Thoughts about you
Gone wrong
What does one do?

Goodbye to the moments

So relentless
With your gripping

Intended to hurt

Loyalty were just words

Leaving the mouth

Sewn

...loose

With cracks, revealing to everyone around

Closed eyes and numb
To what's going on
Closed eyes and numb...
Closed eyes and numb

My body is pale and chilled to the bone,
Everything I once was is long gone,
The light in my eyes have dulled slowly.

I no longer feel like the lively boy I once was,
Expressions of emotions seem so foreign.

Everything feels so hopeless,
I am unable to feel anything,
I am to far gone, to hollow inside to care.

I am a **** living inside the little boy they all once knew,
A criminal taking away all the things that allowed me to feel,
Now only the feeling of numb runs through my veins.

This is the outcome; all I have done to get better has just left me numb.

I can hear the drums still,
Understanding when to react and play the 'act',
Another day starting but I don't even notice.

I wonder sometimes if I'll every get better,
Maybe then everyone will return back to me?
But I silence those thoughts, and just through my sweater back on,
Its knitted with all the emotions I once was able to freely feel.

All there is left is this numb little boy,
In replace of the once brightest little star that was filled with such innocents.

I know nothing matters,
I know I won't see the light,
I'll just stand up from my seat,
And I'll give up the fight.

They try to bring me back,
Telling me not to give up,
I wonder why they're optimistic,
Their mouth I cannot shut.

I want to slap some sense into them,
We're all gonna die someday,
Why need friends?
They can't be with us anyway.

In the end,
We're all alone,
Without some company,
Everything I'll disown.

I can't help but think that part of me loves you.

But we know that, I do love you. But this feels different, like a different kind of love. Something I've never felt before, something I don't know how to feel.

I'm scared to love because I'm scared to lose.

I can't love more than I do because I've put so much forth towards the relationship we have now. But I can't help but think that part of me loves you.

I miss you more often than not, I love the times we are able to talk, and even better, FaceTime.

But I can't love you. I just can't.
And if I did, I'd most definitely be friendzoned by now.

There's just something to you. A caring, kindhearted, wonderful human being with a special soul.

But I just can't love you, I can't.

These are things I want to tell you, but instead keep hidden deep down inside. Because I can't love you.

Yet, I look for pieces of you in every guy I meet. Every guy I'm interested in. Hoping they can be as amazing as you and give me all that you have. You treat me right, you treat me like a lady. You encourage me to follow my dreams and tell me when I'm being insane.

So maybe there is a part of me that truly loves you, more than I do now.

But I can't love you like that, I just can't.

The gun to my head.
The bottle empty.
The cuts deeper than ever before.
The blood streaming.
Flooding my thoughts.
The words piercing me.
Singing to try to save me.
I am not going to be saved.
I can not be saved.
Not when my baby is ripped from me.
Not when my wrists bleed.
Not when I cry at night.
Not when I'm dead inside.
**** I really am broken.
I pretend to be happy.
Pretend to be over it.
Pretend to move on.
Well it still haunts me.
I still hear the voice.
It is ******* killing me!!!!!
I'm dead!!!!
I can't do this anymore....
I drink a little too much.
Cut a little too deep.
Pull the trigger a little too fast.
When you find me I'll be dead.
Sorry.

My body freezes.
My airways weezes.
I am pushed away from a deep sleep.
On so deep that my insides weep.
Upon waking up its hard to move.
Nothing I can really do.
So I lay here and stare.
Unable to move even if I dared.
Stuck here for minutes at a time.
Staring up at the roof hiding the sky.
Unable to let tears leave my eyes.
Here I stay unable to cry.
In a deep deep comma like state.
Here I lay here like a fish on a plate.