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I  remember the day I lost my soul.
And I wish I could explain it better but how exactly do you explain your dignity being stepped on and your innoncence being ripped to shreds?
The details don't matter because they never do.
I just wanted to go back home.
I just wanted to go back twenty minutes and wait for my friend.
I just wanted to go back an eternity and never take my first breath because how can I still be alive when I feel so dead inside?
And I was just a kid, but I grew up twenty years in the space of twenty seconds.
I didn't cry because I was empty.
I didn't scream because my throat was dry.
I thought about flying and the sound my shoes wouldn't have made on the pavement had I had wings.
Then I thought about this guy who'd made wings out of wax in the legend, and how he'd gotten too close to the sun and died.
And I thought maybe I was already dead.
Because my wings were melted and I was already falling down I
Have drowned in oceans deeper than the universe and
Like a heart lost at sea I am a human lost in the billions of lives walking around me
And joking about **** and not realizing their jokes are not funny
Stripping me down to an skeleton, an object to be played with, a mass of skin and bones, a live doll who couldn't get her voice to be heard by people passing by and turning their heads the other way is not funny.
And I don't want to wish you dead
But I can't bear to see you alive
I have suffered a thousand nights
Your words on my skin like a burning fire
Boiling my blood with the anger a 16 year old should never have to feel
I have been walking the walk of shame
Eversince you spit on the floor where you lay my ruined soul and left me to die And maybe one day I won't wake up with the image of you at my throat but for now you poisonned my past so each night I bleed my ink on paper to forget the weight of your body on top of mine
and I can't trust or smile or live the way I did before and I fall asleep each night feeling your shadow breathing down my neck I
Am no longer a blooming flower but a rotten scent like the perfume you were wearing that night I
Am not dead but I don't wish to feel so I sleep and in my dreams I wash my face with your blood and wipe my tears with my courage so I can clear my eyes and watch you as I blink you away you have not won this battle
In my dreams I am the hero and I don't have bruises and marks imprinted on my body because you do not exist in my dreams
But then I wake up and take twenty shattered breaths on my shaking lips and even as I suffocate in a world that doesn't understand my pain I live each day stronger than the next and let your memory fall down the land of oblivion with the hope one day I'll turn around and you'll be gone.
I have hope.
Lenore Lux Dec 2014
Dance barefoot to the lowly beach
below a chorus of cars
singing sweetly as the set sun drifts
below, in purple, rolling the world to
a swirl of stars
Under it I hold truth in my arches
to find glass to bleed color into gray,
into black, just as in my hands I hold you
It's as if severance finds me over again
where I curl on the boulder I last saw your face
In bare footsteps I seep into ether the memories
of a bitterness, of a love that left,
in hopes that I wake up
here again, living with the comforting notion
that the endless sea and sands, surrounding this
beach will bring me back to the surface
as I suffocate.
I suffocate.
Inspired by the words of a new, mysterious acquaintance. Thank you, mystery woman.

"The sand goes on forever behind us, and the sea goes on forever ahead." -- Shrimoyee
It is much more...

Complicated. And still you believe me
When I say I'm okay.

Have you ever been told
How easy it is
For an honest person to pass
On a lie?

I know you aren't dense.

I haven't been "OK"
In my world I feel used and abused--
My trust broken by everyone.
I can't even tell you about a feeling
That makes me want to curl up in a dark room
And cry...

So boy, don't believe it when I say
I'll be fine.
Teratology: The study of monsters
Samantha Nov 2014
I have this chain around me
my hands are tied together
I cannot move so freely

I have this chain around me
my mouth is encrusted with power
I cannot shout so loud

I have this chain around me
my ears are full of order
I cannot hear so clear

I have these chains around me
so tight, so heavy
I cannot breathe so fully



(samber)
11/11/14
Sarah Oct 2014
Pretend my eyes are blue
to match my blood;
deprived of life
and breath
my lungs search for air,
but I drown.
I hold no love, no life
between the gasping cavities
of my cavernous chest.

Pools deep below my eyes
unseen
Deep into my body, endless depth
to drown in,
drown my heart in my lungs

Stifle my love in depravity

Death with no oxygen for my blood,
for my brain,
for my mind,
for my love.

Blue.
I cannot feel,
for a lack of life
suffocates me.
Poetic T Oct 2014
I was swimming in a sea
Of balloons
They were
Ocean
Blue
&
White
I tried to hold on but
Always slipping under
The white would slip off
the many blues
And hit like a
Feather
Shaped
Brick
Many more would fall
I tried to breath
But the latex water
Suffocating,
Asphyxiating,
Breathless,
As each rolled off my face.
I was in a ocean of
Balloons,
But they kept floating down
Knocking the air from my lungs,
I swam,
I drifted,
As the white wall faded
Sinking to the bottom
The weight too much,
To float as the blue,
I was swimming in balloons,
Now floating face down
Suffocated by the endless blue..
Sometimes I
Wake up terrified
Crying
Jumping
You
Creep up in my nightmares
Slither in a little bit further each time
Sneak in from behind and
Touch
My back with your finger
Get it away from me
Graze
The back of my neck
I break out in a sweat
Pet
The top of my head
The air escapes from my lungs and I suffocate
Rub
The length of my arm
I cannot breathe I am frozen
Kiss
All the way down my spine
My vision blurs, I wish I could collapse
Lick
The lobe of my ear
I heave and gag and I cannot-
Caress
With his words my tortured soul
Please
Please
Let me go
But
You crawl into
The only place you know I cannot shut you out
Push you away
You trap me
Make me remember I have no right to seek happiness when you took it away from me
But I am a fighter
You may visit and torment me every night but
I have a grip on reality
And with someone's hand to hold I anchor myself in a world where
You
No longer exist and
I
Allow myself to laugh and smile

Now people call me sunshine.
So **** it, brother.
Layla Thurman Sep 2014
I used to believe
you took my breath away
but now I've realized
all you did
was suffocate me
Life's a Beach Aug 2014
Sink my silence into
social starvation
and thaw me out
slowly


Throw me not
to Fire

Church me not on
a pyre of Destruction.

Instead

Suffocate my screams
Until I ******* of Society

Because at least then
you'll think I'm **fixed
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