2012
He grips my thighs and whispers in my ears,
“Say anything and you will regret it,
After all, who would believe a pathetic excuse like you?”
I sit there in fear, knowing what was happening,
After all, it’s been the same for months
I go home, and cry myself to sleep each night
Pretend everything is okay

2014
He sits and laughs at me while I’m in pain
Calls me a fool and pretends he never did a thing.
I grip my thighs in agony.
It’s still all I can think about, the pain too strong
I can’t escape and panic every time I leave my room
I still have to see him in every class
Pretend everything is okay

2016**
He’s gone, I haven’t seen him in months
No longer am I afraid of men,
At least not as much as then.
Someone else grips my thighs now,
I feel no fear when he does
He understands and helps take the pain away
Not everything is okay, but a lot is now

the trouble lies
in your thighs
plump skin, of pink, apricot, nutmeg
fresh flesh fetched far
taught to knee, cuffed at ankle
red carpet to round hips
they ripple, as you stomp
as they should
you're a peach bottomed girl of pear tree house

she is a willow girl
her legs, they wind
country lanes that slim and thin
less lard, longer length
one music note to pink, apricot, nutmeg toes
pillars under sacred, upholding
the light twist of hips
is there the same problem
does it there lie
in that girl's thighs?

your thighs are equally moulded
pink, apricot, nutmeg
soft and plump and trembling, still
in mountains, or molehills
you're a peach bottomed girl of pear house
she is a willow tree girl of birch place
together, women
you have thighs
and neither of
those thighs
lies

As he kissed my lips and felt my thighs
I watched in the mirror as my soul slowly died

He checked my wrists and thighs
He checked my stomach and my sides
He checked and said "Let me see if you've been cutting again"

He gave no warning.
No sign that he was going to do this in the last hour that I faced him.
He looked me up and down, eyes more serious than I've ever seen
I couldn't help but feel embarrassed that I let him down once before
I was embarrassed I relapsed and he was there to see me unravel.

"I've been good"
"I've been good"
"I've been good"
I felt like a child, repeating the sentence over and over
Our friends continuously asking what I meant and he simply says
"It's nothing."
But in his eyes I could see
To him it meant everything

So he checked
He checked my wrists and thighs
He checked my stomach and my sides
He hugged me tight and whispered softly
*"Please stay good, I love you to much to lose you like that."

Somewhere, in the sleeping corners of the Universe
You eat my heart, raw
Removing the sticky traces from the lips
With your teeth
And catching stray drops of juice with your tongue.
With red fingers you touch my eyes
You crush them
Like blackberries and absorb them inside of you.
You bite my thighs,
Sprinkling them with cinnamon and melt in your throat.
You swallow me
Gradually, with seeds
Wiping your fingers on my cheeks.
Do you know that?

You have no ******* idea.

You move.
You shift,
you groan,
you sigh.
Your hair,
you lips,
your eyes,
I am wrapped
between,
your thighs.
And I like it when you move.

Wooden hands
Bruising random shapes
On my bare thighs.
Wooden hands
Leaving me covered
In rainbow lies.

And when wooden hands
Cross my mind,
They come in the form
Of sunshine.


F.Z.N