we're the girls, we're the girls, we're the girls.

one time, he asked to finger me. and i said no. but it's my fault. it's my fault.

we were at his house. originally, he had asked to just eat me out. he asked me do i remember the time he had wanted to do it before, i said yeah, i remember, but i need to ***. i'll **** in your mouth. haha. okay, so can i finger you instead? no, i'd rather you not, but he persisted. come onnnnn!! please?

okay, so yes. i said yes. that is was fine. i told him i was alright with it. he doesn't know what he did. he doesn't know what he did.

did i want it? no! but i did say yes. that means he's innocent. it's my fault.

we were playing minecraft. i asked can i go to the restroom, he said yeah, so i headed upstairs. his parents were home. i could have asked for help.

the deed was done. i had asked him to stop- it hurt- so he eventually did. i was in pain.

we're still friends.

we're the girls, we're the girls, we're the girls.

summer going in to 8th grade. my boyfriend liked to touch me... a lot. he was always really mean to me. i'd beg him to stop, but a nervous laugh always followed. he never took me seriously. the abuse continued until i finally gained the courage to break up with him.

we're the girls, we're the girls, we're the girls.

half the school has seen me naked. i don't know how to say no. my body doesn't feel like mine anymore. all yours, for you to take advantage of.

we're the girls, we're the girls, we're the girls.

i have an eating disorder that tears me apart piece by piece. i just want to be perfect so you will LOVE ME. there's nothing more to me than a disgusting, rotting, body.

we're the girls, we're the girls, we're the girls.

one night, i chugged ***** until i vomited all over the carpet at etc coffee house.

i just wanted to feel okay.

we're the girls, we're the girls, we're the girls.

my sister got ***** in the closet next to my room. i thought she was just having ***. i got in the shower so i didn't have to hear the noise.

i could have gone in there and stopped him.

we're the girls, we're the girls, we're the girls.

one time in middle school, i cut myself and someone reported it to the guidance counselor. i begged her not to tell my mom so she never did.

we're the girls, we're the girls, we're the girls.

i told my friend that i got sexually assaulted. he made jokes about it and laughed. i went home and cried.

we're the girls, we're the girls, we're the girls.

The flower in the garden
will one day be gone
it may be beautiful now
but it wont last that long
So like a flower one day we will see
In the end, How broken we would be

You saw me
I saw you
You went up to see me
I smiled back too
You asked me how I’ve been
I said I’ve been great
Then your tears started to pour
You said you regretted everything..
You regretted pushing me away
When I kept on catching you
You regretted hurting me
When I was the one always saving you
You looked at  me, crying
Shaking and looking scared
“I regretted losing you when you were the only one who genuinely cared”

Those are the times
Where mornings seems shorter
And the nights seems longer
Those are the moments
Where you lay in bed
With nothing but thoughts
Thoughts in your head
Feelings in your heart
Sometimes even just wondering
Why everything fell apart?
Sometimes you’ll just feel empty
You’ll just feel tired
You’ll feel like being happy
Was a facade you always lied
Sometimes you’re just there
Laying in bed
No thoughts in your head
Sleepiness wasn’t knocking on your door
Seeing times passes by more and more
You lay there with your eyes blinking
Staring at the ceiling, thinking
“Why is this happening to me?”
“What was happening?”
“What’s wrong with me now?”
“What changed?”
“Where did I go wrong?”
You start to retrace your memories
From the very beginning
You start to think back about those times
Even some bad endings
That’s where the tears starts coming
That’s where your eyes starts blurring
You didn’t know what was happening to you
You didn’t know if the sadness you felt was true
Was it the sadness you kept for so long?
Or was it just because you were tired of being strong?
You didn’t know
But you laid there
Crying
Sobbing
Whimpering
Sniffling
Just letting out your emotions with this cry
Without even knowing why
But as you finish crying
You started thinking
Now you’re staring
Not knowing what you were looking
But you felt empty once again
And the cycle starts over again
Until sleep
Finally comes to you
Your eyes now feel heavy
Your mind feels light too
But you know that was already too late
You accepted your fate
Sleep was always came slow
So now it was morning again
And the night became another

Sleepless night

Do I get seen by this world around me,
Or am I invisible to every person.
Only for boys to examine my frail body,
Just like another fish within the ocean.
Am I invisible to everyone around me,
For every one around to flaunt.
My body is invisible for all to see,
And this world it will not haunt.
For you will only find the reminiscences,
Of my despair and destruction of my mind.
Something that is unknown to science,
But somewhere I hope I'm still here to find.

I need someone...
I feel so lost, I don't know who I am or who I want to be...
You try to comfort me, tell me it's all going to be ok;
but it never is....
Why is it never ok....
I'm lost in this dark curtain of depression,
     searching for a way out of this hell i call my mind...
Please help me.... anyone..... I can't do this anymore...
I'm sorry... I'm so sorry......

it's summertime!
a paradise, where children run barefoot in the lush green grass
kissed tenderly by the sunshine
playing until the sun goes down; grudgingly they go home
only to be greeted by late nights with pillow fights
sweet treats and anything good to eat
some may say it's the happiest time of the year
it's summertime!
maybe it's a time to go insane
surrounded by happiness, when all you feel is alone
but don't worry, i'm also a lonely soul in the crowd
yet summertime, could it change me ?

during summertime;
find me chasing after the yellow hues in my mind
which have, unfortunately, hidden in a corner
for fear of the others - the blues, the purples, the dark hued tyrants
but this summertime, maybe the light will be seen
and maybe
just maybe
i can become slightly closer to whole
and it's all thanks
to summer

I push away the people who are closest to me.
Maybe it's because
they are so quick to come and help me.
But what if I don't want to be saved?


Sara I. Raad