy is the noun
even if unknown

Some leave your heart, while others swell
in times of draught, they make a well
with flacid mood, they make it swell
create an heaven and remove the hell
when you rise, everyone will tell
arise and shine, coz now you are well
Shady Teddy Sep 2018
It keeps me up at night
Not the pain I once felt
Oh not my neighbours stereo
But it keeps me awake

Not the creviced bedbugs
Not the cold of July
Not the squeeking bed
But I can't sleep

Not the nightmares
Not the pills
Not the ****
A full blown insomnia

Its the cold in my heart with a fever in my body
The ache in my heart with a smile on my face
Feeling of loneliness inside a crowd
The empty soul with a full stomach

Am still suffocating in the oxygen tank
And am drowning in plain air
Sinking into the rock
A scorching sun under the cave

And I can't sleep
Shady Teddy Sep 2018
Pain is a natural warning
That its dangerous
And one should keep off
It makes the best memories
Especially after a burn
A new wound
They say love is a pain
But sometimes its recurrent
Such famous salt on wound
Only happens if we care
And cant stay away from
Thats when i realize who you are
My daily dose of pain
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