I'm tired of feeling pulled 
in ten different directions 
by all these expectations 
and never knowing just
who I'm supposed to listen to. 
I want to live for myself
and make my own decisions,
but I've never really risen
to the occasion when it counted. 
What I am good at, though,
is letting myself be controlled
by the wishes of others. 
I guess I'm just inadequate,
my efforts never suffice
when I'm left to my own devices.

Terrified
                   of taking this chance
                   and letting you see
                   just how jagged every
                   little piece
of
                  me is.  Broken, all my
                  scattered portions flutter
                  away until I'm no
                  longer sure of just
what
                  picture they used to
                  complete.  And you come
                  along, strolling oh-so-
                  casually to retrieve
this
                  piece and that piece,
                  fitting them in their
                  rightful places again.
                  Each snugly put in with a
love
                  I never imagined could
                  exist in reality. So tell me
                  why, when I so clearly see
                  your pure intentions, why
can
                  I not just accept it all?
                  Instead I wonder, second-
                  guess, and contemplate
                  running.  Can I ever just
be...

But do not let this
Rub you the wrong way
I love you
But I'm not in love with you.
I mean, surely
I could be in love with you
          *But I'm too inexperienced to tell a difference between the two

Hurts worse
than what you have become
and
even I
recognize the pain
boiling in your eyes.

But that *** is now
spilling over
and
the river is simply too wide.

Its like winter again
yet
the grass is green
I sense the dark and
the horizon tells the
truth.

I met him where
ink turns to ice
and I return to that
place
once more
and
there you are.

Your open arms
look so warm
but your eyes
make me
shiver.

I see what you are
and
I know
what you are now.

It all ends here
and
I know.

It all ends here
and
I take your hand,
surprised by the iciness of
touch.

Who are you?
More like who am I?

For
you are back
facing that
mirror and
truly
you are me.

You are waiting for me
and I cannot explain my
want
for it is simply
too much.

and your eyes
swallow me, easily,

where have you been?

for now I am
missing.

I need to escape
you
for you are my
drug of choice
and the cravings are
eating me
alive.

please
release me
even though, in truth,

**I love you

No facade elaborate enough
To adequately conceal
The inner-conflict
In which I am embroiled

No crooning of comfort
Can delivery me peace
Or forestall my mind's
Eventual unhinging

No foxed, tattered pages
Of forlorn loveletters
Strewn with stark promises
Can resurrect my will

My compass confiscated
My map of reason
Torn and trampled upon
My future at the mercy of shadows