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Sie Sep 2019
You were my anchor to reality but you never were in reality.  So my anchor to what?
To you?
To the bottom?
To the taste of chemicals?
To crime?
You were never good for me but you acted like it was the best thing.
Yeah yeah it was great  at the time.
Except time kept moving and I wanted to be free.
You decided that not how you like me.
You threw me away to be collected with the rest of your garbage the next day.
I was like a ******* spirit.
I kept coming back.
Three times but you never let me stay.  I should've known then all you did was make me decay.
They say never give up.
I say do it sooner and more final like shattering a glass cup.
You were the toxins  in the chemical candy.
The sharp rocks at the bottom.
The jail time and fines ready.
The anchor for a ship tied to my raft made of twigs.
So long it took to detox cut the rope and swim back to the top.
I don't hate you but I will not decay with you.
Laugh as I will as you sink lower and lower.
I tried to tell you the decay will rot you  make believe solider.
Sie Sep 2019
Everyday I think about you.
I realize maybe you are happier than I could've made you.
Everyday I'm thankful.
A best friend  who has forgiven me endlessly.
Everyday I love you.
I never gave us the chance maybe I was scared maybe I was just flat out stupid.
Everyday I am happy.
A best friend who will always be there for me until the end.
I may have lost a beautiful love but I also got to keep an amazing friend.
Everyday I am sad.
I am brimming with guilt no matter what but I'm also glad that I didn't get a chance because I wasn't ready for it and I could've broken what I want to keep whole and loved.
But everyday I know we have an unbreakable bond.
Sie Apr 2019
I'm way to drunk and ******
But I still gotta drive us home.
Im thinking bout her
And the thing she could have been to me.
Things should've turned out differently
Her eyes the color of ice
First meeting hair of bright pink LSD
Body of goddess  heart of a sweet sugared candy and that soul was just bright as can be
I'm drunk and alone
But I gotta live this life
But in still thinking bout my girl
Im way to drunk and I'm  supposed to have moved  on from this.
I cant just forget a love that never got the chance to grow.
I have to go
In the dark velvet dress the dark eyebrows
She was my world but i threw it away now im living in a different universe
from quite a while ago
Sie Apr 2019
We as human have such an attachment to everything, it’s out biggest flaw.
Our friends, our relationships, our objects, our old selves.
We always cling to everything.
Even when everything is pushing itself as far away as possible.
We should take a hint and learn a lesson.
We hold to tight and when everything goes it is so much harder to recover.
Even after being cut off we try to go back, and go back, and go back.
We need to keep moving forward.
Stop holding on.
Push ourselves away from what was.
Sie Feb 2019
It took 10 months before we saw each other again.
We had tried before, people pushed us.
This time I was invited to a party and, it happened.
I was completely terrified.
Would we yell. Would we cry. Would we fight.
Nothing happened how either of us imagined.
We saw each other stood there for a second till we were told to hug.
It was not like any other hug.
It was a weight lifted from my shoulders.
Relieving and healing.
Knowing I could move on.
While it put something back together it tore me apart.
A reminder of the hatred, the differences, and of course the hurt.
How we both moved on completely.
Minus the anchor that was still biting at our ankles.
What kept coming to me was how much harder it was for me,
How little she got hurt.
How it kept me fighting a darkness for months.
10 months.
It was forever, yet almost no time at all.
10 months.
i will be posting more guys i got out of my funk
Sie Mar 2018
I look back  at all these old friendships old relationships.
I used to think they were perfect that they  were real.
Never were they real
I don't  think ever experienced  a real friend a real  love.
Why must I continue to trick myself to think that all of it is real.
But I guess do i even  know what"real" is?
Sie Nov 2017
Yo, I didn't think it could get any worse.
Except now i'm sitting here alone.
I must have a curse.
My best friend left because of where I found a home
for my heart.

She is my everything I don't understand why she's gone.
Is my happiness really that toxic.
Could it really be that bad.
Could it just be.Me?

It doesn't really matter now.
I'm alone and drowning in my demons.
Ice and smoke , I must be dreamin'
I've let myself bleed and I let myself bow,
to the new king

I am not me, I'm ruled by darkness and hate and sadness alike.
She left me and now I have nowhere to turn.
I've called for help, but that's when they strike.
Bad habits, Bad feelings, Bad drugs, that's what i'll learn.
**** **** **** **** i can actually feel myself slipping. hes going to leave soon, ill end up doing something he hates, and then ill actually die ill be truly alone and nobody will care. IF THEY HAD CARED THEY WOULDNT HAVE LEFT.
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