The nurse got me in one stick
A bed is ready for me upstairs,
just as my angry ER neighbor reaches higher octave
The blankets are heated
Most of the staff is kind
Trying their best
I’m losing blood
Not enough for transfusion
More often I find myself floating above the stiff hospital bed on a cloud of Dilaudid
I shuffle to the window in the morning
Stare longingly into the cemetery below
A well kept patch of grass
A smattering of carved stone
No needles
No wires
No tubes
No beeps
No yelling
Peace

Her sunken eyes stare down the storm
This is her chance and she’s ready
Wind squeals; black clouds swarm
as she closes her eyes and holds her arms steady.

Her smile is soft as her small fingertips kiss each droplet.
“Goodbye...goodbye...goodbye.”

She used to sit in the park with me.
We will sit on a bench and we will each hold a tea.
She never fails to smile with her eyes;
I swear each time I see it, that's the moment it dies.

I peel sweet potatoes.
My phone pings.
I check it.
Messages of pride flood my eyes.
I feel loved.
I put it down.


I peel the sweet potatoes.  
My dogs sniff my legs.


I am distracted, searching and anxious.
I feel loved.


I peel a previously peeled potato.


I stop.
I lecture myself.
"I focused and worked hard.
That’s all I did."


I focus on my potatoes.
The work gets done.
I feel proud.
I feel loved.

i got out of his car
and
hopped on my bike
dashing through the neighborhoods
streaking down a bike path
faster
FASTER
squinting in the face
of an angry early morning sun

i stop

stumble off my bike

try to be discreet
***** into a bush


pick up my bike
wave to a jogger
force a smile

i head home