You say you're an ally of change
Raising your fist to the cause of the moment
But we all see you strutting through the streets
Paying no mind to the people around you
Begging on their knees for your grace

Don't tell me your hero story
Don't pretend that you care
If you really want to show me
Just say that you know me
When the world's injustice comes to bear
Down on me

The weight is on my shoulders
But you can lend a hand
This cross is mine to bear
But you can help me up
When it falls
Down on me

Don't sell me your tales of noble glory
Don't play the savior's role
If you really want to show me
Just say that you know me
When the world's injustice comes to bear
Down on me

When the axeman takes his swing
It falls down on me
When the gavel drops from above
It falls down on me
When the house of cards falls apart
It falls down on me

And all this pain they are suffering
Is all because of you
You are guilty for every tear they shed
For every scream they let out
For all their sleepless nights
Awake at late hours
Worrying about you
Struggling to accept all the damage
Even after all you have done to them
They continue to love you
I think that's what hurts the most
Their love of their life
Is killing them
Day by day
And you
Turn a blind eye
Face the other way
Ignorant of all the the things you are doing
You don't care
All you worry about is getting your way
Even if that means stomping over them
The people that love you the most
That are willing to give up their whole world
They are dying inside
Burning inside from all the heartache
And it's all because of you
Their living nightmare

Tasting pleasure is not my fault for one reason, and one reason...ONLY...! I am ecstasy itself! Ecstasy that is not within my own choice to choose from. I merely tether my own choice towards the pleasure I hope to tether towards my ecstasy as tasting it with pride. That's why I tend to fail sometimes when knowing it's my fault for who I am... But fail (all the same) to see through the lies of my very delusions tell me so, simply! I'm a failure to my own structural design! As I'm also a failure to my own choices among the same decision-making my actions enforce. As I'm not going to lie about such things, but... I don't truly want to taste the pleasures my own inner "ecstasy" demons want from me! They want to mutually **** me dry! Only for myself to last long enough by the hand that want's to be free of them...ALL! I want them to stay and torment me for the pleasure of such tastes! I want to devour my own inner "ecstasy" demons...for I HATE what I've become. (Triggering forevermore something I could NEVER control!) Not to mention the torment I pose upon myself and those very demons! I want respect where respect can't (ever again) be given, when I've eaten myself up long ago! This simple passage is a given guilt upon the makings of an apology that I could come to grips about getting it out there into the BIG BAD open world! Who would come to appreciate my suffering (first and foremost)? A curse that will spread like wildfire! Where in time...the whole world could forgive me for what I've done to myself, and to others. Since what this passage reeks of, is the after-effect of the incident that is clearly behind the scenes doing GOD KNOWS WHAT!

Feeling desolated
ready to break free
To let out that cry
and sing through the pain

Things don't always go as planned
life is always an unknown kind
The hopes that we held on to
we are afraid to let go

This pain inside my heart
is there to show me my love
No matter what happens
I will be okay

Break my heart over and over
To feel this pain deeper and deeper
To awaken to the truth of my suffering
until I love myself to the very end

The beauty of our lives
is to live and cry
to feel and suffer
but still never falter

I shall swallow what life gives me
I get on my knees and pray with sincerity
To feel more deeply into this suffering
and then release it into my being
in eternity

At times  I find myself blocked.
Stopped, unable to move forward.
Standing still, as the days pass me by.

Lost dreams, lost hopes.
Lost loves, lost friends,
Lost parents, siblings and children.
Lost heart, Lost soul.

Enter, exit, enter again and turn left
Or was it right?
May I go forward? Stop and  await.
Do this! Don't do that!
They are wrong. We are right!
Over manipulated. Over controlled.
Enough!!!! No more!!!

Watching loved ones leave
Never to return again.
Broken hearted,
Longing throbbing pain.

So easily distracted by appetite
The smells and enticing words
"Massaman curry with rice with spring rolls
A slice of cheese, with date or olive
Lost in tasting, numb in feeling....
Eating myself into the land of oblivion
Drifting, floating, never to return.

It came quickly!
The rain fell hard in my summer!
Can you see us?
Everyone in their own storm.
Oh, please be still my restless soul.

Watching "them" drawing up schemes
Complaining maneuvers and attacks
Smiling smugly, together
under their "justified" umbrella.
I turned my energy away.

The wind continues to blow
And the rain continues to fall
Do I give into despair?
Or take courage to persevere?  
Courage my friend.  
A  glorious choice, courage!

Moving gracefully through the storm
Calm stillness begins
Facing the sun
The shadows fell behind me.
"What if I grab the silver lining?
Will my life be forever changed?"

I am not a lone "Black Sheep" in this rain.
Each of us in line, shedding our fleece.
Letting it go, as white feathers
Gracefully floating higher
Upon sunbeams Home.

The storm continued as I built my  new home.
Among the quiet of the fragrant cedars
Maples, birch and pine.

The fragrance of the wind
and the touch of the rain
Now fills  my senses!

Opening, freely.
Spirit Dancing in the Rain!
My senses love the spring,
Summer and the fall rains!!

It was in this moment the clouds parted.
Revealing a flowing rainbow
With  vibrational colors of resonance
A phi ratio within each color
Singing, songs, and connecting
Each strand of my human DNA.

A smile expressing itself
Thousands upon thousands of Colors!
An adventure within each
New sunny and rainy day!!
Oh, how I love, this sweetness in life!!!

Death
   but no release
Empty again
  in ever more ways
But it's okay
  Don't be sorry
It's here for me
And I'm not suffering
  Something is happening here
A deeper change
    It brings me into a depth
     a stillness
Can I accept it?
  Am I ready?
    I'm allowing the change.
      cling to nothing.
When I'm silent
    it speaks.
Open up
         Listen.
   It doesn't make sense
But I don't care anymore
   It's just an experience
     in the midst of realization.
I am here
  it can serve me.
It's unpleasant now
  as I breathe my way through
But I can be in grace
as I go beyond
and see another view.