Why you gotta be so fine ?
But you can’t be mine ..
You’re just wasting my time
Sending me mixed signals like a mime
Boy you ain’t sublime
You should know, I’m a dime ..

Jade that dazzled, Jade that shined
Your fire, your heart and passion
Smooth softness of your skin envelopes me
But your fly away, again and again
You come back and I hold you tighter each time
In my midnight wonders, I ask
Where do you fly next?
Essential oils bring me back to you
Smelling sweet of roses and oranges

Again you fly
I find you in my phone
My head
My heart
More present than my own consciousness
Mortality fading, as you are a constant of lifetimes of love
Love that erupts from my eyes and mouth
I take you in my arms to keep you near
But my phone falls to my feet

What’s opposite of a teacher

I have thanked them all
For what I am
But wait master Ji
What about the glass half empty

No!
No credits to thee
For the ignorant, indignant,
insolent -me
For indecisive, irrational -me

For teaching the logic of convenience
Over the struggle and friction
then enabling to veneer the meekness
with vainglorious diction

“Sit  down” for “How?”
“Shut up” for “ Why??”
You didn’t even,
ever let me Try!
Branded the doubt as foolery
and ensured that my mind
be all but free
Yes, all but
Free!!

Contouring my thoughts
with that of someone else’s
Delineating the world
of abstracts into absolutes
Befouling the beauty of randomness
by the confines of routine

So why
Yes - Why
I dare to ask
On this day ‘ O Teacher’,
you stand so tall
All in all you’re just
Another brick in the wall.

dilated black pupil
i watch take shape
grin of pink with form so clean
ambushes grey soul

touch like feather
greets
fist of gold
bold strikes, put to rest
by feather of gold

untethered
she pilots soul
i pilot soul
never fly so low
always take high to zones unknown to globe
havent felt this way in yrz.

finally warm
finally free
finally home

then,
she's gone
ow...
solo|w|
again.

Now that it’s over, or so you say,
I feel compelled to wait another day,
For you to cry, for you to miss me.
I have visions that you kiss me
And forget about how I hurt you
But even that aches; I still desert you,
On every single day.

You said you want me gone,
That all is lost and you’re alone.
Yet somewhere deep behind my shame,
I hear you whispering my name.
I tell you in absentia: “I never meant to hurt you.”
That I was deserting my old self and not you.
And yet I come back and you’re still gone.

Would it help if I said it was never about you?
Or does that hurt because it really was?
Would you understand that I didn’t yet deserve you?
Or does it feel too much like a stumbling pause
Between the beauty thing that was you and me
And the pull of a deserted house, a dangerous key?

I was sick and lost for so many years,
Drying my own sorrow with another’s tears.
The emptiness I felt inside was hidden,
Behind another’s hell.
I looked in the mirror to find myself
And saw a backward road on a path I knew too well.
Trying to escape—it was not love but addiction
That pulled me back to a tragic fiction.

And now I live in a no-man’s land.
I reach out in the night to grasp your hand,
Expecting to feel you there,
Imagining climbing up the stair
To reach you in the light,
As I used to do when things were right.
But now it’s over,
We’re nowhere now.
I’m sorry, so sorry my love!
I still will find you somehow.

Why I am so Beat

Something about...the road, old shoes and sore feet,
motorcycles and wine,
greasy diners and last dimes,
half a stale Hoagie left to eat.
Man, that's
why I am so Beat.

Headed out west from town to town.
Dry-rot houses, faded signs,
Pioneers in rags, so behind the times.
This dead world keeps puttin’ me in a funk,
Pal, that’s why
I’d rather just stay drunk.

Girls and boys in every bar,
From Kansas to Colorado,
Hit me up for drinks and manila tar,
Trying sadly to feel what I do,
Man it’s hard;
That’s why I feel so scarred.

I came out west to find my soul
And saw emptiness instead.
Don’t ask me where I’m heading next,
Cause I don’t know.
I’m friggin hexed.
All I know is drive & drink & sleep;
Man, you know
That’s why I am so beat.

August 3, 2018