Stupid boy.
With your bright eyes and your soft hair.
Stupid boy.
With your laugh that always brings out mine.
Stupid boy.
With your ability to never keep me mad at you, despite it all.
Stupid boy.
With the way you always make me feel.
Stupid girl.

I showed a girl a picture
Of a dying man she said it would scar forever
And I told her that was the purpose
That I was only returning a favor
She walked out of the place
Thought she'd be gone forever
She came back the next day
And started to say that she was better
Than all the others
Said we'd be forever, said we'd be forever

But my walls keep falling down
Keep breaking down
And I put in my all just to keep them up but
I am growing so tired of being stretched so thin
Of trying to pretend that this ain't bothering me

I used to know what I was doing
But I got lost in all the fake promises and paranoia
I am trying to hard again
I'd sell myself to win
I'd sell myself to make her smile
And sometimes I feel so alone I'm forced into my own world
Where I waste my time building my own kingdom

But my walls keep falling down
Keep breaking down
And I put in my all just to keep them up but
I am growing so tired of being stretched so thin
Of trying to pretend that this ain't bothering me

I showed a girl a picture of a dying man

https://spencercarlson.bandcamp.com/track/my-stupid-kingdom

Im scarred for what iv done, and put to the extreme, "only god can judge me" they say.  Well I judge me, while god stares down shaking his head wondering what a **** up iv become. *** and money are my sins. I have nothing to offer a good girl but bad choices and past mistakes. We all have baggage, mine just hangs between my pants waiting to prove its self one more time. Im sick, no help, or words of motivation to change. I am who I am because I cant change. ****** up bi poler, *** crazed, schizophrenic ******* want to be ******* I am... hallelujah ******* god ******... a-*******-men

A bad relationship is a lot like burning your tongue.
Food is delicious, and it's best when it's hot, of course.
You dive on in and devour it.
It only hurts a little bit, and it stills tastes good.
The next morning, with a blistered tongue, you just ask yourself;
"Ouch....was it really worth it?"

my life
is at
a stand still
everything is
broken
into these tiny *******
little
pieces
that i cant put
back
to
gether
and i dont understand any of it
and i cant move to change it
its like a nightmare
its like quick sand
its like nothing
but all at once
and
i
feel
so
alone

"What's the matter dear?"
Psh... They say it as if they actually care.

Everything.

Nothing.

I have no ******* clue what is actually wrong with me.

What is so wrong with me that I am squeezing my lungs with my dirt covered hands just so I have trouble breathing, just so.. perhaps... I suffocate myself...

What is so wrong with me that I've had to cry so often my tears have turned to sand and they begin to erode my flesh?
I've sobbed so often lately that the features of my bare skull are now where my pretty face should be.

I'm such a **** up.

I swear they told me that the minute I was born. You would figure it was my name.

Hello my name is: **** Up.

Nice to meet you. I hope we can be great frie--- oh great.
I've done it again.

I said the wrong thing.
I held out the wrong hand for the handshake.
I'm too ugly for them to talk to.
I'm too skinny.
It's the pimples again isn't it?
They weren't this bad yesterday I promise I just pick
Pick... Pick... Too much.
I'm s-sorry I k-keep st-stuttering its j-just that you're s-so... pretty.  Oh y-you have to g-go? O-okay...

The abandonment issues never really go away.

It gets harder and harder to talk to people. Even in your dreams you try to scream to get some recognition for yourself but every word comes out silent.

Crowds are your worst enemy. You get lost as they swarm towards you and your body suddenly feels tight. Your stomach flips upside down and you're not breathing steady.

And then... Oh! There's that suffocation you wanted earlier. Is it everything you expected? Breathe it all in! Oh wait... You can't. Hahaha!

You can't speak, and when you do you st-stutter again and you speak so quietly that it doesn't even matter anyway.

"I exist." You whisper.

No one heard you, you know.
Instead their voices bounce off each other and you feel light headed as that once wonderful cranium fills with the clamor of the incredibly untalented voice-drummers you unwillingly surround yourself with.

My entire body trembles with anxious defeat.


Such a **** up.
You can't even get him to talk to you again let alone love you, you miserable *******. You're going to be alone forever, you know.

And your own friends!... They're out doing drugs and you always believe them when they say they're going to quit. Jokes on you. This will traumatize you for the rest of your pointless life, especially when you know you could have done something.

You can't even take care of yourself, what makes you think you deserve those wonderful twins you hold so closely to your heart? You should have listened to your father when he said you'd be a terrible mother. He was right. You're horrid.

Sticks and stones WILL break my bones, but words will indeed **** me.

Hello, my name is: ****** Up

Welcome to the town of Unimportance.
Population: Me

*******,
and you inability to love me.
*******,
and how you've never supported me.
*******,
and your words that cut me.
*******,
and your dead heart that beats me.
*******,
and your traps that trap me.
*******,
and the love you denied me.

But **** me,
For believing you,
For loving you,
For letting you in,
and giving you chances.
Yes, **** me, and my
Stupidity