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maybe i lay in the dirt because it’s closer to everything i’ve ever lost. grief is such a terrible thing. i don’t mind choking on it.
lone-pine-poetry
i am stuck inside this body. and it feels all wrong. tears sting my eyes every time i look in the mirror. the face in the reflection isn’t showing my authentic self. but god, a whole lifetime of burying myself in the dirt and i can’t seem to stop choking on it.

the roots have tangled around my body, holding me lifeless in limbo. it’s my fault for letting it condition me into believing i am not meant for anything other than soil. i must have the strength to break free, i can see the light glowing. but i am too scared to touch it after rotting in the darkness for a lifetime.

but god i just want to break free, to be rid of the worms eating away at me. i want to feel the sun on my skin. i want to know myself when i am not covered in dirt. it’s just so hard to dig myself out of it when i am the one that dug it deeper than it had ever been before. i am tired. my muscles ache.

will i ever be able to look in the mirror and see a man staring back at me? the musculature, peace in my eyes, and their perceptions correct? dirt under my fingernails proving the fight it took to break free?

i hate what i see because it is not correct. what went wrong? why was i born in the wrong body? why is this war raging inside me? why can’t i just accept it? why do i feel like sometimes i would rather just roll over in the dirt and rot?

i know there is still time but it’s not moving fast enough. i am drowning inside this body. if i could just turn adam’s rib into my own. but i fall victim to the idea i’ll always just be made from a man’s rib without ever having the body it came from. a rib is not enough. i need to be the whole creation.
lone-pine-poetry
lex Apr 18
run
an evil man runs the world.
an evil man runs our house.
an evil man runs out on me.
when will it be my turn to run?
posting a random blurb since it's been a while
ab ja na Apr 17
i want food
i want to eat and sleep and be pampered
like a brat cat that gets so much love
enough of being a dog, it is tiring
and i think i am living in dog years
wait i was about to say cat years,
i want to live in tortoise years
as a tortoise
The child in me wants to grow up to become a tree.
The adult wants to die into it.

The mountains do not flinch
at what the world has done.
They hold their silence
in granite outcroppings—
scarred, still,
older than sorrow,
yet never indifferent to it.

She came to the ridge
where the cold wind weaves
between trees older than memory.
It touched her like a voice—
not kind,
not cruel,
just knowing.

And that knowing
wrapped around her ribs
like a truth she never chose to carry.

She stood beneath the pines,
her face turned to sky,
and the weight of it all
finally broke through—
tears carving warmth
into cheeks too long hardened.

Then her head
pressed to my chest—
as if to ask
if anything was strong enough
to stay.

And I knew.
I was built for this.
To stand right here.
To hold what broke her
and not let it fall further.

The wind moved on—
but something stayed:
a stillness
a hush

a warmth in the marrow
of what had once been frozen.


Not every wind will cut so cold.
Not every ache will hold.
And not everything un-beautiful
was meant to remain that way.

Tomorrow, the trees will still be here.
And the creek will still run clear.
But so will she—
with something inside
that now knows:

even the wounded
can become
the most beautiful thing
the mountains have ever seen.



The Black Hills are my home
I have friends here, past and present

I am grateful for the ones
I have known here

There is a place and time for everything..

even healing.  from horrible, horrible things

❤️
I know I was drawn to coming here                                                             ­                                               
to a dark room with a mind to
clear                                                            ­                                                  
                                                                ­                                                      
I need some time to think about me                                                               ­                                            
                                                                 ­                                              
And find out what my life needs to be                                                               ­                                                          
 I have a habit of blaming myself                                                           ­                                                                 ­                                                                 ­                             
    Give all my love to everyone else                                                             ­                                                
   So, what I have been repressing                                                                  ­                                                
Has bubbled up & effervescing                                                     ­                                         
A hard battle that I have to win                                                              ­                  
                                                                ­                                                  
   Am I worthy of self-forgiving?                                                                     ­                                                 
    It's time to let all the past go   
                                                                ­                                               
Less ebb & much more flow
White Owl Apr 8
Oh God, how long until my woes
Transfigure into peace?
Until the violent storms inside my skull
Will finally cease?
Until the gaping emptiness
I feel beneath my ribs
Is filled with warmth and joyousness?
That's all I plead You give!

Around me I see people full
With water, meat and wine.
I see them eat together --
Oh, how carefree they all dine!
When hunger hasn't gripped my gut,
I've gorged on rotten meat.
And when my throat has not been dry,
Vinegar's been my treat.

Please give me, Lord, a future hope
That isn't a mirage.
I look for peace, but pain attacks
In relentless barrage.
My spirit grumbles -- do take ear
And help my soul to thrive.
Mend this broke heart and give me strength
To want to be alive.
Jul '24
Debbie Apr 4
Broken thoughts.  
A cracked terrain in my brain.  
Where a desolate highway stretches to  
a familiar nowhere.  
Where dreams have died,  
from thirsting too long to be alive.  
Dehydrated and depleted of happiness,
I stumble along, obsessing where I went wrong.  
There is a bird in the bramble of desire  
that entangles my heart.
Who sings oblivious joy.  
It's our ability to think,  
that is the root of our suffering.  
Mend your thoughts, change your world.
Suffering comes from our thoughts not the situation
Mohsin Ahmad Apr 2
My puffed chest, full of (your) breath
Yet I Choke, yet I Suffocate.

Your hand in my hand, worlds entwined
Yet I Dream, yet I Fear.

Everything forgotten, in your embrace
Yet I Wander, yet I Fail.

Four meters destiny, clock tickling straight
Yet I Ignore, yet I Wait.

Everything's Dark, everything's great
Yet I see, yet I Bait.

I see It coming, I Run away
Yet It chases, yet It Wins.

Clutch my arm, and "me" above Fate
Oh my Darling, I Suffocate.
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