It's supposed to be my birthday party
I'm not really paying attention
But it should be my birthday party
My mind is fading into fiction
Why celebrate my life?
My friends are all playing together
I'm not playing with them
They are still playing together
Pajamas tearing at the hem
Why celebrate my life?
It's not even my birthday now
It was some weeks ago
Born as leaves began to fall
And now there's falling snow
This isn't about ME at all
Tears freeze as they fall to the ground
Waiting for the time
Footsteps fall still without a sound
Soft bells without a chime
The snow is colder than the grave
Hair frozen to the skin
Flowers crumbling wished to save
The lost from unknown sin
Autumn was cold, winter colder
Poems upon the tomb
Time and sorrow growing older
The wish within the doom
I sip on my green tea
wishing for it to cleanse me.
Wishing for it, to cleanse out the oils and the misery I consume.
Wishing for it to break down my toxins.
Wishing for it ... to cleanse the sections of myself that even I cannot reach.
A substance that supposedly detoxes the belly, but not strong enough to detox the soul
Not strong enough to take away my shadows, my doubt, my ego or my woes.
A drink, not strong enough to hug my spirit at its loneliest hours.
Yet, I sip
.. praying the wet herbs that tickle my tongue shall unlock the gateway, or the path, or the door... to my soul.
So I sip...
Swallowing it’s brew...and my tears.
It begins with a soft bite
That quickly forms into a leech
Beseeching my thoughts...
Controlling my speech..
Preaching important matters
Carrying potential to teach
All their essential condescending
Never-endings out of reach
Yet the pitfall arrives
When I choose to listen
With sighs and ghosted thoughts
The result of some or other condition
Bolstering a vision with apt precision
When every remission indicates
The necessary revision
Envy stifles a stern conviction
Jealousy trifles within final prediction
Anger endangers calm
Making strangers within this perdition
Bring it all in as I wriggle and writhe
Because I am to blame
For all of my pride
...It stays inside
As soon as my cards were shown I decided to fold. I can't keep this under control while I'm so vulnerable. Yet another rapport thrown in the fire and tossed out the door... And I'm so **** gullible. I watch this bridge burn from a distance before it will mend. Yet again the result of desiring you-
More than a friend
i hear the chimeras sing, a painful echo across the skin
the floor seeping with oil, bodies slowly rising from it
the sound of agony and hurt, becomes orchestration
as a world becomes nothing, and its life merely decaying
man and its greed, infecting the soul of gasping air
my eyes blackened by the melody, as the hum begins to scream
You made me feel nothing and everything.
You made me feel somber and peaceful.
You made me feel wanted and earned.
You made me feel patient and genuine.
You loved her with every gallon.
I waited for just an ounce.
You took me with revenge in your heart.
I took you with revenge in my body.
Hurt souls take the wheel.
We found love in a hopeless place.
Burdened by boundaries and secrets.
You managed to lie so well.
I just wanted to feel wanted..
I'll just wait 'till I die,
and I'll meet you by a bench somewhere in the afterlife;
We can just sit there and watch the world burn for all eternity.
20:45 - Oct 09
Guess what I got for you?
Endless blue skies
(I like the night better)
My unending love
And a couple seconds with you.
(Leave me alone)
Thanks! This is what I've always wanted.
Always in our hearts;
Here it has been written,
For those yet to depart.
Kind words starve sorrow ,
Fills lives left hollow;
Here to annul fears,
And dry the fresh tears.
Stone crumbles, and falls,
Chipped away by wind and rain;
Where there was once so much pain;
There are no more flowers,
The past is left behind;
Time and death devours,
Even the strongest bonds unwind.
I wrote this a few days after reading epitaphs at a couple of graveyards. It's an inexplicable mix of emotions i feel when I'm at those places. It's such a somber place, yet there is still some hope and happiness. It's hard to see from an outside perspective.