I reached out to you yesterday.
You had just told me how you felt,
You said it felt difficult.
I felt it too.

Three weeks it had been.
The silence echoed.
I questioned myself, had I done something?
I waited and waited…

I asked to meet up again,
You didn’t respond.
The day before you sounded different,
Then I heard nothing but my own heartbeat.

I had been over the moon.
I thought you might like me.
Do you though?
How am I to know.

My friend saw us,
Were you asked about it, and it felt too much?
Or were you honest…
You just felt like you were gonna mess something up.

Still mask, that's what's left- a face,
A canvas for words I've never said.
Your fingers tracing the lace,
The only  thing I ever dread.

You place the letters by my side,
Silent tear rolling down your cheek,
Words tangled in webs, trying to hide,
Knowing that I'll never speak.

You lay white lilies by ice-cold hands,
Close to cover the letters as it lands.

If yesterday had come for you,
               I’d mourn forever.

If today is that day you leave me,
          still I’ll never forget you.

If tomorrow already erased you,
     then maybe I should retrace it.

I longed to call her mine,
But she wept for a love not mine.
One heart broke so another could survive.

Ink's running out
as my thoughts get loud.
In between you and me,
my cup’s fuller.

The strings attached
are still clinging on tight—
but I will not hold on
any longer.

For this is, by chance,
a brief experience.
And that,
I should be grateful for—
because you made me feel
something
I had been longing for
before.

To be held,
for once,
with hands so warm
and willing
to engulf me as a whole.

This fleeting experience—
I'll hold on to.
For not even once
have I felt
a deep connection
I never wanted to end.

Perhaps,
it was you
or how you made me feel.
Or maybe,
it was your eyes
that I still wish
to stare into—
at least
for one last time.

Dearest Parents,

I don’t even know where to begin, because there’s so much sitting in my heart. Some of it heavy, some of it aching and all of it quietly waiting to be heard.

I miss you both.
I miss home.
I miss the feeling of safety I used to associate with your presence. Even when things were hard, I believed, deep down, that love was somewhere in the room.

But now… I feel banished. Like I was pushed out from the one place I thought would always take me in. I don’t know if it was something I did, or didn’t do, or simply who I am. But the silence, the distance, it’s louder than any words you could’ve spoken.

I’ve been trying to be strong. To hold myself up without the foundation I used to rely on. To believe I still matter, even when I feel forgotten. It hurts. It hurts in the kind of way that lingers, that wakes me up at night, that makes me question my worth.

Still, somewhere in me, there’s a small flicker of love that hasn’t gone out. A part of me that wishes you could see me. Not as a disappointment, not as someone to cast out, but just as your child. I’m not perfect, but I’ve always carried love for you. I still do.

Maybe you’ll never read this. Maybe nothing will change. But I needed to say it, for me. I needed to let these words out of the cage they’ve been in.

With love and sadness,
Me