the bags under my eyes are almost as oversized as the t-shirts i've been living in.  upon waking, my choices consist of shakily making it through the day on cup after cup of coffee or putting myself through the misery of consciously keeping my eyelids pried open.  nights are filled with blankly staring at up at the ceiling and anxiety thoughts.
forgetting to eat has never been so easy, my waistline is shrinking daily.  they say to take it one day at a time, but each new day is more back-breaking than the last.

i want to pick myself up
            head in pinched fingers
pull my tired body out of reality's
stone walls and
            blurry vision
aching steps
            and charred black worries

crumple me up
            melt me down
and pour me
into the tiny orange flame
of a tall white candle

let me hover over
life
crackle softly
rest peacefully
and
burn

slowly

Believe it everything will come to the light .

Before I first opened my eyes
Even before we had our first breath
You have always suffered
You have always felt his wrath.
He was supposed to protect you, us
He was supposed to love you, us
But he's as irresponsible as a child.
Painful truth, a true curse
So long as he exist,
So long as he breaths,
The circle continues.

I'm the last line of defense,
I'm the last one left to protect you.
But I also have suffered enough,
But I can't be weak, I cannot turn back.
Because It is my greatest duty;
My solemn oath to you,
I promised to always protect you.

Though, I cannot erase the fact...
I'm really... really tired.
I want to take a break from him.
I wish to get far from him, really far.
My siblings left you, me...alone.
I am just a child, I've held my ground;
I've held my ground till I'm finally broken.

Why do I have to be traumatized by him?
Why did we deserved all this?
What did I do to deserve this?
When will this ever end...
Because I'm really tired...
To protect you , all alone...
To face him all by myself...