One year since your passing,
I didn't know I still wasn't ready to say goodbye.

Unlike the other lives lost in years past,
Yours cut me deeper than the rest.

Like watching an older version of myself,
Carry out a wish I could never fully attempt,
It left me mortified, scared I may follow in your footsteps.

Months later, dreams came and went.
I'd often wake up, wondering why I'd envision myself
Jumping off the Eads Bridge.

I never thought I'd be having these thoughts again.

They say history repeats itself.
But I promise you: I won't repeat the same mistakes.
I won't become a part of the past.

Gravity died,
Or so it seemed to us, who were to die,
All loose objects vortical,
Yet static,
                 car spinning,
side over side, the policeman said,
No one could've survived,
Radial blur
All in the rearview
Thud of impact, Thud of stillness
No screams till the spinning wheel ceased
and then only one,
                                 melting like snow upon asphalt.

what is life
what am I doing
to complain of doing the same but make no push to do different
it feels miserable that my life is a broken record on repeat
bottles of water in my room judge
so does all the food
they watch as I suffer in silence
my head feels like it's swelling with emotions unreleased
it's so heavy to pick up
I rather rest in bed
with a body already so restless
sleep does nothing for it
I feel like ****
and I can't escape this room
suffocating by the binds of guidelines
drowning in uncomfort of my home
I barely bathe
three times a week if lucky
I hold in my *** because I don't like the way my ***** hits the water
I pinch my ears so I don't have to hear
I jab earphones in so I feel invisible when I leave my room to eat
I blast music so it deafens the depressing state of my reality
the only peace I feel
is when I drift into sleep
only then my reality becomes something more manageable
so why shouldn't I sleep forever?

Zombie girl,

Do you weep,
For those you ****?
Do you feel cold,
Without your second soul?

Zombie girl,

Skeleton’s always smile.
Your skin’s getting colder,
Like a winter in your summer.

Zombie girl,

You’re an open casket,
Something warm died inside it.

Zombie girl,

Hang it up in your closet.
Don’t forget to close it.


Skeleton,
In the house of the living.
It’s like being alive,
But never being able to die.

Dissection,
On the surgeon’s table.
Gave its soul to death,
And she said her first goodbye.

She opened up,
The bee and the flower bud.
Carnivore,
She slammed her petals shut.

Why does it matter to you?
It belongs to me.
I stole its air,
That makes it free.

Hung it from an umbilical cord,
Tied under a broken crescent moon.
A stranger wore your skin,
Now they’re buried inside a human coffin.

She sung along to carols of the needle man.
Stillborn chorus of the cold dead thing in her hand.

She felt it die.
I heard the crocodile cry.
When she gave her first goodbye.

On most winter nights I turn on the heater to keep me warm.

Tonight, I turned on my thoughts.
I lay warm in the blanket of memories.
Tonight, I feel warmer than most nights.




The heater was better,
It didn't make me miss being in your arms...

I'm morose and thinking of you
I wanted to create some mental distance
So I tried to think of why I dont have a crush
On you
The strangest thing happened
I smiled
I thought of your passion for life
For the sea and her creatures
Inexplicably I felt delight
At merely knowing you
If you were to reject me
My pride would feel wounded
I'm sure that I would be hurt
Yet it's my own self doing
I could accept it
To be your friend I would want to be

I know you're not looking
Which I find quite unfortunate
Because I believe I have seen
A lot of fair women
None as rare as you
Like a unicorn so elusive
A slight glimpse of your smile
Has me captivated and smitten
Your wit leaves me staring at a wall
With thoughts of the future at the forefront
Annoyed by their ever steady presence I submit
To the thought of you and I in a battle of wit

How funny and peculiar this is
I started with the intention of separation
Like the sun over the skyline over yonder
Instead I wrote a sappy poem
About you

If i continue i know the risk
To get shot down over sea
To find myself in a raft
Desperately peddling myself back towards peace and contentment
Yet this undertaking is daring
I could not resist the mission
For a man of romance and culture
What is more valiant than the fight for her heart?
With this line I do find peace
Before my campaign begins
Because if I fall i wont be floundering
My misery and shame will be gone
I accepted this of my own accord
My situation is my own doing