And when your shell shatters into shards of grainy pieces in front of him and he accepts you for who you are, learn how to be a keeper.

When you fall, fall hard.  Don't be afraid when you fall.  

I fell hard.  Lips first- on top of his lips.  He got me by my waist and shifted my weight to his body.  

Fall in love and then fall in love with that same person over again. It is a cycle that should never end.

*And believe me, you will see beauty.

You filled me up then pulled away:
left me empty inside.
Now I'm on a beach somewhere
just lying here
for someone to find.
Maybe the tide will come
and sweep me out to sea.
Sure beats a life in a jar  
on a shelf
as someone's memory.
No, I think
I'd rather sink
to the ocean floor
than to live an empty life
up here on the shore.

My daily facade is growing old,
But my spirit must not show it.
Weakness only attracts them more,
Indifference repels it.

They are the hyenas,
In my kingdom of prey.
One false move I die,
One false move they say.

I've built up my walls,
I've put on my armor.
But it only does little,
To cease all the clamor.

The truth is I'm scared,
But not eager to say so.
Now keep your distance,
Before you're 6ft below.

I wish I didn't feel so empty without you

   I'm hollow
      All that's left is my core
         I'm just paper thin, tearing skin
   **All I've left is my black heart, melting away

And sometimes, sometimes the lack of tears is what's most frightening.

An impenetrable numbness that surrounds me.
Has molded around my being.
A hard shell that even a chisel cannot chip.

I am a stone. Cold, so cold.

When did I lose my heart?
When did I lose the ability to care and trust and feel?

Oh, to feel again.
The salty wet tears on hot rosy cheeks.
The rush of crisp fresh air filling my lungs, lifting me, enticing my smooth bare feet to take courageous steps on soft beds of grassy fields.

Where did that girl go? Carefree and whimsical. The girl who welcomed emotional instability. The ups and downs and all arounds are gone.

She has gone and I am here.
I am what's left.
I am the surviving soul.

My black, wretched soul.

Part of me
                                    Feels empty
A hollow shell
                                    Non-existent
The other part
                                    Bubbles with anxiety
A tightness
                                    I can't lose

They are not mixed together

But they are also not pushing each other away

They are just coexisting

Something that shouldn't happen

That couldn't happen

So why is it happening now

?

When you’re accustomed to darkness
You’re used to monotony
You’re used to redundance
You’re used to nothing

You hear of the outside world
You hear of its joys
You hear of its wonders
You hear of its plights

“Come on out” they say
“We won’t hurt you”
Little callings to show you something new
Or is it just to hurt me?

“What are friends? Do they bite?
Is it edible? Is it necessary?”
Questions I’m asking to seemingly no one
But a voice keeps beckoning to me

“Come out and see the wonders you miss
The energy of human beings
The warmth of the sun
The beauty of the world”

I’ve never been enticed this much before
Closer and closer do I inch out
My mind is saying “this is a bad idea”
My gut is saying “can’t hurt to try”

So.. I’m finally out
This isn’t so bad
I could get used to thi—
honk *crash